Amour

CHAPTER 27 The fear in his eyes is evident, he doesn't care to hide it from me as he retakes my hand in a forceful grip. "Baby, don't-" He starts. "I-I need you to know that I wasn't lying when I said I loved you. I love you, Louis. But.........this has already been so trying on us both and if we were to continue who knows what obstacles will come. I want to do so much in life but I don't want to do them without you." I try to put into words the jumbled mass of thoughts going through my head. "I know it'll be hard but you have to trust me. You promised never to leave me, you promised. We've been through so much, I've put you through so much you can't forget all that. You can't leave me, Sam. No one's loved me before and I can't let you disappear from my life so suddenly. I know we can't do everything but we'll figure it out, I promise." He's close to tears and I wanna stab myself for causing him pain. "Its for the best, we both know that." "But you promised me. You gave me your word that you wouldn't leave me." He pulls me onto his lap and hugs me. "I can't exist without you. You are my lifeline, my heartbeat, the oxygen I need to survive, my reason to live. If you leave me........I'll be nothing but a husk of a man." "Louis, you have an eternity to find happiness again. I don't. I want to grow old and have kids someday, retire and get grey but all those things........I want to do with you. Its clearly impossible for us." "I'll die." "No, you will not because I will still love you forever. I will never love anyone as I've loved you." He presses me against his chest and I fist the fabric of his shirt resting my head of his shoulder. "You never should have looked up from that fountain." "I'm glad I did no matter what you say. I met you that day and that's make it the best day of my existence." He pulls back and looks into my eyes. I can't handle his look of abandonment on my behalf, I look away but he uses a grip on my chin to tilt my face up. "Why are you breaking your promise?" His question tears at my soul leaving it in ruin. "I love you. Now and forever." "You need someone who will be by your side forever. I want you to promise me you'll do that." "Never. I'd rather die a slow death than find someone to replace you." "I'm going to age, Louis. I'm going to grow fat and wrinkly with white hair. Eventually close my eyes and never reopen them. You can't disregard that." "And I'll stay with you every moment." "But it won't be forever. What will happen after I've died?" I return his questioning gaze and he frowns. "I don't want you to do something irrational and self-destructive." "Do you know what I want?" "What?" "You. All I want, all I'll never need or want is you. Call me a selfish bastard but I'm not willing to live without you. You made sleep possible for me, I slept for the first time in over two hundred years with my arms around you. I want to be able to do that every night and then wake up next to you. I want to watch scary movies with you for the rest of forever. I want to go shopping with you. I want to make you blush everytime we kiss. I want to dance with you. I want to make love to you every night and wake up more in love with you in the morning. I don't want you to do this to me." Those words coming out of his perfect mouth is the death of every remaining fiber of logic or sense. My subconscious has even become tame, nodding with crocodile tears flowing down her face. I want to comfort him, tell him that I'll stay with him forever. But I'd be lying. My willpower forces me to Earth, pushing me to see reason and think clearly. I can't think clearly, he's all I think about. His mood swings, his smile, his blush, his eyes, his kiss. He's all that ever consumes my thought focus. "Please kiss me. One last time if you won't change your decision." He begs and I can't resist. This is the last time I'll kiss someone probably. I lean in letting our lips touch but not kiss just yet. He tilts his head up pressing his lips to mine. My hand holds the side of his face as he struggles to restrain himself. Him and I both. The kiss is chaste and long, neither of us wanting to part. When we do I see his eyes are all red-rimmed and a tear roll down his cheek. All I can think about while shifting to kiss it away, is that I did that. "Must I-" He begins but I cut him off. "Stay. Don't go." I take his hand holding it to my chest. "I won't." He kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket. I climb back under the covers and he follows me. Hugging me with his head above my left breast close to my heart, he kisses me through the fabric. "Baby, don't go." He tightens his grip. I stay awake unable to deliberate correctly. My mind seems to have gone out of business, leaving me to decide whether this is a nightmare or actually happening. Louis' breathing is steady as he falls off to sleep emitting soft snores that tickle my skin but make me want to cry instead of laugh. I finally fall asleep way past midnight. In the morning I dread opening my eyes not knowing what I'll see. My body is too numb to know if Louis got up in the middle of the night and left or he's still here holding me. Mustering up some courage I part my eyelids and find that he isn't here. He left. Part of me wants to wail and shed tears until I have nothing left in me,to curl up and let the hollow hole I already feel take over. Stupidly reaching across the sheet I find a piece of paper folded on the pillow. Opening it I read: Ego sum in amore cum vobis Keep the necklace. You will always be mon amour L xx Wailing seems like a great idea. I take the pillow he slept on last night along with the note and clutch it to me as if it will stuff the hole that is now expanding. I sob softly into the pillow letting the tears fall at will as I succumb to the most treacherous of pains.

Notes

There is an epilogue to follow soon :) I hope you all enjoyed Amour :)

My Twitter is @SSTomlinson if you have anything to say/ask don't be afraid I won't bite ;P xx

- S xx