The new start
Chapter fifty, "The monster inside of me"
“Amy?” Do you want anything?” Somewhere in the background I heard a voice. I opened my eyes carefully but closed the as fast as the light hit me. Where the hell am I? After a few seconds I opened them again and forced myself to keep them open. Suddenly I remembered, the hard seat, the disgusting smell and last but not least the bad music coming out from the speakers, I was in a car to find Logan´s mum.
“Amy? Can you answer my question?” Logan asked with an irritated voice. I tried to move to a better position to look into his eyes. But my whole body hurt even my toe and it got even worse when I moved. So I was stuck with my feet pressed into my body and the hair firmly stuck on my cheeks and I was almost 100% sure that I had sweat stains under my arms. I hate sweat stains, it´s disgusting.
“If I want anything?” I answered, very confused but Logan kept staring at me like I was a monster from outer space. Then I saw that we were parked outside McDonalds and suddenly I realized how hungry I was. My stomach screamed for a big burger and a strawberry milkshake and let´s not forget about the Mcflurry nonstop. When I thought about my menu the thought of Summer popped up in my head. I felt so bad for not telling her about Logan, what had stopped me? I mean I know I can trust her, right? I searched for an answer inside of me but there was nothing. I sighed and then I remembered that I had forgotten to answer Logan. I gave him an excusing look before I opened my mouth.
“I will come with you inside.” I said and smiled. We jumped out of the car and I brought my wallet. The memory of when Summer and I had been here and she had done that money trick float over me and the question popped u again, can I trust Summer? Followed by another question, a question I wanted to ignore, did Summer know about this? Did she know all this time that the video didn´t matter? I shook the bad feeling of me and walked inside McDonalds. Everyone in the whole room turned around and gave me angry looks. Weird, I thought but ignored it, instead I looked at Logan who looked very tired.
“So do you know anything about your mum?” I asked and he nodded. But just when he was about to answer I felt a big hand on my shoulder. It wasn´t a nice grip he held me in, no, the fingers were digging into me like five knifes.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked and when I turned around I knew exactly what he wanted. The guy looked exactly like the one Summer had done the money trick on, how great is this, the same place? I thought and the sweat started to run again.
“Well, I don´t want robbers in here, that´s for sure.” The big guy´s black eyes dug deep into my head and it felt like he could see right through my skin into my brain where he wondered what he should cut first, the left side? Or the right side? I shuddered.
“I…” I started but the next thing I knew the big guy laid on the floor with a enormous red mark on his cheek. Logan had hit him, Logan was my hero.
“Run.” Logan screamed and it was like my body acted by itself. The brain wasn´t with the rest of my body, my legs moved by themself and I haven´t even gotten to the feet. The feeling of pain in my whole body was gone and instead I felt spirited, spirited and scared to death. But even if I was fast, I wasn´t faster than Logan. His muscular body hit the ground in perfect tempo and he was about three meters ahead of me. We jumped into the car and Logan started it. He drove as fast as he could out of the parking lot and it wasn´t until we were far away he slowed down.
“What the hell, Amy?” Logan almost screamed.
“Well, how could I know we were going back to that place, I mean I thought we had driven a little longer than just a few kilometers away from where we was.” I said, really tried to defend myself. But I knew this was my fault, I was just making his trip harder. I shouldn´t be here.
“We have, we are in Reading.” Logan said and sounded a little calmer.
“No? When I was there with Summer and she made this stupid money trick I have no idea I am very sure we were in London." I said and now I was really confused, now way Summer could have driven that long in just five minutes?
“That´s weird, or wait you were at the McDonalds outside that gas station?” He asked and a weird feeling bubbled inside of me, how did he know where I had been? Had he stalked me all the time?
“You are a really good stalker.” I said and moved a little bit away from him. Maybe it was stupid, I just felt uncomfortable. But Logan started laughing.
“They are twins, my friend knows them. He always jokes about how alike they look and how both of them works at a McDonald´s.” He said and I couldn´t help but wonder, how unlucky can a girl be?
“Are you kidding me? That is such a coincidence.” I said and laughed, expeced Logan to laugh with me but he had gotten serious again. The awkwardness rose up between us and I desperately tried to find something to say.
“Do you know where we are going?” I asked but Logan didn´t answer. He just kept staring at the street, was he so new at driving that he couldn´t talk?
“Logan?” I asked just in case he didn´t hear.
