Longing for you

After I waved Liam one more time goodbye I turned around and opened the door. Quickly I jumped up the stairs to the flat and found Taylor and Rosy in the kitchen.

“Hey you two”, I greeted them and gave Rosy a sloppy kiss on her cheek before I hugged Taylor.

“How was your day?”, she asked me and I dropped down on a kitchen chair.

“Exhausting and kind of terrifying”, I let her know before I reached out for an apple who laid on the kitchen table.

“Terrifying?”, Taylor asked with raised eyebrows and I nodded.

“They´re all so good, Tay! That´s just horrible, how am I supposed to stand out in a talented crowd like there?”, I asked and she came over and hugged me again.

“I honestly believe that you´re better than all of them together”, she said and made me laugh. As if I would ever be better than just one of them.

“Have you seen Harry?”, I questioned her and she shook her head no.

That was really weird and I kind of started to worry a little bit about him. My text messages had been unread all day and he did not answered any of my calls on my back home.

Normally he would have been somewhere around here and his parent´s house, but I had also called Anne already and she told me that he had not shown up there all day as well.

After I send him one more text I decided to change from my jeans to a pair of leggings and one of Harry´s shirts before I tripped back down into the kitchen and started to help Taylor with dinner.

She made something what looked like lasagne and I admired her cooking skills. My eyes went over her appearance and I had to smile.

“You changed so much”, I told her and she faced me.

“What?”, she giggled surprised.

“I don´t know. You just seem to be so grown up already and I have to search really hard for the loud, confident, boisterous and noisy Taylor.” She gave me a smile.

“And what do you see now?” I thought about it for some seconds before I finally answered.

“You glow in a weird way. Like becoming a mother was the only thing you needed to find out who you really want to be. Don´t get me wrong, I loved you right from the start, but you were just always really volatile and a little bit unreliable”, I said and she gasped for air.

“Volatile? I´ve never been volatile!”, she tried to defend herself.

“One day you were having fun with Connor in his bed and the other you said you didn´t need him at all and kissed some other guy at a party”, I remembered her of their non exclusively relationship thing they had back then.

“Well...probably you´re right”, she admitted and I chuckled over her stubbornness which still had not changed over the year.

“But you´re such a good mother to Rosy and you get everything right in your life. You have your job, a staple home, this place to live and Connor and you two seem to be so happy with each other without any complications”, I continued.

“Clary...”, she sighed.

“We´re arguing too like when he always changes the TV channel to watch this stupid crime series”, she said and I gave her an annoyed look.

“Honestly? That is what you call arguing?”, I said and she only shrugged her shoulders like it actually was a big deal.

“What I´m trying to say here is that I think you´re such an amazing person, managing your kid and your whole life like this and I´m proud to be your friend”, I summarized what I wanted to say so badly.

She looked me in the eyes and I saw the small circles around her eyes which made her look older and wiser than she had ever been before.

I felt so small next to her, her body over towered mine. Our lives seemed to do the same thing – hers was straightened, everything was figure out perfectly.

Connor would become a teacher, she had her good paid job in the flower shop in Manchester, they had Rosy who was more than just perfection in humanity, they had their amazing flat and loved each other.

The last part was something I had to and I was completely aware of that fact. But the rest was not that figured out yet.

Harry had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and I had just started my workshop, but without earning any money in a nearer time. My future chances in that kind of business was unsure and unstable at all.

We had no real home, somehow I always felt like a stranger in this flat, like we were allowed to be here, but not really completely accepted yet even though Taylor and Connor had told us like a thousand times that they wanted us to be here.

The ring on my finger sparkled up to me and promised an expensive wedding which we could not afford at all.

But there was this one thing, the most important actually which was that I knew I love Harry. And however our lives turned out to be in the end I was okay with it as long as I knew he was with me.

“I´m glad you´re my friend as well, Clary”, Taylor said and I hugged her. It was one of the most honest and right-feeling hugs in like forever. That moment the front door opened and a smiling Harry stepped in.

“Hey”, I greeted him surprised and he came over and gave me a passionate kiss. I had to smile even though the worried feeling I had for the last few hours still crept in my veins.

“Where have you been? I left you like a hundred text messages”, I said and he gave me an apologizing smile.

“I´m sorry I had turned it off earlier this morning as I visited the time out”, he explained and I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

“You had to turn it off?”, I asked surprised.

