“Harry, love,” my mum cooed as she shook me from my slumber. “I’ve got breakfast waiting for you downstairs.” I groaned out loud once mum left my room and quickly looked at the clock that was sitting beside my bed. [i]10:36am[/i]. I squeezed my eyes shut before rolling out of bed. I didn’t bother with putting sweatpants on because it was just my mum and stepdad, so my briefs would do just fine. I walked downstairs and into the kitchen where there was a plate with eggs, toast, bacon and a bowl of fruit and also a cup of tea. I plopped into the chair and started shoveling the food in my mouth. My mum sat down across from me and looked on at me with concern, I’d been here for 4 days and I still haven’t told my mum how I fucked up big time. In fact I haven’t really uttered a word since I got here.

“How long you stayin’, sweet?” Mum asked as she lifted her eyes from the morning paper.

“Forever?” I sadly asked her as I took the last bite of fruit.

“As much as your dear, old mum would love that…you and I both know you can’t.”

“I know, I’ll probably just be here a couple more days,” I told her as I took a long swig of tea.

“Harry, you know I love you and I love your random visits, but you need to tell me what’s going on,” my mum said and when I looked at her she had that motherly, concerned look on her face.

“You wanna know why Abby and I really broke up?” I asked my mum, and after giving me a confused look she nodded her head. “Abby was pregnant.”

“You guys, mutually, broke up because she was pregnant? Was it not yours?” Mum asked and I quickly shook my head.

“No, it was mine. And we didn’t mutually break up. I gave her an ultimatum and well it went from there,” I told my mum as I looked at the kitchen table.

“What was the ultimatum, love?”

“You’re going to hate me,” I told her and kept my gaze on the table.

“I could never hate you, dear.”

“I told her to get an abortion or we were over, guess which one she chose?” I said, looking up at my mum and I could instantly tell she was hurt.

“Harry, I just don’t know what to say. I thought I raised you better than that,” mum softly said and my already broken heart started to crumble a little more knowing my mum was upset with me.

“You did. But the only thing I could think about when Abby told me was her and I’s careers and our futures. We’re both too young and just getting started with our careers and a baby would have slowed both of us down. I wasn’t trying to be cruel,” I said and a single tear fell down my cheek.

“Oh, my baby,” mum said as she got up and occupied the seat next to me and pulled me into a hug.

“And the worst part of it all, she was going to keep it, like carry it to term before she decided whether she’d keep it or give it up for adoption, but she had a miscarriage the night I came here. I came straight from the hospital,” I cried to my mum, as she rocked my back and forth.

“Oh, Harry,” my mum told me as she ran her fingers through my hair, something that always helped calm me down. “It’ll be okay.”

“No it won’t, this is all my fault. If I didn’t tell her to get an abortion and if I was supportive the baby would still be growing in Abby’s belly and I’d probably be getting ready to propose to her and we’d both be happy and in love still.”

“Harry, this isn’t your fault! Don’t you ever say that. Miscarriages, they happen quite often. Her’s could have been the result of anything, now don’t go beating yourself up about it,” mum told me as she wiped my tears away.

“It just sucks, because the night it happened she came over and yelled at me and slapped me in the face, then when she left I get a call 15 minutes later saying I needed to go get Abby who was passed out two blocks from my house, suffering from a miscarriage. And the worst part, Taylor walked out of my room while Abby was yelling at me and I just saw Abby’s heart break even more right in front of me, mum.”

“She loves you, Harry. It hurts her to see you moving on without her.”

“I know, but honestly, I only started to date Taylor because I knew it’d make Abby jealous, but I didn’t think it’d break her heart,” I confided in my mum as I took another sip of tea.

“Have you spoken with Abby since the miscarriage?”

“I’ve sent her flowers every day, and she sent me a text the other day saying thank you. But other than that I haven’t really uttered a word to her,” I told my mum as I picked at a piece of toast.

“I think you should try talking to her. Go on a walk around the village and call her,” my mum ordered, so I went upstairs and pulled some sweatpants on and a t-shirt before walking outside.

“You coming with me, Dusty girl?” I said as my cat started to walk beside me as I trekked down the street. I walked a few blocks before pulling my phone out and going to my contacts to call Abby. I hadn’t changed a thing about her contact info, her name was still Abby with a red heart emoji by it and her contact picture was still a picture of us kissing in front of the leaning tower of Pisa. A small smile graced my lips as I thought about the trip we took and how much fun we had, and I didn’t even realize that Abby had answered the phone.

“Hello? Harry, you there?” I heard Abby say into the receiver. “The douche butt-dialed me.” I couldn’t help but snort, she hasn’t changed.

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry I was just thinking about things,” I uttered and I heard her let a sigh out.

“Why are you calling?”

“I just wanted to see how you were,” I said into the phone as I kicked a rock down the road.

“Well, I just had a miscarriage so…what does that tell you?” She snapped.

“That you feel like proper shit,” I said and I heard her scoff on the other end.

“Why are you in Holmes Chapel?” She randomly said after we sat on the phone in silence for a few minutes.

“I just needed to clear my head,” I softly spoke.

“From what?” She asked.

“Things.”

“What kind of things?” Abby pressed and I couldn’t help but laugh at how persistent she’s being.

