The new start
Chapter sixty-two, "This is not goodbye."
“Zayn I have to go, thank you.” I said and turned my wheelchair around. Maybe I should have explained to him why but I was too excited. It was like all of a sudden I knew exactly what I wanted in my life and I knew how to get it too. Maybe it was wrong of me to leave Zayn alone there in the corner. Especially because of what he had told me but I felt like I didn´t have any other choice. I just wanted to do this. I wanted to do this for myself. To be proud of myself. Zayn had helped me realize that I had to forgive. I had to forgive him, I had to forgive Chloe but mostly I had to forgive Summer. I had to forgive them but that doesn´t mean I have to be with them. I just had to forgive them to let them go or not let them go. That´s something I can´t decide right now, that is something time has to decide. Time and destiny. I typed in a text to all my friends and family, I just wanted to get it over with so why not tell them all at once?
Amy: Come to the cafeteria. I have news.
It looked serious but at least it would be effective. I pressed send and hurried to the cafeteria. I was right, when I got to the cafeteria everyone but Zayn was there. But I couldn´t blame him if he didn´t want to come, I had just left him alone in a corner. Just when I was about to start he came and sat down in front of me just like the rest of them. My eyes looked around, got stuck on every one of them. First Niall´s blue shining eyes, than Harry´s green ones, than Louis and so on until Zayn´s brown showed up again.
“Hi everyone, thank you for coming that fast.” I said and noticed my voice was cracking. I tried to deny it but I couldn´t it was touching how every one of them still cared about me even after everything I had done. Maybe it wasn´t all my fault but I was involved. I didn´t wait for them to answer. Just to hear their voices would make me start crying.
“I know things have been weird and I am sorry for what was my fault. I want you guys to know that I love you even if it doesn´t feel that way all the time.” I paused took a deep breath.
“I have learned a few things since I got here and one of them is that it´s a gift to forgive. If you know how to forgive you have gone a far way in your life. Revenge isn´t the answer, forgiveness is. Because forgiveness is the most unselfish thing a person to do. I don´t know how to forgive, all I know is how to pretend. Pretend that everything is great. But all that has caught up to me. So that´s why I have to start forgiving and I have to start telling the truth. So I wanna start by telling every one of you that I forgive you. That doesn´t mean I want to be with you that just means that I have let it go. Then time has to decide if I have let it go or let you go. But someone I can never let go how much I try or how much she has done to me is Summer. She has always been there for me and even if sometimes it wasn´t in a good way she still was there. So I have decided that I am going to go and visit her in prison. I am going to be there for her through the trial and I am going to be on her side just because she has always been on my side. I am not sure for how long but when I come back we will see how things are, okay?” I stopped talking and looked around on the little crowd of friends I had. Wondering if they had something to say. But they were so quiet I could hear my own heart beating. Then suddenly my mom got up on her feet.
“Honey can I talk to you outside?” She asked and I nodded. Actually really happy to get out of that situation. We walked out and as soon as I had closed the door I saw how everyone started talking or screaming. I felt how my hope sank inside of me. I didn´t know what I had hoped for reactions but this was not it.
“Mom do you think I am doing the wrong thing?” I asked but mom ignored the question. When I looked closer on mom´s face I saw that she was really pretty. Her brown hair framed her face perfectly and except the few wrinkles her skin was almost faultless. But her eyes was the most beautiful thing, they had the color of ocean waves.
“I am sorry.” She said and suddenly a tear ran down her perfect cheek. I had never heard her say those words and I felt how I got warm inside. There she was, the mom I had missed my whole life.
