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Stupid With Love

Maybe Everything Is About To Change

Harry P.O.V.

It’s been two weeks since the other boys left.

I wish I could say that things have gotten better. I wish I could say that Niall has finally started to get over Liam and he is now on his way to how he was before, if not better. But I can’t. Unfortunately, Niall has spiralled even further into his dark place, that it is almost impossible to talk to him. I’ve tried helping him, I’ve tried being here for him, but it’s gotten so hard. Niall is now a shadow of who he was. The young, carefree boy is now gone, replaced by someone who is so wracked with self hate that they had removed themselves from the lives of everyone around them. I can’t sit around and watch him destroy himself. I can’t, but I fear that I have to. If only so Niall can see that someone still cares for him, that he’s not as alone as he believes he is. I care about him enough that I will stay here, until the end. Whether the end result is good or bad.

Simon set up two interviews for Niall and I, the first was last week. They asked us about why the tour had been cancelled, and what exactly was going on within the band, mainly focusing on Liam and Niall. I wished so much I could tell them everything, if only so the fans can understand. If the media is to be believed there is now Liam fans and Niall fans. Each side of the fandoms have come up with crazy reasons why the tour was cancelled, as well as why Niall punched Liam. Many of the reasons revolve around a romance falling out between the two. I wish I could tell the fans just how right they are. But it’s not my place; Niall has to speak up when he’s ready. If he ever is.

The second interview we have to do today. I’m trying to prepare for the questions I will be asked. I believe most of them will revolve around the pictures of Niall that have surfaced over the last week. The pictures that show Niall stumbling blind drunk out of clubs with different men. The pictures that show Niall smoking and taking other various substances. The pictures that show someone who is and isn’t Niall. I’ve gotten concerned phone calls from both Louis and Zayn every second day. But I can’t tell them anything, because Niall won’t talk to me. I’m trying. It’s not surprising that Liam hasn’t called, he doesn’t care. He made that clear.

I caught a taxi to the building that the interview will be held in; it was a radio interview, so I didn’t care too much about my appearance. The only time Niall had talked to me was to tell me that he would be making his own way to the interview. That was a few days ago and I hadn’t seen or talked to him since. I arrived at the interview with fifteen minutes to spare, the first thing I noticed was that Niall wasn’t here yet. I walked through the building allowing myself to be led by an attractive woman to where the interview will be held.

“Have you seen Niall yet?” I asked her. She turned to me.

“No, not yet,” she responded in a monotone. And that was the end of our conversation.

We waited half an hour for Niall. Making the interview late to air. But he never showed, he didn’t even call. No explanations, nothing.

It went exactly as I had expected it too. The interviewer mainly asked me questions about how Niall was doing and what One Directions plans were. And I tried my best to answer them, but it was hard. Because I didn’t know. I had no idea what was going to happen now. Would we go back to being a band and make new albums and go on another sold out tour. Or would this finally be the thing that will break us for good. I didn’t know and it was unbelievably frustrating.

I decided to walk back to the hotel to avoid the mid morning traffic. Fans screamed at me but their voices were only distant echoes of a dream that I had long ago. I used to thrive off the fans; they were what kept me going. But now hearing them and knowing that everything is falling apart, it’s breaking me. So I walked on, ignoring them, continuing to be lost in my thoughts and wishing I had somewhere I needed to be. I grabbed my phone out of my jacket pocket and speed dialled Niall. It rang five times and then went to voice mail. I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets and walked on.

I was sick of this. Niall has to come out of it. I was sick of being here for someone who doesn’t want to be helped, someone who has no desire to live. It’s breaking me watching him. And I’m not sure how much longer I will be able to do it. I miss my family and I miss the other boys. Not so much Liam, but Louis and Zayn. I needed to speak to one of them and have them tell me that everything will eventually work it’s self out. That Niall will come out of this eventually; just give him some space and some time. But I’ve given Niall enough space, two weeks of space. And it was only driving me insane. I called Louis anyway, but just like Niall’s phone it rang through to voice mail. I sighed again in defeat and looked up noticing I was back at the hotel.

