Making all our plans in the Santa Cruz sand that night
Thought I had you in the palm of my hand that night
Screaming at the top of my lungs til my chest felt tight
I told myself that I'm never gonna be alright
~Wrapped Around Your Finger, 5 Seconds of Summer

Harry

Harry sits at a downtown bar, he is underage and it is illegal, but he doesn’t give a shit. His vision is blurry, and the words he speaks are slurred, but he still doesn’t give a shit. Every time his eyes fall on a brunette his heart beats faster and he thinks it’s her. And he hates himself for it, his heart still fucking beat faster at the thought of her. He might die when he actually saw her, and he would die if that’s what it took to see her again.

If he ever had a heart he doesn’t feel it anymore, the drinks were taking the aching pain in his shattered heart away for a little while. In the morning he would have a killer headache, but another drink was all it would take to numb that feeling too. He and his pathetic arse don’t have anything else to do anyway, his melancholy jade eyes rake the small room again, and he shuts them slamming the glass on the floor, as he orders for yet another shot.

“You okay, there?” Harry nods his eyes sweeping over the brunette, color flushes her cheeks as she gets the wrong impression. Harry doesn’t notice it, the girl’s hair is brown, the exact copy of Lexi’s. Lexi. Though it’s straight, instead the wavy soft one he loved. Still loves running his hands through. Her stature is just as tall as Lexi’s, but her eyes are dark brown, instead of the beautiful teal-gray ones he had fallen for. Fell for all over again when he closed his eyes and pictured her face.

She coughs awkwardly, “Kendall. Kendall Jenner.” she murmurs tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Kar-dah-shians? Ah, I’m Harry, by the way.” Harry slurs, he indicates the bartender to make another shot before turning his eyes back to the girl.

“Yeah, I know.” She mumbles, shifting in her seat uncomfortably, “are you okay?”

“Nev-uh been better,” Harry says laughing humorlessly. He swirls the drink in his hand, “what are you doing her-re, anyway?” Harry starts to stand up, but stumbles and falls back to the bar stool.

“Harry, I’ll drive you home.”

“I d--” Harry hiccups, and swipes his mouth with his sleeve, “don’t have a home. Home is where she is, and she is no where.” Harry’s voice is soft, “don’t listen to my misery, l-uhv. Go, go!”
“C’mon, Harry. I’ll take you to my house, okay?” She helps him up, putting one arm around his waist , and the other on his chest as she walks out of the crappy bar. She opens the door for him on the passenger side, and helps him inside before settling in her side.

Harry’s eyes fall on the driver, and the sight is so achingly familiar; a tear rolls down his cheek. And if he closes his eyes he can just imagine Lexi in the place of Kendall, so he does. He squeezes his eyes shut, and tugs on the lass’s sleeve, he intertwines his fingers with hers, and feels Lexi’s small, warm yet calloused hand, the hand that perfectly fits into his, instead of Kendall’s perfectly soft one.

His hazy eyesight only helps, and so does the dark night, when he turns to face the girl again he only sees her silhouette. So he leans over the console and closes his eyes before brushing his hand over her cheek, over her nose, over her lips, through her hair, with his eyes closed he can picture Lexi there, instead of Kendall.

He pulls her closer by tugging on her hair, and presses his lips against Kendall’s, they are perfectly soft and he can taste the pasty lipstick on her mouth, but he just pretends they are Lexi’s slightly chapped heart-shaped lips. Kendall is slightly taken aback, “shh, baby,” he whispers softly against her lips, he tangles his fingers in her hair, feeling Lexi’s wavy, soft one under his fingers. He pulls her closer, until she crosses the console and lies on top of him.

“Harry?” Kendall murmurs quietly.

“In the back,” Harry replies roughly. Kendall obeys, not knowing what else to do. Harry is now on top, with his eyes closed he unbuttons his jeans, then feels for Kendall’s shorts, he pulls them all the way down. He doesn’t open his eyes once, knowing that he will see Kendall there, but with his eyes closed he can pretend that Lexi is under him. Lexi with her gray eyes, Lexi with her angelic laugh, Lexi with her beautiful smile, Lexi with his heart in her hands.

