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Behind Closed Doors {Larry Stylinson}

Chapter 18


I need some sort of release from my misery. Today has already been dreadful and it’s only noon. I haven’t left my bed once since Louis left. I can’t get him off my mind and I know that trying is futile, as is sleep. Each time I close my eyes, I see him telling me over and over that he can never look at me the same way. It breaks my heart to know that he thinks differently of me, not that I can expect any less. I looked at my phone once to find calls and texts from Cara. I don’t want to talk to her right now. I know all I’m going to hear are apologies and I could care less right now. I know that I shouldn’t be mad at her, but I am. She knew what was going on more than I did. Either way, she’s the last person I want to talk to. Who can I talk to, though? Liam will lecture me, Niall won’t have any good advice besides “giving it time”, and Zayn will zone out as I talk. I would call Gemma, but she’ll only worry, which also rules out my mum. It would be a bit awkward to talk to them about the situation anyway, given the amount of sexual involvement. Ed or Eleanor are my best options. Seeing as Eleanor is the one person that knows Louis and I both so much, I decide to call her first.

Before I call anyone, I need my fix. I keep sweating profusely, but shaking every time I remove the sheets from my body. I can’t seem to win. I know that my system is just reacting negatively from the lack of chemicals it has become so accustomed to. I quickly find the pants I was wearing last night on the floor near in the hallway and search the pockets for my small supply. I start to become frantic when it isn’t there. I look around on the floor where my pants are, but it is nowhere to be found. I search the kitchen and living room, considering that it could have fallen out or been put on the counter. I don’t see it anywhere. I grab my phone and reluctantly call Cara.

“Harry, thank god. I’m so so sorr-“

“Cara, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just need to know if you saw a small bag of cocaine at any point last night.”


“Did you see it?”

I’m becoming aggravated with her stupidity.

“No, I didn’t. I remember you saying something was gone and you seemed concerned, but you
never mentioned it again.”

It must be at Louis’. I had to have dropped it there. I run my hand through my hair and pull on it slightly, wondering what the hell I’m going to do.

“Alright, bye.”

I hang up before she can add anything else. What if Louis finds it? He’ll be so upset; as if I need to give him another reason to feel that way. How could I be so fucking careless? I feel dizzy and irritable. I know exactly what will make those feelings go away, but I don’t have any. I look back at my phone and decide to call Eleanor before I call my dealer, Kevin, for more. Eleanor needs to go
to Louis’ flat and get the cocaine before he finds it. My hands shake as I find her contact information and my heart aches as the phone rings. I’m scared to tell her about everything I’ve done, but I need to talk to someone and she’s the only one who can help.


“El, I’ve done some really terrible things-“

She cuts me off abruptly, her voice booming into my ear.

“You’re god-damned right you did. I don’t even know what to say to you, Harry. Louis just fell asleep, but he has been crying all day. Not only is he hurt and angry, but now he’s fucking worried about you! How did you accomplish all of that in one day? Really, Harry? Cocaine? How stupid can you be?”

“He knows? Louis found the bag?”

“Yes, Harry. It was a lovely addition to an even more wonderful morning. Have you any other
exciting surprises to lay on him or were you just calling to make sure the other blows hit him hard enough?”

Her words are hurtful, but I know I deserve every last one. They are the same things that I have been telling myself all day.

“Eleanor, I already know I’m a worthless piece of shit, okay? I was going to ask you to get the bag out of there before he found-“

“Oh, so it’s better because you didn’t want him to know. Okay. You know, Harry, he wasn’t in France with me having a great time. He was just as miserable as you and spent every waking moment talking about how much he missed you. He was worried about you being depressed, but obviously not as worried as he should have been. You really need to get your shit together.”

I don’t even know what to say. I called her to make myself feel better, but I honestly feel worse. Hearing how miserable Louis is makes me hate myself even more. I’ve really fucked up- more than ever before. I don’t know how I can turn this all around. If I never have Louis again, life just isn’t worth living.

“I know, El. I’m going to. Just- just tell him that I love him, please.”

