Five Lovestories

The sound of an untuned guitar echoed in the huge and almost empty classroom, but not only was the instrument out of tune, the hands on it had no control. Those hands belonged to Zayn Malik. I had practically forced the guitar on him, and before that, I forced his hands on a piano. And some drums. And a flute. But he couldn't play any of them, not even the guitar.

"I'm telling you, I can't play any instruments!" He laughed.

I loved his laugh. Sure, Harrys laugh was squeaky, loud and high-pitched, and most of the times, his laugh was funnier than the actual joke. Harry could find any random reason to laugh his ass off, but Zayn just couldn't. His humor was more rare, more particular. So yes, not always did you see him laughing, but when he did.. you couldn't help to get a shiver down your spine. It was warm, friendly, happy, crazy sexy.. And so special. Slow, kind of, and whining. There was no real words to really describe it, but once I had experienced it, I knew that I would never hear a laugh as cute as his.

"Here, let me.." I said with a small smile on my face.

I took the guitar and, familiar as I was, started to loosen some of the heads, to tune the quitar and give Zayn at least one chance to improve.

"Kath, uhm.."

I looked up and met his eyes for a millisecond, until he looked away to avoid them.

"I just.. eh.."

I couldn't deny it. I loved this shy side of him, but what he had started to show off this morning, his more social and brave side, wasn't exactly something bad either.

"C-can I.. kind of.. have your n-number?" He stuttered.

I was dying inside. This extremely shy, almost scared, side of him was beyond adorable, and nothing but cute. Strangely, his question made my heart race, and my thin forehead-skin start to sweat. Embarrassing, I thought and slightly wiped my arm against my forehead. Then I smiled and somehow leaned in to give him a kiss. I was sitting on his left, on the floor, with a huge guitar in my hand, so how I succeeded to give him such a perfect kiss was pretty skilled. I started laughing in the middle of the kiss, and gently pulled his chin.

"I'm glad you asked." I said against his soft lips, still with closed eyes.

Zayn looked at me, from my mouth and up to my eyes. I bit my lower lip playfully and giggled as I grabbed a pen from my back pocket.

"Give me your hand." I said.

With a squiggly handwriting, he now had a few numbers on his brown skin.

"Thanks babe." He said low.

"And now, let's play this baby." I said and layed my hand on the strings.

Slowly as the song were, I started to play a few quiet, peaceful chords. I could feel Zayns eyes follow my hand, but after a while travel up to my upper body, my chest, and my face. He wasn't a pervert, I knew that. And I also knew he'd never.. I interrupted my thoughts that were going dangerously far, and focused on the melody instead. But still, it was nice, just sitting and playing, with Zayn in my company. With Harry, it could never be boring. But with Zayn, it could never be uncomfortable. It could never be awkward, no matter how nervous he was. I just really felt like I could be myself with him, and share secrets with him.
My body suddenly started to hurt. Share secrets, I thought, that was one thing I had already done, earlier. I had tried to avoid the panicking feeling, the voice inside me that screamed that I had done something terrible, all day long. Maybe because it was right. But I had been so sure that I could share my deepest thoughts with him, without feeling any regrets. Feeling casual, feeling nothing. But I was sure that my remorse inside of me wasn't nothing, it was more like everything.

"Hey, that's "Fall" by Justin Bieber, right?" Niall suddenly said.

I looked up at him. In a second, I was back at reality. Both Zayn and Niall was staring at me.

"Y-yeah, it is." I said after a while, and added a smile at the end.

"That was great." Zayn said. "Niall here is like the biggest Justin Bieber-fan ever."

"Man!" Niall said towards Zayn.

"Really?" I asked with a laugh. "I love him too."

Niall blushed and scratched his neck.

"Yeah, I guess he's pretty good.."

Both Zayn and I laughed at his red face, and Niall smiled. We were all interrupted by the speakers, cracking in every corner.

"Good afternoon, students. I have some terrible news to tell you, and I want you all to remain calm."

I knew exactly what she was going to say, just by hearing those few words.

"There has been a break-in, in one of the dormitorys."

I could see how everyone gasped.

