Harry P.O.V

I drive for a long time with Niall sitting at my side. The soft music from the radio fills the tense atmosphere around us. I sneak quick glances at him continuously, each time his eyes have not moved from the world outside us. Perhaps that is where he wants to be, instead of stuck in this car with me. Yes, I'm sure he would rather take his chances outside. But he still agreed to come; I have no way of knowing why. Yes I could ask him, but I fear that would ruin the calm that fills the car. All I can do is stare at the road ahead of me and drive to a destination that I am yet to decide on.

The world outside has changed from high end apartments, to suburban housing, before finally giving way to the endless nothing that is spread out around us. I'm surprised to hear Niall humming along to the radio, the sound barely above a breath but it’s there, cutting sharply through the silence between us. I remember the sound clearly from the time we used to live together, when we shared our nights wrapped tightly around each other, both afraid of what would happen if we let each other go. We both feared the worst, even then when we were too naive to know any better. He must have noticed the smile that spreads across my lips as he stopped abruptly, continuing his stare into the dark abyss around us. He doesn't want me to look happy.

"So were you telling the truth?" he asks abruptly, keeping his eyes trained on the window, "about you and Blair I mean."

I take my time to reply, not wanting to seem too eager by his talking to me.

"Yeah it is. She and I are over and I couldn't be happier about it all."

He's still yet to look over at me. I just want to be able to tell him everything is going to be fine, not with my voice, but with the soft look in my eyes that I have tried so hard to keep over the years. I just want him to see it, but he refuses to look.

"Well that’s certainly encouraging. Do you throw all your conquests to the side when you’re done with them and then continue to boast about how happy you are about how it turned out to anyone that will listen? Or is Blair just a special case?” His voice holds a slight menacing undertone as he spoke. For a second I convince myself that he’s joking, but the look on his face tells me just how serious he is. I’m speechless, sitting with my mouth agape, scrambling inside my brain for a reply.

He continues, knowing I don’t have an answer prepared for him. “Are you happy, Harry?”

For such a simple question I find it extremely difficult to form a reply. My answer should be so simple; it should flow out of my mouth so naturally. 'Yes,' I should say, 'of course I'm happy, how could I be anything else?’ But I don't say it because now I'm not so sure. When was the last time I felt truly happy? If I was to be completely honest with myself it would be all those years ago when we were in the Australian leg of our tour, things weren't perfect even then but I had a determined mindset that I could somehow save Niall from himself. Even if I never did. But that's when I fell in love. I fell in love with everything that he was, from the ash blonde of his hair to the way his voice sounded when he spoke my name, so full of hope and adoration. I fell in love with the man he used to be, and the man I truly believe that he can become again. And then I think about what it feels like to be with Blair, the happy moments we had together were always drenched with the constant feeling of loneliness that clenched me tightly between its palms. The feeling of not being with Niall.

Because of course she isn't Niall, but then again that's not really her fault.

"I thought as much." he continues again, when I fail to reply. "Harry, I feel bad for you I really do. I feel bad that things turned out the way they have, I hate that everything between us, and the other boys got so screwed up. I hate that you married a movie star even though you always said you detested them. I hate that now you're so unhappy with your life that you can't even answer my question. I want you to be happy, Harry, I really do," Niall turned back to look at me as he spoke, but now I can't face him. I'm scared that he will read into my expression too much; see how much just his words affect me.

"Where are we going by the way? We've been driving for a long time," he states, facing forward out the windscreen.

"Ah, I haven't quite figured that out yet," I stutter quickly. Thankful to be away from the heavy talk, at least for now.

He scoffs next to me, but doesn't say anything.

"I'm surprised you decided to come with me at all. I must admit I haven't thought much further than getting you into the car," I confess.

"Well Harry, either turn around or pull over. I'm not going to spend the night with you, if it just so happens you drive long enough and make us have to stay at a hotel," he says harshly, glancing over to me.

I could continue driving, keep telling him that the destination is still just up ahead. But how long could I keep him in the dark? Knowing Niall, not very long at all. So I do the only thing I can do, I put my right indicator on and pull the car onto the brown dirt by the side of the road.

"Thank you," is all he says.

Again we sit in silence, both of us unwilling to speak a word, either out of anger or lack of having something to say I’m not quite sure.

Finally, “So how did you do it? Break up with Blair I mean?”

“I told her that I was sorry but there was someone who would always hold my heart more than her. Immediately she knew that person was you, Niall, she’s always known that. I told her that none of us were happy with this situation and something had to be done about it, so I was filing for divorce and fixing things with you,” I reply, hoping that was what he wanted to hear.

“And how did she take it?” he asks, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“She said she knew this day was coming, but she was still upset with it. Which I thought was a little strange because over the last few months she hasn’t wanted anything to do with me. Quite honestly I thought she was going to leave me,” I reply, looking over at him.

“Can I tell you something, Harry?” he asks, uncharacteristically shyly.

I soften my face, “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

He looks at me strangely; as if he was afraid to tell me whatever it was. Pity fills his eyes, that’s what it is. “When we saw each other in London, after you invited me back to your apartment from the café..” I nod telling him to continue, dreading where this was leading because of the way I treated him the morning after. “Well when you kicked me out, as I was walking home I saw Blair.”

“What? No Niall that can’t be right, Blair was here in America then. There was no way she could have been in London, you must be mistaken,” I say, racking my brain for any explanation.

“No, Harry it was her. I’d know her face anywhere. But that’s not the point, the point is, is that she was with a guy. He was tall, blonde and really hot. They were acting like a couple. Do you know who he is?”

I’m fuming, how could she do this to me? “Unfortunately I do. His name’s James, I met him at a party or something, never really got along with him too well though. They were supposed to be filming a movie together in America at that time; at least that’s what she told me.”

“Well apparently they weren’t,” he replies.

“Look, Niall. That doesn’t even matter, I mean she cheated on me; I cheated on her, what’s the difference. We both obviously don’t want to be part of that relationship so that’s fine. You’re the one that I want to be with and the rest of it doesn’t matter. I want to be with you. You seemed so determined to be with me after I found you in that café, so what’s changed?” I ask desperately.

“A lot’s changed, Harry. There are factors to consider now. You have no idea how much I want to be with you, but I don’t think it will be that easy. Nothing has ever been easy with us. I may want to be with you, but that doesn’t mean I trust what you’re saying to me,” he replies sadly.

I turn my whole body towards him, grab his shoulders and shake him. “Look at me. Look into my eyes and see that I’m telling you the truth. I promise that I want to be with you and that I’m ready to be with you. I need you to see that, look at me,” I plead.

He stares at me, concentrating only on my eyes. A minute passes before his forehead crinkles up, a look of disappointment etched onto his face.

“I’m sorry, but as hard as I look I only see colour. I only see the green of your irises. I don’t see your truth or your pain. I only see green,” he replies, disappointing me.

I release his shoulders and look down. All I want is for him to believe me; all I want is for us to be together. Where we’re both mature, where there’s no confusion or jealousy or hate. Where there’s no distraction from Blair or Liam or anybody else. Just us.

To my surprise I feel his hand under my chin, lifting it up to once again face him. He’s smiling slightly. At seeing me suffer or by something he’s thinking I’m not quite sure. He stares at me before speaking,

“I only see colour, but somehow I still believe you.” Before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my surprised lips.

Notes