Harry P.O.V.

He’s constantly pulling away from me. Every advance I make to try and get him to let me in fails. He’s completely closing up to me and I have no idea why. Everything is great isn’t it? Well at least I thought it was. Maybe I tricked myself into believing the fantasy because it’s what I wanted. Maybe Niall doesn’t actually want this at all, maybe he’s just doing this because it’s convenient for him and it makes him forget about Liam.

But why is it that I come home from spending a day with Louis to find Niall curled into a tight ball on our bed crying his eyes out, only to find out that Liam was the cause?

“Niall, tell me what happened,” I told him, placing my hands on his face, making him meet my eyes. His crystal blue eyes were glassy with fresh tears, the skin puffy from the ones that had already been shed.

“I-I’m sorry, Harry. Ca-can you forgive me? I didn’t know what was happening, I-I didn’t mean to. It’s not my fault. I’m sorry,” he wailed, pushing his head into my chest. His arms wrapped tightly around my back, holding me to him.

“Niall, what are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

“L-Liam came over, he said he wanted to watch a movie and he had food. Wanted to k-keep me company because you were spending the day with Louis. I didn’t know what to do, I let him in. He kissed me, Harry. And, and I kissed him back and it would have gone further,” he paused, lifting his head and looking up at me, “but you stopped me, Harry. You always stop me.”

I tensed. What did he mean always? He wrapped his arms tighter around me, as if he was afraid I was going to get up and run away. Maybe I was considering it.

“What do you mean I always stop you? Has this happened before?”

“It happened once before, the other day when I went to get food; he followed me, stopped me in the middle of the street and pronounced his love for me. He kissed me before I could stop him, but I kissed him back then as well. I came to my senses and pushed him away, I ran straight back to you, it didn’t mean anything, I swear,” his eyes pleaded me to understand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was afraid of how you would react. But Liam threatened to tell you everything, so I wanted you to hear the truth from me, before he twisted it and made me look like the bad guy. Harry please tell me what you’re thinking,”

“I’m thinking that you should have told me when this first happened,” I looked down at him sadly, “I mean we all know that Liam has convinced himself that he is in love with you. And we all know that no matter what you say or how you act, you love him to. But I understand that there is nothing that you can do about that, that’s just first love I guess. I’m not angry at you, Niall, I promise. I’m angry with Liam for trying to come between us after he told me that he would back off.”

“I’m really sorry, Harry,” he said, laying his head against my chest.

“It’s alright, Niall. You’re with me, and I understand, that’s all that matters,” as I said the words I couldn’t help but think; but for how long, before something pulls us apart?

~~.~~

Niall P.O.V.

I don’t know what it is, but once again I have found myself in almost the exact same position I was in only a few weeks ago, when I thought Liam and I were happy together. I constantly find myself longing for him, for his touch, his smile, his smell, and his lips on mine. I’m constantly reminding myself that I can’t go there, because I’m with Harry, because we’re happy. I wouldn’t ever dream of doing something to hurt Harry, not on purpose anyway. But I can’t deny these feelings that I’m having for Liam. I can’t deny that there is still something there between us. But I thought that I owe it to myself, to Harry and to Liam to get some closure on this situation that has been going on for far too long. And maybe that’s why I ended up at Liam’ apartment, standing outside his front door fighting with myself as to whether I should or shouldn’t knock.

I knocked knowing that I had come here for a reason and I wasn’t leaving until I sorted all of this out.

“Niall? What are you doing here?” Liam asked, genuinely stunned at my unexpected appearance.

“I ah- I came because we need to sort things out, you, me and Harry,” I said, making my way past him and into his large apartment.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?” he asked, leaning against the now closed front door.

I turned around to face him. “By making it clear that I’m with Harry and not you. You missed your chance with me,”

“That’s not what you thought earlier when you kissed me back,” he said, smirking.

“That was a mistake,” I stated, standing up taller.

“Uh huh. And what about now?” he said, walking slowly over to me and placing his hands on my waist.

“What?” I said, totally loosing focus on what was going on.

His hands ran up my sides, making me shiver. “And now?” he asked, his lips attacking my neck. Kissing, sucking, biting. His lips were on mine, his tongue instantly slipping into my mouth, battling with mine. I moaned as he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled our bodies together. He walked us back until I hit the wall with a thud, and still he pressed against me. I reached down and grasped his length in my hand palming it through his jeans, he moaned, pushing harder against my hand. Our shirts came off, allowing our bare chests to press against each other. Hands were going everywhere, grabbing, clawing, scratching. Both of us wanting this for so long, before everything became so screwed up. Once again behind my closed eyelids I was met with Harry’s vibrant emerald eyes, but for some reason as they slowly dulled and lost their spark I didn’t feel guilty like I had all those times before. I didn’t push Liam away, because I knew that this is what I wanted, maybe not in the long run, but in this moment it was exactly what I wanted. So I pulled Liam closer to me, as I watched Harry’s eyes completely fade from my vision.

Harry P.O.V.

I picked up my phone after it had kept constantly ringing; I figured it was Niall calling me to ask what I wanted from the shops. It was a surprise to see Louis name flashing across the screen.

“Louis?” I said, placing the phone to my ear.

“Harry, ah, Liam said he wants everyone to meet up in his apartment in 10 minutes, he wants to talk to us about something,” he replied.

“Talk to us about what?” I asked, curiously.

“Ah, he didn’t say. He just wants us to meet him. So hurry up,” he said again. Was it me or did he sound nervous?

“Yeah, alright. I’ll see you guys soon,” I responded, hanging up the phone. That was weird.

