The new start
Chapter fifty-two, "The text message"
“Amy I am really, really tired. Why don´t we continue driving tomorrow?” Logan asked and yawned. But I didn´t want to stop driving, I didn´t want to lay in a bed and try to sleep because then all the thoughts would attack me. They would come like a snake over me and get glued into my head. There would be nothing there to save me, I would be all alone with the darkness.
“But we are almost there.” I said and showed him the map. That was actually true there were only a few miles left until we arrived to what we think is Logan´s mum´s house.
“Even if we get there it will be too late to visit.” He said and I sighed because I knew he was right. But I was so scared, completely terrified to let all the nightmares and thoughts that had followed me around for a while inside.
“Okay then, do you know any hotels nearby?” I asked and Logan nodded. In a minute the car stopped outside a fancy white hotel. It was a big building with many cars parked outside. I stepped out of the car and when I got up on my feet I felt how tired I was. Maybe the thoughts would leave me alone because of that I was so tired, I thought and it made me feel better. When we got inside the hotel I saw the last person on this earth I wanted to see, my dad. He and mum were standing in front of the desk to probably order a room or something. The sweet girl behind the desk looked terrified but I couldn´t blame her, my mum was a total pain in the ass for waitresses and receptionists she always had to make the weirdest requests like if she could have her toilet cleaned more often or if she could change to a better room with the same prize. It takes an hour for her to order a room.
“Isn´t that your dad?” Logan asked and I gave him eyes that said “quiet or I will stick a fork up in your throat.”
“So it is your dad, but why are you mad at him?” Logan continued and I just wanted to hit him. But instead I took few deep breaths and gave him a smile.
“I am not mad at him.” I said but it sounded so false that even my grandmother would hear that it was a lie.
“Yes you are.” He said and I felt how a big fat lump got stuck in my throat. Why do I always have to cry?
“He is a rapist, that´s why.” I said and hurried outside. I didn´t want to look into Logan´s brown puppy eyes, I just couldn´t. The tears would start pouring again. The cold air hit my and a huge headache spread in my head. I leaned against the white perfect wall and felt how sick and tired I was of being sad. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to just go back to that day with Niall when he kissed me. When everything shined up a little bit. Suddenly I felt such a desire to hear Niall´s voice that before I remembered that we were in a fight I had pressed call. Signal after signal howled in my ear but no soft and beautiful Irish voice. Then the voicemail went on and he sounded so far away, like a trillions of miles away.
“Hi, it´s Niall´s cell, I am probably eating right now. So leave a message and I will call you later.” Even if it sounded so far away and even if it only had been a few hours since I saw him I missed him like never before. My broken heart screamed for him, it screamed for his arms, his lips, his smell, the whole him but every time I thought of him my heart crushed again, because I knew he wouldn´t forgive him. And I was just a few words left from having him. Why couldn´t I say them? I knew it to well, I was afraid. Afraid to put myself out there and to get crushed like I had been when my first love dumped me when I was fourteen. Afraid for him to don´t like me. Afraid that I would just embarrass myself. The tears started pouring but I didn´t care.
“Niall…it´s me, Amy. I want you to know that I actually have a reason for you to wait for me. It´s a pretty simple one actually. I just… I…kind of…like…I…am…I love…I love you.” I pressed send the message and sank down on the wet ground. The nervousness was bubbling around inside my body but there was something else, I was feeling proud of myself.
“Amy, I thought you three might need to talk.” Logan said behind me and I remembered the whole daddy issue. When I stood up and turned around I saw my dad, my mum and Logan standing beside each other and the feeling that I was proud of myself was blown away and replaced by my hate and anger again. How dared he? He had nothing to do with this.
“Well, we don´t.” I said and shook my head. But it was too late mum and dad embraced me with hugs but I pushed them away.
“What the hell do you think you are doing? You never hug me.” I screamed, a little scared of my reaction. Mum and dad flinched but they looked patient.
“Why are you mad, honey?” Dad asked and I looked at them with even angrier eyes than before. What do you think? I wanted to scream but it was like all my energy was gone. Like I had lost it somewhere between calling Niall and when they had walked in here.
“I just can´t do this, you guys are crazy.” I said and suddenly I felt how pathetic this was. It was so pathetic that I started to laugh. Laugh at them, laugh at Logan, laugh at the whole damn situation. Because it was so absurd. They had pretended like everything was fine this whole time. But everything is not fine, everything is fake. This whole family is fake.