“What?” He asked and looked at me. The voice sounded irritated and I wanted to hug him again. I wanted him to open up to me, be my friend. But if I had tried to murder him I can´t be his friend. That is just a fact.
“I just wondered if you know where your mum is?” I asked once again.
“While you were sleeping I tried to find her but all I could see was the she is in Reading somewhere east, there is not really that much information about her.” He said but he didn´t seem so far away now which was a relief.
“Maybe I can try, what´s her name?” I asked and Logan waited to answer.
“Kate, Kate Williams.” He said and just like that he disappeared away with his eyes again. I picked up my phone, tried to ignore the hunger that was spreading in my stomach. I typed in Kate Williams and a million hits popped up, what am I supposed to do now? I asked myself and gave the phone a hopeless look.
“Logan, seriously it´s a million hits, how do you know it was that woman you found?” I asked and now it took a long time before he answered, I was really worried.
“I know what she looks like and I have this map that tracks up people if you have a picture of them. My dad is a police.” He explained and I nodded. He gave me his phone and showed me his mum. She was pretty, with brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She looked kind.
“Must be hard to have a police as a dad, I mean aren´t they at work all the time?” I asked tried to reached out to him.
“Yeah, my dad is a real jerk. I am always doing wrong if I don´t do like he says and if I do wrong he takes out this long belt and…” His voice cracked, even if it was dark I could see the blue tears stream down his face and a stone of guilt landed in my stomach. Of course it wasn´t my fault his dad hit him, I just had made it all worse. He must have had nightmares after that night when I punched him into the water. Maybe he even screamed and then his dad came there with his belt and… I shuddered again. This was really creepy.
“Logan… you need to go to the police.” I said and squeezed his free hand. But he pulled my hand away again.
“No, you don´t understand. Just be quiet and stop pretend like you care about me.” He said and I sighed. Every time when I think I am reaching out to him he pushes me away. I want to talk to him more but I couldn´t, I had to accept what he was saying. When we had driven in half an hour I couldn´t stand a minute more without food.
“Can we stop for food?” I asked and Logan nodded.
“If you promise we won´t be hunted again.” He said and I laughed, Logan too. I was happy he was in a better mood now but I couldn´t get the stone filled with guilt out of my stomach. Suddenly the car stopped outside a restaurant and we walked inside. I was totally going to order a big steak, maybe I sound like a guy but I was seriously starving.
“Hi, how many?” The butler asked and I looked around. The restaurant was very nice with an Italian theme. The tables had checkered tablecloths on the tablecloths small candles were burning and everywhere a love couple were sitting and sharing a plate of pasta or pizza. It reminded me of Niall, I really miss him.
“Two” Logan answered and the butler showed us to a small table in the corner, when we had sat down he gave us two menus which really wasn´t necessary because I had already decided what I wanted. But I grabbed the menu anyway just because it was the right thing to do. When I looked in it my hope sank, no steak, no burger, just a whole lot of pastas.
“What do you want?” Logan asked me and I really wasn´t sure. I looked around for the one with the most meat in it and finally I decided to pick “speciale di spaghetti.” But I had no idea how to pronouns it.
“Number thirteen, what about you?” I said instead and he nodded.
“Same.” He said and closed the menu. After a minute the waitress came to take our orders.
“What do you guys want?” She asked and she actually looked really kind with her blond hair and the green eyes, really pretty.
“Two number thirteen and two glasses of water.” Logan said and she wrote something down on her notes. I had always wondered what they write down, the numbers? The names? A abbreviation? I guess I´ll never know. When the waitress had left I wanted to ask him some questions but I had no idea how. It would be to obvious if I would just throw them at him. Maybe I just should start to talk normally?
“I don´t eat Italian that much. I have only eaten it once with Summer.” I said and looked around once again. This place really gave me a cozy feeling, why hadn´t I eaten more at places like this? I knew the answer too well and terrible memories flowed over me. Memories were I hadn´t eaten in mouths just to look like Summer. Memories were I had vomit and passed out because I was so hungry. Memories I just wanted to forget. She has changed, I thought and pressed out a smile to Logan´s stone face.
“Amy, Summer isn´t who you think she is.” He said and I looked perplexed at him. What does he mean? What does he know that I don´t know?
“What do you mean?” I asked but he shook his head.
“Nothing, just forget it.” He said but now it was my turn to shake my head. No way I was going to forget this.
