When I close my eyes and try to sleep
I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe
You're the reason, the only reason
Even though my dizzy head is numb,
I swear my heart is never giving up
You're the reason, the only reason
~The Only Reason, 5 Seconds of Summer

Harry

Harry hadn’t known where to go, he had been driving aimlessly for hours. He had barely escaped three accidents during his reckless drive in the busy streets of London. The phone had been ringing perpetually and he had been neglecting it all the same. That until the radio blasted with the same song he had heard months before.

His fingers fumbled for his phone, and he hastily looked for Taylor’s number. Trembling fingers clicked on the contact and he pressed the phone to his hear. His heart had been beating rapidly, and the soft all-too familiar voice played in the background.

Harry groaned aloud when the call when to Taylor’s voicemail the first time. He left a quick voicemail and shot her a text, before booking himself a flight to the States. Others may consider his actions rash, but Harry exactly knew who the voice belonged too, it was the same sound that haunted his dreams. Without even closing his eyes, he could picture her standing in front of him, with that beautiful dimpled smile of hers.

Never did Harry know that their intimate relationship could mean so much to him, sometimes he just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget every damn moment he shared with her, but it was like trying to remember someone he never met. All day he would curse her for messing with his head, but at night he wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He told himself he’d do anything to erase every trace of her voice, her laugh from his brain, but he would regret it the next moment, because he knew nothing like her would ever happen to him again. No one could make his heart race with one touch, no one could make his heart flutter the way just her smile could. But, most importantly no one could break his heart so fucking bad that he wanted to do nothing but sleep an endless sleep. No, one could make him feel like giving up.

Nine hours later, he stands at Taylor’s door, one hand white due to the tight grip on the strap of his duffel bag, the other running a self-conscious hand through his dark hair. His lips are pressed tightly together, as he convinces himself that he is going to find her. He will apologize, despite who is at fault. He will kiss her pink lips and remind her of just how much he needs her, and everything will be okay. They will be okay.

Alexis

Alexis had just shoved all her stuff in a suitcase and a bag. She sits on the bed, and looks around the dorm her eyes filling with tears, despite the horrifying incidents that had taken place here this place had played a significant part in her life. Marilyn, on the other hand, sits on the dresser while chewing her nails nervously. She’s opened and closed her mouth ten times already in attempts to phrase the question she dreads to ask.

“Go ahead, Mary. I know you have something to ask,” Alexis says. Marilyn sighs in relief and rushes her words out before shutting her mouth yet again. Alexis runs a hand through her soft hair before facing Marilyn, “I’m going to keep it Mary. I may not go to the church every SUnday, but I’m still a Christian, nothing happening here is it’s fault.” she murmurs, placing her hand on the non-existing baby-bump.

“Do you have any idea how old it is?” Marilyn asks, afraid to voice her real concern. ‘Could Alexis actually carry the baby in this condition?’

“I don’t know,” Lexi whispers.

“We’re going to a gynecologist right now, Lexi,” Marilyn raises her hand to keep Lexi from arguing, “I need to make sure you’re actually pregnant. Pregnancy tests are often false alarms. And it’s necessary to know how many months pregnant you are.” Marilyn points out, “the baby could be dead Alexis, for god’s sake!” She regrets the words the next instant, when tears roll down Lexi’s cheek. “Lex,” Her arm in around Lexi in an instant.

“You’re right. Let’s go. I have a flight in five hours.” Lexi mumbles, she swipes her eyes with the back of her hand, and stands up. Marilyn bites her lip, before nodding slowly. Lexi disappears into the bathroom to get changed and Marilyn does the same.

---

“Have you felt the baby kick yet, Ms. Tomlinson?” Alexis’s eyebrows raise up in confusion, never having experienced the feeling, “It’s somewhat like...butterflies? In the lower part of your abdomen.” Dr. Jonathan explains.

Alexis shakes her head, her eyebrows still scrunched together. The doctor scratches her cheek, before facing Alexis again, “okay. Go ahead and sit in the waiting room. The X-rays should be out in less than half an hour. I’ll let you know then, okay?” Alexis and Marilyn nod simultaneously and disappear out of the doorway.