“What is wrong?” Mum asked and tried to touch me put I pulled her hand away.
“Everything, this whole situation. I mean you are a rapist and you are an idiot. You have never cared for me and suddenly you are all concerned when he is here. You are just going to have to accept it, you are the worst mum. Okay? Logan wants to find his mum but I want my mum to disappear and you too, you rapist.” I said and ran away. I felt mum´s and dad´s eyes burning in my back but I didn´t turn around. I didn´t go back and tell them that I was sorry. Maybe because I wasn´t or just maybe because I didn´t want them to see that I was crying. Because I was crying, a lot. My mouth got filled with the salty taste and a little bogey was hanging in my nose, just to annoy me. When I got to some bushes I vomited, but the crazy thing was that I had nothing to vomit up. My stomach was empty so on the ground a little stain with bile laid. I felt someone grabbing my hair and the warm hand made a warmness flow over me.
“Amy? What was that all about?” Logan asked before he helped me into the car. But even if I wanted to answer I had no energy to, I could barely sit straight up so I was quiet.
“I know a motel just around the corner. It´s not so fancy but it´s better than nothing, right?” He said and I tried to nod but my head didn´t move. Instead I closed my eyes and pretended that Niall hugged me. Pretended that is warm muscular arms squeezed my body while he whispered the three magic words. Logan had to carry me inside the motel and I didn´t open my eyes until I felt a soft bed under me. Logan was right, the room was not fancy at all. But at least it was real, it wasn´t fake and I felt the love inside of it. In the small room two beds were standing and a little wooden table with a welcome note on it and that was pretty much it. No toilet, no windows, just two beds and a table. I smiled, it was perfect. Finally something that was simple.
“Amy, do you want something to eat?” He asked and I nodded.
“Logan wait, thank you for taking care of me even if I almost killed you. It means a lot.” I said and he smiled.
“Of course, I mean couldn´t just leave you.” He said and disappeared. When he was gone I picked up my phone and looked if Niall had called me back. He hadn´t, there was no messages, no calls, not even a text. I sighed, maybe it was the wrong decision. What if he never calls me back? A few minutes later Logan was back with a soup. Tomato soup, my favorite.
“Thank you.” I said and grabbed the bowl. I thought Logan was going to go to sleep but he sat down on my bed.
“Amy, I am serious. Why were you so mad?” He asked but I just shook my head.
“It´s a long sorry, too long to tell it in the middle of the night. Maybe tomorrow.” I said and really hoped he would forget about it but he just shook his head.
“I am not tired.” He said and I sighed because I knew there was nothing I could do to could make him give in.
“Do you want to know why I was mad at my mum or my dad?” I asked.
“Both.” He said and I sighed again.
“If I tell you my story, you have to tell me yours.” I said and for a second it looked like he would go to his bed but then he nodded.
“You got yourself a deal.” He said and I smiled.
“Okay, well then.The truth is my mum never really loved me. It´s not her fault it´s just that she feels like it was my fault that my older sister died. Well, she had cancer and I was just born to give her my organs. But my dad liked me so much he wouldn´t let mum take them so my sister died. Ever since my mum have looked at me with these eyes, these disappointed eyes, you know. We have never had a connection, I hate her, she hates me that´s just how it is.” I said and Logan looked surprised at me. But I was even more surprised because I didn´t cry, I didn´t even feel pain even if there was only two more persons that knows about this, my dad and Summer. I had always felt sad about it but now it just felt like this normal thing, like it had become a part of my life. Before Logan had said anything about how sorry he was for me and that he knows how it feels I started talking again. I didn´t want to hear any of that bullshit.
“And well my dad and I have always had a good connection but for a few years ago something happened and well now I know what, he made Summer pregnant. He raped her, Logan and I just get sick to my stomach just to think about it.” I said but Logan shook his head again.
“Amy, he didn´t rape her. If there was someone that raped someone there it was Summer. She was obsessed with him and when he didn´t want her she visited him and they had sex. He didn´t have any other choice because she threatened to tell you about the kiss that happened once. I didn´t want to tell you because then I had to explain why I knew all this and it´s a bit embarrassing.” When he said the words I didn´t know what to do. What was I suppose to do, scream? Jump? Be happy that my dad wasn´t a rapist? But all I felt was guilt, I had called my dad something that he wasn´t. I had actually let Summer get into my head again. Again! How stupid of me. But that is never going to happen again, never ever.