“Tell me.” I said and I didn´t know if it was my determined voice or the even more determined eyes but suddenly the expression on his faced changed and he started telling me.
“Well, I don´t know if Summer told you but we knew each other long before you know, that night, we met a year from that and I fell in love with her right away. I mean how could I not? She is stunning, unfortunately only on the outside.” He said and I was shocked, why hadn´t she told me?
“That´s just the start.” He said when he saw my shocked face and that made me even more scared of what was waiting.
“Well, first she wasn´t interested at all but when she was heartbroken once she came to me. I let her cry over my shoulder and then we had sex.” He said it like it was a natural thing, which it was. But I wasn´t used to people who talked so open about it. I didn´t know why Summer hadn´t told me but it wasn´t a big deal.
“Logan, Summer has her secrets I am sure she had her reasons to keep this from me. But thanks for telling me” I said and smiled. Really happy it wasn´t a huge secret.
“Amy, I am not done.” He said and the worried feeling swept over me again.
“Well, we dated for a while and things were actually going really great until she met this old man. She stopped seeing me, talk to me, she ignored me, pretended like I didn´t exist.” He said and I nodded.
“She does that, don´t take it personal.” I said but he just shook his head.
“Stop defending her.” He said and I recoiled. But I didn´t say anything.
“I am sorry, it´s just… the old man wasn´t just any old man. I mean one time I followed her, to your house and I saw your dad, or… I mean your dad and Summer. I am so sorry Amy but they had sex.” He said and suddenly I saw everything much clearer. How stupid had I been? How my dad suddenly had started acting differently, how the fights had started, how Summer started hating men. The father of her child was my dad, MY DAD! The only one in this world I loved.Can you believe that? How crazy is that? What friend does that? What father does that?The crazy thing was, I wasn´t sad, I was relieved, relieved to have them out of my life. I don´t deserve them, maybe I am a killer or an almost-killer but I still don´t deserve to be with such idiots. But the relief wasn´t the only feeling, it was a new feeling that woke up inside of me too. A monster that had slept until now. The feeling shook my stomach and my love and left inside of me there was nothing but hate. I hate Summer, I hate my dad, I hate my mum for not telling me, I hate the world and I hate my life. Everthing can just go to hell.
“Amy? Can you answer my question?” Logan asked with an irritated voice. I tried to move to a better position to look into his eyes. But my whole body hurt even my toe and it got even worse when I moved. So I was stuck with my feet pressed into my body and the hair firmly stuck on my cheeks and I was almost 100% sure that I had sweat stains under my arms. I hate sweat stains, it´s disgusting.
“If I want anything?” I answered, very confused but Logan kept staring at me like I was a monster from outer space. Then I saw that we were parked outside McDonalds and suddenly I realized how hungry I was. My stomach screamed for a big burger and a strawberry milkshake and let´s not forget about the Mcflurry nonstop. When I thought about my menu the thought of Summer popped up in my head. I felt so bad for not telling her about Logan, what had stopped me? I mean I know I can trust her, right? I searched for an answer inside of me but there was nothing. I sighed and then I remembered that I had forgotten to answer Logan. I gave him an excusing look before I opened my mouth.
“I will come with you inside.” I said and smiled. We jumped out of the car and I brought my wallet. The memory of when Summer and I had been here and she had done that money trick float over me and the question popped u again, can I trust Summer? Followed by another question, a question I wanted to ignore, did Summer know about this? Did she know all this time that the video didn´t matter? I shook the bad feeling of me and walked inside McDonalds. Everyone in the whole room turned around and gave me angry looks. Weird, I thought but ignored it, instead I looked at Logan who looked very tired.
“So do you know anything about your mum?” I asked and he nodded. But just when he was about to answer I felt a big hand on my shoulder. It wasn´t a nice grip he held me in, no, the fingers were digging into me like five knifes.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked and when I turned around I knew exactly what he wanted. The guy looked exactly like the one Summer had done the money trick on, how great is this, the same place? I thought and the sweat started to run again.
“Well, I don´t want robbers in here, that´s for sure.” The big guy´s black eyes dug deep into my head and it felt like he could see right through my skin into my brain where he wondered what he should cut first, the left side? Or the right side? I shuddered.
“I…” I started but the next thing I knew the big guy laid on the floor with a enormous red mark on his cheek. Logan had hit him, Logan was my hero.