I was going to check on Niall. I took the elevator to our floor. The hotel had re arranged our rooms when the other boys left so Niall and I now had rooms next to each other. I stepped out of the lift and walked past my door to his. I knocked firmly on the wood three times. Waited. And knocked two more times. I sighed angrily and pulled the master key card I had swiped from the cleaning lady last week to check on Niall out of my pocket. I slide it into the key slot and turned the handle when the light flashed green. The smell that invaded my nostrils was overwhelming and I momentarily held my breath. It smelt stale, like nothing was clean. I walked to the windows and opened them, hoping to let in a bit of air. But there was another smell. One that I thought I would never associate with Niall, ever. Weed. It smelt like it had permanently soaked it’s self in the walls, it was everywhere and it reeked. I walked through the room looking for him. When I got to the bedroom I noticed a bulge under the blankets that were currently residing on the floor. I pulled the blankets back expecting to see Niall, but I saw someone who I didn’t recognize. It was a guy around my age with red hair and pasty skin. I kicked them and they awoke.

“Who the fuck are you?” I asked them.

“Ah, Riley. Who the fuck are you?” he counted back at me.

I ignored him. “Where’s Niall?”

“I’m not sure. He was here when I fell asleep, and he must have left. Cause I only just woke up when some arsehole started kicking me,” he replied harshly.

Where could he be?

It was then that things clicked into place. If Niall was already here with a guy he wouldn’t have gone far. But that was bad, that was very very bad. I left the guy lying on the floor confused as I ran out of the room. I pushed open a door and took the stairs two at a time until I found myself once again on the roof. I spotted him straight away. He was sitting on the edge with his feet dangling over the side. Even from this far back I could see that his once vibrant dyed blonde hair has faded, and become dull. Dull blonde mixed with the dark brown of his natural hair. He turned and faced me, I was surprised that he had heard me at all; recently he was so distant and thoughtful. His face was contorted with sadness, and as I drew closer to him, I could see that his bright blue eyes have now darked to an almost black. I didn’t want to say it, hell I didn’t even want to think it. But even looking as sad and run down as he did. Some how to me he looked fucking hot.

He continued to stare at me as I sat down next to him on the ledge. He brought the cigarette he was holding up to his mouth and took a long drag. He offered it to me and I was suddenly curious. I had never smoked before, but people always made it look so easy. I took the smoke from his hand and brought it up to my own lips and took a long drag just like Niall had. The smoke touched my lungs and I felt it dance there for a moment before I couldn’t handle it and I brought the smoke up. Coughing and wheezing to rid myself of the vile foreign substance that had entered my body. Niall took the smoke back and let out a deep chuckle. “You’ll get used to it,” he said.

For a while we sat, just listening to the cars passing by on the street. It was windy this high up, and we heard it whistle past us as we both sat unmoving like rocks.

“So, what happened to you?” I asked him, looking at the towers stretching into the distance.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” he replied casually.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Niall. I’m your friend I can see through it,”

“Friend? Yeah right. A lot of things have changed Harry,” why would he say that. Yes of course things have changed, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t friends.

“So, is this what you’ve been doing then? Fucking a different guy each night, smoking and hanging out on this roof? Is that what your life has come to?” I asked him, angrily.

“I didn’t ask for this, Harry. My life was great. We had the band and we were going places. But Liam, he ruined it. And not just for me. He ruined it for the band and the fans. So yeah I suppose for now this is my life. It’s the only thing I can do to keep myself from going through the pain that Liam caused me. I’m protecting myself,” he replied.

“You’re not protecting yourself, Niall. If you’re doing anything it’s destroying yourself. You look horrible, you’ve started smoking and who knows what you will catch from those guys,” I yelled at him.

“Harry, I don’t feel anything. I’ve felt nothing for a while now. Maybe it was when Liam and the other boys left. Maybe it’s when I realised that Liam didn’t actually love me. But it doesn’t matter when it was because it’s happening. That’s why I do all this. It’s why I fuck the guys I pick up at the night clubs. I want to feel something again. I need to feel something. Even if that something is fleeting,” he was so calm, compared to my anger. His words were reasonable.

“Niall, I am so sorry this has happened. If I could have protected you from it, I would have. But I couldn’t and now look what’s happened,” he didn’t say anything. “But I think you need help. And it’s not the kind of help I can give you.”

“You’re not sending me away somewhere. To some institution,” his voice had an angry undertone to it.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean you should see a therapist,” I said.

“Yeah right. A therapist can’t help me. I don’t need help.”

“Of course you need help, Niall. Look at yourself!” I was getting angry at him thinking that he can’t be helped.

