Five Lovestories

I woke up feeling happy and alert, from the one, maybe two hours of sleeping. Having Bim back was a bigger adjustment than I thought, and even though she had pretty much signaled yesterday that we weren't anywhere near friends, I felt like I had some hope at least. I turned off my beeping alarm clock and practically jumped into the closet, to pick a pretty outfit I had bought with Niall a while ago. The storm was gone, but what it had done to the college and it's nature, was evident. Tree branches and small bushes were all over the place, but there was something beautiful over it too. It might have just been me, since I was on such a good mood, but when I walked over to the window, I was almost blown away. The fresh, green morning-grass were shining from the suns refelction in the dew, and the sun was just about to come up from the horizon. I smiled at the beautiful sight below me, but flinched when I heard a quiet groan behind me.

"I seriously don't have the energy for this.." Bim said and struggled her way up on her elbows.

I turned around with the biggest smile.

"Well, maybe that's because you have been sleeping on the cold ground for a couple of days, and been skipping classes."

She made a noise, which I mostely think was out of pity for my half-joke.

"Yeah, about that.. I won't be going today either.."

"What?" I asked and sat down on her bed. "You gotta go, Bim!"

But my caring gesture, which was a hand up her thigh, obviously wasn't a good thing. She yanked it off her and stared at me with a disgusted face.

"Kath, you gotta stop! We aren't friends! Stop acting like you care about me."

"I do care about you!" I defended myself.

"Yeah? You didn't seem to when you knew what Louis had said, and even worse, knew that you were the one he was talking about! You lied to me! I won't ever forgive you, Kath. So can we just try to avoid each other while I'm here?"

"Which will be like a few years, you know?"

Bim sighed. I was upset, I thought we could really start over, but now.. She still hadn't forgiven me, but she didn't hate me? I couldn't figure her out. What did she really feel?

"Bim, we don't have to be friends, we don't even need to talk, if that's what you want. But you can never say that I don't care about you, because I always will."

She stared at me with parted lips.

"Whatever." She said eventually. "I just wanted you to know.."

"Yeah, you have made that pretty clear for a while now.." I mumbled.

"No, not that. I wanted to let you know that I'm staying in today."

"Why?" I asked.

"I feel sick." She said low.

I stood up from her bed, feeling nothing but hopeless. How could I think that we could be friends again? After what I did to her? Honestly, what did I expect? I knew she would find out, and I kept sneaking around on my tip toes, almost waiting for her to find out. Why didn't I just man up, and tell her? Maybe my honesty would've saved my relationship with her, maybe she would've been angry for a while, but then got over it. I wanted to rewind time, change my stupid behavoir. For Gods sake, she was there, crying in my arms, asking herself what was wrong with her and why Louis wouldn't wanna be with her. And all I did, was to go behind her back, and being a bitch. But it was done, I couldn't take it back, I just had to pay the price everyday, there was nothing else I could do. Why did I even think for a second she would forgive me? She obviously wanted to get over it, and start over, but here I was. Hanging over her shoulder, talking to her constantly.. She was right. I needed to avoid her, for hers sake. At the end of the day, I did care about her.
My happy mood suddenly changed, she clearly wasn't the only one feeling sick in this room. But I swallowed my worry, and picked up my bag from the floor and closed the door behind me.


"Hey, is something wrong?" Zayn asked me.

We were sitting on another lunch, next to each other this time. I was happy that he took the initiative to not sit on the opposite seat of me, but I was still sad about what happened earlier that morning. I just didn't know it was so noticeable.

"No, it's nothing." I smiled and took another bite of my sandwhich.

"Hey.." Zayn said and layed his hand over mine.

Wow, I thought and looked up at him. He was really getting good at this. Instantly, the butterflies in my stomach started to flutter as the feeling of his his soft, brown skin on mine hit me.

"I'm not good at this.." He stuttered. "But.. I just want us to be able to talk about everything, okay?"

I couldn't resist to nod, he finally was the person I knew he could be, and I didn't even know if it was just a temporarily thing. It was a huge decision, but I finally gathered myself together and took a deep breath. I knew it was a horrible thing to do, but honestly.. It couldn't get any worse between us, and if it was one thing I knew, it was that I could trust Zayn with all my heart.

"Can you keep a secret?" I whispered.

He looked into my eyes, a gaze that I had never experienced before. It was so intense, so much feeling and emotions that were trying to break out of it. So much.. trust. But it was too late. His dark, thin eyes already had control over me, and I couldn't keep the words in. I just can't keep it in anymore, someone has to know, was the last thing I thought before I started to speak.

"You know when I told you about my roommate? That time when you showed me your dormitory, and told me about that Walter-guy?"

"Yeah, I remember." He smiled. "Her name was Bim, right?"

I nodded, and quickly tried to think through what I was about to say. It was awful, but it was also too late. I had to do it.

"There's something wrong with her.." I said low.

Zayn raised his eyebrows as "really?".

"She's.. she's depressed, and.."

"Oh.." Zayn said with his eyebrows swiftly changing to a very sad expression.

"And she.. selfharms.."

And the sad expression changed back to the previous one quicker than last time.

"R-really..?"

"Yeah.." I said low. "Look, it's a big step to tell you, I'm not supposed to.. I don't even know why she.."

"No, listen Kath.." Zayn said. "If there's something bothering you, I want to know.. Regardless of the situation, or if you're not aloud to tell me.. And you don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Yeah.. I just wanted you to know, there's just some stuff going on, and you deserve to know that.."

He nodded.

"So.. pinky promise you won't tell?" I asked and gave him my finger.

Instead of taking my finger, he took my whole hand and put it on his chest, close to his heart.

"Cross my heart." He whispered.

I stared at him for a long while. I had almost forgotten how much I loved him, but now the feelings were just bubbling up from nowhere. Thank God for his mature behaviour, I thought, it was just what I needed, this sad morning. I leaned in to kiss him, not one of those rough ones, just a soft, gentle one, filled with emotions. For a minute I thought I was going to cry, I loved him so much. But I pulled myself together, and brought my hands up to his cheeks, and felt his small stubble with my fingertops.

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