“Not yet, Harry. Don’t try to contact him either. He’s too hurt right now; don’t make it worse.”

She hangs up and I stand there, completely dumb-founded. How have I ruined my life in less than 24 hours. Louis is my whole world and I’ve hurt him in so many ways. Even if he forgives me someday, I know I will never forgive myself. Either way, I’ll die without him. I have to start fixing things and the first step is to stay away from drugs. He’ll never consider forgiving me if I’m still snorting coke. I walk back into my room and collapse face first onto my bed. I need to sleep; it’s the only way I can shut my mind off.


I’m at Louis’ flat, standing nervously at his front door. I decide to walk in like I always do instead of knocking and all of the lights are off. I walk through the familiar living room toward his door. I just need to see him, talk to him, hold him. I can’t be without him anymore. As I approach his bedroom door, I hear soft noises, grunts.

“Lou, oh, it feels so good.”

It’s Eleanor. I open the door roughly, revealing myself, but neither of them looks at me.

“Hey! Stop!”

I yell, but neither of them listens. They can’t hear me or see me. Louis is hovered over her,
thrusting in and out, moaning loudly in pleasure.

“El! Oh, god. Why didn’t we do this sooner? I’ve never felt this good.”

I stand there, physically unable to move my legs or close my eyes. He leans down and kisses her softly, sending ripples of pain through my heart. His eyes are closed and he slows down the movement of his hips. He seems to be enjoying himself, panting into her neck and sucking softly on her skin, making her cry out. He pauses his thrusts and brings one hand to her forehead, brushing aside some stray hairs, just like he does to me. I start to cry, yelling at the two people that don’t even know I’m there.

“Louis! Please, I know i hurt you. I’m sorry! Please, stop!”

I sob uncontrollably as he picks up speed again, moaning her name loudly. Her back arches and she shuts her eyes tightly as they both groan loudly, climaxing together and repeatedly screaming each others’ names. After a couple painful minutes, Louis collapses next to her and pulls her into his arms. He plays with her hair and quietly talks to her.

“I love you, El. Harry never made me as happy as you do. I don’t know why I wasted so many
years with him, when you were here all along.”


I wake up abruptly, shaking and covered in sweat. I push the covers off of me and lay there. My
body starts to convulse and shake uncontrollably as I pant, trying to get some air. It feels impossible to breathe and I notice that I’m crying. I try to sit up, but find it impossible. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I don’t know what to do. My mind immediately races to that addicting white powder, but I start to shake my head. No, I can’t do that. I feel like a crazy person, shaking, sweating, crying, and unable to control myself. I feel uneasy and out of place. I close my eyes once again, but all I see is Louis crying and yelling. I know how he feels now. I saw him do to Eleanor what I did to Cara. It hurts my heart so badly, and it didn’t even happen. To think of how heart broken Louis is makes me feel like dying. He will never forgive me. Ever.
I give in and reach for my phone, quickly finding Kevin’s number. It takes a bit to connect and I put it on speaker.

“The number you have dialed has been disconnected. If you feel you have reached this message in error, hang up and check the number again.”


Hello! Thank you so much for being more active! It's such a motivation to read all of your comments so PLEASE continue!!!

What will Harry do since Kevin's phone has been disconnected? Why is it disconnected? Will Louis find out that Eleanor talked to Harry? How is he feeling about everything?

Please comment/rate/subscribe. I really want your feedback! ILYASM <3 xx


Love this

Boomelouu Boomelouu

Omg I've been reading ur story for 2 days now trying to get thorough it and it's amazing i love Larry more now then ever before and that was a lot before

#96903 #96903

Omg its 5 a.m. where I live. I've been reading your story all new night. Its AMAZING! You are a brilliant writer. I've fallen in love with Larry... More than I already was lol I hate to stop reading but I should probably get to sleep. I can't wait to finish this story tomorrow and start the other one.

JessStylinson95 JessStylinson95

this should be made into a book !!!

this is the best chapter ever

#75481 #75481