Both of them sit in uncomfortable silence, Alessia’s fingers are knotted on her lap, and Marilyn tugs on her own hair. Alexis’s heart rapidly thudding in her chest, a genius wasn’t required to figure out that something was terribly out of place. She places her hand on her stomach and ignores the dirty looks thrown at her, if only they knew.

Her head hurts with the numerous loud thoughts playing in her mind. This baby, would be the child of a devil, and no one could disagree to that, but the baby was still half Lexi’s and maybe the only other person who would ever love her. If she lived upto that point. Lexi closes her eyes and forces the tears away.

“Tomlinson?” Alexis’s eyes fly open, with trembling hands but with a brave face she follows the nurse inside the room. She carefully sits on the chair and places her hands on the table.

Dr. Jonathan tucks a pencil behind her ear before looking back at Alexis. “When did you exactly realize you were pregnant, Lexi?” Alexis replies with gritted teeth, she’s been replying to the same question for the past two hours.

“With all due respects, Dr. Jonathan. I have a flight in three hours, if you would hurry up that would be awfully nice.” Marilyn gives the doctor an apologetic look, which she responds to with a nod of her head.

“Lexi, you’re six months pregnant.” The doctor states leaning back into her chair, she pulls her glasses down and scans through the X-Rays yet again. She scratches her chin thoughtfully, “you should have been four times your size by now. Lexi, you need to tell me what’s going on, this is just wrong, the baby isn’t dead, but might as well be.”

Lexi’s glare fixes upon the doctor, “don’t you dare say that about my child.”

“Is it yours by choice?” The doctor questions, her eyebrows shooting upwards, as she stares back at the twenty-year old with accusing eyes. Lexi’s wet, gray eyes turn back to stare at the floor. “What the hell is wrong with you Alexis!” The doctor cries out frustrated.

“Everything,” Alexis’s whispers quietly. And flees out of the room before Dr. Jonathan can comprehend what happened.

Alexis slams the bathroom door shut behind her, and with slim fingers locks it behind her, before staring at her pale and bony reflection in the mirror. Her hand slowly reaches to unzip her sweatshirt. As the sweatshirt falls to the ground, Lexi’s hand covers her mouth while distraught cries leave her mouth, she bites the skin of her arm to keep from yelling and screaming. Hot tears freely roll down her cheek but she can't avert her eyes from the ghastly image in front of her.

She could count every single one of her ribs, if it weren’t for the blurred vision. Her stomach is sunken so far in, that no one could imagine she was carrying a baby in it. Her shoulders are awkwardly angular, her face bony and pale. The beautiful gray-eyed girl is lost forever.

Her back drags along the rough surface of the wall as she falls to the ground and buries her head in her arms, she pulls her knees close to her chest and cries quietly. She’s going to kill it. She’ll kill the baby. She roughly tugs on her, and lumps of soft brown locks fall to the floor. Her breathing accelerates, and her head pounds harder than ever, and she unintentionally curls up in a ball on the floor. Her nails dig into the palm of her hand, and she vainly attempts to move her hands.

She would prefer death to the feeling that overtakes her. Tears stream down her face, her body is covered with sweat and she trembles, soft whimpers leaves her lips, she just wants to close her eyes and give up right then and there, but her body refuses to do so.

Marilyn pushes the door open, tired eyes searching for her friend, until she finds her in the corner lying on the dirty floor in a distorted position. Alexis is gasping for breath, Marilyn walks briskly over to her friend gently touching her chilly hand. “Lexi,” Marilyn says quietly brushing her friend’s wet strands of hair out of her face, trying to keep herself for the sake of the other girl’s sanity. “Shh,” she murmurs quietly, helplessly looking at her friend, who looks like she’s dying. She hears Alexis murmur incoherently for a whole hour, and forlornly watches her friend until it passes away.