“How could I believe her? Damn it and I said all those horrible things to my dad.” I said and with shaking hands I picked up my phone and typed a text to Summer.
Amy: I know the truth, how you blackmailed him to have sex with you. You son of a bitch, I will never ever speak to you again, never ever see you again but before that I will destroy you. Whore. And by the way you cannot use the video anymore, I will just prove to them that it´s false by bringing Logan to school.
“What are you doing?” Logan asked and I showed him the text before I pressed send.
“Amy, revenge isn´t the answer. I should know. It was my fault my mum had to leave. I had just gotten in a huge fight with her because of her drinking and it was me that called the ones that picked her up. Then it all turned out to be a lie, she had just covered up for my dad´s drinking. Then my dad started drinking more, hitting me and it´s just getting worse every day, you know. But the hitting is not the worst thing, the worst thing is that you know everything is you fault.” Logan said and started crying. Just to see him sad made me sad and soon the tears were falling down from my cheeks too.
“I guess everyone has something that is their fault and the only way to be happy is to work through it and find a solution just like I am now. You should too.” He said when our tears finally had stopped pouring.
“Maybe you are right. You know what? I will call my dad right away.” I said and hugged him before I picked up my phone. But I didn´t have time to press call before a text popped up. It was from Summer and it made my heart beat five thousand as fast as it use to. I couldn´t believe she had been my friend, I just couldn´t. I was so angry at myself, everything was my fault. I had just ruined everyone´s life. Every single one I cared about was screwed because of my mistakes.
“Amy what´s up? You look so pale. Are you sure you are fine?” Logan asked and I looked at him with my blackest eyes before I showed him the text.
Summer: Oh, honey. Good luck with that, let´s say I know pretty many persons that you care about, How about you? How many do you know that I care about? This will be an easy match for me. Let´s start with this boy, or what do you say? This girl? Or you could just be my friend and come back to me, what is it going to be?
“But we are almost there.” I said and showed him the map. That was actually true there were only a few miles left until we arrived to what we think is Logan´s mum´s house.
“Even if we get there it will be too late to visit.” He said and I sighed because I knew he was right. But I was so scared, completely terrified to let all the nightmares and thoughts that had followed me around for a while inside.
“Okay then, do you know any hotels nearby?” I asked and Logan nodded. In a minute the car stopped outside a fancy white hotel. It was a big building with many cars parked outside. I stepped out of the car and when I got up on my feet I felt how tired I was. Maybe the thoughts would leave me alone because of that I was so tired, I thought and it made me feel better. When we got inside the hotel I saw the last person on this earth I wanted to see, my dad. He and mum were standing in front of the desk to probably order a room or something. The sweet girl behind the desk looked terrified but I couldn´t blame her, my mum was a total pain in the ass for waitresses and receptionists she always had to make the weirdest requests like if she could have her toilet cleaned more often or if she could change to a better room with the same prize. It takes an hour for her to order a room.
“Isn´t that your dad?” Logan asked and I gave him eyes that said “quiet or I will stick a fork up in your throat.”
“So it is your dad, but why are you mad at him?” Logan continued and I just wanted to hit him. But instead I took few deep breaths and gave him a smile.
“I am not mad at him.” I said but it sounded so false that even my grandmother would hear that it was a lie.
“Yes you are.” He said and I felt how a big fat lump got stuck in my throat. Why do I always have to cry?
“He is a rapist, that´s why.” I said and hurried outside. I didn´t want to look into Logan´s brown puppy eyes, I just couldn´t. The tears would start pouring again. The cold air hit my and a huge headache spread in my head. I leaned against the white perfect wall and felt how sick and tired I was of being sad. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to just go back to that day with Niall when he kissed me. When everything shined up a little bit. Suddenly I felt such a desire to hear Niall´s voice that before I remembered that we were in a fight I had pressed call. Signal after signal howled in my ear but no soft and beautiful Irish voice. Then the voicemail went on and he sounded so far away, like a trillions of miles away.
