Crossing Paths

My face was blurred as I stared out the window out into our big garden over to my swing where I first met Zayn years ago.

Even though I was clearly too old for a swing I had stopped my father from taking it down because I just associated too many great memories with it.

But now it was joined with a really bad one as well. The way it swung faintly in the wind kind of made it look sad and left alone, just like I felt right now.

I couldn´t even describe the feeling any better than that. All I felt in my chest was a mixture of emptiness and hurting sadness about how unfair life was.

How could her mother just die? Just like that, from one second to another she had been from looking pale and breakable to being dead.

The most horrible thing was the imagination to be in Lily´s skin right now. How was she supposed to even go on now that she lost such an important life?

I´ve never lost someone in my life before and I tried to imagine one of my parent´s dying, but I just couldn´t. I heard their familiar voices from the kitchen and I winced a little bit as I realized how much I loved them.

Even though they were working a lot and left me alone to myself a huge amount of time, they were my parents. They told me that they love me and they are trying everything to make me happy.

Lily had just lost this kind of person. I´ve rested my head in my lap as I tightened my legs and tried to think about nothing.

But I wasn´t able to actually lock my head from any thoughts, they were just running through my mind. Suddenly I heard footsteps which came into my direction and I wondered who were brave enough to do it after I had yelled at everyone that I wanted to be alone.

Since then I hid myself behind our sofa with my back resting on it while I stared out of the big glass pane and tried to deal with the situation.

But to be honest I couldn´t. I was a wreck, this situation was already enough for me, not mentioning Lily.

Zayn had taken her out and I was really happy that he was here for her and took care of her unstable physical situation. My point of view about them and that thing that was going on between them had changed completely and that in less than 24 hours. First I hated it and felt kind of jealous, but now it was the biggest relief I had ever felt in my life.

What should I say to her? I´m sorry your mother just died and I had been such a bitch without knowing how terrifying her whole life had been before, while I lived completely protected and loved with our Dad?

Someone dropped down next to me, but didn´t said something so I kept on continuing to bury my head in my lap.

His smell revealed him, a mixture of dark chocolate, vanilla and chewing gum.

We sat in silence and I was thankful that he didn´t tried to comfort me in any way. After a while I decided to look up and my view went from the window to Harry´s face next to me.

Our bodies were only centimetres away from each other so that every time I took a breath I felt his shoulder on mine. His eyes laid on me and as I saw his regret in them I couldn´t hold it back any more.

The sobs which had been tied up my throat since we came back from the hospital suddenly broke out over my lips and I felt my body shake under them. Tears rolled over my cheeks and left hot lines of wounded skin which burned under the salty drops.

“Oh my God”, was all I could press out before I felt his strong arms wrapped around me. My body fell against his, but unlike mine his was strong as a rock in the surf.

His hands wandered over my back, trying to calm me down. I clinched onto his him like he was the only thing who could save me.

“It´s alright”, he whispered into my ear and the words only started to make me feel even worse. Nothing would be alright, at least not in the nearer future. Probably it will never be.

I didn´t thought that getting over a loss of someone loved was something you simply just got over. After a long time I was too exhausted to cry any more and I only rested tired on his body. His hands moved up to my neck and massaged it softly, trying to relax my muscles.

“I´ve been a bitch to her...and know her mother´s dead”, I pressed out with a husky voice.

“No one could knew about it”, he replied and I sighed deeper than I´ve ever done before in my life.

“What should I say to Lily? I´m scared of talking to her. There´s nothing I could tell to make the situation even just a little bit better”, I admitted and he pulled me a little bit closer.

“You just do whatever the situation makes you do. Don´t think about that, Juliet. She´s just as confused and in pain like you are right now.”

But in difference to her I heard my parents worried chat in the kitchen, when she was about to arrange funeral for her own mother.

“Don´t let go”, I whispered and hid my face in his shirt which was covered with my mascara.

“I won´t. I promise”, he said and took my hand in his. That was how we stayed, our bodies intertwined and our finger interlocked with each other.

But the feeling of guilt, pain and fear didn´t left my thoughts. Not for a second.

Notes