When I awoke I realized that I now have no one, that may be partly my fault. I keep pushing everyone away and the one person I want I can't have for reasons which don't make sense to me. I wanted to tell Liam everything, I need him but I just can't. He's the only happy thing I have in my life right now, but all I seem to be doing is fucking it up. I know how badly he wants to know everything, he wants to be there for me. But I don't need a constant reminder of how shit my life is, I want to be happy I don't want anything to be complicated or too much hassle. With him it's the most peace I have felt in a long time, no drama no walking on egg shells. I don't want to ruin any of that, but I know if I never tell him anything it will be ruined. I need him to understand this, but how can I blame him if he doesn't? I am not willing to understand any of Harry's reasons so why should Liam understand mine?

Louise came round mine early to get ready for the gig, it made me happy to see her so excited. I personally wasn't in the mood to go out, but I know I had to.. After all they are now my friends and they did invite me, I can't just bail. Louise made me wear a dress and she did too. Harry made sure Jack picked us up and took us there which I was grateful for.

"Hey Kate, how are you?" Jack smiled at me.

"I'm good you?" I asked.

"I'm good, you girls look nice".

"Thanks" Louise said excitedly.

"You excited to see One Direction?" he asked her.

"Yeah" she shrieked making us laugh.

"How about you?" he asked me.

"Yeah" I said less convincing than Louise.

"Don't let him get to you, it's what he does" he shrugged.

I nodded, nothing can make me feel better about the situation.

Louise and I went inside and sat at a private table, we had an amazing view of the stage. It's weird if you would have asked me a few months ago would I ever go to a One Direction gig, I would have said no. We waited patiently for them to come on stage, they certainly kept the audience waiting. Finally they came on and greeted everyone with a warm smile.

"I want to marry him" Louise whispered in my ear.

"Who?" I asked.

"Liam" she shrieked.

"Oh" I tried to smile.

I focused my attention on the boys as they performed numerous amounts of songs. At one point I actually started bobbing my head to the music. I laughed to myself, I looked at each of them, focusing on their expressions and reactions to the audience chanting their names. They loved every moment of it, this made me smile. Finally a song I recognized, I wasn't sure of the name but I heard Harry sing part of it. I couldn't take my eyes off of him throughout the performance, I knew how much he loved this song. Finally it came to his bit and his eyes focused on me,

'Shot me out of the sky,
you're my kryptonite. You keep making me weak,
yeah frozen and can't breathe'.

This sort of made sense to me, when I left him he kept saying about being weak, was I making him weak? Why did being weak mean so much to him? I had so many questions but no answers and this angered me.

After they finished they took a bow before exiting the stage, I clapped loudly cheering as they left. I left Louise as I went to the toilet. When I got back she wasn't there, I saw Harry standing by the door. I tried smiling at him but he gave me the cold shoulder, obviously he wasn't over yesterday... I looked around for Louise but no luck. I asked Niall if he knew where she was but he wasn't sure.

"I think she's with Liam" Zayn said.

Jealousy overtook me as I thought about her and Liam. I know I'm being selfish but the thought of him with someone else hurt me. But why shouldn't he be happy? I shook my head ridding myself of the jealousy I needed to stop being stupid. I found them by the stairs, Louise was flirting her ass off. Part of me wished Liam was unaffected by her, but how could he not be? She is so beautiful I have always envied her. I turned away and left them to talk, I needed to think of others not myself. I sat with Zayn and Niall whilst I waited for her.

"You guys were amazing, I mean seriously wow" I said.

"Thank you" they both chirped.

"I guess you could call me a One Direction fan" I laughed.

"Never thought I'd hear you say that" Liam said from behind me.

I turned around to see Liam and Louise smiling at me. I sighed before smiling back.

"I guess I'm full of surprises" I managed to laugh.

Liam, Niall and Zayn walked over to the stage leaving Louise and I alone.

"I'm in love" she smiled tilting her head.

I smiled at her "You can't be in love Lou, you barley know him" I shrugged.

"Ouch calm down Kate" she moaned.

Shit... "Sorry I didn't mean it like that" I tried to laugh.

Her phone began to ring "I'll be back in a second" she said coldly before walking away with her phone.

I hit the table with my fist, what am I even doing?

"You alright there?" Liam laughed.

"Yeah I'm fine" I smiled not looking in his direction.

"Of course you are" he nodded.

I sighed "So you and Louise eh?" I tried to smile.

"What about us?" he asked tilting his head.

"You seem to have really hit it off" I said.

"Mm I suppose, she's a nice girl" he shrugged.

"I have to go Kate" Louise came back to the table. "I'll see you at school Monday" she hugged
me. "I'll see you around" she smiled at Liam before leaving, making my eyes roll.

