Rating: 3

It is an interesting story plot, I enjoyed the back story on Harry and Jules. However, your grammar is killing me. Your paragraphs are not divided in between conversations. So instead of it looking like this :

"Hey, how are you?" "I'm okay, what about you?"

It should look like:

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm okay, what about you?"

Also, I love stories that put you in the character's shoes. You can almost feel what they feel. I do not feel that with your story. It's very... black and white. Put more description into it and explain how the characters are feeling. Make me feel what they feel.

Overall, I appreciate your effort, and love the plot, but it needs work. I'm a grammar freak, so don't feel bad. I hope this helps! Good luck!