“I didn´t mean to be a bad mother. I actually started of pretty good when you were little in the days where I and your father were very in love. Maybe you don´t remember it but we used to go down to the sea and you painted a bird while I just sat there and watched you. You were a great painter, I bet you still are. Every single day we did this until one day I got a new job. I started working and working and suddenly you were all grown up and your dad´s best friend. Then your father made Summer pregnant and every time I looked at either him or you all I could see was that baby, that baby they first made together then murdered. I couldn´t even speak to you anymore. I don´t even know why but I regret it so much and I am so sorry that you didn´t get the best childhood because you deserve it. You deserve a mother.” She said and now she was crying loud and clear. I wanted to hug her but there was something holding me back. But soon somehow my arms were raped around her anyway. It was a nice feeling that sneaked up on me. I don´t think we had ever hugged when we really wanted to more just because we had to.
“I have a mother.” I whispered and I could feel how my mom was smiling behind all the tears.
“When you come back I swear I will try to be a better one.” She said and now it was my turn to smile. It was my first not fake smile to my mom in ages and I didn´t know if it was just me imagining but for a moment I remembered us sitting under a tree in the early summer, me painting a bird, she sitting there enjoying the sun.
“We better go back inside. I think the rest of them want to speak with you too.” She said and I nodded before we went back inside with mascara all over our cheeks.
“We thought you guys died out there.” Louis joked and I couldn´t help but laugh. Not because it was funny just because it was so great having a real mom.
“Now it is our turn to speak with her boys.” Liam said and all five of the angels got up on their feet, well except Niall, he was still in his wheelchair. I spun my wheels again and this time I noticed I had actually gotten just a tiny little strong from all the spinning. Or maybe that was me imagining again. When I had closed the door for the second time I turned my wheelchair around and looked at the five beautiful angels.
“You know when I come back I hope you guys have started that band.” I said and they laughed.
“We came up with a band name yesterday or Harry did. We haven´t really spoken with the rest of the boys but I thought it was really good.” Louis said and all three boys including me turned around and stared at Harry.
“Wow calm down with those eyes it is just suggestion.” He said but when we kept staring he sighed.
“One direction.” He said and when I heard the name I just knew it was the one for them.
“That is great.” All of us screamed with one mouth.
“You know we will miss you, Amy. Maybe you don´t know it but you have done a lot for us. More than you can ever imagine.” Harry said and I looked around at all of them. Just to see if everyone agreed and everyone seemed to. Even Zayn. I smiled and raped my arms around every one of them and there we were standing, five boys and one little girl, lucky enough to hug them all at once.
“This isn´t goodbye you know. We will meet again.” I said when we had hugged each other for like five minutes.
“You never know what is going to happen.” Liam said before we let go of each other.
“So guys before we go back in there I want you to promise to take care of Chloe. We are not in the best place right now but I still care for her and sometimes she can do stupid things. Please be there for her when she does.” I said and every one of them nodded.
“Thanks and good luck with the band.” I said and just when I was about to roll the stupid chair inside Niall grabbed my arm. He waited for the rest of the boys to go inside before he kissed me on the lips. The minty taste filled my mouth and I didn´t know if I could live without this for as long as I was going away.
“I will be here when you come back.” Niall said before he turned his chair around and soon he was gone too. I smiled.
“I hope so.” I whispered and soon I was back inside the room too.
“Chloe come on.” I said when I got inside and she nodded. I could see that she was nervous.
“So are you willing to give me a second chance?” She asked and I drew my hand through my hair.
“I am not sure, but we will see when I come back. If we still need each other I guess we are meant to be. If not then that’s how it´s suppose to be and then that is okay too.” I said and she hugged me one last time before she disappeared around the corner. I tried to not cry and I knew that if I would lose her when I come back that would not be okay. But I had too much pride in myself to just run after her and tell her that I love her so inside I waved through the window to all the nice people that was sitting there. Then I went back to my room where I slowly jumped out of my wheelchair and grabbed my bag. Then I looked myself in the mirror and for the first time even if I looked like hell I thought I was beautiful. Just when I was about to walk out from the hospital it felt like I had forgotten something and just when I remembered what he came walking towards me. Dad, I hadn´t spoken to dad. I ran on my hurt legs towards him and jumped right up in his arms.
“I am sorry for yelling at you, dad.” I said and he hugged me back.