“I took a shift and it was so much fun, honestly.” His eyes had this special sparkle which they only had when he talked about something he really loved. I loved that sparkle more than anything, I loved to see him happy.

“Sounds great”, I replied and he gave me another smile.

“And I finally have a plan for my...our future again”, he said happily and I gave him another surprised look.

“You do?”

“Actually it´s the old plan, but whatever. I´m going to open my own bakery”, he said and I did not knew what to say.

“But...I thought the bank won´t give you the credits you need?” What had happened this morning to change that fact?

“They still won´t, but only because I´m not responsible enough as a single owner of the bakery, but if I have another one in the same boat like me they will!”, he said and hugged me again.

“You found someone?”, was all I could press out.

“Yeah, I did and I think you´ll be happy with my choice...it´s Zayn.” Hell, no.

“Zayn? Like Zayn Malik Zayn?”, I asked shocked and I felt my stomach turn a little bit.

“Yes, he said we could try. He wants to do something on his own as well and we both love to do this job, so we figured we can work together”, he said and gave me a smile to convince me of his idea.

“Harry...there´s something you probably have to know before you make such a big decision”, I started and suddenly felt horrible.

“I think I´ll have to do...something in...another room”, Taylor excused and grabbed Rosy before she left the kitchen. Thankfully I gave her a smile as she passed me by before I turned back to face Harry.

“What´s wrong?”, he asked me and I saw that he got nervous about what I was about to say.

“I thought I don´t have to tell you since nothing on my feelings for you has changed since then and I figured it would only make things strange between us, but now the situation has changed...”, I breathed out and I felt so shaky I noticed my hands were all sweaty.

“Clary?”, Harry looked concerned and ordered me to sit down on a chair before he knelt down in front of me.

“It´s okay. You can tell me everything, love”, he said quietly and I felt even worse. Why had I made it a secret from him? He was the only one I trusted more than anything.

“That day of our goodbye party when Zayn came over...he kissed me.” Harry´s face showed no emotion, just his eyes contracted a little bit.

“I didn´t kissed him back, but I think I just let him instead of pushing him away”, I got on as I realized that he would not say something.

“It changed nothing on my feelings. Nothing, but I was afraid you´ll get angry”, I continued and covered my face in my hands.

“What if I tell you that I know exactly what you feel right now?”, he whispered as he removed my hands and put a finger under my chin to make me look at him and into his beautiful green eyes.

“You do?”, I whispered back and let myself get lost in them.

“Aimee kissed me the day you had your first one at your writing workshop”, he said and immediately I had a picture of them together in my head.

How she placed her finger on his face and he pressed his lips on hers. I hated it, but I knew I could not be angry at him. But still I was so jealous I felt like my chest was bursting.

“Did you enjoyed it?”, I asked and he let out a incredulous snort.

“Of course I did not enjoyed it, Clary. I wished it would be you, but I didn´t pushed her away either. She just toke me by surprise and then it was over”, he said and I felt relieved.

Before he could say anything else I grabbed his head and pulled it closer to mine before I crushed my lips onto his.

There was nothing I wanted more than this feeling. A kiss was only a kiss.

Something physical. Something we did because it laid in our human nature.

But when you kiss someone you love it is something completely different.

Something you would die for. Something which made you feel alive more than ever before. Harry made me feel alive and I craved for his kisses whether on my lips or any other part of my body.

Who was Zayn again? And Aimee? My mind could not think about anything other than Harry and his hands on my hips. Slowly he pulled away from me and our hot breaths mixed in the air between us.

“You´re not angry?”, he asked worried and I nodded my head.

“As long as nothing changed between us I can forget about it”, I told him and I knew it was true.

Before I could say anything else he suddenly picked me bridal style up and he walked over to our bedroom. I left out a giggle before he dropped us both down on our bed and started already to kiss down my neck over my collar bones.

“Harry”, I moaned and he replied with a “Hm?” on my sensitive skin.

“We should talk about our future”, I managed to say while his lips and hands on my body distracted me a lot.

“You really wanna talk right now?”, he asked before he pulled down my jeans to be able to kiss my hip bones.

“Yes...I mean...no”, I finally gave in and he came back up to me to press his lips onto mine.

“Thought so”, he said cheekily and I bit on my under lip over his hot curly hair and body on mine.

“But we should”, I tried to remember him, but he only made me shut up one more time with kissing me.

“We have a lot more time to talk about our future...but first I´m going to get you out of these clothes”, he grumbled and I had no more objection. This would be fun.

Notes