“Run.” Logan screamed and it was like my body acted by itself. The brain wasn´t with the rest of my body, my legs moved by themself and I haven´t even gotten to the feet. The feeling of pain in my whole body was gone and instead I felt spirited, spirited and scared to death. But even if I was fast, I wasn´t faster than Logan. His muscular body hit the ground in perfect tempo and he was about three meters ahead of me. We jumped into the car and Logan started it. He drove as fast as he could out of the parking lot and it wasn´t until we were far away he slowed down.
“What the hell, Amy?” Logan almost screamed.
“Well, how could I know we were going back to that place, I mean I thought we had driven a little longer than just a few kilometers away from where we was.” I said, really tried to defend myself. But I knew this was my fault, I was just making his trip harder. I shouldn´t be here.
“We have, we are in Reading.” Logan said and sounded a little calmer.
“No? When I was there with Summer and she made this stupid money trick I have no idea I am very sure we were in London." I said and now I was really confused, now way Summer could have driven that long in just five minutes?
“That´s weird, or wait you were at the McDonalds outside that gas station?” He asked and a weird feeling bubbled inside of me, how did he know where I had been? Had he stalked me all the time?
“You are a really good stalker.” I said and moved a little bit away from him. Maybe it was stupid, I just felt uncomfortable. But Logan started laughing.
“They are twins, my friend knows them. He always jokes about how alike they look and how both of them works at a McDonald´s.” He said and I couldn´t help but wonder, how unlucky can a girl be?
“Are you kidding me? That is such a coincidence.” I said and laughed, expeced Logan to laugh with me but he had gotten serious again. The awkwardness rose up between us and I desperately tried to find something to say.
“Do you know where we are going?” I asked but Logan didn´t answer. He just kept staring at the street, was he so new at driving that he couldn´t talk?
“Logan?” I asked just in case he didn´t hear.
“What?” He asked and looked at me. The voice sounded irritated and I wanted to hug him again. I wanted him to open up to me, be my friend. But if I had tried to murder him I can´t be his friend. That is just a fact.
“I just wondered if you know where your mum is?” I asked once again.
“While you were sleeping I tried to find her but all I could see was the she is in Reading somewhere east, there is not really that much information about her.” He said but he didn´t seem so far away now which was a relief.
“Maybe I can try, what´s her name?” I asked and Logan waited to answer.
“Kate, Kate Williams.” He said and just like that he disappeared away with his eyes again. I picked up my phone, tried to ignore the hunger that was spreading in my stomach. I typed in Kate Williams and a million hits popped up, what am I supposed to do now? I asked myself and gave the phone a hopeless look.
“Logan, seriously it´s a million hits, how do you know it was that woman you found?” I asked and now it took a long time before he answered, I was really worried.
“I know what she looks like and I have this map that tracks up people if you have a picture of them. My dad is a police.” He explained and I nodded. He gave me his phone and showed me his mum. She was pretty, with brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She looked kind.
“Must be hard to have a police as a dad, I mean aren´t they at work all the time?” I asked tried to reached out to him.
“Yeah, my dad is a real jerk. I am always doing wrong if I don´t do like he says and if I do wrong he takes out this long belt and…” His voice cracked, even if it was dark I could see the blue tears stream down his face and a stone of guilt landed in my stomach. Of course it wasn´t my fault his dad hit him, I just had made it all worse. He must have had nightmares after that night when I punched him into the water. Maybe he even screamed and then his dad came there with his belt and… I shuddered again. This was really creepy.
“Logan… you need to go to the police.” I said and squeezed his free hand. But he pulled my hand away again.
“No, you don´t understand. Just be quiet and stop pretend like you care about me.” He said and I sighed. Every time when I think I am reaching out to him he pushes me away. I want to talk to him more but I couldn´t, I had to accept what he was saying. When we had driven in half an hour I couldn´t stand a minute more without food.
“Can we stop for food?” I asked and Logan nodded.
“If you promise we won´t be hunted again.” He said and I laughed, Logan too. I was happy he was in a better mood now but I couldn´t get the stone filled with guilt out of my stomach. Suddenly the car stopped outside a restaurant and we walked inside. I was totally going to order a big steak, maybe I sound like a guy but I was seriously starving.
“Hi, how many?” The butler asked and I looked around. The restaurant was very nice with an Italian theme. The tables had checkered tablecloths on the tablecloths small candles were burning and everywhere a love couple were sitting and sharing a plate of pasta or pizza. It reminded me of Niall, I really miss him.
