Five Lovestories

The tape started to play. It was the same room, the same Louis, the same background.. but it was still so different. I couldn't figure it out. Suddenly, Bim came into the room. But the memory of her walking into the room was clear to me, and this wasn't the way she had walked in on the previous tape.. I barely even noticed that I now stood up from my sitting position on the chair, in front of the huge whiteboard. Bim walked so strange, she took unnecessary big, slowly steps, and when she finally was in front of Louis, I couldn't believe what was happening. Bim leaned in quickly, and shoved her tongue down his throat. A big gasp came from my mouth, as I continued to watch her, throwing herself over him, while he was trying to get her off him. When he finally had gotten his hands around her jaw, he pressed her away from him. A brief moment of complete silence occurred between them, until Bim started to walk backwards in a quick pace. She then closed the door, and left Louis alone. He threw glances all over the room, looking scared and worried. The whiteboard went black, and Louis turned the lights on again.
I didn't know what to say, or what to do. Louis had been right the whole time, and Bim had gotten inside my head. I couldn't belive it myself. I slowly turned around, with my mouth still open. Louis got the fact that I was speechless, and stood up too.

"Look.. I don't want you to feel any guilt. I don't blame you for not believing me, Bim did a pretty good job on that tape, and it's just.. I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Sorry?" I breathed. "You're sorry? God, Louis.. I.. I don't know what to say.."

"Hey, come here.." Louis said as he saw my eyes start to cringe.

I rushed into his arms. I didn't care about anything, about the stupid rules, about Zayn, I just needed that hug. Right there, and right at that moment. Louis hand was stroking over my hair, and the other one was caressing my back, to keep me from falling apart.

"Louis.. Louis.. I'm sorry.." I sobbed into his chest.

"Me too.." He whispered and softly kissed my forehead.

I pulled away and looked straight in his eyes.

"What now? What are we going to do about Bim? That bitch is crazy, I swear.."

"Hey, listen.. I know she has been awful to you, to me, and I don't even know what else she has done to you. But think about it.. She has been through a lot. Maybe she's just acting this way, because she thought revenge was the only way out?"

"Wait.." I said and leaned against a chair instead of him. "You're defending her now?"

"I'm not! It's not like we're going to braid each others hair, or go shopping the first thing we do. I get it. I don't like her either, I mean for God's sake, I'm aware of what she just did.. It's just.. what we did to her wasn't the nicest thing ever, and I don't know what got her this mad all of the sudden, but just try to see it from her point of view."

Louis took a step closer, just like what he was about to say was private, some secret.

"Look, I don't know what she's told you.." He whispered. "But I've seen the scars on her arms. Maybe it has something to do with her background, maybe she got her heart broken, I don't know. But it just seems like she hasn't had it very good."

I sighed. I knew he was right, of course he was. I had done things to her, more than once. And her background-story wasn't the prettiest either. And I knew her temper, I knew what she was capable of. I had just never seen this coming. What she had done was worse than what I had done to her, at least I wanted to believe that.
Louis looked at me with his sympathetic eyes. He was so kind, to everyone. Even to the people who didn't deserve it. I smiled and felt happy to have him in my life. Everyone needs a Louis, I thought.

"I'm not saying you should give her anything, any sort of friendship, or any kind of love. Frankly, I don't think she deserves you. But maybe you guys should talk this through. It's the only way to really find out the anger behind it, anyways. And when you are all clear with each other, you can just as well be done there. Call it a truce, stop hating each other. Maybe she really feels bad about this."

I started to think. Maybe she did, even though it was hard to picture it. I wanted to agree with Louis, I knew he was right, it was just.. I had given Bim so many chances. She had blown them all, and not even given a rats ass about it. Almost like she was expecting to get more of them, served on a silverplate. I was tired, and exhausted. But who wasn't?

"I guess I can talk to her.." I said low, and I felt Louis smile in front of me. "But I don't want anything from her. I can forget what happened, sure, I can try. But I don't know if I'll ever forgive her."

"And I don't blame you." Louis hurried to say. "It's just.. People make mistakes, and they grow. Maybe this made Bim grow, change. She can't possible just walk away from it, not feeling anything. I know her well enough to say that she isn't that kind of a person, I know she'll learn something from this."

"And why are you so sure about that?" I said with a tired smile.

"Because I've been where she is. Or, well, I never made a fake tape where I kissed someone to get back at someone else, because I'm not a crazy bitch, but.."

I laughed, and holy heaven, it felt so good.

".. But I've done things I regret deeply, and never got the chance to make it up to the people I hurted. If there's something I remember thinking, is that I was praying for a second chance, for at least some understanding. I think we owe Bim that."

"We don't owe her anything.." I said.

"Yeah, but you know what I mean."

I sighed, and gave him a relcutant nod. Not that I could ever imagine Louis hurting someone, but I did get where he was coming from.

"Thank you Louis, for everything." I said low, and found myself stuck in his baby blue eyes.

"I would never do anything to hurt you. I.. I love you." He said, even lower than me.

