The new start
Chapter fifty-eight, "True love can never be broken"
“Amy, can I talk to you? Alone?” Summer asked but I didn´t answer. I couldn´t, I couldn´t even look at her, that is how much I hated her. I hated her because she was so good looking, I hated her because she had destroyed my life, I hated her for killing Niall. I hated her so much for all kinds of things and I didn´t know if there was even something good in her. Maybe she is a person that is filled with evilness and only evilness. Maybe she is like this really bad guy in some thriller or something? Except this is not a thriller this is real life.
“Please?” She said and looked at all my friends and family. Harry and the rest of the angels didn´t know anything so they just left but mum and dad hesitated. I prayed to god they would say no but just when I thought they would they turned around and walked out of the door. I wanted to scream but my throat was so dry I didn´t even know how long I would be able so breath so I kept quiet. I focused my eyes on the yellow wall, tried to ignore Summer´s eyes and the annoying smell of her perfume that tried to sneak up in my nose too many times. I tried to but I didn´t succeed. The smell was already inside and my eyes were drawn to hers and there was one question that repeated itself in my mind. It wasn´t chaos like before, no it was like the rest had been killed but the murderer had left one and only one. How could she? How could she do this to me? I am supposed to be her friend, I am supposed to be her vulnerable spot. How could she do this to her vulnerable spot?
“How are you feeling?” She asked and if my throat wouldn´t have been so dry I would have laughed. I would have laughed loud and for a long time. Because in front of me my worst anomy that had killed the love of my life was standing and asking me how I feel. Is it just me or is that the height of pathetic? For a second I thought about play with her, say fine and then just ignore that she had killed him. But the truth is I can´t. I can´t ignore it, her. Whatever I do she seems to find a way back into my life and the only way to get her out of there is to confront her. So that is what I am going to do, eventually, when I have drunk a glass of water. I pointed at the glass that was standing on the little table beside my even smaller bed. I wonder how much this bed costs? Like a pound? It can´t be more than two. Summer grabbed the water with shaking hands and I just couldn´t believe it. This was the first time I had seen Summer nervous. Her hands were shaking and a drop of sweat was pouring down her forehead until it slowly float together with the rest of the sweat drops that was covering her forehead. She helped me take a zip from the water and a shiver of pain went through my head when I tried to push her away. Instead of doing anymore resistance I let the cold water fill my throat. When I was done drinking I thought the words were going to stream out of me but there was none. I had nothing to say to her. Or I had one question, one question that was repeating itself in my head.
“How could you?” I whispered, the words sounded uncomprehending as one hell of a big mess but I knew she heard them. I just knew it, maybe it was the look of her face or maybe it was something else. But I was one hundred percent sure that the she heard it.
“I just wanted you by myself. Why didn´t you want to be with me?” She asked and when I looked up on her I almost saw a tear stream down her cheek. But that was probably just my mind messing with me. It had to, because Summer never cries.
“You could have just said that. You didn´t have to sleep with my father, make me almost kill someone and kill the love of my life.” I said and now the words were much clearer. It was like someone inside of me was talking. Like someone or something had taken over my mouth and talked instead of me. Because inside I was too broke to even say a word. I didn´t know where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to do now that Niall was dead.
“I know but I knew you didn´t want to be with me like that so I felt like I had to do all those things. Because I can´t live without you.” She said and now it was obvious that she was crying. It was not only one tear that was pouring down her cheek it was several and it´s like it had no end. When one had disappeared a new one poured down.
“But I can´t live without Niall.” I whispered and suddenly I knew how she felt. The constant gnawing of seeing that person, of holding that person, the thoughts that was always in your mind about that person and the jealousy that followed you around permanently . I knew where it had gotten me, almost killed. Summer had become crazy. But it wasn´t a surprise, at least Niall wanted to be with me. I couldn´t even imagine how it must have felt for Summer. Maybe it wasn´t an excuse for all she had done but now at least it was understandable.
