Five Lovestories

That night, when I got back from my and Zayns date, I fell asleep in his arms. But then I woke up. And again. And again. It was the same dream, over and over haunting me, and keeping me from feeling okay. That kiss, it was everything about it. The passion in it, the fact that it was Louis actually doing it, and even worse, the fact that it was Bim he was kissing. Louis was mine, even though it sounded childish. A few silent tears were shed that night, reflected in the fullmoon. I wandered around in the room, thinking about everything. The most shocking thing was that now, suddenly, I had begun to get the strongest feelings for him.

"You know what they say.." I whispered to myself in the mirror. "You don't know what you have until it's gone.."

But then I wiped away my tears, and went to bed again, hoping to get at least one hour of sleep until it was time to get up again. When the morning came, I was still awake.

"Hey there.." Zayn murmured against my back.

I turned around and looked him in the eyes. The warmth inbetween our sheets, the smell of nudity mixed with Zayns amazing scent, it had all become a regular day-boost, just the little dose of happiness I needed everyday to survive.

"Goodmorning." I said and leaned in even closer to feel my lips on his.

Even though I had had the worst night ever, I suddenly felt pretty happy.

"Let's just get this day over with." I grinned and Zayn chuckled low.

"Well, that's not really the spirit I was waiting to hear.."

I smiled. The thing he didn't get was that I was serious. If I couldn't be here with Zayn, laying in bed all day, getting high on his hands stumbling over my skin and his lips leaving marks on me, I didn't wanna live through it. Because he was like a drug, it came from some kind of power in his eyes, that made me feel hypnotized, and numbed the pain I was still recovering from. It was the only way to forget what was happening.

"So.." He said and cleared his throat low. "What did you think of last nights date? Was it okay?"

"It was amazing.." I smiled.

"You sure? Because you seemed a little.."

"I know. My mind was just somewhere else. But I loved it." I said and stroked my nose against his.

He nodded and smiled.

"Hey." I said and grabbed his chin. "Why don't you pick my outfit while I take a shower?"

"Sure." He shrugged and kissed me before I disappeared into the bathroom.

When I got out, I saw a well-picked outfit on the bed. It was actually really well done of him, but I guess style is in his blood. Next to the layed out clothes, was a post-it-note.

"See you down in the cafeteria. Hope you like the outfit I picked out for you!! xx :) Love you"

I blushed with a enormous smile. God, he's sweet.


"How do you feel about that, Kath? Kath? Are you listening?"

My glance trembled, a little lost in the huge room, but found their way back to Zayns eyes.

"Huh, yeah?" I said and nodded.

"Would you like that?" He repeated.

"Y-yeah. Or.. what?" I asked.

Zayn shooked his head while grinning.

"Do you wanna take a coffee three o'clock?"

I was sweating. Why?
Nervous, I nodded. Zayn nodded too.

"Are you oka-"

"Actually." I interrupted him while breathing heavily. "I think I need a break."

Zayn gave me a frown, a worried frown.

"Kath.. talk to me. Kath? How are you?"

Louis lips on Bims.. Passionate, hungry..

"Kath?"

Zayn didn't succeed to bring me back to reality, I was just getting even more confused, the images was blurred, but they pounded harshly in front of my eyes, I was going crazy.

"Are you okay?"

The fact that Zayn kept bombing me with questions, that echoed in my head and fucked it all up, didn't make anything better. I started to cold-sweat and my body was shaking. Zayn was too close, he asked too many questions. Everywhere it was buzzing, and the sun was shining annoyingly bright, directly into my eyes.

"I-I'm fucking suffocating..!" I stuttered and managed to get up on my legs.

Suddenly, I was no longer with Zayn, in the crowded music-hall. I was outside, it was quiet, and I was alone. I started to, without feeling my legs, walk towards hall 9. Hall 9 was big, almost bigger than the cafeteria. I didn't even hesitate, I yanked the door open and slammed it close behind me. The air in there wasn't heated and thick like in the previous one, it was cold and soft against my cheeks. It felt like I could finally breathe out, even though I wasn't even near breathing out. Everything was spinning out of control.

"What am I gonna do?" I whispered to myself and felt the tears coming as I spoke out loud. "Don't cry, Kath, please.. don't cry.."

I cleared my throat and straightened up my shoulders to feel confident. Then I walked down all the stairs, enjoying my lonely company, and sat down on the front row. The whiteboard in front of me wasn't lit, it was just lowered, probably left that way.
Suddenly, the silence became too loud. Or maybe my needs to sing became too strong.

It's probably what's best for you
I only want the best for you
and if I'm not the best
then you're stuck
I tried to sever ties
and I ended up with wounds to bind
its like you're pouring salt in my cuts
And I just ran out of bandaids
I don't even know where to start
cause you can bandage the damage
you never really can fix a heart

My voice echoed through the huge room, hit every corner and escaped through the doors and the windows. It felt good. I let the music live inside of me, I let the tears float down all how they wanted. But my suddenly peaceful and happy feeling that had taken over all my senses, disappeared when I heard the door open. I turned around, but the lights in the room was turned off before I could catch whoever was there.

"I have the tape."

Of course, I thought. Louis.

"Keep it. I don't wanna see it, or you again." I said low, but my words echoed loud in the room.

Even though it was dark, I could see a smile on his lips. How dare he? I thought. He slowly came down the stairs, and the closer he got, the clearer I could see what he was holding. The stupid tape. But also, something else. Was it a.. remote? Louis looked down at it, clicked on a button, and suddenly, the whiteboard behind me was shining brightly white. On a table in front of me stood a computor. Louis walked towards it, and.. wait. What was he doing?

"What the are you doing?" I asked.

"Well.. I knew something was wrong with this tape when I saw it, after you threw it at me.."

"Don't you dare play it again.." I whispered with tears on their edges of falling. "Not on the whiteboard, with the loudspeakers.. I can't handle that.."

But Louis didn't care. He pushed in the tape, and let the process roll. After a few seconds, I had the same horrifying frames in front of me, playing with and even harder pain hitting me in the stomach.

"Turn it off.." I begged.

"Babe, don't you see anything wrong with this?" Louis asked me and tried to hold my hands.

I hated him for calling me babe, I hated him for touching me, I hated him for the tape I has just rewatched, I hated him so much, for so many reasons. But somehow, a voice inside of me told me to just try. I turned my face up to the giant screen, but shooked my head.

"Everything is wrong with this! I see you, kissing Bim.. Why does it have to hurt so much?.. Why did you have to do it?" I sobbed towards him.

"Well.. what you saw, wasn't what happened."

I looked at him. What the heck was he talking about?

"But that was you, and that was Bim.. and that was a kiss.. Right?" I asked him.

"Well, yeah."

I was totally lost.

"Here, I'll show you." Louis said and opened some new files.

After minutes of opening new programs, and fixing the tape into new clips, we had a whole new tape in front of us.

"Let me introduce you to the real tape." He said, and clicked on 'play'.

Notes