“Harry, I’m fine. And I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m not some fucking dog that you can put a leash on and expect to stay. I can take care of myself I’m doing fine. You’re nothing. You’re always here, always asking if I’m okay. And I’m sick of it. How many times do I have to say that I’m fine before you finally get it. I.AM.FINE!” he stood up and yelled down at me.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not fine, Niall. You’re a fucking mess. And if you’re not careful, this is all going to be the end of you. I’m here because I fucking care. I stayed in Australia for you, because I fucking care about you,” I paused for a moment “And I wish so much that I didn’t care, but I do. And here we are. I care about you, Niall. But you are so blinded by your own self pity that you don’t even see it.”

“If you care so much then you wouldn’t have let me get like this. You would have helped me Harry, when I needed it, you should have helped me,” he cried.

“Niall, I can still help you. If you just let me in, I can help you get better,” I said more calmly.

“No, now it’s too late. You missed your chance. You’re just like him. You’re just like Liam,” he shouted.

And that was it. How dare he liken me to the guy that singlehandedly destroyed him. He was saying all of this because he was mad and scared; I know he didn’t mean it. But it hurt. I took two steps towards him and leaned down, smashing my mouth onto his. I quickly pressed my tongue against his lips, which he parted. I needed to show him that I wasn’t like Liam; I needed to show him that I care. He wrapped his arms around my neck and pressed his body firmly against mine.

I’m not sure how we managed to get back to my hotel room, but somehow we did. Niall pushed me up against the wall, and ran his hands up my t-shirt. He pulled the shirt off my head and threw it somewhere across the room. He lowered himself onto his knees in front of me. I’ve tried to convince myself for a long time that this wasn’t right, but I couldn’t do it, this is what I wanted and Niall was letting that happen. He was quick to undo my jeans and slide them down my legs, leaving me standing in front of him with just my briefs. He smirked as he saw the hard bulge that was aching to be touched. He pulled my briefs down and I let out a gasp as he look me in his mouth and started working slowly and eventually working faster, grazing his teeth along my length. Pleasure swelled through me and all too soon he stopped.

He stood up and I removed his t-shirt, and pushed him down onto my bed. He looked at me, waiting to see what I would do next. I crawled up the bed and stretched myself along his body. I slid my hand slowly down his torso until I reach the waistband of his pants, wasting no time; I unbutton them and slide my hand into his boxers. Grabbing hold of his hard dick I work my hand up and down the length of it. He lets out a series of moans. I smirk satisfied with the reaction I got from him. Niall suddenly pushes my hand away, I’m confused as I lie there not sure what to do. He stands up and walks to the foot of the bed, his pants unbuttoned and hanging loosely from his waist is one of the hottest things I have ever seen. He instructs me to stand up and face the wall. I do as I’m told, taking on the submissive role. I hear him taking his pants fully off as he comes to stand behind me. He places his hands on my hips.

“Put your hands flat against the wall,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath against my skin driving me crazy.

I place my hands against the wall and feel him getting closer to me. He then lines himself up and thrusts into me. I gasp at the sudden intrusion, and tense up. But he doesn’t stop; he continues to thrust into me relentlessly, his fingers digging into my hipbones. A few minutes later it wasn’t so bad. Pleasure took over from the pain and my moans filled the room. His thrusts became more desperate as I sensed he was getting close. His left hand came around and started jerking me off, the feeling was all too much and I came, moaning his name. A few thrusts after Niall came, a string of profanities leaving his lips. We stayed like this for a while, even after Niall pulled out of me. He leant against my back to catch his breath. We made our way to the bed and pulled the covers up over us. Entwining our legs as a sort of protection.

I was almost asleep when I heard Niall speak.

“I’m sorry, Harry,”

“For what? I just wanted you to know that someone cares about you,” I replied.

“Harry, I’m saying sorry because even though you care about me,” he paused and I waited.

“I can’t love you.”


another chapter for all of you (:

leave your thoughts


Both narry and niam, I tend to lean a bit more towards narry though.

Jayy Jayy

I did <3 Your story is amazing so you are a Niam Horayne shipper,right?

Liam_is_HOT Liam_is_HOT

If you read the sequel 'loved you first' there may be a happy ending. But no promises. I hope you enjoyed the story anyway.

Jayy Jayy

No!!!This can't end like this!!! :'( It's a Niam Horayne Fanfic were is the happy ever after? :'( :'( :'(

Liam_is_HOT Liam_is_HOT


FREAKING AWESOME when your done with it let me know so i can read it ;)