I turn over on my side and slam my alarm clock. It’s time for me to get up and go to school. Instead, I roll back over and scream into my pillow. It doesn’t help much. About five minutes later I am out of bed and slowly but surely getting dressed. (I slept in the main house) I swiftly grab the purse from yesterday on my way out of the room and head towards the kitchen. I don’t feel like eating much so I just have two pop tarts; only because I want to lower the risk of a repeat of yesterdays events. Soon it’s time to for me to go to the bus stop. Too soon. But I take a deep breath, and leave the house anyway.

I’m in no rush today. I walk slowly down the long drive way which seemed too short on the day I wish it would never end. I don’t wait long. The bus soon approaches and it’s time for me to get on. When I get on the bus, everyone immediately looks at me. Did it quieter? I think it did. Or maybe I’m just losing it. Yeah, it’s probably that one.

As I head to the back where I sat yesterday, I hear laughter. Not from everyone, but from a few people as I pass them. I hear a few whispers as well. “That’s her" and “Oh my gosh, there she is!" Great. Nobody ever notices me, but when they do, it’s because I’ve humiliated myself in front of the whole school.

I take my seat and look out the window. I put in my iPod to drown out the now loud bus and close my eyes. The song "Paradise" by Coldplay comes on. Perfect. I listen to a couple of more songs afterwards, but soon we are at school. It was nice getting off the bus without the fear of passing out. What wasn’t nice however, were the people. My day was not starting off well.

As I make my way inside people laugh as I pass them; just like the people on the bus. Except this time, they make more comments. “Whoa, she came back!" “Don’t pass out again, loser!" “Oh my gosh…there’s that girl from yesterday…freak" “What happened yesterday? Overdose much?" There were more but I tried blocking them out. Some were meant to be heard, others weren’t. Either way I heard and it hurt. It hurt more than they could possibly imagine.

I think I’m doing pretty well though, that is until I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away in hope that no one noticed. I have five minutes before the warning bell so I decide to go to the bathroom to make sure I didn’t look like I was about to bawl any second and to check on my makeup.

I walk in and see another girl looking at herself in the mirror. She’s fixing her makeup but glances at me a moment before applying more mascara to her already incredibly long lashes. I go to a sink but leave one between us. As I begin to carefully wipe away moisture from underneath my eyes, the girl turns to me.

“Hi, my name is Amanda." she smiled showing off her too perfect white teeth. Her hair is golden blonde with brown lowlights and not a single hair was out of place. Her skin seems flawless and her eyes a bright blue color. Her makeup is done perfectly and she doesn’t seem real. She looks like a real life barbie doll. Clothes and all. I smiled a bit and said, “My name is Megan."

Amanda began to fix her already perfect hair with her hands. “So, I guess you think that whole passing out thing yesterday is a good thing, huh?" She had to be kidding. “Umm…excuse me? What are you talking about?" The confusion was very clear in my voice. She quickly turned to me again. “Don’t play dumb with me. You think just because you passed out everyone is going to feel so sorry for you and just love you, right? Wrong. They all think you’re a freak. Not that you’re not use to it or anything, because I’m sure you are." She put her makeup in her bag and walked closer to me.

She spoke in a low, plummy accent and said, “Don’t try to fit in with us, Megan. You never will." She smiled once more and brushed passed me on her way out. I honestly don’t even know what to think after—and I don’t have time to either. The bell rings for us to go to class. Great.

As I walk to class (I saw my homeroom number next to my name in the lobby) the fun really begins as I try not to get trampled to death. But of course there’s always those people that randomly stop walking in the middle of the hall for no reason. I finally get there and get my stuff. My schedule, locker, and a map of the school. As I was about to choose my seat, the teacher told me there was assigned seats.

Wonderful. Now I can’t choose my usual seat in the back corner all by myself. I began to look around at the empty seats and in my mind had my fingers crossed for a good one. I saw Amanda with what looked to be the group of friends she was referring to when she said I would never fit in with. Yeah…anywhere far away from her would be a good seat.

The teacher finally found my seat and I began to walk towards it. It was far from Amanda (they are in the front to the right.) The teachers desk is in the back facing the front of the room where the marker board is. There are about eight rows of desks going across and five in each row. The class wasn’t completely full, but by the looks of the seating chart, it would be soon. I took my seat which was luckily in the eighth row and the very last seat. Perfect.

As much as I hate being alone, I’ve grown to love it at school. Being as invisible as possible has been my goal for as long as I can remember now. Which is why me passing out better die down soon.

I glanced over at the teacher and saw he was busy on the computer. My row was filled up and so was the one to the right of me; except for the one directly next to me. Everyone was talking and there really wasn’t a reason for homeroom at this point except for everyone who hadn’t gotten their stuff yet, so I decide to carefully and discreetly take out my iPod. I keep it hidden in my purse, put in the ear buds, and put my head down. I face towards the other side of the room so no one can see me and my hair covers up my ear buds. I stayed this way and began to drift off to sleep. Almost.