“The baby, Taylor, you,” I honestly told her.

“What? Why?” She said and I could imagine her scrunching her eyebrows together.

“I feel like the miscarriage is my fault,” I openly told her. It was always so easy talking to Abby about whatever it was I needed to talk about.

“Oh, Harry. It’s not your fault. These things happen and the doctor told me it was most likely due to stress,” Abby confided in me, and I could feel her guilt through the phone.

“Stress from me,” I told her and I heard her let out a heavy sigh.

“Stop it,” she whispered. “It wasn’t your fault I was stressed out. Okay, after the night we got into the fight when I told you I was pregnant, I threw myself into my job and I didn’t stop. I sat at home and worked my ass off when I should have been taking things easy. Now, yes, going over that night to yell at you didn’t help any. But it isn’t your fault.”

“I just feel like the biggest douche because I shouldn’t have made you choose between me and the baby. The only thing I should have made you choose was what color you wanted the baby’s nursery to be and what drawers you wanted in my dresser,” I told her as I stopped to sit on a bench. I threw myself down on the bench and ran my hand through my curls.

“I really wanna say you weren’t being a douche, but you were.”

“Thanks, Abby,” I sarcastically told her.

“Listen, I know why you wanted me to get an abortion and I get it. We’re both so young and we have huge careers on our hands and throwing a baby into that would have screwed it all up.”

“What’s got you saying all this? I thought you hated me,” I told her with a small smile gracing my face.

“I don’t know. I guess the miscarriage really put everything into perspective for me. I wasn’t ready to be a mom and put my career on hold. But I also wouldn’t have been able to give the baby up, I just know I wouldn’t be able to. And I guess I’m just a strong believer of fate, you know, things happen for a reason. And the reason for my miscarriage was that somebody knew I wasn’t ready and maybe, just maybe, that person was you,” Abby simply stated and it brought a smile to my face.

“I’m really sorry, Abs.”

“Apology accepted. The flowers are pretty by the way, thank you. You can stop sending them know,” she said with amusement in her voice.

“I’ll tell the flower shop to stop,” I told her as my smile got wider.

“So, why is Taylor on your mind? You horny?” Abby asked and it caused me to choke on my own saliva.

“No!” I exclaimed and I could hear her laughing on the other end.

“Then go on, tell me,” Abby said. “I won’t get upset, I promise. We’re adults.”

“She’s so…different. I mean you see how everyone puts her as the innocent little country girl in the press, but she’s not innocent at all!” I told Abby and again I could hear her laughing.

“Well everyone seems to think you’re a womanizer but they’re wrong. I’m shocked Harry Styles believed magazine articles about little miss innocent.”

“Oh, buzz off,” I said with a chuckle.

“If she’s so different and not innocent then why are you with her?” Abby asked.

“To tell you the truth, I just started dating her to make you jealous,” I opened up and I heard Abby sigh.

“Well it worked.”

“She’s a great girl, she’s very sweet but she’s just not my type. She’s so uptight and she never wants to let loose, and just I don’t know,” I confessed as I rest my elbows on my knee. I used my free hand to pet Dusty who was now seated by me on the bench.

“Then why are you still with her?” Abby asked and I asked myself that question too. After waiting a few more minutes I finally came up with an answer.

“Because maybe it’ll turn into something. I am also a strong believer in fate and I believe Taylor and I crossed paths, again, for a reason. I just don’t know why, yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Now, how’s your mum?” Abby asked and there was a switch in her mood, she went from being supportive to being excited.

“She’s great, worried about me. But she’s good,” I told her, it made me smile how much she cared for my family.

“And Gemma?” She asked.

“She’s not in town, she and Tom went off on holiday somewhere.”

“And what about Robin? How’s he?” Abby asked and if my smile got any wider my cheeks would break.

“He’s a busy one, that man!”

“Now, how’s my—“

“—Dusty is doing magnificent, but she misses her Abby.” I told her, cutting Abby off because I knew what she was going to ask. “I’m actually petting her now.”

“Scratch her ears for me, then!” Abby exclaimed with laughter.

“Are you going to be at the Madison Square Garden show, next week?” I asked her out of the blue.

“Niall gave me no choice. Are you?” She teased and I shook my head.

“Yeah I heard this British boy band is supposed to be REALLY GOOD. And the one with the curls, I heard he’s quite good in bed. Don’t tell anyone, but I have a bit of a man crush on him, he’s proper fit, that one,” I joked with her, trying to be as serious as possible. I heard her let out a loud laugh and I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

“I think it’s time to end this conversation on that note,” Abby chuckled into the phone.

“Alriiighhhttttt,” I whined. “I’ll see you in New York?”

“You will, my friend!” Abby exclaimed in the phone and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ll see you then, love,” I said and before I hung up Abby decided to add something.

“Hey Harry?” Abby said.

“Yeah?”

“I could never hate you,” Abby said and then she hung up. A wide smile graced my face as I shoved my phone in my pocket. I stood up and walked the rest of the way home with the same smile still etched on my face. I threw the door open to my house and skipped to the kitchen where my mum was preparing lunch.

“Somebody’s happy. I take it the phone call went well?” Mum asked.

“That it did, mum. That it did,” I told her while placing two kisses on her cheek.

Notes

XOXO,
Jade