“I know Amy and I realized that I had gone a little too far. That´s way I am going to move. This is goodbye and I don´t think we will ever see each other.” Summer said with tiger strips and raspy voice. I knew how hard this must be for her. But just when I was about to feel sorry for her I remembered all that she had done. Maybe she had been in love with me but for god sake, kill someone!?
“Summer I will not let you move just like that, I will not. What if you do the same where you move?” I said even if I wanted to scream to her. Scream because she almost had made me her little robot again. But there wasn´t enough energy in my throat, the dry feeling was almost back. Summer flinched and looked surprised at me, tried to get me to look in her eyes. But I didn´t, I couldn´t, it was too painful. Because somewhere inside of me I knew that she never would do that. I knew she was telling me the truth. I just felt like it was too weak of me to just let her go like that without any punishment. But then again she had been punished. Almost as hard as me, she had lost me and by saying that I had broken her even more. I had punished her a little more than what was necessary. But I couldn´t say goodbye to her. Even if I hated her I loved her at the same time and I couldn´t let go of one more person that I love. Summer was still my best friend even after everything she had done. It was sad but it was truth. It was abnormal but it was something between us. Something no one except us understood. Something that not even god understood. Something much higher than god and science and that something is called love. True love can never be broken. I looked up at Summer, what we had was true love. Maybe now it is something else, now it is true love that is so thin that it almost is broken. But still, it was there and I couldn´t ignore it.
“I am sorry, I just…” I said but Summer just shook her head.
“No this is wrong. You´re not supposed to be sorry, I am sorry. Stop blaming yourself Amy. You are right to think that. You are, but I don´t know what else to do. I can´t stay here but still I can´t move. I know prison is the place for me. But I just… those oranges suits. They would not fit me.” She said and in all this hate and love I started laughing. I started laughing so much that my whole body hurt, every little single organ hurt, from head to toe. But I didn´t stop, it wasn´t bad pain it was good pain. It was pain that reminded me that despite the hole Niall had left I was still alive. Then suddenly I couldn´t remember what was funny anymore so I stopped laughing. I stopped laughing not only because of that. I stopped laughing because I had the most brilliant idea in my head.
“Summer?” I whispered, my voice had become hoarse from all the laughing.
“Yeah?” Summer asked when she finally had stopped laughing too.
“I have an idea. Do you remember that camp for like people that need help? They talk about their problems, tell what they have done. It´s like a rehab but for problems. Why don´t you go there?” I asked and first Summer looked hesitant and for a second I wondered if she really had told the truth about everything.
“But if I tell them about what I did to Niall and your father won´t they throw me in jail?” She asked but I just shook my head. Even if I didn´t know about the murder thing. I just thought it would be so great so I just continued.
“No, well you can cool it down a little maybe but it´s perfect for you. “ I said and now Summer looked happy. I saw how her skin got a little lighter behind the tiger stripes and it made something inside of me peaceful.
“Well, can you call them?” She asked and I nodded. But when I was going to get up on my feet shivers of pain went through my body and it was impossible to do anything but to sink down on the bed again. I sighed, it was hopeless.
“Oh, I´ll get your phone.” She said and I nodded thankfully. Summer disappeared and I laid my head nicely before I closed my eyes. I hoped that grandma would show up and tell me that I was doing the right thing. But there was nothing but blackness. I tried again but not this time either the smell of cinnamon embraced my nose. But I didn´t give up, maybe it´s like they say third time lucky. But neither this time and the three other times I tried grandma showed up. When it had gone by ten minutes without any grandma or any Summer I started to wonder where the hell she was. If she was just going to get my phone, why wouldn´t she be here by now? When another five minutes had gone by I started to get worried. What if she had taken her chance to escape? I tried to get up on my feet again and this time I actually succeeded. With my head on fire I limped over to a wheelchair before I sat down and started spinning the wheels. I really hope Summer hasn´t gotten that far, I thought and tried to spin the wheels faster. When I had gotten to the reception I saw my dad looking out the window.
“Hey dad? Have you seen Summer?” I asked and he turned around. His face looked pale but a contentedly smile was glued on his lips.
“Yes my dear. But she will not bother you anymore, I have sent her to where she belongs.” Dad said and I looked confused around.