Harry

“Where is she?” Harry asks quietly but sternly looking into the blonde’s eyes, which would almost be like Alexis’s if only a shade lighter, but they still wouldn’t hold the pure innocence and mischief ‘his girl’s’ gray eyes had. He forcefully pushes the thought away and raises an eyebrow.

Taylor is about to make an excuse but her conscience reminds of how much both of them have gone through she can’t let this go. Not now. “Stanford.”

Harry stares at the girl through furious green eyes, “how fu-- long have you known Taylor?” His grip tightens on his bag, Taylor cowers back, seeing this Harry takes a deep breath trying to control himself.

“For a while,” she replies softly. Harry nods strenuously, trying not to let his anger take the best of him. “Harry...” she trails off, trying to find any words to not cause him more pain than he already has faced, “I don’t think it’s the best idea to--”

“I’ve heard enough of what is and what’s not right from everyone else. Don’t talk shit with me Taylor.”

Taylor sighs looking into the eyes of the beautiful yet broken green eyes boy, “I’ll take you,” she says her heart breaking at the sight of the hopeful smile spreading across his face.

“You will?” he asks like a little boy on Christmas he throws his arms around Taylor. She closes her eyes letting a tear or two fall before pulling away.

“But you won’t judge her at all. No matter what.” She asks desperate for an affirmative response.

“Have I ever?” Harry asks only slightly cheekily. Taylor smiles a genuine smile this time just the effect her name could have on the boy. She prays quietly for her two friends.

“I’ll be right back. Take a seat or whatever,” she tells the boy before skipping to her room. Harry drops the bag and falls to the sofa,a giddy smile never leaving his lips. Warmth spreads across his body, he hasn’t felt this happy in forever.

But this elation lasts only until his eyes fall on the open magazine on the table, which Taylor had forgotten to trash in a hurry. Curiosity gets the best of him and he brings the magazine to his lap, his heart aches the sight of his girl looking so pale and weak on the page, that lasts until his eyes read the headline.

Alexis Tomlinson Pregnant?

He had promised he wouldn’t judge, and maybe that was why she ran away, maybe the child was his. He grips the glossy paper harshly barely not tearing it, and forces himself to read the article through blurred vision.

Spotted at Santa Cruz Maternity Center was none other than Alexis Tomlinson, younger sibling to broken up band One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson and ex-girlfriend to Harry Styles. 20 year-old Lexi was seen with Stanford peer Marilyn Cooper. Just a couple days earlier the latter was spotted at CVS to grab a pregnancy test.

Alexis, of course has been in a lot of trouble lately, even kicked out of the prestigious, Ivy League school; Stanford, CA, after pulling some stunts. She has also been accused by directioners to be the cause of the band to break up.

Harry’s fists clench at this, and he grits his teeth. Somehow he controls his temper and continues reading

An employer at the hospital informed us that Lexi is six-months pregnant, which definitely proves that Harry Styles is NOT the father. Oh poor Harold, who seemed to be love-struck even until last night! Fame at young age does this to you, doesn’t it?

Harry’s hands visibly tremble and he rips the magazine into two parts. Taylor walks back into the living room and gasps seeing Harry with the magazine, “Harry?” she whispers.

“You fucking knew it, didn’t you?” Harry screams not bothering to check his language. He throws a part of the magazine at Taylor barely missing her, because the blonde ducks.

“Harry you promised you wouldn’t judge,” Taylor pleads, knowing she is fighting a battle she is bound to lose. Harry chuckled humorlessly opening his mouth to protest but he simply shakes his head, slamming the other part of the magazine on the table before grabbing his bag and slinging it on his shoulder. He turns around to glare at the blonde with accusatory eyes.

“You know they’re right,” he points to the magazine on the table, “she doesn’t fucking deserve me. I was a fucking idiot.”

“If you think so Harold, then...” her heart hurts to speak those words but they have to be spoken, “you don’t deserve her.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “if you still think she is innocent, then Jesus Taylor, I guess you’re in love, not I.” He makes a point to slam the door behind him when leaving the house.

