Love Will Tell Us Where To Go

One month later (November 14th) and Megan still hasn’t said a word to me. Amanda keeps talking to me more but I try ignoring her as much as possible. I hate to do it completely just because I hate being so rude. Although I have to admit a part of me talks to her in hopes it will make Megan jealous enough to talk to me.

The guys and I have Skyped at least once a week since our first Skype session a month ago; sometimes more than once. We keep writing songs and talking about life. And girls, of course. But not just about Megan. Louis talks about Eleanor, Zayn talks about Perrie, and Liam talks about Danielle.

I’m happy for them, but I really don’t like hearing about how happy they are with their girlfriends and how good everything is going. At least Niall is single.

I have to make myself stop zoning out and focus on what our English teacher is saying. We’re going to be doing a project. That’s all I know.

“You will be in a group of three.” People begin to smile in reaction to the group part of the assignment. “You will be put in a group.” And everyone sighs in disappointment. “I’ll go ahead and do that now. Once I finish putting everyone in a group, you will meet with you’re group and I will then hand out one page of instructions per group.”

She looks at a list of our names and begins by saying “Group one” followed by three people’s names. I don’t hear my name until group five. “Harry, Amanda, and Megan.” My heart stops.

I immediately look over at Megan who is looking at the teacher in shock. Her face is bright red. She then looks over at me before looking back down.

“Freaking great.” Amanda says under her breath. She grabs her books and purse and stands up. “Come on, Harry. Let’s go.”

I follow her, but I don’t feel like I’m in control of my body. All I can do is concentrate on Megan and the fact that I am getting closer and closer to her; close than I’ve been in over a month.

Amanda takes a seat to the left of Megan and moves it closer to her. I want to take the seat to the right of her, but Amanda offers me a seat next to her. I decline, and instead take that desk and move it to where it is facing both of their desks. Megan is still looking down.

I awkwardly look around the room as Amanda tries hiding that she’s texting. The teacher begins handing out the papers we need and gets to our table last. I take it and look over it but don’t actually read it.

“Let me see.” Amanda says before taking it from me. Megan looks over at the paper in her hands bit still avoids making eye contact with me.

“Ugh, this is so stupid.” she says as she rolls her eyes. “We have to make a stupid poster based off of MacBeth.”

“In class or?” I ask. A part of me hopes we’ll have to meet at one of our houses.

“No.” she replies. “At least it’s done in class. We’ll have all of this week to do it.

The teacher begins explaining what to do in more detail. Posters and other things we need are all in class as well.

“Well, I guess we better get started.” I say once the the teacher is done talking. Without looking at me, Megan says, “I’ll get the stuff we need.” She then gets up and goes across the room.

Wait…did she just talk to me? That counts right?

“So…what’s up with you guys, anyway?” she asks. “Why do you want to know?” I reply.

I can tell that the question throws her off guard. She even blushes. “If we’re going to have to work together for a week, it would be nice to know why she won’t even look at you.”

She has a point. “It’s…a long story.” I say simply.

“In other words you don’t feel like telling me.” Her crooked smile reminds me of when we were younger.

“All you need to know is that we’re not talking to each other right now for reasons that don’t concern you.”

She obviously doesn’t like my answer and purses her lips together. A few seconds later, Megan comes back with a poster, markers, scissors, and stuff like that.

What do I say? We can’t ignore each other for a week. “Let me see the poster.” I say as I reach for it. She takes all of the other stuff off of it and I lay it out on our desks that are now pushed together to give us room.

Megan begins talking, but she’s only looking at Amanda. “So, I was thinking that we could put quotes from MacBeth here, and then over here we could put-"

“Megan.” I say interrupting her. I don’t know if she does it out of instinct or if she’s tired of avoiding me, but either way, she finally looks at me. But more importantly, she doesn’t look away.

“You can’t keep ignoring me. Even if it’s just for this week and only in this class. That’s the only way it’s going to work. Can you do that?” I ask. My voice sounds steady but I feel shaky.

She just looks at me. She does for so long I swear I think Amanda would have said something by now. But she doesn’t. Instead, Megan swallows as if talking will be a struggle and simply says begins explaining what we could put on the poster as if I hadn’t just talked. Except this time, she looks back and forth between both Amanda and I.

We agree to her idea and begin. We talk some more throughout the rest of the period, but only about the poster.

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Nothing changes much the rest of the week in English class. Although Amanda seems to talk to me more each day. I’d even go as far as saying it seems like she’s flirting. She’s probably just trying to make Megan mad because she doesn’t like her. I mean, there’s no way she’s not over me by now, right?

By Friday I lose the boost of hope I had Monday when we were first put in a group. It’s great getting to talk to her again, but we never talk about anything but this stupid poster. Maybe the guys were wrong. Maybe there’s no hope. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be with me anymore.

“What about this color? Do you like this color, Harry?” she asks as she shows me some green glitter/sparkles or something.