Just as quickly as it happens, it is over. No sweet kisses are exchanged, no meaningless yet love-filled whispers. Kendall is back in the driver’s seat, and Harry’s eyes were filled with tears as he sits with his head in his hands in the back seat, not for the guilt of what he had done, but for the fact that for a fleeting moment he had almost felt her there, and then she was gone again, leaving a hollow space in his heart.

“Just drop me at a hotel.” Harry murmurs without looking up. Kendall turns around, she contemplates on asking whether she should just take him to her house. But then she nods and drives towards the nearest hotel.

Kendall checks in at the hotel and leads Harry to his room. “Thank you, for everything,” with that Harry shuts the door and falls to the bed, exhausted, both mentally and physically.

He reaches for his phone, and scrolls through the hateful tweets that have been torturing him for weeks now. He slams the phone against the wooden table, before burying his face in the pillow and closing his eyes, just to see her face haunting him yet again. A scream, muffled by the cushions, leaves his mouth before he turns to sobbing.

His weary eyes were pooled with tears. Wrists were stained in crimson. His fingers clutched the bloodied sheets for his life. The only one to fix him now was broken beyond repair.

Alexis

“C’mon Lex, get up,” a soft voice pulls her out of her thoughts, her eyes flick upwards to see Zayn’s warm brown eyes staring down at her. Her fingers fly to her face, and she hurriedly dries her tears, her throat is too raw to speak.

She pulls her knees closer to her chest, and turns away. Zayn settles on the ground beside her with a soft groan. Lexi flinches as his arms go around her frail frame, “you gotta talk babe.” She brings her face to his chest, silent tears stream down her cheeks.

Zayn comfortingly rubs her back, he was pissed he had wanted to scream at her when he followed her out of the apartment complex. But seeing the girl he considered a sister his resolve shattered. “He hates me, everyone does. You too,” she said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, “I wanted this to happen, Zayn. I wanted everyone to hate me, but why does it hurt so much?” she sniffles, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

Her face has shrunk, her melancholy eyes look so big and wide, filled with innocence and grief, on her petite face. Black and blue marks paint her cheeks. Zayn wraps both his arms around her gently, “He just loves you a lot Lexi, and he’s disappointed. I don’t know what happened Lex, but you need to come clean about it. Just stay strong ‘aight?”

Lexi pulls away, shaking her head vigorously. As more tears are wiped off, more pallor of her cheeks comes in light. “You don’t understand Zayn, I can’t do this. You know how easy it is to, give up, one extra pill, one slash across my wrist, one day of losing hope. The only thought that keeps me going is that; I want to see them happy, I want to see Louis smile once, just once. I want to see Harry fall in love with someone who deserves it. Just once, I want to see you all like you used to be, before I fucked up. Then I don’t care what happens, he wants to take me, right?” she tips her head to face the stormy sky. “Let him, but just once let me see that you all will be fine.” She angrily rubs her eyes, as stubborn tears roll down her cheeks, “fine without me.”

Zayn opens his mouth, but Lexi continues talking, “I’m not even scared of death, Zayn. In fact I want to die, at least the pain will go away, but I can’t, not until I see that I didn’t fuck up everything. I want to make it all right before I…” her fingers tugged on the hem of her sweater, “I go away.”

“Lexi what are you talking about?” Zayn asks, his eyes scanning her face. His heart thumps against his chest, as he pulls Lexi into a hug, whilst she sobs uncontrollably. “Lex, babe, what’s going on?”

“I--I, Zayn,” her fingers dig into his arms. “I’m going to die, okay?” Zayn pushes her away, staring at her through darkened, angry eyes.

“Shut up, Lexi. Do you want to know who’s dying? Two of my best mates, and I can’t do anything, except stand and watch them like that. And all because of you.” He snaps, a scornful look is thrown at her, before his footsteps fade away. Anger replaces all the concern in him.