“What do you mean where she belongs?” I asked but then I realized it. Dad had done the one thing I didn´t want him to do. Dad had sent her to prison. I couldn´t believe it but I knew it was true.
“No don´t even say it, you idiot.” I screamed and now my throat was working absolutely great. I wanted to scream all the words that were coming up in my mind. But what was the point? Neither of them would bring her back. I had lost both Summer and Niall now. Now I couldn´t help but wonder, who was next?
“But honey if Harry hadn´t called an ambulance and if Summer hadn´t gotten you a doctor. Or maybe she did that good but it doesn´t count. If none of that wouldn´t have happened you would have been dead. Amy, dead!? Do you understand?” Dad screamed back and now tears were rolling down his cheeks but I didn´t care. That man hadn´t been in my life for a very long time and even if he had an excuse he didn´t know me well enough to take my decisions.
“I am not five anymore dad. I do understand that, I also understand that you don´t know me anymore and that you are just another idiot that doesn´t understand me.” I screamed and spanned the wheels as fast as I could until I got to a window low enough for me to look out from. There she was, Summer and a police. Summer and a police car, Summer inside a police car, Summer gone. The tears were back and I have to say that I had not missed the salty taste in my mouth and the sadness in my body. I had done everything but missed them. All I could see was darkness, I didn´t see that little light I had seen before. I was gone, blown away just like I didn´t see the point of living. In this moment I really prayed that I would die in a heart attack. Maybe it wasn´t my fault like grandma said but there was nothing left for me here. I was all alone.
“You did everything in your power, Amy. That isn´t always enough but at least you tried.” I heard a voice behind me and my heart started pounding fast along with the butterflies that had found their way back to my stomach. It wasn´t because I was having a heart attack it was because it was the voice from the light himself, the voice of Niall Horan. I didn´t even know if I dared to believe it but there right in front of me he was sitting in a identical wheelchair as mine. He´s hair was tousled and he had big dark circles around his eyes but I didn´t care because soon it started to get to me. The love of my life was alive.
“Please?” She said and looked at all my friends and family. Harry and the rest of the angels didn´t know anything so they just left but mum and dad hesitated. I prayed to god they would say no but just when I thought they would they turned around and walked out of the door. I wanted to scream but my throat was so dry I didn´t even know how long I would be able so breath so I kept quiet. I focused my eyes on the yellow wall, tried to ignore Summer´s eyes and the annoying smell of her perfume that tried to sneak up in my nose too many times. I tried to but I didn´t succeed. The smell was already inside and my eyes were drawn to hers and there was one question that repeated itself in my mind. It wasn´t chaos like before, no it was like the rest had been killed but the murderer had left one and only one. How could she? How could she do this to me? I am supposed to be her friend, I am supposed to be her vulnerable spot. How could she do this to her vulnerable spot?
“How are you feeling?” She asked and if my throat wouldn´t have been so dry I would have laughed. I would have laughed loud and for a long time. Because in front of me my worst anomy that had killed the love of my life was standing and asking me how I feel. Is it just me or is that the height of pathetic? For a second I thought about play with her, say fine and then just ignore that she had killed him. But the truth is I can´t. I can´t ignore it, her. Whatever I do she seems to find a way back into my life and the only way to get her out of there is to confront her. So that is what I am going to do, eventually, when I have drunk a glass of water. I pointed at the glass that was standing on the little table beside my even smaller bed. I wonder how much this bed costs? Like a pound? It can´t be more than two. Summer grabbed the water with shaking hands and I just couldn´t believe it. This was the first time I had seen Summer nervous. Her hands were shaking and a drop of sweat was pouring down her forehead until it slowly float together with the rest of the sweat drops that was covering her forehead. She helped me take a zip from the water and a shiver of pain went through my head when I tried to push her away. Instead of doing anymore resistance I let the cold water fill my throat. When I was done drinking I thought the words were going to stream out of me but there was none. I had nothing to say to her. Or I had one question, one question that was repeating itself in my head.
