The new start
Chapter forty-six, "The biggest secret of them all"
I bet my pulse is twice as high as it use to, I thought and tried to wipe away as much sweat as I could with my hand. But I knew it wouldn´t help, I had been here in almost 2 hours now according to my phone with no signal and no one had come to my rescue. The big question was, did someone lock me in here on purpose or had the door just gotten stuck? I did another try to see if the door would give in but it was hopeless. I laid down on the bed where I had no protection from the thoughts. They came all at once, how awful I had been to Niall and Chloe, how stupid I had acted all day long yesterday or not only yesterday, all of the days. I would probably get expelled too because of this, I thought and sighed. I was stuck in a room with no windows, where my stalker probably had locked me inside. Maybe this was like in movies, in scary movies. Like a test, they want to see how long I can be here until I go crazy. Maybe they are filming me now. I could almost see the headline "A murderer went crazy and died in a bed." I shuddered, this was insane, or I don´t really know if this was insane or if it was me that was insane. Starved and lonely I closed my eyes to see if I could get some sleep. But it was impossible, my head was set on "dying mood" and I had the feeling you get after eating five ice creams. Then a thought hit me, would anybody care if I died? All of the angels and Chloe hates me, after what I have done to them they probably think it´s for the best. I mean ever since I got here I have made their life a living hell. Maybe Summer would be a little sad, no Summer isn´t capable of that. But my parents? My dad? Would they get sad? Probably not, when you think about it I am all alone. Even god would get happy if I died. He would think, finally she got her payback from killing that boy. The saddest thing in the murderer situation is that I didn´t even know the guys name. Suddenly the memory was back again, the whole scene played up in my head. The whole night. The sweat ran even faster and I tried to not let it out, but it was invincible.
"No, I don´t want to." I screamed right when I was about to punch him into the water. I had experienced that moment too many times. Every minute of every day after it had happened. But then I moved and it´s like it hangs over me like an evil cloud and as soon as I am all by myself it starts. I got up from my bed and leaned against the cold wall. Then I started crying, I deserved this so much. What had I thought about when I moved? That just because I got a fresh start and changed myself it would go away? The pain would just disappear, the sadness would be washed away? No, it was the opposite of that, it made it all worse at least if I would have gone to prison I would get my punishment. Now I am living my life when he is dead, it´s just not fair. I wish I had a time machine or that I would be like Hiro in heroes, be able to control time and space. I could go back and undo everything, sleep with the guy with brown hair and keep sleeping with guys. But if I am going to be honest that is not what I want. If I would do that I wouldn´t have experienced real love or I wouldn´t have met Chloe or maybe not even got to talk to my old dad. My pulse went back to normal, at least if I die now I have experienced all that, I thought and sank down on the ground. Then I heard something or someone. It came from the door. I quickly got up on my feet, ignoring how the pain blustered in my head.
"Hello? Anyone there?" I screamed and I could hear someone breathe. Maybe god still had faith in me?
"Back of the door." I heard a voice that I had heard before but I couldn´t place it, all I knew was that it was the same guy that had smelled like lavender and the same guy that had been stalking me. I carefully to a few steps back and waited for it to go up. Just when I thought it all had been in my mind, a guys dressed in black clothes and that wore a black hood on his head came inside. Creepy, just like in movies, I thought and took a couple of more steps backwards until I reached the bed where I stopped. I expected the stalker to say anything but he was quiet. I kept thinking of where I had met him before but it was impossible to remember. I just knew that I had seen or met him before. When he didn´t start talking I decided to break the silence all by myself.
"Why am I here? And what the hell do you want from me?" I asked, surprised by how secure I sounded. I could see how a flame of hate went through his eyes which made me take another step backwards but I fell down on the bed instead.
"Because I know what you did and how you got away with it." When he said the sentence it was like my heart froze. He knows? How? The questions were back but I tried to shutthem out. Instead I took a deep breath and looked into his brown eyes.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." I said but this time my voice was unbalanced and anyone could hear that I was lying. I hid my shaking hands behind my back to keep them from his sight, shaking hands means that I am scared and nervous. He laughed, this really was like in movies. Well, except one thing. This is not a movie this is reality.
"Oh, I think you do." He said and I looked away. Just looking into his eyes made me scared. Instead of his eyes I focused on my feet. They were red and swollen from the shoes and my nails really needed some caring. Instead of think about where I was I started thinking about Niall. My body got calm and it was like I could feel his presence. It was like I could feel the butterflies and the wave of excitement he gave me.
"You are right, I do." I said without any trace of either tremor or insecurity. I kept thinking of Niall when a wave of hopelessness flowed over me. Why don´t I just tell him the whole thing so that he can take me to prison or kill me? Everything would be so much easier, it would spare the pain, Niall doesn´t even want me.
"I remember every detail of it and I would be more than happy to tell you if you promise to don´t kill me in a too painful way." I said and took a break before I continued. I didn´t want to look at the creepy hood guy I just wanted to get it over with so I didn´t wait for an answer.
"Well, I guess you think that I am going to tell you about the guy I killed and the night it happened but I am going to tell you something else. Something only the once that has experienced it knows. I am going to tell you how it feels afterwards. The thing is that it doesn´t leave you alone, it follows you around on the days and on the nights. All your friends and your family will leave because you can´t tell them and it´s literally hard to breathe and to go on with life because you know you don´t deserve it. You..." I said without even noticing that I was crying, but he interrupted me. His voice sounded kind now and his eyes didn´t shine of hate anymore.
"I will not kill you, I would never hurt you even if I wanted to. I just I want to know how you were thinking and feeling but I won´t hurt you. I just want you to suffer a bit. That´s all." He walked over to me and sat down beside me on the bed, not too close but beside me.