Lexi’s fingers ball into fists, her head throbs, and she falls to the floor like a rag doll. Her body trembles involuntarily, the gravel digs into her skin but all she feels is the lack of air in her lungs. Her breathing goes savage, although she tries fighting it off, she knows there’s no point. She’s on the verge of another anxiety attack and she can’t help it. Her legs feel numb, her fingernails dig into the palm of her hand.

Her frail body lies limp on the rough gravel, in the chilly night. Tears pour down her cheeks, his face comes to her, and she knows that she can right there, right then with his beautiful face in her mind. Her eyes droop closed. Fuck everyone’s happiness. Fuck everything. Just give up Lex.

Zayn/Perrie

“Are you out of your mind, Zayn? No matter what she did, you can’t just leave her in the middle of nowhere, at this time of the night!” Perrie snaps, while tugging on her boots. “Fucking arse hole,” she hisses, pulling on a coat before stepping out in the chilly London breeze.

“Pez. Wait, I’m coming,” Zayn says following his wife out of the house. Perrie stomps ahead, ignoring Zayn’s attempts at trying to talk to her. “Perrie you don’t even know where she is,” Zayn says calmly trying to keep up with his wife.

“I’ll find out Zayn. Unlike some people I actually care about my friends.” Perrie’s icy eyes meet Zayn’s before she continues walking ahead. Zayn sighs before reaching out to hold her hand. He guides her towards the alley where he had left Lexi. Perrie angrily pulls her hand away, she feels for her phone turning on the flashlight, her eyes gaze around the narrow street.

A sickeningly slender body lies on the ground, curled up in a ball, brown wips of her hair shield her face. Zayn curses under his breath, and sprints towards the body, he flips the girl over. Perrie gasps, her hands cover her mouth.

“Lexi?” she says quietly, staring at the girl who’s skin has taken up a slight blue tint. Zayn removes his jacket hurriedly, covering Lexi’s frame with it. Zayn hoists Lexi up, carrying her bridesmaid style, Perrie reaches over to tuck Lexi’s hair behind her ear. Tears are rolling down her cheeks.

“C’mon Pez, we need to hurry up, darling.” Zayn says quietly, giving his wife a little push. Perrie snaps out of it, she gives Zayn a harsh glare before taking quick foot steps, she reaches for her phone, dialing Eleanor’s number.

“What’s up Pez?” Eleanor’s tired voice sounds from the other end, and Perrie hears the cries in the background. There is some shuffling around before Eleanor’s voice sounds again, “yeah?”
“It’s Lexi, El. I--she was in the alley, where this fucking arse left her. She--God, Ellie, I don’t know,” Perrie stammers, “she was lying there, Ellie. It--it looked like,” Perrie’s voice quivers.

“Slow down Per,” Eleanor says calmly, “what happened to Lexi?”
“She was in the alley, and she looked like she was dead, Eleanor. I don’t know what to do, El, sh-she’s so pale, she looks blue.”

“Pez, calm down. I’ll be there in a few, okay? Keep her warm, turn on the heaters, and cover her in blankets, do you hear me Perrie?”

“Y-yeah.”

With trembling fingers, Perrie unlocks the door of the flat ushering Zayn inside, she runs off to gather warm blankets and turns on the heaters on the way. After tucking the sickly girl under the blankets she strokes her friend’s cheeks, sniffling softly when she receives no reaction from the lass.

“Zayn make some warm tea for her, yeah?” Eleanor’s generally petite voice took an authoritative tone, despite her crumbling interior when her eyes fall on her best friend’s face. Zayn nods and rushes to the kitchen, within a few minutes he is bringing out a steaming cup of tea. Eleanor rubs Lexi’s arms creating friction and heat. “Perrie will you call a doctor, please?”

Perrie nods furiously before walking out of the room with her phone tucked between her ear and shoulder.

“M-mummy,” Lexi’s soft voice incoherently mumbles, three pairs of eyes snap towards her. Sometimes, they forgot that despite the strength she showed she had, she was just a twenty-year-old whose life had fallen apart. Who had lost everything she ever had, and ever loved.