"The theif is not identified, but if that someone would like to change that, I will be happy to receive you at my office. Now, let me just assure you all. Nothing serious happend, and as long as you stay here at "Vocal University", you will be safe, so you don't have to worry. We also have some good news to announce. Since the little accident, we have decided, just to be on the safe side, to invest some new security cameras, high tech, to cover up every empty corner with. So once again, feel just as free and safe as before, and have a good day."

Right after the speakers were turned off, everyone started buzzing, and it all got louder.

"What the.." Zayn said low.

Niall looked at me with big eyes.

"Why aren't you surprised?" He asked.

"Because I already knew about this."

"You're not the robber, are you?" Zayn said and I laughed.

"Niall.." I said low towards him.

He nodded.

"Can I please talk to Zayn, like, alone?"

He nodded again with a smile, and walked away. I turned to face Zayn, and made small jumps on my butt to get closer to him.

"You know my roommate, Bim?"

"The one who cuts her.."

"Shh!" I hissed, sounding harsher than I expected. "Yeah, her. Our principal found her, and she brought her to our room, and somehow.. she told us."

"Wait, Bim was gone?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah, or, well.. a lot has happened, okay? I can't tell you everything, because then I would have to explain.."

My stomach once again ached when I thought about Bim and her lifestory, her mom, her dad.. Zayn looked at me with disappointment in his eyes.

"Okay." He said and nodded.

He wasn't the type who would fight back, I knew him that much.

My mouth was dry, and my legs were almost giving up. As usual, my body was acting out when I was under pressure, or when I was feeling nervous. I tried to keep my breathing on a normal level, but it was almost impossible, as the space between me and the door seemed to get smaller and smaller. I slowly raised my hand to the doorknob. This is it.
Too many thoughts were flying around in my head to keep them still, too many emotions, predictions and whishes. I had to do it, now, I had to. I had to tell her. All day, I had been walking around, feeling terrible. Why, oh why, did I tell him? Sure, he is my boyfriend, I thought. But for Gods sake, somewhere a line has to be drawn. So what, it was okay to tell him that she was depressed and that she was cutting herself, but tell him her lifestory wasn't? That didn't make any sense at all. And sure, I "couldn't keep it in". So why in the heavens didn't I just book an appointment with a psychologist? Or go talk to a priest? Or talk to my old, stuffed animal in my closet? Anyone? If I was so desperate, I seriously could've gone down to the forbidden liberary, and talked to myself. I knew talking to Zayn wasn't a good idea, I knew I would end up feeling this way. It wasn't Zayn it was wrong with, I wouldn't have told any of the guys, it was me. It was my big mouth that couldn't keep being shut. For christ's sake, I told him not only Bims, but my darkest secret too. How could I? I tried to think back, and feel everything I was feeling that exact moment when I told him. How could I have been so heartless? How could I have been so light-headed?
The regret had been gnawing inside of me all day, the questions had been building up and destroying me. The little of what was left of my and Bims relation would soon be gone, and I could never win her trust back. It was the only way. I had to tell her. I was not going to make the same mistake again, I wasn't gonna let her find out first this time. Sure, either way, I would loose. But it didn't matter, I had decided.
I slowly pushed the doorknob down, and opened. Bim was watching TV, I could hear "Americas Next Top Model" on the TV. But as I walked in, I noticed she wasn't on the couch. She wasn't on the bed either, and the shower wasn't on. She couldn't be on the toilet, since I didn't hear any sound, and I knew she never lingered in there. She couldn't have left the room either, since her phone was on the desk, and she didn't go anywhere without it.

"Bim..?" I shouted.

Then I heard it. Someone in the bathroom.

"Fuck..!" Bim hissed and then it sounded like she was packing down some things in a bag.

"Bim, what are you.."

I acted fast, grabbed a knife on the table and locked the door up, and the sight I was hoping not to see, appeared right in front of me. Bim was frozen, she knew it was over. She couldn't run to make it go away, it didn't even matter anymore. She could sit there until I walked away.
There were tears on her cheeks, mascara under her eyes, her hair was messy, and her sleeve was pulled up to her shoulder. And there I was, watching her and her naked arm, with dark blood coming out of small, fresh cuts.

Notes