Time For Family
"Dad." My voice is so quiet I could only just hear it. I felt like I was going to throw up as my father turned to me. He stepped forward and squinted, then blinked a few times.
"Isabella." I had no idea what tone my completely drunken father was using. I stayed totally frozen in my spot, vaguely aware of Harry looking between me and my father, obviously very panicked. I swallowed the bile raising up my throat, forcing myself not to remember the night I packed a bag and left my house. But I couldn't help remembering.
"Negative 34 multiplied by 7, subtract 18 and divide by negative 4." I chewed the end of my pencil, a horrible habit I had, while it scribbled down equations to figure out my maths homework. I jolted when I heard the impossibly load slam of a car door. As quickly as I could, I gathered my homework in my arms and ran to the staircase, but I was too slow.
"Isabellllllaaaaa. Where are you offff to in suuch a hurryyyy," I turned around to my father, as he stumbled to the door, and held my textbooks and workbooks close to me chest.
"J-just my room t-to do s-some h-homework." I stuttered, afraid of my father like every time he is drunk, which is always.Very slowly, I took a step backwards up the staircase, wanting to get away before he started to yell. Then my mother came through the door. I looked her up and down, disgusted. She looked like a fucking stripper. I hadn't seen her for a few days, she disappeared on Monday and it's Thursday now.
"Well well welllll, llook who decided to commmme home. IT TOOK FUCKING LONG ENOUGH!!!" He screamed at her.
"Like you can tell how long it's been you drunk fuckhead." She walked right past him.
"Don't you try to fucking walk past me you bitch!" He picked up a vase and threw it across the room, smashing it to a million pieces. I let out a tiny scream and my mother flinched. I stared in fear at my father.
"What the fuck do you think yourr staring at Isabella? HUH?! Don't you have a fucking book to read! Or some shit songs to wriiite!" As the tears formed in my eyes I turned and sprinted to my room, knowing that there was no way in hell my father could make it up those stairs in this state. I slammed my door and locked it.
"I gotta get out....I have to leave.....I need to leave." I ran to my bathroom and looked for the shiny metal blade that provided me relief. I sliced it across my wrist, waiting for the relaxing feeling, but it didn't come. I tried again, but nothing. Just a dull stinging pain.
"FUCk!" I threw the blade into the bathtub and ran back to my room, barely noticing the blood dripping down my arm.
"I can't stay here.....I can't handle this anymore," I muttered to myself, pulling out the suitcase from under my bed and starting to put everything I could fit in there, blood occasionally dripping onto something. Once I had all that would fit, I zipped it up and walked over to the window, throwing out the rope ladder that had been attached to my window for a long time. I took a long at my room, the last time I ever saw it, and started to climb down.
I started to feel lightheaded and I knew there was no colour in my face now.
"Isabellllla. Well isn't this just a lovely surprise!" His words were dripping with sarcasm. "And here I was thinking that I would never have to see my bitch of a daughter again. I guess I was wrrrong. Although I seem to be wrong about a loot of things, wouldn't you say? That jury certainly thought so!" He took a step towards us and protectively Harry stepped closer to me, his face hard.
"Bella-" Harry started to speak but was cut off by my father.
"Bella? Last I recall that's not your name. Although it has been quite a while." He laughed and stumbled a little closer to me. "So who's this guy? Another date to give you an excuse to get out of the house. Because apparently 'I'm an unfit parent.' Does this guy know how many fucking dates you went on you little slut." He spat at me. Harry took a step towards him with clenched fists.
"Don't you dare fucking speak to her like that you disgusting drunk." He hissed.
"Oh really? What has this girl told you. Made you feel all sowwy for her, did she?" He pouted. "Hmm I wonder, I wonder, I wonder. How much does this guy know," My father smirked evilly and I thought I was going to puke. "Well I'm assuming she told you how I'm a lazy ass drunk? A terrible father?!" He turned back to me, his eyes burning into mine. "I never laid a finger on you, ungrateful bitch..never." I took a hold of Harry's hand to try and calm him down.
"And what did you say about your mother....skank...whore...never around. All trrrue-all true. But she raised you well enough, your still alive." He laughed at his oh so funny joke. "And your sisters. Let's start with the little rat....she's good for nothing, I'll agree with you for that. Hated you with a passion she did. Ahh but the older one. She wasn't so bad...you know, apart from the drugs and sleeping with the whole school.... Told him anything else?" My face paled even more and my hands started shaking. "So many little secrets you keep. Hmm well there's....this...and that...oh I wonder if you told him that.....probably not. Ohh but maybe this, did she ever tell you about Johnny." My breath caught and I actually stumbled back a little. Harry turned around quickly to make sure I was okay.
"Bella we can go...we should go." I nodded quickly but was frozen to my spot.