“I am sorry for sending her to prison.” He answered and we hugged for a long time before he let me down on the floor again.
“Come on kiddo, I´ll give you a ride to Summer.” He said and I smiled.
Amy: Come to the cafeteria. I have news.
It looked serious but at least it would be effective. I pressed send and hurried to the cafeteria. I was right, when I got to the cafeteria everyone but Zayn was there. But I couldn´t blame him if he didn´t want to come, I had just left him alone in a corner. Just when I was about to start he came and sat down in front of me just like the rest of them. My eyes looked around, got stuck on every one of them. First Niall´s blue shining eyes, than Harry´s green ones, than Louis and so on until Zayn´s brown showed up again.
“Hi everyone, thank you for coming that fast.” I said and noticed my voice was cracking. I tried to deny it but I couldn´t it was touching how every one of them still cared about me even after everything I had done. Maybe it wasn´t all my fault but I was involved. I didn´t wait for them to answer. Just to hear their voices would make me start crying.
“I know things have been weird and I am sorry for what was my fault. I want you guys to know that I love you even if it doesn´t feel that way all the time.” I paused took a deep breath.
“I have learned a few things since I got here and one of them is that it´s a gift to forgive. If you know how to forgive you have gone a far way in your life. Revenge isn´t the answer, forgiveness is. Because forgiveness is the most unselfish thing a person to do. I don´t know how to forgive, all I know is how to pretend. Pretend that everything is great. But all that has caught up to me. So that´s why I have to start forgiving and I have to start telling the truth. So I wanna start by telling every one of you that I forgive you. That doesn´t mean I want to be with you that just means that I have let it go. Then time has to decide if I have let it go or let you go. But someone I can never let go how much I try or how much she has done to me is Summer. She has always been there for me and even if sometimes it wasn´t in a good way she still was there. So I have decided that I am going to go and visit her in prison. I am going to be there for her through the trial and I am going to be on her side just because she has always been on my side. I am not sure for how long but when I come back we will see how things are, okay?” I stopped talking and looked around on the little crowd of friends I had. Wondering if they had something to say. But they were so quiet I could hear my own heart beating. Then suddenly my mom got up on her feet.
“Honey can I talk to you outside?” She asked and I nodded. Actually really happy to get out of that situation. We walked out and as soon as I had closed the door I saw how everyone started talking or screaming. I felt how my hope sank inside of me. I didn´t know what I had hoped for reactions but this was not it.
“Mom do you think I am doing the wrong thing?” I asked but mom ignored the question. When I looked closer on mom´s face I saw that she was really pretty. Her brown hair framed her face perfectly and except the few wrinkles her skin was almost faultless. But her eyes was the most beautiful thing, they had the color of ocean waves.
“I am sorry.” She said and suddenly a tear ran down her perfect cheek. I had never heard her say those words and I felt how I got warm inside. There she was, the mom I had missed my whole life.
“I didn´t mean to be a bad mother. I actually started of pretty good when you were little in the days where I and your father were very in love. Maybe you don´t remember it but we used to go down to the sea and you painted a bird while I just sat there and watched you. You were a great painter, I bet you still are. Every single day we did this until one day I got a new job. I started working and working and suddenly you were all grown up and your dad´s best friend. Then your father made Summer pregnant and every time I looked at either him or you all I could see was that baby, that baby they first made together then murdered. I couldn´t even speak to you anymore. I don´t even know why but I regret it so much and I am so sorry that you didn´t get the best childhood because you deserve it. You deserve a mother.” She said and now she was crying loud and clear. I wanted to hug her but there was something holding me back. But soon somehow my arms were raped around her anyway. It was a nice feeling that sneaked up on me. I don´t think we had ever hugged when we really wanted to more just because we had to.
“I have a mother.” I whispered and I could feel how my mom was smiling behind all the tears.
