Liam drove us back to my flat and we all went inside. Liam wanted to keep a close eye on us because he was worried about Niall. He was also there in case Ella needed to be changed or cuddled. It was close to her bedtime so I prayed she would sleep while I explained things to Niall.
Speaking of Niall, he hasn't let go of me in any way. He is always making sure he's holding onto me somehow. But I really didn't mind. We got into the living room and I sat on the couch. Niall laid so his head was in my lap. I started to run my fingers through Ni's hair and I didn't even realize I was doing it until Niall sighed and his eyes started to flutter close.
I said "Niall?"
He said "Yes, princess?"
I said "Don't you hate me for leaving?"
He said "You're here now and I've got you and that's what matters."
I started to cry. All the pain I had been feeling for the last year seemed to pour out of my eyes. I cried so hard that I started hiccuping and I couldn't catch my breath. Niall sat up and pulled me into his lap, stroking my hair and trying to calm me but his comfort only made me feel worse. I pushed on his chest to try and distance myself from him so I could suffer for all the pain I caused him but he firmly held me in his lap and wouldn't let me go.
I hiccuped "Ni, I don't deserve your comfort. You're supposed to be screaming at me and cussing at me for leaving."
Niall shook his head and said "That would only push you away so you would leave me again."
I said "Ni, what's wrong?"
He sighed and said "I'm terrified you're going to leave again and I know there is no way I will go on living if you do. I just can't."
That terrified me. I don't ever want to leave Niall again but what happens if I get hurt and don't make it? He has to go on living. Ella needs at least one parent in her life. I've caused Niall to suffer from abandonment and I have to face the consequences of my decision, meaning I have to repair him.
I said "Niall, you would have to keep living because there's someone who would depend on you."
He looked at me confused.
I took a deep, shaky breath before I said, "Niall, you remember a month before I left we were talking about having a family one day and how you wanted to wait until you see again to have a child?"
He nodded.
I said "Well a few weeks after that conversation, I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared and confused and I hated myself for not following your one simple request. So without thinking of what it would do to you, I left."
Soon before I could say anything or Niall could say anything, his lips were on mine. I was expecting him to do anything but kiss me when I told him. I was too shocked to kiss back but when I realized what was going on, Niall had pulled away with the hugest grin on his face.
He said "We have a baby?!"
He looked like a little boy who just got told he is going to Disneyworld. It didn't set well in my stomach. I am glad he's happy but I kinda wish he would hate me, or yell at me, anything. I deserve to be beaten, at least I think I do.
I said "Would you like to meet your daughter, Ni?"
Tears starting falling down his face as he nodded. I started to get up and leave but Niall panicked.
He said "Where are you going? Are you gonna come right back?"
He held onto my hand like his life depended on it.
I said "How about you come upstairs with me and I'll introduce you to Ella?"