“Hi, it´s Niall´s cell, I am probably eating right now. So leave a message and I will call you later.” Even if it sounded so far away and even if it only had been a few hours since I saw him I missed him like never before. My broken heart screamed for him, it screamed for his arms, his lips, his smell, the whole him but every time I thought of him my heart crushed again, because I knew he wouldn´t forgive him. And I was just a few words left from having him. Why couldn´t I say them? I knew it to well, I was afraid. Afraid to put myself out there and to get crushed like I had been when my first love dumped me when I was fourteen. Afraid for him to don´t like me. Afraid that I would just embarrass myself. The tears started pouring but I didn´t care.
“Niall…it´s me, Amy. I want you to know that I actually have a reason for you to wait for me. It´s a pretty simple one actually. I just… I…kind of…like…I…am…I love…I love you.” I pressed send the message and sank down on the wet ground. The nervousness was bubbling around inside my body but there was something else, I was feeling proud of myself.
“Amy, I thought you three might need to talk.” Logan said behind me and I remembered the whole daddy issue. When I stood up and turned around I saw my dad, my mum and Logan standing beside each other and the feeling that I was proud of myself was blown away and replaced by my hate and anger again. How dared he? He had nothing to do with this.
“Well, we don´t.” I said and shook my head. But it was too late mum and dad embraced me with hugs but I pushed them away.
“What the hell do you think you are doing? You never hug me.” I screamed, a little scared of my reaction. Mum and dad flinched but they looked patient.
“Why are you mad, honey?” Dad asked and I looked at them with even angrier eyes than before. What do you think? I wanted to scream but it was like all my energy was gone. Like I had lost it somewhere between calling Niall and when they had walked in here.
“I just can´t do this, you guys are crazy.” I said and suddenly I felt how pathetic this was. It was so pathetic that I started to laugh. Laugh at them, laugh at Logan, laugh at the whole damn situation. Because it was so absurd. They had pretended like everything was fine this whole time. But everything is not fine, everything is fake. This whole family is fake.
“What is wrong?” Mum asked and tried to touch me put I pulled her hand away.
“Everything, this whole situation. I mean you are a rapist and you are an idiot. You have never cared for me and suddenly you are all concerned when he is here. You are just going to have to accept it, you are the worst mum. Okay? Logan wants to find his mum but I want my mum to disappear and you too, you rapist.” I said and ran away. I felt mum´s and dad´s eyes burning in my back but I didn´t turn around. I didn´t go back and tell them that I was sorry. Maybe because I wasn´t or just maybe because I didn´t want them to see that I was crying. Because I was crying, a lot. My mouth got filled with the salty taste and a little bogey was hanging in my nose, just to annoy me. When I got to some bushes I vomited, but the crazy thing was that I had nothing to vomit up. My stomach was empty so on the ground a little stain with bile laid. I felt someone grabbing my hair and the warm hand made a warmness flow over me.
“Amy? What was that all about?” Logan asked before he helped me into the car. But even if I wanted to answer I had no energy to, I could barely sit straight up so I was quiet.
“I know a motel just around the corner. It´s not so fancy but it´s better than nothing, right?” He said and I tried to nod but my head didn´t move. Instead I closed my eyes and pretended that Niall hugged me. Pretended that is warm muscular arms squeezed my body while he whispered the three magic words. Logan had to carry me inside the motel and I didn´t open my eyes until I felt a soft bed under me. Logan was right, the room was not fancy at all. But at least it was real, it wasn´t fake and I felt the love inside of it. In the small room two beds were standing and a little wooden table with a welcome note on it and that was pretty much it. No toilet, no windows, just two beds and a table. I smiled, it was perfect. Finally something that was simple.
“Amy, do you want something to eat?” He asked and I nodded.
“Logan wait, thank you for taking care of me even if I almost killed you. It means a lot.” I said and he smiled.
“Of course, I mean couldn´t just leave you.” He said and disappeared. When he was gone I picked up my phone and looked if Niall had called me back. He hadn´t, there was no messages, no calls, not even a text. I sighed, maybe it was the wrong decision. What if he never calls me back? A few minutes later Logan was back with a soup. Tomato soup, my favorite.
“Thank you.” I said and grabbed the bowl. I thought Logan was going to go to sleep but he sat down on my bed.
“Amy, I am serious. Why were you so mad?” He asked but I just shook my head.
“It´s a long sorry, too long to tell it in the middle of the night. Maybe tomorrow.” I said and really hoped he would forget about it but he just shook his head.