“Mummy,” she blubbers again, this time a little more clearly. Eleanor’s eyes filled with tears, and she pulls her best friend to her chest, whispering quietly in her ear.

“Sh, darling. It’s okay. We’ve got you.”

“I want mum,” Lexi sobs clutching the fabric of Eleanor’s shirt. Her clenched fists are wrapped around the fabric, and sobs rack her body. Through the blubbering mess that leaves Lexi’s mouth, Eleanor can make out the word ‘Louis’ that leaves her lips repeatedly.

“Go to sleep sweetheart.” Eleanor says quietly, rubbing the girl’s back. Alexis’ eyes have just dropped slightly when the door opens, a furious Louis storming into the room.

“‘The fuck Eleanor!” Louis snaps as his eyes fall on his girlfriend whose arms were wrapped around the girl Louis states he ‘despises’. Perrie softly tells him to tone down, only to earn a venomous glare. She cowers behind her husband’s back, and Zayn wraps his arm around her shoulder.

Eleanor stands up after gently placing Lexi’s head back on the couch. Her eyes fixed on her boyfriend with a cold glare. “I fucking told you not to talk to her, Eleanor.” Louis spits, his fingers clenched into fists at his sides.

“And I told you you are not my fucking owner, Louis.” Eleanor snaps. Alexis’s whimper pulls her out of her thoughts, and she pulls the blanket tighter around the girl. “Sh, darling it’s alright.”

Louis roughly pulls Eleanor by the arm and tugs her away, but his eyes fall on the girl, who he called her sister. His grip loosens around Eleanor’s wrist, and he crouches beside the sofa. He runs his fingers through his sister's hair, and then over the colorful bruises that crowd her once-beautiful face. “I want mummy,” she blubbers yet again, and Louis’s heart breaks, tears run down his cheeks. He gathers her small face in his hands and brings it to his chest.

“Oh, lamb,” he whispers quietly. His resolve to hate her crumbles in a matter of moments, his fingers trail up and down her spine. “It’s gonna be alright, baby. We’ll be alright. I’ve got you.”

“Louis,” childlike innocence shines in her gray eyes, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I want mum, Louis. I want daddy.” Lexi had always referred to Dan as dad, he had taken the position their own father couldn’t.

“You have me, lamb. We’re family right?” He asks softly, in the tone he hadn’t used with her since they were in school.

“B-but, you hate me Lou,” Lexi sniffles, she uses her sleeve to rub her nose, “everyone hates me. I always fuck up.” She pulls away from the warm embrace, wrapping her arms around her knees. “I’m so stupid.”

“Yeah you are,” Louis replies, yet his voice is soft as ever. “I can’t hate you, lamb. I try, but I can’t.”

“You should,” Lexi rasped.

“I know.” He replied, holding Lexi’s hands in his. “I love you Lex.”

“I love you too.” She leans over and wraps her arms around Louis’s neck, and buries her face into his neck. “We’re okay now. Right Louis?”

“We’re okay, lamb.” Louis replies crying quietly. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Go to sleep, yeah?” She nods, but makes no move to lie down on the couch. Louis gently untangles her arms from behind his back and lays her down.

Her eyes snap open and she pulls his fingers back, “don’t go!” So Louis lies down beside her, despite the couch being made for one body. They lie down together, and sleep in a way they hadn’t slept in since they were three.

Harry

Harry, we need to talk. Um, I owe you an explanation and...stuff. And you n-need to uh, come back, and we can try to fix this. Yeah, so, uh, call me back? Uh, okay. I lov--. Yeah Bye.

Harry throws the phone across the room, and roughly pulls on his curls. He had a killer hangover, and the voice message from her hadn’t helped. Most of it consisted of stutters and stumbling words, it lasted barely ten seconds, but he couldn’t have been glader to hear her voice.

She wants me back. She doesn’t want me back. She needs me. She doesn’t need me. I need her. I do need her.