As my mouth grew wider, my love for him grew twice as much. I was just about to tell him the same three little words, when a distant sound awakened me. I looked up, and the door was open. In the doorway was Zayn standing. A part of me wanted to jump into his arms and stay there forever, and another part of me got sad. I didn't get the chance to tell Louis what I had been craving to say, and I was really enjoying the alone-time with him.

"What is happening here?" Zayn asked and started to walk down the stairs to reach us.

I suddenly realized just how wrong this looked, how much I had cried, how close Louis and I were standing. I hurried to walk to towards him.

"I'm sorry for leaving you like that, Zayn.." I said when finally stood in front of him.

"No, it's okay.." He said. "Wait, have you been crying? What is going on?!"

I shooked my head and just hugged him. I knew this was the time, I had to tell him what was going on. I just needed to be alone with him when I did.

"Did he do something to you?" Zayn whispered, shocked.

"No, no, no! I will tell you everything, can we just.. can we just get out of here?"

Zayn nodded and we both said goodbye to Louis.

The café was dusky and outside it was raining. There was candles lit everywhere, and on the table in front of us stood two steamy cups. Zayn reached out for my hand, and kissed it.

"Why didn't you tell me all this while it was going on? I could've.. done.. something." He said quietly.

"I know, it was stupid. I'm just not used to.. share that kind of stuff. I mostely keep it to myself, solve it by my own, somehow. It won't happen again, I promise."

Zayn nodded, understanding.

"As long as you are okay, I'm okay."

I smiled, and leaned in for a kiss. It was just a short one, but it was important to me. I really loved this guy, he made my stomach flip, just like Harry had.
Then I suddenly remembered. The trip was happening tomorrow morning, and I wasn't even finished with my packing. I needed to get up to my room, but not only to pack. I knew that it was several things I had to do there.

"We should get going. It's a big day tomorrow." I said.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go back."

When we were back at the college, I was amazed by how slow time had went by. The classes Zayn and I had skipped was now over, and the sun was still high upon the sky.

"I'll meet you back at your place, okay?" I said to Zayn.

"Are you sure? Bim might be there, you know.."

"Yeah, I know. I just.. I kinda need to talk to her."

"Okay. Be careful. Or.. I mean, just.. be nice to each other.."

"I promise." I said and let go of his hand.

On my way up, I was thinking it all through. Should I really go with Louis idea? Be nice to her, or at least don't show any anger? After all of this? After breaking my heart, being a bitch about it, and cutting me out of her life totally? Louis was right, she didn't deserve me. But I guess he was right about the other stuff too. Despite everything, she really had been though a lot. And I had made sure she went through a new hell, and I never should've hurted her in the first place. Maybe she did it out of love, I thought, how ridiculous that might sound.
Sarah once told me that the people who hurt you the most, are the ones who also love you the most. And the ones that are hurting you the most, is the people you love the most. I suddenly stopped in the long corridor. I realized something. I loved her. I always would. I had held her in my arms in her darkest hours, she had been there for me in other situations, we had both poured our hearts out for each other. She had made mistakes, I had made mistakes, but would it be so bad to look beyond them? To forget, to start over? I knew I still had so much to learn about her, but I already felt the most amazing bond between us.
It was my love for her that made what she had done so painful, I suddenly got that. Louis was right. She had done what she thought she had to do, and she deserved a second chance.
I started running up the stairs and the corridors, suddenly excited to meet her. When I finally got to my dormitory, I was panting, and leaning agaist the opposite wall. I layed my hand on the doorknob, and opened up. But what I saw wasn't the normal sight I was hoping for. Bims scared eyes quickly met mine, and I dropped my bag to the ground.

"Bim.." I breathed, as I saw her shaking hand holding a knife over her right arm. "Put it down.."

"Don't come close to me.." She cried. "I have to do this.. I have to.."

"I said, put it away..!" I said as I was slowly getting closer to her.

Inside, I was panicking. I didn't know how to handle the situation, what to do. But the outside of me tried to remain calm, for her. I stared into her eyes, tried to give orders through our eyecontact. She looked so scared, she looked like the little, fragile girl from her childhood.

"Bim, you're worth more. Just.. put it down. I know you can.."

"Why are you even here?" She cried, still holding the knife near her skin. "I have done everything I can for you to hate me.. It's the only way for you to stop being with me.. You deserve better than me!"

"Bim, put it down! We can talk about it, alright?" I said, now starting to sound upset and desperate, which really wasn't good for her.

"There's nothing to talk about.. I screwed up.. I screwed up, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.."

Her intense crying made it hard for her to keep the knife above her naked arm, and it was shaking scary much.

"It's fine, okay?" I said. "It's okay, let's just talk about it, it's alright!" I said and tried to get even closer, slowly.

"I deserve it, Kath.. I've never done something like this, you have to believe me.. I deserve it.."

She was crying louder, and my heartrace was getting higher. I was almost shaking harder than her, as I was just a few feet away from her. In one second, I was afraid she was going to do it. She raised the knife high in the air, gasped for air, and.. dropped the knife. It hit the floor, and the cold metal bounced away from her. Her arms fell down, helplessly hanging on her sides. She was crying, but I was able to breathe again. It was over.

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