"But I can hear that you already have suffered, you have to let it go." I looked at him weirdly, I had stopped crying but a ton of questions wanted to take place in my mind. What had just happened?
"Are you some forgiving god or something?" I asked, I didn´t know if it was a joke or not but he really sounded like one.
"No, I just think you should let it go and forgive yourself. Maybe the guy didn´t even die." He said and when he said that I suddenly knew who he was. But he couldn´t be...or could he? No, that was impossible. There has to be an explanation.
"Holy crap how is it possible? How are you...?" I started but the word didn´t leave my mouth, I was in shock.
"Alive? That´s a long story." He said and pulled the hood over his head. There he was, the man that had made my life to hell, the man I had regretted so much from meeting, the man that I had killed. Alive.
"No, I don´t want to." I screamed right when I was about to punch him into the water. I had experienced that moment too many times. Every minute of every day after it had happened. But then I moved and it´s like it hangs over me like an evil cloud and as soon as I am all by myself it starts. I got up from my bed and leaned against the cold wall. Then I started crying, I deserved this so much. What had I thought about when I moved? That just because I got a fresh start and changed myself it would go away? The pain would just disappear, the sadness would be washed away? No, it was the opposite of that, it made it all worse at least if I would have gone to prison I would get my punishment. Now I am living my life when he is dead, it´s just not fair. I wish I had a time machine or that I would be like Hiro in heroes, be able to control time and space. I could go back and undo everything, sleep with the guy with brown hair and keep sleeping with guys. But if I am going to be honest that is not what I want. If I would do that I wouldn´t have experienced real love or I wouldn´t have met Chloe or maybe not even got to talk to my old dad. My pulse went back to normal, at least if I die now I have experienced all that, I thought and sank down on the ground. Then I heard something or someone. It came from the door. I quickly got up on my feet, ignoring how the pain blustered in my head.
"Hello? Anyone there?" I screamed and I could hear someone breathe. Maybe god still had faith in me?
"Back of the door." I heard a voice that I had heard before but I couldn´t place it, all I knew was that it was the same guy that had smelled like lavender and the same guy that had been stalking me. I carefully to a few steps back and waited for it to go up. Just when I thought it all had been in my mind, a guys dressed in black clothes and that wore a black hood on his head came inside. Creepy, just like in movies, I thought and took a couple of more steps backwards until I reached the bed where I stopped. I expected the stalker to say anything but he was quiet. I kept thinking of where I had met him before but it was impossible to remember. I just knew that I had seen or met him before. When he didn´t start talking I decided to break the silence all by myself.
"Why am I here? And what the hell do you want from me?" I asked, surprised by how secure I sounded. I could see how a flame of hate went through his eyes which made me take another step backwards but I fell down on the bed instead.
"Because I know what you did and how you got away with it." When he said the sentence it was like my heart froze. He knows? How? The questions were back but I tried to shutthem out. Instead I took a deep breath and looked into his brown eyes.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." I said but this time my voice was unbalanced and anyone could hear that I was lying. I hid my shaking hands behind my back to keep them from his sight, shaking hands means that I am scared and nervous. He laughed, this really was like in movies. Well, except one thing. This is not a movie this is reality.
"Oh, I think you do." He said and I looked away. Just looking into his eyes made me scared. Instead of his eyes I focused on my feet. They were red and swollen from the shoes and my nails really needed some caring. Instead of think about where I was I started thinking about Niall. My body got calm and it was like I could feel his presence. It was like I could feel the butterflies and the wave of excitement he gave me.
"You are right, I do." I said without any trace of either tremor or insecurity. I kept thinking of Niall when a wave of hopelessness flowed over me. Why don´t I just tell him the whole thing so that he can take me to prison or kill me? Everything would be so much easier, it would spare the pain, Niall doesn´t even want me.
"I remember every detail of it and I would be more than happy to tell you if you promise to don´t kill me in a too painful way." I said and took a break before I continued. I didn´t want to look at the creepy hood guy I just wanted to get it over with so I didn´t wait for an answer.
"Well, I guess you think that I am going to tell you about the guy I killed and the night it happened but I am going to tell you something else. Something only the once that has experienced it knows. I am going to tell you how it feels afterwards. The thing is that it doesn´t leave you alone, it follows you around on the days and on the nights. All your friends and your family will leave because you can´t tell them and it´s literally hard to breathe and to go on with life because you know you don´t deserve it. You..." I said without even noticing that I was crying, but he interrupted me. His voice sounded kind now and his eyes didn´t shine of hate anymore.
"I will not kill you, I would never hurt you even if I wanted to. I just I want to know how you were thinking and feeling but I won´t hurt you. I just want you to suffer a bit. That´s all." He walked over to me and sat down beside me on the bed, not too close but beside me.
"But I can hear that you already have suffered, you have to let it go." I looked at him weirdly, I had stopped crying but a ton of questions wanted to take place in my mind. What had just happened?
"Are you some forgiving god or something?" I asked, I didn´t know if it was a joke or not but he really sounded like one.
"No, I just think you should let it go and forgive yourself. Maybe the guy didn´t even die." He said and when he said that I suddenly knew who he was. But he couldn´t be...or could he? No, that was impossible. There has to be an explanation.
"Holy crap how is it possible? How are you...?" I started but the word didn´t leave my mouth, I was in shock.
"Alive? That´s a long story." He said and pulled the hood over his head. There he was, the man that had made my life to hell, the man I had regretted so much from meeting, the man that I had killed. Alive.
Notes
Hello guys! I didn´t think I would make a chapter today but here you go and I am so sorry for a short one again but I wanted it to end like that, lol. Shit I am not used to writing scary scenes lol but anyway. Haha, hope you liked this one/ kisses EHow do you think he survived?
Do you think Summer knows about this?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14