As I opened up the doors and left the building the cool breeze was soon on my face. Oh, no. My hat. I didn’t have my hat. I began looking through my purse and quickly discovered that it was in there. I put it on and began walking. Where am I going? I haven’t a clue. But still I continue walking farther and farther away from the school building.

I know I’ll have to decide where I’m going soon, but right now I didn’t care. Right now I was enjoying the freedom of not being in school. I loved knowing I could go anywhere I wanted in that moment even though I wasn’t suppose to. I loved the feeling of being rebellious. But who could blame me? After all the restrictions I’ve had in my life it seems almost impossible to me for me to not feel this way. Not that I do this kind of thing often. Heck, this is the most rebellious thing I’ve done in my entire life. And I am loving ever single second of it.

I approached a busy road and knew I had to make a decision. I want to go back to my house, but at the same time I want to go somewhere else. Plus walking back home would take some time and I didn’t have enough energy. Food. I need food. My stomach agreed with a loud grumble. I looked around and saw some stores and a few fast food places about seven feet to my right and across the road. I walked the seven feet and waited for a safe time to cross the street. Normally thoughts of jumping out in front of one would sound nice right now, but not today. Today I was enjoying walking by myself across the street in the middle of London. Today I had freedom. Today was good. Today I felt alive.

When I got to the other side of the street I looked around at all of my options. I end up picking McDonald’s. As I make my way inside, the place isn’t very crowded. Just a few other people are here. I order some chicken nuggets, fries, and a coke. I pay with my debit card and fix my drink as I wait for my food. I don’t wait long and am soon sitting in a booth by a window. I put in my ear buds and listen to my iPod as I eat. As soon as I get finished I throw away my trash and go back outside.

There are a few stores around and I decide to go in one of them. I go into a an ASDA (similar to WalMart) and soon came up to some trampolines. I began looking at one and became quite intrigued. I think it over a moment and finally decide to get it. I pay for it and get delivery for free. They said they would have it delivered today before noon. It was now ten-thirty. I went outside and began to dread the walk home. A bus. I can take a bus. Wow, I’m smart.

I walk over to a bus stop and wait for about five minutes. I got on the bus and took a seat in the very back by a window. The bus was more crowded than I would have thought it would be, but I don’t mind. I just put in my ear buds and start listening to music. The bus soon stops and I only have to walk for about ten minutes to get to my house.

I go inside and flop down on my couch. I turn on the television but I’m not really interested by anything on. My eye lids soon become heavy and I decide to take a nap as I wait for the trampoline. I feel like I’ve barely closed my eyes when I hear a vehicle stop outside. I walk over to a window and peak out. The trampoline is here!

I go to the door just as a guy walks up. I sign a piece of paper saying I got the trampoline and he offers to set it up, but I want to myself. As the guy leaves he says, “Have a nice day!" A smile quickly spread across my face. I will have a nice day. I won’t tomorrow, but today, I will.

We actually have a huge yard according to my mother; but I haven’t explored the outside too much yet. I got to the back yard and begin my way towards the large amount of trees. The farther back into our yard you go, the more trees there are. Soon I am engulfed in them. It’s so quiet here. All I hear are a few bird chirps and the sound of my boots crunching the freshly fallen leaves.

I walk a few more feet and soon see that I am about to approach what looks like the end of the large amount of trees. When I get there, it leads me to a clearing. It’s so beautiful here. There is also a little creek to the right from where I’m standing. I love the sound of it. Not too loud, not too quiet; just right. This. This is the spot for my trampoline.

I begin setting up the trampoline and it takes me a good hour and a half. When I’m done, I immediately take off my boots and get on the trampoline. I jump around for a bit but eventually end up lying down on my back and look up at the sky. The sun was actually showing a bit making it less cool. I had my hat off at this point because I didn’t need it. The weather was perfect to me. And so is this place. I’ve never felt so calm in my entire life.

I checked my iPod and saw that I had gotten a message from my best friend Chloe. She said, “Heyy, girl! I hope you had a WONDERFUL first day at school! I know how you get nervous, but just remember that you are amazing and I love you SO much! Let me know how your day went as soon as you can! :)" Oh, Chloe. I love her so much, but even she can’t truly understand how I feel. I consider telling her I passed out then skipped, but I don’t want to worry her. Instead I simply reply with, “Oh, you know, just the usual first day for me. I love you too! :)" I put my iPod away and began thinking. I hate when I do that.

I still remember the first day I met Chloe as if it were yesterday. We were in kindergarten. It was the first day of school and I was very shy even back then. While all the other kids were playing, talking, and getting to know each other; I was standing in a corner all by myself crying. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t know anyone and I was scared. That is until Chloe came over to me.
She started talking to me and asking me why I was crying. I told her and she said that she would be my best friend. And we have been ever since.

I also still remember the day when I had to leave her. It was the first move of many to come. I was six years old, almost seven. I got to spend the night at Chloe’s house the night before we moved. The next day when it was time to go was beyond horrible. I cried, screamed, threw things, kicked, punched; it was the worst tantrum ever. But nothing I did made us stay. That day changed me. You might not think it would have but it did. I had the only person in the world that meant something to me ripped away and there was nothing I could do about it. Never has anyone been allowed so close to me. Never has anyone known so much about me. Sure, we still talk. But the saddest thing is, I haven’t seen her in person once since that day.

It really is sad that I haven’t gotten even remotely close to another human being since Chloe. I don’t even make the effort. It’s pointless. Besides the fact that I would fail, even if I did somehow miraculously get close to someone, I would end up leaving them. That is a fact and it’s one I can’t deal with. Not again. So instead I go about my routine of going to school, barely surviving, coming home, barely surviving, going to sleep, then repeat. What’s even more sad is that all of those include one common thing; loneliness. I am always alone. Always. Even when I’m in a crowd.

Alone. I’m always alone. How does my mother not see that? Oh, that’s right. She blames me. Says I need to get friends. Just the thought made me want to throw or break something. Of course that’s what a former cheerleader and popular girl would say. My mother was the popular girl that almost everyone secretly couldn’t stand. Every guy loved her. Or so they acted like. But of course they didn’t really. They were only after one thing. And one guy got it. Which of course in the end, is how I came to be about. As soon as my mother told him she was pregnant he broke up with her. Said there was no way I was his. But I am. That happened when she was seventeen and they didn’t speak the rest of senior year. After graduation he left and was never to be seen by my mother again.

The complete and utter depression and hopelessness I began to feel was becoming too much for me to handle. Even on a day like this, a day that I should feel free and happy, I can’t. I never have. And I never can. Most people would think that all I have to do is make it until I’m eighteen and then I can move out, live on my own, and finally have freedom. I am pretty rich after all, I can just pick any college in the world I want to go to, right?

Wrong.

My mother is rich, I am not. I have no say in what I do after high school. My mother has already told me that. She says that if I choose to do anything other than go to the college she chooses and then work at her business with her, she won’t pay for my college. In other words, I have no choice. I can’t pay for my own college. I won’t get enough scholarships. I’m alone. I’m trapped. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I look at my iPod and see that it is now five-thirty. My stomach growls and I decide to go inside and eat. I’m already dreading school tomorrow. I put on my boots and begin to walk back to the house. As I do, tears begin to slowly fall down my cheek.

I’m alone. I am always alone.