"Oh it looks like you havnt told her about Johnny! Well its a good story it is. Little 7 year old Isabella here tried to convince us that my best mate had fucking molested her! Little bitch had the fake tears and all." He laughed and I turned my head away, forcing back the repulsive memories of my fathers best friend.
"Bella......" Harry breathed and tried to look at me, but I refused to meet his eyes. Now there's other fucking little thing he knows about me.
"So many secrets.....so many things he doesn't know. Did you ever tell him about the b-"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed to cut him off, knowing what he was about to say. How did he even know?
"So you never did tell him. Well, he can find out in his own time then. But why should I shut up? Why the fuck should I listen to you? What, you thought that maybe when you next saw me I'd be all sobered up in a suit, begging for another chance to be a father. Well keep dreaming fucker, coz that ain't happening!! You little motherfucker left because you were apparently too good for the family you were given. Ungrateful. Fuck you Isabella." He shook his head and turned to walk away but suddenly Harry had him pinned up against the brick wall.
"I said. Don't. Fucking. Speak. To. Her. Like. That." He growled and honestly I was too scared to do anything.
"Ha! You sure this guy is a step up from...who was it...Kyle? No Ky!! Yeah that was his name. Don't look so surprised, I keep my tabs on you, you are still my daughter. My slutty ugly ungrateful bitch of a daughter." Quicker then I could process Harry brought his fist back and slammed it into my fathers jaw, then throwing him to the ground. I jumped back, wide eyed.
"DONT FUCKING CALL HER THAT YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" He screamed so loudly I was afraid someone would hear and come out.
"Harry please lets just leave." I begged and tugged at his arm. Practically fuming, he turned around and I actually took a step back. His eyes were a darker green then I thought was possible.
"Harry?" I squeaked, afraid. His eyes immediately turned back to there usually colour and he stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm sorry Bella." He whispered. "Let's go...now."
With one of my arms around Bella's shoulders and the other at my side, my fist clenching and unclenching, we walked the rest of the way to the grocery store. When we got inside Bella turned to me.
"The girls wanted me to get some.....girl products...so can you get the ice-creams and I'll meet you out front in a minute." Although she was speaking to me, she didn't make eye contact, she hadn't since her dad said that things about Johnny. When he said it I honestly wanted to throw up. Ky was bad enough, but now the thought of some discounting man touching Bella when she was so little.
"Okay." I kissed her on the forehead lightly before watching her walk away. I know its bad of me, but I couldn't stop focusing on some of the things her dad had said.
".....how many fucking dates you've been on you little slut?"
"So many little secrets you keep?"
"So man secrets, so many things he doesn't know."
"Did you ever tell him about the b-"
How many things is Bella still keeping from me? I already feel like I know so much....there can't be that much more can there? I went and bought the ice-creams. Golden Gaytimes. At first when Jess told us to get them I freaked out, then Bella told me they are an icecream. I picked a few boxes before paying and walking outside. Bella was waiting close by the entrance, tapping her fingers hurriedly against the skin of her other arm, as she often does when she gets anxious. I walked up to her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She flinched and jumped away, before turning around and realising it was only me. She closed heir eyes and looked down.
"Sorry...I thought....I don't know......" She whispered, her voice cracking. I stepped forwards and pulled her close to me, comforted by the feeling of her small body in my arms.
"Please don't say sorry." I begged.
"Okay." She whispered into my chest. I rested my head in the crook of her neck. Catching a glimpse of the stars. They sky was still relatively light, but the stars had all come out.
"Love take a look at this." I turned Bella around and she looked at the sky, smiling. She stepped back into my body and held my arms around her.
"Thankyou." She breathed, closing her eyes and leaning back. We stood there for a while, just looking at the sky, before I finally spoke up.
"Do you want to go home yet?" She nodded and stepped out of my arms and taking one of my hands instead. I held hers tightly in mine, not wanting to ever let go. We walked about half of the way back in complete silence, until I could see the street in the distance.
"Bella?" She turned to me slowly, and when I saw the look in her eyes (that still wouldn't look me) my heart completely tore apart. She looked so broken, so sad, so tired.
"Yes?" Her voice was meek and held the same sadness her eyes did.
"Are we....going to talk about it?" I asked cautiously. She looked to the ground and shrugged.
"I don't know......you want to don't you...." She sighed, speaking more to herself then to me.
"We don't have to if you don't want to, but I just feel like if we don't talk about it then it's just going to build up on the inside of you...." I knew Bella enough to know that, if possible, she wouldn't talk about things, but I know that certain things would just eat her up from the inside if she didn't talk about it.
"Okay." She whispered. "We can talk about it." She still wouldn't look at me.
"Please look at me." I spoke softly. She gulped but didn't look up.
"Bella please," I begged, my own voice betraying me and cracking. She slowly lifted her head and looked at me in the eyes. They were swimming with tears she wouldn't let fall.