“How could you?” I whispered, the words sounded uncomprehending as one hell of a big mess but I knew she heard them. I just knew it, maybe it was the look of her face or maybe it was something else. But I was one hundred percent sure that the she heard it.
“I just wanted you by myself. Why didn´t you want to be with me?” She asked and when I looked up on her I almost saw a tear stream down her cheek. But that was probably just my mind messing with me. It had to, because Summer never cries.
“You could have just said that. You didn´t have to sleep with my father, make me almost kill someone and kill the love of my life.” I said and now the words were much clearer. It was like someone inside of me was talking. Like someone or something had taken over my mouth and talked instead of me. Because inside I was too broke to even say a word. I didn´t know where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to do now that Niall was dead.
“I know but I knew you didn´t want to be with me like that so I felt like I had to do all those things. Because I can´t live without you.” She said and now it was obvious that she was crying. It was not only one tear that was pouring down her cheek it was several and it´s like it had no end. When one had disappeared a new one poured down.
“But I can´t live without Niall.” I whispered and suddenly I knew how she felt. The constant gnawing of seeing that person, of holding that person, the thoughts that was always in your mind about that person and the jealousy that followed you around permanently . I knew where it had gotten me, almost killed. Summer had become crazy. But it wasn´t a surprise, at least Niall wanted to be with me. I couldn´t even imagine how it must have felt for Summer. Maybe it wasn´t an excuse for all she had done but now at least it was understandable.
“I know Amy and I realized that I had gone a little too far. That´s way I am going to move. This is goodbye and I don´t think we will ever see each other.” Summer said with tiger strips and raspy voice. I knew how hard this must be for her. But just when I was about to feel sorry for her I remembered all that she had done. Maybe she had been in love with me but for god sake, kill someone!?
“Summer I will not let you move just like that, I will not. What if you do the same where you move?” I said even if I wanted to scream to her. Scream because she almost had made me her little robot again. But there wasn´t enough energy in my throat, the dry feeling was almost back. Summer flinched and looked surprised at me, tried to get me to look in her eyes. But I didn´t, I couldn´t, it was too painful. Because somewhere inside of me I knew that she never would do that. I knew she was telling me the truth. I just felt like it was too weak of me to just let her go like that without any punishment. But then again she had been punished. Almost as hard as me, she had lost me and by saying that I had broken her even more. I had punished her a little more than what was necessary. But I couldn´t say goodbye to her. Even if I hated her I loved her at the same time and I couldn´t let go of one more person that I love. Summer was still my best friend even after everything she had done. It was sad but it was truth. It was abnormal but it was something between us. Something no one except us understood. Something that not even god understood. Something much higher than god and science and that something is called love. True love can never be broken. I looked up at Summer, what we had was true love. Maybe now it is something else, now it is true love that is so thin that it almost is broken. But still, it was there and I couldn´t ignore it.
“I am sorry, I just…” I said but Summer just shook her head.
“No this is wrong. You´re not supposed to be sorry, I am sorry. Stop blaming yourself Amy. You are right to think that. You are, but I don´t know what else to do. I can´t stay here but still I can´t move. I know prison is the place for me. But I just… those oranges suits. They would not fit me.” She said and in all this hate and love I started laughing. I started laughing so much that my whole body hurt, every little single organ hurt, from head to toe. But I didn´t stop, it wasn´t bad pain it was good pain. It was pain that reminded me that despite the hole Niall had left I was still alive. Then suddenly I couldn´t remember what was funny anymore so I stopped laughing. I stopped laughing not only because of that. I stopped laughing because I had the most brilliant idea in my head.
“Summer?” I whispered, my voice had become hoarse from all the laughing.
“Yeah?” Summer asked when she finally had stopped laughing too.
“I have an idea. Do you remember that camp for like people that need help? They talk about their problems, tell what they have done. It´s like a rehab but for problems. Why don´t you go there?” I asked and first Summer looked hesitant and for a second I wondered if she really had told the truth about everything.
“But if I tell them about what I did to Niall and your father won´t they throw me in jail?” She asked but I just shook my head. Even if I didn´t know about the murder thing. I just thought it would be so great so I just continued.