With a loud groan, Harry rolls of the bed. He drags himself towards the bathroom, after taking a shower he throws on the same clothes from the night before, his are still at the bar. Fuck.

Last night come crashing back to him. He feels disgusted by himself, first for cheating on Lexi, but had he really? They weren’t even together, and she was pregnant with someone else’s child, meaning she had had moved on ages ago. Still he feels guilty, despite the numerous reasons he bases last night’s faults on.

Then he thinks about the girl whose face he slammed the door shut in. He runs his fingers through his untamed curls. Kennedy, was it? No, Kendall. Despite the status of ‘womanizer’ given to him, Harry had never been one. Last night was the first time he had done this ‘one-night stand thing’, and he couldn’t help but feel shameful.

Pushing the thoughts away for the time being, He found his cracked iPhone under the bed, and booked a flight for half an hour after.

Alexis

Alexis scrolled through the names on her phone.

E….F….G….H….

She knew who she had to call, but she was stalling. She had called Harry after waking up that morning, and God, was she relieved when it went straight to voicemail. She was trying to fix things, and that couldn’t happen with Harry and her being together, she had let her walls down last night, and she had come so close to telling the truth. She couldn’t do it again.

Ida….Iles….Inks….Ireton….Irie….

She takes a deep breath, before tapping on the name, with a trembling hand she brings the phone to her ear. A part her of her hopes that he wouldn’t pick up, but another knows she doesn’t have a choice. After three rings he picks up.

“My bae, is it? What’s up love, haven’t heard from you in a while!”

“Yeah.” Lexi mumbles, fiddling with her fingers, as she paces around the room. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

“I- God, I’m so sorry, you don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. I know he’s one of your best mates and all.”

“Get to the point, Lex.”

“Yeah. I- I don’t know how to say this.”

“C’mon Alexis. You know I am not going to say no. Have I ever?”

“Ok. Alright. I need you to, uh, need you to be my,” Lexi takes a deep breath before spitting the word out, “boyfriend.”

She can hear a gasp on the other line, “what?”

“Not like real boyfriend. You don’t have to do it, it’s okay. I’ll just think of something else.”

“No! Hold up! You are are saying that you want me to fake-date you. Am I hearing this right?” His voice is incredulous. Lexi winces, “are you trying to make Harry jealous?” It’s a rhetorical question, Lexi opens her mouth to speak. “I know you are not that low Lex, I have known you long enough to know the kind of person you are.”

“Not jealous. No. I need to show him that I have moved on, so he can too.” Lexi mumbles, twirling a lock of brown hair around her finger. Her voice remains strong but there is a slight waver in it.

“But have you, Alexis?” Lexi swallows, she shakes her head, despite the fact he can’t see her. “I hope there is a good reason behind this.”

“You’ll do it?” Lexi asks surprised.

“I expect an explanation. See you in an hour.”

“Okay. See you.” Lexi replies, she hangs up and runs her fingers through her hair. She hadn’t want this to be this easy, somewhere she was hoping that he would have refused, and she would have no choice but explain to Harry. But this was right, and she would do what’s right for the first time in her life.

The door clicks open and Louis walks in, his eyes turn into a glare as he sees Lexi, “I thought I told you to lay in bed all day.”

“Lie,” Lexi corrects automatically, “not lay.” Louis lets out a short laugh and shakes his head. He places the tray with breakfast on the bedside table, and kisses his sister’s forehead.

“Okay, lamb!” Louis raises his arms in surrender, “but off to bed right now.” Lexi climbs onto the bed, and Louis tucks the covers around her, he checks her forehead, and grimaces as he feels the burning sensation on his palm. He reaches over and picks the bowl of soup from the tray. He brings the spoon to her lips, Lexi gulps the liquid down, sighing at the warmth that it spreads through her body, but her stomach is in knots.

“I’m done.” Lexi pushes the bowl away.

“You ate one spoon, Lex. You need to finish the bowl.” Lexi shakes her head furiously, earning a weary sigh from her older brother.

“I’ll just vomit, Louis. There is no point, and I’m sick. Please?” Louis nods, placing the bowl back on the table.