"I suppose I should go" I said to Liam before getting up off my seat.

"Yeah" he said coldly.

Fucking hell! "Liam can we talk?" I asked.

"Sure" he nodded waiting for me to continue.

"I mean in private, we could go to mine?" I said.

"I don't know I have a busy day tomorrow" he shrugged.

"Okay don't worry, I'll see you Monday" I smiled before leaving.

He followed me outside "Wait" he called after me. I stopped so he could catch up with me. "I'm sorry that was harsh" he said before opening a car door for me. "Get in" he ordered.

I got in the car followed by him. "Take me home" he ordered the driver.

"I thought we were going to mine?" I asked confused.

He shrugged "It's easier going to mine".

"Okay" I nodded.

He led me into his house, it was nice and cosy very Liam. I looked around before going into the living room. He gestured me to sit on the sofa, he sat down beside me.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Us" I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to explain something" I shrugged. He waited for me to continue "It's not easy for me Liam, I've lost so many people all because I don't tell them stuff and I know that sooner or later I will lose you because of it. I thought maybe if I explained why I can't tell you, you might understand" I looked up at him. He nodded his head allowing me to explain "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I mean you are nice and sweet and caring. You would never hurt me, I've never felt so relaxed around someone. Then there's all my issues, they ruin me and everything around me. I try so hard to fight it, but it's getting harder as the days go by. You are someone I can go to if I need a break from everything, if you knew everything I wouldn't feel like that anymore" I stopped waiting for him to respond.

"I don't really know what to say" he said awkwardly. "I'm sorry if you feel like you are losing me, you will never lose me Kate, I promise" he looked into my eyes. "I do understand, I suppose I keep trying to make you understand that if you ever do need someone I am here. It hurts me that you can talk to Harry about it and not me" he frowned.

Fair enough. "I can't explain why I can talk to him, I just can't. " I shrugged not knowing what to say.

He sighed before nodding. "What is going on with us?" he asked.

"I don't know, I thought maybe you and Louise?"

He shook his head smiling "That really made you jealous didn't it?"

"No" I said bluntly.

"So you're telling me if I touched her like this," he stroked his finger down my cheek making me shiver. "You wouldn't be jealous?"

"No" I repeated.

He moved closer to me "Or if I did this" he kissed the side of my lip "Or this" he kissed the other side. "That wouldn't make you jealous?" he tilted his head.

I gulped loudly "No Liam" I said my voice shaking.

"Or if I" he kissed me on the lips.

I pulled away looking at him, I closed my eyes before bringing my lips back to his. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer, I moved over so I was sitting on his lap. I continued kissing him as he lifted me up bringing me to his bed. He put me down gently before climbing on top of me, I grabbed his shirt with my hand pulling him on to me. I kissed his neck taking off his shirt, he lifted my top over my head and pulled down my jeans. I undid his as I continued to kiss him.

"Are you sure?" he pulled away.

I pulled him back to me "Stop talking" I brought his lips back to mine.
He undid my bra, so his bare chest was on mine.

"This is awkward I don't have a condom" he laughed.

"You have got to be-Wait" I shouted before running into the living room to find my bag.

I brought my bag back to his bedroom and pulled out a condom.

"So you just bring condoms around with you huh?" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes "It's not mine" I smiled before jumping back on to his bed.

He pulled my knickers down as he wriggled out of his boxers, he put on the condom before entering me. I screamed out as he pushed hard into me, I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer. He kissed down my neck as he pushed in and out. I tried to control my breathing as the pleasure grew stronger. He licked my neck making me moan, the pleasure was becoming unbearable I tried to hold on for as long as possible. We both cried out as we released, he lay on top of me trying to catch his breath.

"Wow" was all he managed to say.

I laughed "That was err unexpected?"

"You have no idea how long I have waited for this" he closed his eyes rolling off of me.
I smiled and kissed him on the lips. The truth is I can't agree with him I haven't waited for this. I am as surprised as he is, I don't know what has gotten into me. But whatever has happened with me and him I liked it I really liked it and I don't want it to end.

Notes

ITS THE 30TH CHAPTER WOOHOOO. ITS COMPETITION TIME. WINNER GETS SHOUT OUT. and oh my god kiam moment

All you gotta do is answer this question. Vote and susbscribe. the first right answer gets a shoutout in the next chapter.

Q1: In one of the video diaries, who said they would want to be a birthday cake and why?

i just wanna see if there is any true directioners...



my reaction to the gif




waiting for beING TAKEN TO HELL HARRY FUC OFF



OKAY OKAY sorry. dont forget to Vote and subscribe and guess what? WE ARE ON THE POPULAR PAGE