Longing for you

I was actually on skype with Zayn as she entered the front door. We had been talking about a plan how to start our whole project together.

Things we had to take care of and surprisingly we got along better than I had ever thought. Zayn was not that kind of guy who used a lot of words, instead he was just a good listener and agreed or disagreed with decisions which made a lot of things way easier for the both of use.

Even though I knew he talked a lot more when he was around Clary, I liked the way we kind of worked together. Simple, straight and with our aim always in front of her eyes we made good process.

Therefore I got the feeling that we could really do this. We could open our own bakery and we were allowed to do what we both loved somehow.

“My Mum knows this guy who has his own sink business, so we could just ask him, if he could take care of that. Probably he would give us an acceptable price”, Zayn said as I heard the key and some seconds later Clary stepped in. She looked pale and really bad and I knew I had to take care of that immediately.

“Zayn? I´ll message you later again, okay? I think I just have to deal with an emergency here”, I said and he agreed. Quickly I closed the laptop, but before I was able to stand up and get to here she stood right in front of me.

“Hey, love. What happened?”, I wanted to know and I reached out for her wrists to pull her onto my lap.

“It´s just...”, but before she could finish her sentence she started to cry and her body shook under her sobs.

“Hey, hey”, I said and pulled her in a tight hug.

Clary sobbed into my shirt and I let my hands travel up and down her back, knowing that that was the only thing which normally calmed her down. But somehow she just got on and on without her tears getting less.

“Clary, what is wrong? Please, tell me. Please just tell me”, I begged her and she tried to finally calm down a bit.

“I´m just so weak and vulnerable and I really don´t want to be like that anymore”, she managed to press out and I finally had an idea where all of this came from.

“You´re nothing less than weak and vulnerable love. You´re probably the strongest person I know just look for once at all you do for people you love”, I tried to cheer her up, but she refused to take my reply as real.

“But why do people than always hurt me so much? Whether it´s physical or mental, they just hurt me so freakin´much and I don´t know what to do”, she got on, but finally her breath got more steady and her body stopped to shake under her sobs.

“Because bad things happen to good people, Clary”, I told her and she looked me into the eyes for the first time since she arrived.

Tears made her eyes look glassy, but even with a running noise and swollen eye bags she looked more than just beautiful.

“I just never knew how to fight back...I told them...I begged them to leave me alone, but they just saw no reason in it. They just punched me harder, with words or with fists, until I laid on the ground not even able enough to move”, she said and it broke my heart.

Seeing her hurt and injured like this made me sick and I wanted to lock us in a small room with a bed and let her never ever go out in this cruel world again.

She deserved to be the happiest person in the world just because she tried everything to be the best version of her she could possibly be and still she got hurt and felt like nothing more than some sandy dirt.

I wanted to give her the world, but all I could do was sitting here, holding her and try to do my best to make her realize how much she was worth.

“Listen to me Clary”, I forced her to look up at me and her eyes fell into mine.

“To me you are everything and I love you and I know that you aren´t weak or vulnerable or anything like that at all because every single day you make me go on even though life´s not working or all I wanna do is stay in bed and waste my life. But I don´t because you give me the strength to get up, go out there into the world and leave my piece of work here, so please don´t you never even think about being weak again. Just because people can´t stand this strength, they have the feeling they have to bring you down. They are the weak ones they need to bring you down to make sure you won´t be a treat in their lives anymore.”

She closed her eyes in a hurt way and rested her head on my shoulder, a gesture which made her look cute and girly.

“I love you do you know that?”, she asked with a voice which was still shaky from her crying. Like always she made me smile and I let out a laugh.

“I hoped so”, I answered her and she kissed me.

Even though I still tasted salt from her tears on her lips it was an amazing kiss. It felt like we had never done anything else in our lives before, somehow like the most natural thing in the world and for the first time in my life I thought that there is probably really someone´s soulmate in the world.

I needed her and she needed me. Without each other we kind of seemed to not work. Our bodies died what had to be done and we tried everything to keep going, but we were never really happy and carefree.

Just with each other around we became one complete thing. Heartbeat against heartbeat.

“I love you more than I can ever tell”, I whispered against her lips. She pulled a little bit away so she was able to look me in the eyes.

“Same here”, was all she replied, but it was everything that needed to be said. Slowly she cuddled back into me and we stayed like this for a little while.

"What do you wanna do now?”, I asked her and she thought about it for some seconds.

“Don´t you have to do some more planning stuff for the bakery?”, she replied and I shook my head no.

“That can definitely wait until tomorrow”, I let her know and she seemed to be more than just okay with it.

“Can we order some food from this great Chinese restaurant?”, she asked and I got excited only at the thought of some good food.