“Two” Logan answered and the butler showed us to a small table in the corner, when we had sat down he gave us two menus which really wasn´t necessary because I had already decided what I wanted. But I grabbed the menu anyway just because it was the right thing to do. When I looked in it my hope sank, no steak, no burger, just a whole lot of pastas.
“What do you want?” Logan asked me and I really wasn´t sure. I looked around for the one with the most meat in it and finally I decided to pick “speciale di spaghetti.” But I had no idea how to pronouns it.
“Number thirteen, what about you?” I said instead and he nodded.
“Same.” He said and closed the menu. After a minute the waitress came to take our orders.
“What do you guys want?” She asked and she actually looked really kind with her blond hair and the green eyes, really pretty.
“Two number thirteen and two glasses of water.” Logan said and she wrote something down on her notes. I had always wondered what they write down, the numbers? The names? A abbreviation? I guess I´ll never know. When the waitress had left I wanted to ask him some questions but I had no idea how. It would be to obvious if I would just throw them at him. Maybe I just should start to talk normally?
“I don´t eat Italian that much. I have only eaten it once with Summer.” I said and looked around once again. This place really gave me a cozy feeling, why hadn´t I eaten more at places like this? I knew the answer too well and terrible memories flowed over me. Memories were I hadn´t eaten in mouths just to look like Summer. Memories were I had vomit and passed out because I was so hungry. Memories I just wanted to forget. She has changed, I thought and pressed out a smile to Logan´s stone face.
“Amy, Summer isn´t who you think she is.” He said and I looked perplexed at him. What does he mean? What does he know that I don´t know?
“What do you mean?” I asked but he shook his head.
“Nothing, just forget it.” He said but now it was my turn to shake my head. No way I was going to forget this.
“Tell me.” I said and I didn´t know if it was my determined voice or the even more determined eyes but suddenly the expression on his faced changed and he started telling me.
“Well, I don´t know if Summer told you but we knew each other long before you know, that night, we met a year from that and I fell in love with her right away. I mean how could I not? She is stunning, unfortunately only on the outside.” He said and I was shocked, why hadn´t she told me?
“That´s just the start.” He said when he saw my shocked face and that made me even more scared of what was waiting.
“Well, first she wasn´t interested at all but when she was heartbroken once she came to me. I let her cry over my shoulder and then we had sex.” He said it like it was a natural thing, which it was. But I wasn´t used to people who talked so open about it. I didn´t know why Summer hadn´t told me but it wasn´t a big deal.
“Logan, Summer has her secrets I am sure she had her reasons to keep this from me. But thanks for telling me” I said and smiled. Really happy it wasn´t a huge secret.
“Amy, I am not done.” He said and the worried feeling swept over me again.
“Well, we dated for a while and things were actually going really great until she met this old man. She stopped seeing me, talk to me, she ignored me, pretended like I didn´t exist.” He said and I nodded.
“She does that, don´t take it personal.” I said but he just shook his head.
“Stop defending her.” He said and I recoiled. But I didn´t say anything.
“I am sorry, it´s just… the old man wasn´t just any old man. I mean one time I followed her, to your house and I saw your dad, or… I mean your dad and Summer. I am so sorry Amy but they had sex.” He said and suddenly I saw everything much clearer. How stupid had I been? How my dad suddenly had started acting differently, how the fights had started, how Summer started hating men. The father of her child was my dad, MY DAD! The only one in this world I loved.Can you believe that? How crazy is that? What friend does that? What father does that?The crazy thing was, I wasn´t sad, I was relieved, relieved to have them out of my life. I don´t deserve them, maybe I am a killer or an almost-killer but I still don´t deserve to be with such idiots. But the relief wasn´t the only feeling, it was a new feeling that woke up inside of me too. A monster that had slept until now. The feeling shook my stomach and my love and left inside of me there was nothing but hate. I hate Summer, I hate my dad, I hate my mum for not telling me, I hate the world and I hate my life. Everthing can just go to hell.
Notes
Hi guys! Only one chapter this weekend too, I am sorry. It just feels like someone is eating my time or something, lol :) Well, I hope you won´t leave, new chapter on Thursday like usual! Hope you liked this one, much love /EDo you believe Logan?
What do you think Amy will do about it?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14