“Harry she killed herself for you, if that isn’t love I don’t know what it is,” she whispers but it’s too late. Taylor closes her eyes and tears roll down her cheek, no one deserved this. No one. Especially Lexi and Harry.

She lifts herself up and dials Marilyn’s number, not bothering to try Lexi’s knowing she won’t pick up anyway. “Harry knows,” are Taylor’s first words when Marilyn picks up the phone on the other end.

“Really?” Marilyn asks a smile forming on her lips, “Thank God! He’s not mad or anything is he? Of course not, silly me! He loves her, he understands, I’ll bring Lexi over right away, she had a panic attack a couple minutes ago, but I swear to God when she sees Harry everything’ll be okay.”

Taylor sobs softly, “Mary he just knows that the baby is not his, he didn’t let me explain. I don’t know what to do Mary. Lexi, oh god! She had an anxiety attack, I--”

“You need to go after him, Tay. He’ll do something ridiculous. Something utterly rash, I know it. I’ll take care of Lex, alright? And I’ll call you with updates.”

“Take care of her, okay?” Taylor asks soberly, unknowingly she had become an older sister to both the broken-hearted kids.

“Yeah Tay, you take care too. I’ll call you--” her voice turned distant, “Lex, no!” She brings the receiver to her ear again, “I’ll call ya later, ‘kay?” And she hangs up, while Taylor fishes her keys and drives around town all night looking for the curly-headed lad.

Alexis

“I’m not letting you fucking go, Lexi!” Marilyn yells grabbing the suitcase from Lexi’s firm grip. “Look at yourself Lex, you can’t walk straight.” Alexis glares at the brown-haired beauty, before pulling the bag to herself. She fishes through the bag to find something that would cover her frail frame.

“Funny you think I’m going to listen to you, Marilyn.” Alexis replies coldly and turns away throwing a baggy sweater on her naked body, which Marilyn had earlier winced after seeing, and forced a can of soup in her mouth, which she had no later puked out. She pulls a scarf to cover the bruises on her neck, and brushes her jeans with her hands, oblivious to the phone call Marilyn had with Taylor merely minutes ago. She pulls her combat boots on and touches up her make-up, erasing any trace of tears shed before.

“I’m comin’ with you.” Marilyn declares, running a hand through her brown hair. Alexis drops the bag to the ground and turns around.

“No,” she states not bothering to be sweet with the rejection, “you have college and the Niall stuff to deal with, so um... no.”

“Funny you think I’m going to listen to you, Alexis.” Marilyn mimics Alexis’s words, before grabbing one of the bags and steps out of the bathroom.

“If this is a plan for keeping me from going, it’s not going to work, love.”

“You know Lex, this is the most... uncomfortable thing I’m doing, but I’ll do it for your sake, because Lex maybe I’ve only known you for nine months, and you’ve not spoken more than a couple hundred words. I’ve grown to love you as a best friend, and I can’t afford to lose you.” Alexis abruptly turns away, her eyes involuntarily filling with tears. She pushes her hair out of her face, and blinks a few times before pulling her friend in a tight embrace, which Marilyn gladly returns.

“I love you,” Alexis whispers quietly, the girl who used to tell her friends she loved them ten times a day, the girl who called Louis again if he forgot to tell her he loved her, repeated the three words after forever. Marilyn pats the younger girl’s hair softly and then pulls away, making a phone call to Taylor, who protests but knows she’s about to lose again.

An hour later, both the girls are seated in a plane, chattering about everything but the unavoidable topic of Lexi’s almost dead baby, the almost impossible task lying ahead of them. They talk about nothing, for just a moment forgetting all the mess Lexi’s life had become. She didn’t want to think of it, sometimes she just felt like dying right then, but first she wanted to make sure that all the people she loved were happy. And maybe a small selfish part of her wishes that there was some miraculous cure, something that would save her. On quiet, wet nights she wished that she could go back to Harry and everything would be alright, and as usual she would curse herself for having such thoughts just the next moment.

---

On behalf of British Airways and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day.

Already Alexis’s heart is beating at an abnormal rate, and she knows she’s very close to another anxiety attack. Marilyn places a hand on her shoulder and gently tells instructs her friend to take a deep breath.