Suddenly I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. At first I thought I was just imagining it or I was dreaming. But after a while I fully awoke and realized someone really was tapping my shoulder. I turned my head to face the appropriate direction. I opened my eyes and immediately see a pair of green eyes looking at me. It’s a guy sitting directly in the seat next to me. He has really curly brown hair and looks like he just came out of a magazine.

“You might want to put up your iPod. The teacher is about to come to the front of the class." His accent is thick and his voice deep. I wanted to say something, but all I can muster is a simple and quiet, “Thanks." I put up my iPod as fast as I can just as the teacher walks to the front of the room. He talks a bit about school rules and policies then it’s time to go. As I grab my purse and head towards the door I almost ask that guys what his name is, but my crippling shyness doesn’t allow me too. So instead I’m off to first period; math.

I hate math so much. We better not be doing any actual work today. I walk in class and discover there is yet another seating chart. I search my name and see that I am placed in the back to the right once again. This room is set up quite like the last. I take my seat and begin to stare out of the window. How I wish I could run away. Not just from school, but from my life. I wish I could change my name, move somewhere else, and just stay there. Get to know people. Fall in love. Live in a cute little cottage and do what I want to do with my life; not what my mother wants me to do. But that’s not going to happen. It never will. And the more I truly thought about it, the more I wanted to have a complete breakdown.

“Hello again." I hear a familiar deep voice to my right once again. I turn around and there he is. The guy from homeroom. “Hello." I smile a bit even though I wanted to cry again. He sits down and continues to talk to me, “My name is Harry, by the way." He sticks out his hand as a sign for me to shake it. I find it odd but funny at the same time. I giggle a bit as I shake his large hand.

“My name is Megan." He smiled showing off his teeth. “Well, you’re obviously not from around here. Where are you from?" Great, time to tell about my life. I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. That will just make me more attached and I don’t need that. I really don’t need. Oh, what am I even doing right now? Stop. I need to stop. Don’t get attached. I don’t need this. He doesn’t need this. Not that he would even care that much anyway but whatever. I’ll make it short and simple “I’m from the United States." I put in my iPod ear buds to imply I was done talking.
It didn’t work.

“When did you move here?" he asked. “A few weeks ago." I said as I began to pretend like I was looking for a song. I actually had the volume off. “Why did you move here?" Oh my gosh, make it stop. “My mom’s job." I pretended like I finally found a song. “What does she do?" I was fully irritated at this point. “A lot of stuff. She works for a business and is gone like, all of the time so to be honest I don’t really know what all she does exactly."

I could hear how annoyed I was by the way I spoke; and I know he could too. He was silent. I looked up at him and saw that he was still looking at me. He didn’t look mad, upset, sad, or even shocked. He just looked at me emotionless.

“Hello, class. I am Mrs. Harper." A red headed woman appeared in front of the room. I put away my iPod as she walked over to a podium. She had brown eyes and was dressed quite nicely in a grey dress. The dress was most likely sleeveless but was covered by a black blazer that fit her quite tight. She wasn’t extremely thin but she wasn’t that big either. I thought she was quite pretty. She seemed to be in her late twenties.

She told us a bit about the class and said that she didn’t want to give us too much to do on the first few days. She then handed out papers with math problems on them. She said they were simple and could be done with other people. When the sheet had made its way to me, Harry immediately asked if I wanted to work with him. My mind said no but I said yes.

He moved his desk right next to mine and we began to work the problems; which actually were easy. Things were actually going better than I thought. That is until he began to discuss things other than math. I ended up telling him how I move a lot and even that I don’t like it. But that’s all he gets out of me. And I don’t go into great detail about anything either.

About five minutes before the bell rings he grabs the schedule that was peeking out from inside my purse. He begins to compare mine to his and soon says, “Hey, we have the exact same schedule! Lunch and everything!" his smile was ridiculous. I stared at him with a blank expression. His smile quickly faded. The bell rings and I snatch the schedule from his hand and walk away quickly. I hate myself for it but I have no other choice.

As I walk into my second period class, English, I pray that I don’t have a seating chart where I have to sit next to Harry. There isn’t a seating chart, thank God. I choose a seat in the back, but this room is set up differently. There’s two main sections of seats both angled towards the middle. The teacher’s desk is right next to the door and to the left of the room. The podium is in the middle and is what the desks are angled to face.

I pick the right section in the back. I’m sitting there for a few minutes when Harry walks in. He stands in the front a moment looking around and deciding where to sit. He looks at me a moment before choosing the same seat I did in the opposite section. That’s exactly what I wanted to happen, but it still hurt.

The class begins when the teacher, Mrs. Andrews, who is much older looking than my teachers so far with light blonde hair with some grey showing, stands at the podium and talks. And talks. And talks. The more she talks the more my sanity begins to slip away. I’m also becoming more and more depressed and I really can’t take it anymore. I put my head down and stare out of the window. I watch the wind violently shake the tree branches as leaves get blown away from them. When the class is finally over, I quickly go to third period; science.