“What do you think, Megan?” I ask. I’ll take any excuse to talk to her.

She looks up from writing a quote on the poster and glances at me before looking at that green stuff. “Honestly…” she says as she looks at the poster before looking back at Amanda. “I don’t like it with the other colors. It doesn’t really match well.”

“Well I think it’s a very pretty green.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t a pretty green. I said it doesn’t go with the other colors on the poster.”

They disagree on things, but they’re not arguing as much as I thought they would. And surprisingly, Amanda hasn’t been mean to her.

“Yeah, well…I think this green is just too pretty to not use. Don’t you think so, Harry?” she asks as she looks at me. “Oh my goodness, do you know what? This green is the exact same color as your eyes! I knew I had seen this beautiful green color before.” she says with a smile.

I blush. Not because I’m flattered, but because I’m embarrassed. And mad. Why would she say that? She must be trying to make Megan mad.

“Poster is almost done.” Megan states flatly. “Just give me some freaking glitter so I can turn this thing in.” she adds obviously perturbed. Maybe she does still care about me.

Once we finish it, Megan offers to take it to the teacher. “I really like that sweater.” Amanda says once we’re alone. I have to look down to remember what I’m wearing. “Thanks.”

“It looks really soft.” she says. “Is it?”

“Yeah…” I reply.

“I love soft sweaters.” she says as she begins to stroke my arm to feel the sweater. That’s her excuse, anyway. I don’t know what her intentions are.

It isn’t until I see Megan staring at us from across the room and in a daze that I realize how close Amanda is to me. Before I can think to move, Megan goes back to the teacher before grabbing the hall pass and hurriedly leaving. I swear I see her wiping her eyes from tears as she walks out of the door.

I have to go after her.

“Yeah, me too.” I reply as I stand up and move the desk I was sitting in back to it’s original place.

I ask to go to the toilet, and luckily she lets me.

I walk out into the empty hall and head for the closest toilets. They aren’t very far away. I obviously can’t go in the girls room, so I don’t really know what I’ll do. Maybe I’ll wait outside until she comes out. I mean she has to come out eventually. That is, if she actually went to the toilet.

She’s leaving school.

I begin to practically run down the hall to the most logical place she would leave. The place that would be least noticed. I begin to worry I’m already too late when I turn the corner and see Megan extending her hand to open the doors to the outside.

“Megan, wait!” I say a little to loudly. She turns her head quickly and the tears streaming down her face are very visible now. It breaks my heart. There’s nothing more I want than to hold her closely in my arms and wipe away her tears.

“I should have known.” she says as the tears fall steadily.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act stupid. You know what I’m talking about. You two have been flirting all freaking weak. Couldn’t you at least have the decency to not do it in front of me?”

“What? Megan, no, you’ve got it all wrong. She-“

“What happened exactly, Harry? Did always plan to go to her? Did you just use me to make her jealous? Oh, that’s so typical. It’s great that it worked, though because the fact that you did that to me makes you two absolutely perfect for each other.”

I walk closer to her, but slowly. I’m afraid she’ll run out the door at any moment.

“No, Megan. No. She may have been flirting with me, but I was not. At all. I don’t like her. I didn’t use you.”

I walk even closer to her.

“Come on, Megan.” I soften my voice. I’m not sure how I sound. All I know is I feel as though I’m pleading. Probably because I am. “I love you. You know that. Why else would I have spent almost ever waking moment with you?"

I am so close to her now; close enough to touch. I’m tempted to grab her hands, but I decide that now is not the time.

She had been looking down the entire time I told her she was wrong about me and Amanda. Maybe she doesn’t even realize I’m closer to her now.

I expect her to not be as upset when she finally looks at me, but instead the tears fall as heavy, if not more than before. “Harry, I-” her voice comes out strained. I decide to hold her hands in mine.

Bad decision.

The second my hand grabs hers, she is out of the door. I consider going after her, but I know better. I have a plan. A better thought out plan. One that I’ve had in the back of my mind for weeks.

I go back to English class and get there just as it’s time to go to the next class. But instead of going to my next class, I leave school. I hate skipping, but I have to do this.

I take a bus before walking the rest of the way home. I set my stuff on the bed before grabbing my guitar and song notebook. I read over a song I had begun on a horrible Friday that seems so far away.

I play and sing it once before going back and changing some stuff. I do this over and over until I think it’s right. This has to be as perfect as possible.

I suddenly feel a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach.

I try not to think about how I feel physically, and instead focus on myself emotionally. I love her. She still loves me. That’s all that matters. Everything is going to be okay.

After calming myself down and saying a quick prayer, I drink some water. I’ve been practicing so much my mouth has gotten dry.

Once I’m done, I start the long walk to Megan’s house with my guitar in my hands.

Alright Megan, you win. You’re finally going to hear me sing.

Notes