“When you come back I swear I will try to be a better one.” She said and now it was my turn to smile. It was my first not fake smile to my mom in ages and I didn´t know if it was just me imagining but for a moment I remembered us sitting under a tree in the early summer, me painting a bird, she sitting there enjoying the sun.
“We better go back inside. I think the rest of them want to speak with you too.” She said and I nodded before we went back inside with mascara all over our cheeks.
“We thought you guys died out there.” Louis joked and I couldn´t help but laugh. Not because it was funny just because it was so great having a real mom.
“Now it is our turn to speak with her boys.” Liam said and all five of the angels got up on their feet, well except Niall, he was still in his wheelchair. I spun my wheels again and this time I noticed I had actually gotten just a tiny little strong from all the spinning. Or maybe that was me imagining again. When I had closed the door for the second time I turned my wheelchair around and looked at the five beautiful angels.
“You know when I come back I hope you guys have started that band.” I said and they laughed.
“We came up with a band name yesterday or Harry did. We haven´t really spoken with the rest of the boys but I thought it was really good.” Louis said and all three boys including me turned around and stared at Harry.
“Wow calm down with those eyes it is just suggestion.” He said but when we kept staring he sighed.
“One direction.” He said and when I heard the name I just knew it was the one for them.
“That is great.” All of us screamed with one mouth.
“You know we will miss you, Amy. Maybe you don´t know it but you have done a lot for us. More than you can ever imagine.” Harry said and I looked around at all of them. Just to see if everyone agreed and everyone seemed to. Even Zayn. I smiled and raped my arms around every one of them and there we were standing, five boys and one little girl, lucky enough to hug them all at once.
“This isn´t goodbye you know. We will meet again.” I said when we had hugged each other for like five minutes.
“You never know what is going to happen.” Liam said before we let go of each other.
“So guys before we go back in there I want you to promise to take care of Chloe. We are not in the best place right now but I still care for her and sometimes she can do stupid things. Please be there for her when she does.” I said and every one of them nodded.
“Thanks and good luck with the band.” I said and just when I was about to roll the stupid chair inside Niall grabbed my arm. He waited for the rest of the boys to go inside before he kissed me on the lips. The minty taste filled my mouth and I didn´t know if I could live without this for as long as I was going away.
“I will be here when you come back.” Niall said before he turned his chair around and soon he was gone too. I smiled.
“I hope so.” I whispered and soon I was back inside the room too.
“Chloe come on.” I said when I got inside and she nodded. I could see that she was nervous.
“So are you willing to give me a second chance?” She asked and I drew my hand through my hair.
“I am not sure, but we will see when I come back. If we still need each other I guess we are meant to be. If not then that’s how it´s suppose to be and then that is okay too.” I said and she hugged me one last time before she disappeared around the corner. I tried to not cry and I knew that if I would lose her when I come back that would not be okay. But I had too much pride in myself to just run after her and tell her that I love her so inside I waved through the window to all the nice people that was sitting there. Then I went back to my room where I slowly jumped out of my wheelchair and grabbed my bag. Then I looked myself in the mirror and for the first time even if I looked like hell I thought I was beautiful. Just when I was about to walk out from the hospital it felt like I had forgotten something and just when I remembered what he came walking towards me. Dad, I hadn´t spoken to dad. I ran on my hurt legs towards him and jumped right up in his arms.
“I am sorry for yelling at you, dad.” I said and he hugged me back.
“I am sorry for sending her to prison.” He answered and we hugged for a long time before he let me down on the floor again.
“Come on kiddo, I´ll give you a ride to Summer.” He said and I smiled.
Notes
Hi everyone! :) I am so so so so so sorry for low updating and for coming with such a bad chapter after all this time. But the truth is I am just not feeling very inspired :o I litteraly had to push the words to come out of me and this has never happened before ;/ But I will finish the story and I am guessing it´s about three chapters left but I am not sure :) Hope you enjoyed this boring chapter/ kisses EDo you think Niall will wait for Amy?
When Amy come back, will everyone be happy or mad?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14