“Okay, but you’ll eat later?”

“I promise.” Louis nods, and helps her lie down. “I called Harry,” she speaks quietly. Louis’ eyes snap towards her. He raises his eyebrows in question. “He’ll should be here in an hour or so. Breaking up the band was a rash decision, it was a spur of the moment thing. And I am going to fix that.”

Louis nods again, he opens his mouth then closes it, “thanks.” Lexi shakes her head, and offers him a wry smile which Louis returns, before walking out of the room. Lexi pulls herself out of the covers again, her head is throbbing, but it doesn’t affect her anymore. She walks towards the shower, and lets warm water massage her sore bones.

To look like she has moved on, she needs to stop looking like shit. She throws on a clean pair of jeans, and an oversized sweater, she covers her face in makeup. Then she sits on the bed, with sweaty fingers she unlocks her phone, Harry’s short text states that he should be here in a few minutes. Lexi presses her palms to her eyes and rubs them.

The ringing doorbell interrupts her thoughts. Lexi walks to the living-room and opens the door. Her hands are sweaty with anticipation, her thoughts are a jumbled mess, when her eyes fall on the mop of curly hair, which shade the beautiful green eyes. “Hi,” she breathes quietly, before parting from the door.

Harry follows her inside, his own heart is unsteady as he follows her, he balls his fingers into a fist, and takes a seat on the couch. Lexi drops on the love-seat, she fiddles with her fingers, before sneaking a glance at the boy she is in love with. His jade eyes are weary, his hair a tangled mess, she turns away biting harshly on her lip, she wants to kiss that crease between his forehead away, she wants to feel his lips on hers, she wants to tell him she loves her. More than anything on Earth.

“Harry, you can’t just leave the band. You can’t do that. You have a tour in a couple of months, and the there are millions of girls who just want to catch a glimpse of you. You’ll break their hearts, and this is what you love. Don’t do this.”

“What about my heart?” he asks hoarsely, his eyes meeting hers, “huh?”

“Please,” she whispers, tucking her hair behind her ear, “do this one thing for me.” Lexi knows she’s pushing his buttons but she doesn’t have a choice.

“For you.” He repeats quietly, “okay.”

And that’s that. Lexi feels tears gather up in her eyes, she can feel her nose turning red, he would still do it for her. He would do anything for her.

“We, uh, need to talk about us.” Harry says, his voice is barely above a whisper, his pink lips shaped in a frown. “Lexi, I love you. I am still ready to take you back if you’ll have me, Angel. I don’t care about the pregnancy, I don’t care about why you left, I don’t give a shit. I just want you.”

“Harry.” Lexi whispers, she plays with the hem of her sweater, “Harry.” She repeats softer, with watery gray eyes she looks up again, staring into those beautiful jade orbs. She pushes her hair away from her face forcefully. Seeing his melancholy green, she can feel every resolve shattering, every promise breaking and all she wants is to have his arms around her.

“Hi darlin’” A swift, sloppy kiss is placed on her cheek, and an arm casually thrown around her shoulder. She breathes a sigh, full of relief but also disappointment. Alexis turns her head and returns the kiss, offering him a small smile which he acknowledges with a nod.

Her eyes flick to meet Harry’s, whose her now guarded and cold. “Oh,” he states quietly. “Low, Lexi. Fucking low. How many others have you been sleeping around with, and how many of them were my mates? Does he know that you are a fucking slut, Lex?”

Tears blur her vision, she stares at the dark TV screen, “all you want is the fucking money. Huh?”

“Harry,” he interrupts.

“No Ashton. Have fun, both of you. I am done. I am fucking done, with you Lexi. Honestly.”

Notes

So, that was,uh, that. Yeah I know I haven't updated in forever, exams, projects and other stuff had me occupied. But here y'all go. Summer is finally here and I am ready to update again. Lot of stuff happened up there, yeah? Any of you expected that? The story has just begun my darlings. Comment, Vote and Subscribe. Stay Beautiful and love you forever :)xx.

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