“No, well you can cool it down a little maybe but it´s perfect for you. “ I said and now Summer looked happy. I saw how her skin got a little lighter behind the tiger stripes and it made something inside of me peaceful.
“Well, can you call them?” She asked and I nodded. But when I was going to get up on my feet shivers of pain went through my body and it was impossible to do anything but to sink down on the bed again. I sighed, it was hopeless.
“Oh, I´ll get your phone.” She said and I nodded thankfully. Summer disappeared and I laid my head nicely before I closed my eyes. I hoped that grandma would show up and tell me that I was doing the right thing. But there was nothing but blackness. I tried again but not this time either the smell of cinnamon embraced my nose. But I didn´t give up, maybe it´s like they say third time lucky. But neither this time and the three other times I tried grandma showed up. When it had gone by ten minutes without any grandma or any Summer I started to wonder where the hell she was. If she was just going to get my phone, why wouldn´t she be here by now? When another five minutes had gone by I started to get worried. What if she had taken her chance to escape? I tried to get up on my feet again and this time I actually succeeded. With my head on fire I limped over to a wheelchair before I sat down and started spinning the wheels. I really hope Summer hasn´t gotten that far, I thought and tried to spin the wheels faster. When I had gotten to the reception I saw my dad looking out the window.
“Hey dad? Have you seen Summer?” I asked and he turned around. His face looked pale but a contentedly smile was glued on his lips.
“Yes my dear. But she will not bother you anymore, I have sent her to where she belongs.” Dad said and I looked confused around.
“What do you mean where she belongs?” I asked but then I realized it. Dad had done the one thing I didn´t want him to do. Dad had sent her to prison. I couldn´t believe it but I knew it was true.
“No don´t even say it, you idiot.” I screamed and now my throat was working absolutely great. I wanted to scream all the words that were coming up in my mind. But what was the point? Neither of them would bring her back. I had lost both Summer and Niall now. Now I couldn´t help but wonder, who was next?
“But honey if Harry hadn´t called an ambulance and if Summer hadn´t gotten you a doctor. Or maybe she did that good but it doesn´t count. If none of that wouldn´t have happened you would have been dead. Amy, dead!? Do you understand?” Dad screamed back and now tears were rolling down his cheeks but I didn´t care. That man hadn´t been in my life for a very long time and even if he had an excuse he didn´t know me well enough to take my decisions.
“I am not five anymore dad. I do understand that, I also understand that you don´t know me anymore and that you are just another idiot that doesn´t understand me.” I screamed and spanned the wheels as fast as I could until I got to a window low enough for me to look out from. There she was, Summer and a police. Summer and a police car, Summer inside a police car, Summer gone. The tears were back and I have to say that I had not missed the salty taste in my mouth and the sadness in my body. I had done everything but missed them. All I could see was darkness, I didn´t see that little light I had seen before. I was gone, blown away just like I didn´t see the point of living. In this moment I really prayed that I would die in a heart attack. Maybe it wasn´t my fault like grandma said but there was nothing left for me here. I was all alone.
“You did everything in your power, Amy. That isn´t always enough but at least you tried.” I heard a voice behind me and my heart started pounding fast along with the butterflies that had found their way back to my stomach. It wasn´t because I was having a heart attack it was because it was the voice from the light himself, the voice of Niall Horan. I didn´t even know if I dared to believe it but there right in front of me he was sitting in a identical wheelchair as mine. He´s hair was tousled and he had big dark circles around his eyes but I didn´t care because soon it started to get to me. The love of my life was alive.
Notes
Hello everyone! :) Sorry for not updating yesterday but the computers in school were broke so I couldn´t! I am so sorry :( So now that it´s winter break you might think that I will update like everyday but that´s false. I am going to New York on Monday so I won´t be able to update all week. If you are lucky I will update tomorrow! Well even though I am so excited about the trip I feel sad to keep you waiting now that the story almost is finished but I hope you will stay! Gotta rush /Love EIf you would have been Amy would you have sent Summer to that camp or to prison?
Do you think Amy will forgive her dad?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14