I grabbed my wallet and car keys before heading out the door to Liam’s apartment. We lived in the same area so it was only a few minutes away. It wouldn’t matter that I’m early; we could just sit around until the other boys got there. I wonder if they told Niall. I don’t even know if Zayn or Louis has talked to him since we all got back to London. I pulled into a car space around the side of the building and got out. I didn’t see Louis or Zayn’s cars, so I assumed they would be here soon. I walked through the lobby to the elevator and pressed the button for level 12. It dinged when I arrived at my floor. I walked slowly down the hall, not wanting to be too early and having to make awkward conversation with Liam before the other boys arrived. I reached his door and knocked three times. I waited. I knocked again, this time louder but still got no reply. I yelled out Liam’s name, but still I was met with silence. If we were meant to meet at his apartment wouldn’t he be here waiting for us? I put my hand on the door knob, glad when it turned and stepped into his apartment. I could hear noise coming from one of the rooms, so I followed it.

“Liam!” I called out, wanting to make my presence known. I listened, realising that the noises had stopped.

I rounded the corner to where I knew they had been coming from, and was met with a scene I wish I had never had to witness. There was Liam completely naked, trying desperately to find some clothes. And then my eyes rested on Niall, also completely naked and trying his best to find something that would even half cover him. They both stop realising I was now standing in front of them, both wide eyed and shocked at being caught. I didn’t say a word, I couldn’t. I just couldn’t believe that this was happening. Why did I have to walk in on it? I stared at both of them, disappointment clear on my face, before I turned on my heel and practically ran out of the apartment.

~~.~~

It was not long after as I sat back in our apartment staring blankly at the television that Niall decided to return home. He sat down carefully next to me on the couch. I couldn’t be near him; I shot up and walked into the kitchen. He hung his head shamefully.

“Harry, I-,” he started, but I cut him off.

“Just tell me why, Niall,”

“I wish I could, but I don’t know,” he said, eyes watery.

“That’s not an answer, tell me the truth,”

“Harry, I am telling you the truth. I wish so much that I knew why I did it, maybe I needed it. But I never meant to hurt you. You weren’t meant to know,” he said.

“Wow, thanks so much for thinking of me,” I said sarcastically.

“Harry, I want to fix this, just tell me how to fix it please. I can’t lose you,” he pleaded.

“You can’t,” he didn’t reply.

I turned to him calmly. “Niall, I would never leave you. But you are constantly leaving me. When you need time by yourself, when you started to what I thought was patch things up with Liam. You left me when you tried to kill yourself. You think you’re so much better than Liam, but the truth is that you are both the same. You use people until you’re satisfied and then chuck them away like they mean nothing. You cheat on the people who you claim to love. And while I thought there was nothing you could possibly do to make me walk away, I think now you have. I told myself I would stay with you through everything, and at the time I meant it. But I never thought you would do something to hurt me like this. So I’m doing this for myself, I’m protecting what is left of my own heart after you shattered it. I’m walking away,” I was fighting the urge to just stop talking and run into his arms, but I can’t. I need to do this for me.

“Harry, you can’t walk away. What about all the times you said that you loved me, that you would never leave me? All the times you looked into my eyes and told me that you understand?” he pleaded.

“That was when you told me you kissed. Not when you two were fucking each other behind my back and making me look like a fucking twat. How do you think that makes me feel, Niall? We were in a relationship. How can you be so fucking hypocritical?” I yelled.

He looked at me blankly, confused.

“That night you screamed at Liam in the hotel about what being in a relationship means. It means you don’t go fucking someone else, it means you’re loyal to that person. And now you’ve done the same thing to me,”

“Harry, I am so so so so sorry. You know I’m still in a really bad place right now,” he said.

“Yeah, well for once Niall you’re not the only one,” I counted, turning my back on him and walking in to the bedroom. I grabbed my duffel bag from the closet that we share, well shared, and started shoving random clothes and necessities into it. Niall followed me.

“Harry, what are you doing? Put that stuff down,” he yelled, reaching for my hands and trying to pull my clothes out of them.

“Did you not hear the part where I broke up with you?” I snapped, harshly.

“I don’t believe you. Harry I love you. Just please stay with me. I promise to never see him again. I won’t even speak to him if that’s what you want,” he sobbed.

“Niall, dammit that’s not what I want. You think I want to be responsible for you two never speaking again. You think I could live with myself if I was the reason you two never became mates again. You can’t put that on me, I won’t let you. So that’s why I’m leaving. Liam’s won,” I said hanging my head, defeated.

Niall stepped closer until he was right in front of me. He placed his hands on either side of my face and lifted my head to look at him. Before I could react his lips were on mine. He held my face tightly so it was hard to move. For a second I gave in, I let him slip his tongue into my mouth. But in that second all I could think of was Niall and Liam together. How they would have done exactly this. How mine and Niall’s relationship has become almost exactly what theirs was in the end. So I grabbed Niall’s hands from my face and pushed them away from me.

“Damn it, Niall. What is wrong with you?” I yelled. He shrunk back, hurt at my rejection.

I turned away again and finished filling my duffel bag. I walked through the kitchen and to the front door, Niall following me the whole way. With my hand on the door knob half turning it I turned back to Niall.

“Niall, please just know that I do love you. But sometimes love just isn’t enough. I’m sorry,” and I walked out the door, finally letting the first tears of many fall from my fading green eyes.

Notes

what do you think's going on with Louis?

so i'm sick. I'm sorry if this is horrible, i'm like half asleep but I can't sleep so I decided to write.

I hope you guys enjoy it (:

Please leave a comment telling me what you think or vote on this story, it really means a lot. over 13,000 views, holy shit..

I was inspired by 'bulletproof love' by Pierce the veil. I don't know if you guys know it, but if not you should listen to it.