“Sure and watch some movies?”

“Sounds perfect”, she replied and I grabbed my phone to order for us.

“You always save me”, she said as she got up and made her way to change into something more comfy like sweatpants.

“Forever”, I promised her and she gave me the most beautiful smile on earth.

Clary´s POV:

“Have fun”, Harry said as I walked past him and grabbed my high heels from the floor to quickly put them on on my way to the front door.

“I will”, I promised and reached out for my keys.

“I changed my mind: please don´t have too much fun”, he said and I chuckled.

“It would be more fun when you were with me?”, I tried and he nodded in agreement.

That was something he could live with. Therefore he leaned down and kissed me goodbye. At least I thought he would only kiss me goodbye, but he actually was about to start a hook up session in the hall. For another time I had to chuckle and carefully freed myself.

Harry groaned in response, but I only gave him an apologizing look since Zayn waited already outside for me.

I had been way to busy with writing than to notice how far the time had already gotten and I had to change into something wearable for a press event in under fifteen minutes.

“I´ll be back in a while, don´t stay up for me”, I told Harry and he mumbled something misunderstanding before he said louder: “You know I´ll do anyways.”

I laughed and gave him one last quick kiss before I ran down the stairs and hurried to Zayn who still waited in his car for me.

“I´m so sorry”, I apologized as I hopped in and I heard some great music in the radio.

“It´s okay, we just have to hope we don´t have to much traffic on our way to Manchester”, he replied and I nodded and prayed God would not judge him for my unpunctuality.

Even though the situation was funny and complete twisted since Zayn was the one who were always late. Somehow he had just a big time problem.

“What´s that song?”, I questioned him as we started to drive on our way.

“It´s some kind of remix, just found it earlier this morning” he said and I had to smile about his great taste in music. For the first time I was able to take a look at what he was wearing.

“Wow”, I whistled and he faced me for a second before he thankfully looked back at the street ahead of us.

“It´s just a borrowed suit”, he said, but that did not meant he looked any worse.

The suit was dark black, even darker than the night outside the car and suited his eyes and eyelashes perfectly. Zayn´s skinny silhouette was perfectly supported and he wore a simple white shirt with a black tie to go with the suit.

He looked like a really rich business man and to be honest I had never seen him that well dressed before. Normally he wore huge, loose sweaters and shirts, but now he was like some other person.

“You look really, really handsome. They´ll love it”, I let him know and I saw him actually blush a little bit. He had even shaved his face and he looked really sexy.

“They´ll love you more”, he only replied and I looked down at my my black top and my white mid-length skirt.

We wore both black and white, but I liked the way our outfits worked together even though we had no idea what the other one would wear.

“Thanks, I guess”, I said and gave him a smile.

“We´re only going as friends”, I felt like it had to be said at least for once tonight. His response was a laugh and I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

“So funny?”, I asked a little bit upset about the way he made fun of me.

“Clary, you wear your engagement ring. That´s enough statement”, he answered and I looked down at my ring. It already belonged to me like it had always been a part of me.

“Oh...but people don´t know that Harry gave it to me”, I said and Zayn nodded understanding my problem.

“Do you wanna take it off?”, he suggested, but I really did not wanted to.

“It doesn´t matter, if someone asks we can just tell them the facts”, I decided. After this decision I really wanted to change the subject since this should be a fun night and nothing weird and awkward.

“Harry told me you have already a lot of ideas for the bakery?” Zayn smiled a little bit and nodded yes.

“We agreed that I´ll be responsible for the creative part and Harry takes care of the management part”, he let me know.

“I hate that place”, I confessed and Zayn gave me a sad face.

“After we´ll we done with it you won´t be remembered that it was a pharmac...”, he said and I quickly interrupted him before he could say that word out loud.

Since the incident I only sent Harry to pick up pain killers or I had ordered them online.

“I´m sure you two will do an amazing job and I can´t wait to see some results of your planning”, I said.

“I´ve already did some sketches, but I wasn´t sure, if they are okay and something Harry would agree on. You know him better, probably you can take a look at them first?”, Zayn asked me and I nodded eagerly yes.

He instructed to take his sketch book out his rucksack and I took it out and took a look at his ideas.

“What do you think?”, Zayn said after a while.

“That I like being here with you”, I responded and he chuckled a little bit.

“Actually I meant the sketches, but I´m happy you´re here with me too”, he stated and I blushed hardly for just saying what had been on my mind.

But it was the truth I loved being here with him. He was just a person I really cared about and I liked spending time with him.

“They´re great Zayn and I think Harry will love them as well.”

The rest of our trip was quietly, but there was not much more to say. Especially not with Zayn. Damn it how much I had missed this, I thought to myself.

Notes