"What do you want me to say." Although her voice was quiet I could still tell how shaky it was.
"Whatever you want, just please say something, anything." I was on the verge of begging her to tell me what she was thinking.
"You want to know about all the dates, right?" She laughed a little and I frowned, a bit hurt that that's what she thinks I want to know about. Although I'd be lying to say that I hadn't been thinking about it a bit.
"No, its fine. I told you I have only had one other boyfriend, that's not I lie. Ky was my only other boyfriend," She paused. "But I went on a lot of dates. Like...a lot." I cringed a little at the though of her going out with anyone else. "I just....I had to have a reason not to go home...and I got asked out a fair bit. No idea why though." She shrugged and I had to stop myself from gaping at the fact that she didn't know why people would want to date her. "I had to get out...most of the people I went out it were boring little shits and whatnot...but I just....I needed to not go back......there." She blinked a lot, presumably trying not to cry. I stepped forwards with my arms around her waist.
"None of them meant anything....I just needed.....I just...." She bit her quivering lip and stopped talking.
"Shhh I know, I know baby you had to get out. I know. It's okay, your okay." I pulled her close to my chest and she clung on tight to my shirt. I was itching to know what her father was going to say that started with a 'b', but I figured I shouldn't. Bella leaned back and looked at me and I was shocked to see that she had not let even a single tear fall.
"Can we please go back now." She asked. I smiled softly and nodded, draping my arm around her shoulder we walked the rest of the way back in silence. We stepped inside and saw that every one was watching tv. Bella looked up at me.
"I'm just gonna go back to my room for a bit, I'll be out in a few minutes." She planted a soft kiss to my lips before whispering a thank you and walking off. I watched sadly and she went back to her room, not noticing Jess coming over to me.
"Is everything okay between you two? What happened." She asked curiously. I sighed and looked down at her.
"We.....we ran into her dad." Jess' face dropped and she looked to the hallway where Bella had walked sadly.
"Oh dear.....is she okay." She asked me. I shrugged.
"I have no idea." I answered honestly. Jess smiled sympathetically.
"I don't think any of us really know what Bella is thinking ever. Just be there for her Harry. Seeing everyone tomorrow should help though, everyone really loves her." Jess nodded thoughtfully before taking the ice-creams from my hands and motioning for me to go to Bella. I went to her room and was about to walk in when I heard Bella talking. The door was slightly cracked open so I peered in to see her on the phone to someone, picking at a loose thread on the bed.
"Yeah I'm fine.....I just...I don't know." She sighed into the phone. "I havnt seen him in so long.....he looks so much older...like 25 years older instead of like 5. You know a tiny part of me had hoped that if I did see him...he would be sober. For my sisters. How stupid am I to have thought that." She dropped her head to lean on her phone-free hand. Who the fuck is whoever she's talking to that she can talk to about her father, but not me.
"He came so close to telling Harry..." Her voice came down to a whisper and I completely stilled. "He was about to tell him about........" She trailed off and a I heard whoever it was responded but I couldn't hear what they said. "Yeah... about that. He came so close......he almost said it....fuck what would I have done if he had said it." She shook her head and sat, listening to the persons response. What the fuck are they saying?!
"Yeah......I should go now. I'll see you in a few days, bye Riley, love you." With that she hung up. Riley? She was talking to Riley?! Before today I didn't even know a Riley existed for gods sake how can she be so close to him that she talks to him about this shit and not me?! 'Love you,' what the fuck?! She does not get to say that to this Riley fucker. And what was her dad about to tell me that Riley already knew about? Fucking Riley...
The next day
I waited impatiently for Bella and Eliza to get dressed. They spent ages last night picking dresses that hid there bikinis underneath and deciding how to have there hair. It was Eliza who came out first. I raised my eyebrows approvingly.
"You look lovely." I complimented her. She smiled up at me.
"Thanks Harry. Wait 'till you see Bella," A few minutes later Bella came out and I swear my knees almost buckled she looked so damn amazing.
"You look gorgeous Bella." I breathed, walking over to her and kissing her.
"Thanks." She shrugged, blushing and looked down, as though she didn't believe it.
"You're the most beautiful person I have ever met, you know that right?" I asked, she hesitated and nodded, unconvincingly, before wrapping her arms around my neck.
"Thank you so much for coming Harry." She whispered.
"Thank you for letting me come." I spoke back. She smiled softly then blinked.
"Oh...just a few things. They older people will try to find out every little detail they can from you about the both of us. Don't be scared of them, they will like you more if you arnt a coward. You probably will have to play some very....inventive tag games with the little kids. And the people our age are great, but they like to have fun.....you'll get what I mean later. Apart from that you should be fine.......yeahhh." She laughed awkwardly. I gulped.
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