“I am not tired.” He said and I sighed because I knew there was nothing I could do to could make him give in.
“Do you want to know why I was mad at my mum or my dad?” I asked.
“Both.” He said and I sighed again.
“If I tell you my story, you have to tell me yours.” I said and for a second it looked like he would go to his bed but then he nodded.
“You got yourself a deal.” He said and I smiled.
“Okay, well then.The truth is my mum never really loved me. It´s not her fault it´s just that she feels like it was my fault that my older sister died. Well, she had cancer and I was just born to give her my organs. But my dad liked me so much he wouldn´t let mum take them so my sister died. Ever since my mum have looked at me with these eyes, these disappointed eyes, you know. We have never had a connection, I hate her, she hates me that´s just how it is.” I said and Logan looked surprised at me. But I was even more surprised because I didn´t cry, I didn´t even feel pain even if there was only two more persons that knows about this, my dad and Summer. I had always felt sad about it but now it just felt like this normal thing, like it had become a part of my life. Before Logan had said anything about how sorry he was for me and that he knows how it feels I started talking again. I didn´t want to hear any of that bullshit.
“And well my dad and I have always had a good connection but for a few years ago something happened and well now I know what, he made Summer pregnant. He raped her, Logan and I just get sick to my stomach just to think about it.” I said but Logan shook his head again.
“Amy, he didn´t rape her. If there was someone that raped someone there it was Summer. She was obsessed with him and when he didn´t want her she visited him and they had sex. He didn´t have any other choice because she threatened to tell you about the kiss that happened once. I didn´t want to tell you because then I had to explain why I knew all this and it´s a bit embarrassing.” When he said the words I didn´t know what to do. What was I suppose to do, scream? Jump? Be happy that my dad wasn´t a rapist? But all I felt was guilt, I had called my dad something that he wasn´t. I had actually let Summer get into my head again. Again! How stupid of me. But that is never going to happen again, never ever.
“How could I believe her? Damn it and I said all those horrible things to my dad.” I said and with shaking hands I picked up my phone and typed a text to Summer.
Amy: I know the truth, how you blackmailed him to have sex with you. You son of a bitch, I will never ever speak to you again, never ever see you again but before that I will destroy you. Whore. And by the way you cannot use the video anymore, I will just prove to them that it´s false by bringing Logan to school.
“What are you doing?” Logan asked and I showed him the text before I pressed send.
“Amy, revenge isn´t the answer. I should know. It was my fault my mum had to leave. I had just gotten in a huge fight with her because of her drinking and it was me that called the ones that picked her up. Then it all turned out to be a lie, she had just covered up for my dad´s drinking. Then my dad started drinking more, hitting me and it´s just getting worse every day, you know. But the hitting is not the worst thing, the worst thing is that you know everything is you fault.” Logan said and started crying. Just to see him sad made me sad and soon the tears were falling down from my cheeks too.
“I guess everyone has something that is their fault and the only way to be happy is to work through it and find a solution just like I am now. You should too.” He said when our tears finally had stopped pouring.
“Maybe you are right. You know what? I will call my dad right away.” I said and hugged him before I picked up my phone. But I didn´t have time to press call before a text popped up. It was from Summer and it made my heart beat five thousand as fast as it use to. I couldn´t believe she had been my friend, I just couldn´t. I was so angry at myself, everything was my fault. I had just ruined everyone´s life. Every single one I cared about was screwed because of my mistakes.
“Amy what´s up? You look so pale. Are you sure you are fine?” Logan asked and I looked at him with my blackest eyes before I showed him the text.
Summer: Oh, honey. Good luck with that, let´s say I know pretty many persons that you care about, How about you? How many do you know that I care about? This will be an easy match for me. Let´s start with this boy, or what do you say? This girl? Or you could just be my friend and come back to me, what is it going to be?
Notes
Hello everyone! Have you seen midnight memories? I LOVE IT, I MEAN THEY ARE SO FUCKING HOT I JUST WANT TO EAT THEM. <3 Well now I am going to watch it a hundred times so that we will break the record, gotta go and hope you liked this one/ kisses EWhat do yu think Summer will do?
Do you think Amy will stay Summer´s friend just to protect Chloe and Niall?
An extra:
What is your favorite part in the video?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14