The science room is set up in a lab like way; even though there is an actual lab so I don’t know the purpose. There are tall tables with four stools to a table. Great. I look for a seating chart, even better. There is none. I let out a heavy sigh and quickly head to an empty table. I immediately put my head down as a pounding in my head begins. I can hear people quickly filling the room and getting tables with their friends. I begin listening to conversations around me but I don’t recognize any voices. That is until I hear Amanda.

“That’s right sweetie, put your head down. We wouldn’t want you to pass out again now would we?" I hear her and her friends laugh their high pitched girly laughs. It makes the pounding in my head worse. “What’s wrong? Don’t have anything to say?" I can tell that she’s gotten closer to me. “Come on, Megan. Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?" I hear someone violently pull out a stool right next to me.

“Shut up, Amanda. No one wants to hear you talk." Harry. That had to have been Harry. There’s a silence for a moment. I can’t see them, but I could just picture the look of complete and utter shock and disgust Amanda has on her face right now. “Aww, how precious. It looks like someone has a wittle crushy on the new girl." Amanda said in a sarcastic like voice that sounded as if she was talking to a child. “It’s no shock, really. Of course someone like you would like someone like her. It’s perfect, really." Her and her followers laughed. I was beginning to wonder if any of them could even speak.

“Come on, Amanda, the teacher is about to come in." I hear a guy say. It must be someone from her group. “Oh just shut up, Riley. You worry too much. And you’re such a suck up. You really need to work on that." I’m guessing that’s her boyfriend. I’m sure he just loves it.

“Come on babe, please sit down." Riley said. “Yeah, Amanda. You know how Mrs. Russell is." That came from another girl. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m going. Well, good luck with…whatever you guys have going on." Amanda said as I heard her high heels as she walked away.

By this time I finally realize that Harry has sat down. I turn my head to the side and face him. My head is still down though, so I’m looking up. “Thank you." I say barely above a whisper. He looks down at me as if I’m a poor defenseless little puppy and replied with the same volume, “No problem, love." I put my head back down and do this for the rest of my classes as well. Including lunch which was right after science.

Harry didn’t bother me the rest of the day. In lunch he didn’t sit with me. In history he didn’t sit with me. In PE where we do nothing (and seems like we never will) he didn’t get anywhere near me. He just sat by himself on the other side of the gym. He was looking at me for a while, but I put my head down and was listening to my iPod after a while so I don’t know how long he looked at me. My mood has been on a downward spiral since this morning and I was about to have a literal breakdown. Breathe. Everything will be alright. It’s almost time to go home.

That didn’t help at all.

I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to come back here tomorrow. I want to run away. Or not exist. Anything but continue living the life I’m living. But there’s nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. Trapped. I am trapped and there’s nothing I can do or say about it. It wouldn’t help if I did.

The bell rings and it’s time to go to the bus. I run so fast to it I end up feeling really stupid. But I don’t care. I don’t care what these people think of me. Why should I? I won’t see them again after this school year. I was in my usual seat in the back by the window and by myself. I looked out the window as everyone got on the bus. As I did, I quickly discovered Harry. He looked at me for a moment before getting on. I continued looking out at the people as he sat across the row from me. Oh my gosh, I hope he doesn’t talk to me. I don’t need this right now. I can’t handle anymore right now. My sanity is hanging on by a very thin thread right now.

“Oh, look you guys! It’s the two love birds! Although…they seem to not be talking to each other. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way." I ignored Amanda and let my head rest against the cold window. “Everybody sit down!" the bus driver screamed. “Come on, Amanda." Riley said. “Save me a seat." she replied. As the bus started moving, she sat down next to me. I really don’t need this right now.

“Come on, Megan. Don’t you like him?" she asked in a singsong kind of voice. I continued to ignore her but I really couldn’t take this much longer. Home. I just needed to make it home. “I mean, he is…" she looked over at Harry “kind of cute….for someone like you, anyway." I continued to stay silent as I stared intensely out of the window as I began to bite on the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.

And then she just sat there. And sat there. And sat there. Saying absolutely nothing. Just going back and forth between looking at me and out of the window. “I really don’t understand you, Megan. I don’t understand why on earth you wouldn’t like him too. To be honest, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t immediately fall in love with any guy since it’s obvious that nobody else cares about you…including your own mom."

The bus came to a stop. Amanda must have known this was my stop because she immediately stood up and got out of my way. I quickly got up and flew down the stairs. As soon as I was off the bus I began to run. Tears began to quickly stream steadily down my face as the cold air blew my hair all over the place.

My mind is a mess. I keep going back and forth between all of the horrible experiences I’ve had in my life. Leaving Chloe. Failing to make new friends. Rejection. Always constant rejection. Being ignored. My mom ignoring me. Never remembering my birthday. Telling me to be social. Questioning why I am the way I am. “What’s wrong with you?" she always says.

That’s what everyone says. That’s what I say. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffocating. I’m outside with plenty of open space but I feel claustrophobic and I’m suffocating. It’s like all of these emotions have been building up since I was born. It’s like I’ve been hanging on by a very thin thread my whole life.

But that thin thread has finally broken.