Niall P.O.V

I feel like we are finally getting somewhere, Harry and I. Yes he's told me that we can't be together, and yes i understand why. No i don't like that, but I'm taking comfort in the thought that we can still be in each others lives at least as mates.

"Why don't you just let him go?" I glace over to the dark haired man sitting in my sad excuse for a kitchen.

"I don't know who you could possibly mean," I reply feigning confusion.

"Don't do that. You know exactly who I'm talking about. You have never looked like that while thinking about anyone except him. Not even me," sadness overcomes his face as he finishes talking.

I walk over to him; gently placing my hand under his chin, lifting his drooping head so his hazel eyes meet my diamond blues. The gesture brings him happiness, the simple act of skin on skin contact. For me, it was just the easiest way to get him to look at me without yelling.

"You know very well why i cannot simply just 'let him go'. You cannot begin to comprehend how much we have been through together. And anyway, why are you bringing him up? This isn't what we do, you're here for when the nights are too dark that I don't think I can fight off the shadowy outstretched hands clawing at me, trying to pull me back down into the abyss," I say it as more of a known fact, than to be mean.

"I know, Niall. But still, you know as well as i do that this is killing you. Do you really think that you two can be friends again? There are too many feelings, too many people involved. Someone's going to get hurt, and the past shows that that person is always going to be you. I don't want to see you go back to the way you used to be, Niall," he replies, seemingly unaffected by my previous comment.

I stay silent, so he continues.

"Niall, he moved on. He married that blonde slut for gods sake, have you told him what she's been doing behind his back? He looks like an idiot, Niall. To everyone in the movie industry, he looks like the biggest fool, staying with a wife who is clearly cheating on him. I mean from what I've seen of Harry he looks like a decent guy, and no he doesn't deserve what she's doing. But he is so naive that it is almost sickening to watch. And what do you thinks going to happen? He'll find out what Blair is doing and come running straight back to you? He'll be damaged goods,"

"Then we'll be perfect for each other," I reply, a small smile playing at the corner of my lips.

"I worry about how you're going to end up, Niall. You should come with me, come to America while i work. I don't want you to be alone," his eyes pleading.

"You shouldn't worry about me, love. I'll be fine," I say, faking a smile that was maybe a bit too much.

"I know when you're lying. I'm serious. Come with me, come stay with me," he presses.

"You want me to pack up all my stuff and come stay with you in America?" he looks around my tiny apartment, observing my lack of 'stuff'. He raises a perfect eyebrow at me. "Well for how long?" I ask, starting to cave.

A smile graces his lips, brightening his already tanned skin. "For as long as you need. So is that a yes?"

I close my eyes; pinching the bridge of my nose. Why don't i go for awhile? Leave London, at least for a bit. Get away from Harry and the constant drama that we seem to have. Get a new perspective on things instead of being dangerously obsessed with one man. I look up at the man staring down at me, a carefully reserved look in his eyes. "When do we leave, El?"

He lurches forward, wrapping his arms around me, causing us to fall backwards onto the crumpled bed.

"Everything will be okay, Niall," he says quietly, kissing my forehead softly. The simple touch caused warmth that i hadn't felt in so long flow through my entire being.

~~.~~

My apartment looks even more depressing once all my belongings have been taken out of it. I have one duffel bag sitting at my feet, everything i owned was contained inside it. Elliot leans casually against the door frame waiting for me to leave.

"What happened to all your money, Niall? Didn't you used to own like five houses?" he asks, genuinely interested in my answer.

I turn to him. "I did not use to own five houses. I owned a house in the center of London when i was with the band, but I sold it when I realised i didn't want to love the luxurious life then. I wanted to lie low for a while and I knew that everyone would come looking for me there, so I sold it. I gave a huge amount of money to my 'rents. And the rest is in the bank, I have no use for it," I reply.

"So, you have money but you choose to live in this crappy apartment?"

"You know you love this apartment, some good times have been had here," I laugh.

He smiles, and we leave, ready for new and perhaps better things in America.

~~.~~

People were surprised, curious about my return to the celebrity world. But in fact i had not returned. I shouldn't have been so naive to expect that they wouldn't care. My photo was taken everywhere I went with Elliot. People want to know what happened to me, why i chose now to come back. I didn't choose anything, I wanted to yell at them. But I guess that's not true. I chose to get away from Harry, a force that seemed to follow me everywhere. A force that has now followed me to America to see Blair. I should have known that my returning to America would make people talk, I can't blame people for being curious. But what I wasn't prepared for was the horrible backlash that my return would cause.

"I don't think I can do this, El," I say. One article in particular had caught my eye. A love triangle or square is now circling with Elliot, Blair, Harry and I as its stars.

"You shouldn't let it get to you, this is what they do. You can't let them know that this is affecting you," he replies, acting like this wasn't a big deal for me, like i could handle it. It was this kind of thing that made me leave this world int he first place.

"They're saying I'm using you to make Harry jealous,"

"Maybe you are," he replies flatly.

"You know that's not what this is," I reply, anger filling my words.

"I know you don't love me, Niall. I know that the only person who can hold your heart is Harry and he's too stupid to realise that you're the one that he wants. I know you love him, everybody knows that. And I've come to accept it because i know that nothing will every change that fact. But yet I'm still here for you, even when you're not here for me," he says honestly.

We've always been honest with each other. He knew what he was getting into when he got involved with me, he knew not to let his feelings get out of control because he knows that as much as i wish i could i am physically unable to return them, doomed to be dangerously wrapped around one mans finger.

"Mm, well nevertheless, Harry has made it quite clear that we will never again have what we did, and i can accept that,"

"That's bullshit. I may not have known you back then but you've told me every single dirty little detail that i feel like i was. And i know that every time one of you says that, this will never work, that you can never get together again. Big reveal, you always get back together," Elliot had a point, but he was over looking one key thing.

"And yet we always break up, so you have to think, do we really love each other as much as we claim to?" I asked the question seriously, Elliot stayed silent. I am finally admitting to myself that maybe Harry and I are just not meant to be. When things kept getting in our way, pushing us apart not once could we over look the obstacles and keep going. We took it out on each other. Maybe that was the perspective I needed. Maybe just being in America, back in a dimmed spotlight was all I needed to see the bigger picture. My eyes so blinded by a love that I thought we shared, I couldn't see it before. Maybe Harry was the one pulling me down and I him, maybe we are better off without each other after all.

It still feels so hard to let go.

Notes