Once out of the airport, Alexis pulls down her shades and catches the first cab she sees. “I’ll call you okay?” She tells Marilyn after convincing her that she had to meet them alone, which selfishly Marilyn was grateful for. “Thank you so much, Mare. You should...maybe try out for Manchester, maybe? I’ll talk to Eleanor,” Lexi mumbles, now guilty that because of her Marilyn sacrificed the one thing she worked so hard for.

“Yeah, yeah, You take care. And call me as--”

“I will.” Alexis wraps a quick arm around her best friend, before her petite frame disappears inside the cab, Marilyn takes a deep breath before turning away herself.

In 30 minutes, Alexis stands at Eleanor’s door, knowing that this was her safest bet. They had talked only a couple days before, and she would try to explain, everything she could without giving everything away. A small cry can be heard, despite being on the other side of the door, making the dimple visible on Lexi’s left cheek. She pushes her hair away before lightly tapping on the door.

She squeezes her eyes shut as the footsteps draw closer, and tries her hardest to keep her feet implanted to the ground. It takes everything in her not to turn away and flee. “Lexi?”

Her eyes snap up hastily at the voice she didn’t expect. Her whole body visibly shakes as her mouth moves wildly but words refuse to leave. She slaps a hand over her mouth staring at her mess-of-an-older-brother with tear-pooled eyes “Who is it Louis?” Eleanor appears in Lexi’s view, with Felicity her jaw drops open, and she places a hand on Louis’s shoulder. She bites her lip about to open her mouth, but Felix beats her to it.

“Lessie?” Her voice is an exact copy of Lexi’s, her gray eyes a replica of Alexis’s. Louis’s blue eyes flared with anger, and he pointedly glares at her girlfriend, who shrugs helplessly. The first that left her lips, was the one he had treated as forbidden.

Eleanor, though knows where this is coming from, but she doesn’t speak it out loud. She’d overheard Harry talking to Felix about Lexi last night. And the young lad had been spending long amounts of time with Felix, maybe because she reminded everyone so much of Lexi herself.

Tears fill Alexis’s eyes, and she awws quietly trying her hardest to keep her hands to herself, although what she wants to do is throw her arms around her brother asking for forgiveness, which she won’t get. She wants to hold her little siblings in her arms, and never let go.

Louis bites his tongue to keep from spitting something harsh at his sister. He turns around walking into the house, not before whispering something very quietly, shattering Lexi’s broken heart. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will rip you apart, it was true.

All the bottled up emotions want to spill out, she felt like her head and heart were about to burst. Eleanor opened her mouth to say something but Alexis held a hand up not wanting pity, just her brother. Her breathing was ragged as she ran out of the building, her hands shaking, she should have felt angry and frustrated, but all she could feel was the harshness of the word spoken. Sitting in an empty alley she pulled her legs close to her chest the word echoing in her mind over and over again. Slut.

She’d heard names being thrown at her every day but when someone you love says it, your whole world falls apart, Lexi’s though, was already broken. She sobbed in the alley, choking on her own tears, coughing and panting. At times like this, she felt like pulling that blade out and giving up right then and there, but the curly-head would stand in front of her, his tear-stained face, and she would remember her promise. “Just a little while longer,” she would whisper to herself drying her tears on her own.

Notes

Hola! Haha! or Nah, I know I haven't updated and I'm really sorry, 'cause I was dead no I'm not kidding I got braces and I'm still dying, so you should be glad I gave y'all an update (not really). I'm sorry, really. But here it is, I'll try to do another, maybe shorter update by tonight. 'Try' being the key word, since I'm on Spring break, let's see what's gonna happen, eh? Harry and Lexi might or might not meet in the next chapter, depending on my mood swings. No I'm not bipolar! Anywho, I'm pretty sure none of you are reading this, so I'll shut up.

Don't forget to comment, vote and subscribe. I love y'all even though I'm evil at times ;). Keep reading Luv y'all and Stay beautiful!

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