Love Will Tell Us Where To Go

I force myself to stop crying in order to talk to my mother on the phone. “Hello.” I say after clearing my throat.

“The last meeting went well. Everything has gone according to plan so far. We’ll be meeting with the CEO tomorrow night at five.”

“Awesome.” I say with the enthusiasm of a child getting ready for the first day of school.

“I have to go now. I’ll be home in a few hours. Goodbye.” And with that, I hear the dial tone.

I’m back in one of those moods where I feel like crying but can’t. I just feel empty. I don’t know which is worse.

The couch is the closest comfortable thing around so I lay on it. It was so silly of me to think that Harry likes Amanda. Childish, actually.

I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I shouldn’t have left class. I should have known he would follow me. All I’ve done is make things worse. Why do I have to love him so much? More importantly, why does he have to love me? Things we be so much easier if he didn’t.

I had hoped he would be over me by now. Apparently a little over a month isn’t long enough. But that doesn’t mean he’ll never get over me. Maybe he doesn’t love me as much as he thinks he does.

I turn on the television to drown out the thoughts in my head. My eyes begin to grow heavy as I try concentrating on whatever show is on. Before I know it, I’m fast asleep.

The next thing I know, I hear someone knocking on the door and ringing the door bell. It takes me a few seconds to shake the grogginess off and realize I should probably get up. I glance at the time first and see that it’s ten after three. Wow, I slept a long time.

I open the door and am more surprised by who I see than I should be. What is more understandably shocking however, is what he has with him; his guitar.

“Harry, what are you doing?” I ask. I’m more curious than upset at first. But then the sadness of us not being able to be together sets in and I have to hold back tears. Amazing how the mere sight of a certain person can do that to you.

He looks at me as though I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. How does he do that? Girls would kill to have a guy look at them like that. It’s definitely killing me right now.

He takes a breath before speaking. “Megan…I understand.”

I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t, so I ask, “What are you talking about?”

“I understand why you don’t want to be with me. It’s the same reason I don’t want to be with you.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. Why? I’m not sure. It makes just as much sense for him to not want to be with me. It’s not because he doesn’t want to of course, but…I just hate realizing how much he cares.

“Harry…why are you-“

“Just let me finish, please.” He walks closer to me and takes my hands gently in his. I don’t have the strength to pull away.

“The future of our relationship is uncertain.” he begins to say as he looks deeply in my eyes. “There’s no way for us to know how long we’ll be together or how or if we would make such a long distance relationship work. But I do know this: I love you. You’ve changed my life more than you even realize. I’ve never felt so drawn to anyone before. Ever since the first conversation we had all I’ve wanted to do is know you better. You make me happier than anyone else. Whenever I’m with you, I feel so much better…so much stronger. I literally feel weak without you. I need you, Megan. And I’m pretty sure you need me too.”

Don’t cry. Do not cry.

“I don’t know what to say.” I say barely above a whisper as a single tear rolls down my cheek.

“Give us a chance.” he says as he backs away from me. “But before you tell me whether or not you will, I have to do something.” He backs away from me a bit more and holds his guitar like he is about to play it.

My heart beats faster.

“Even if you don’t give us the chance I think- I know, we deserve, I still think you deserve to hear me sing. Since you wanted to so much.”

“Harry, you don’t-“

“If you don’t want to give us a chance after I sing this song, then I will walk away and I will never bother you again.” He almost begins to play the guitar, but then says, “By the way, I wrote this for you.”

His half crooked smile kills me. I can tell he’s nervous. Not as much as I am, though. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I never knew a moment could be so wonderful and horrible at the same time.

I try to focus on not crying, but the intro is small and Harry’s voice is the only thing I can concentrate on. That, and the what he is saying. Between his beautiful voice and amazing lyrics, I’m in tears by the chorus.

Now you were standing there right in front of me
I hold on, it’s getting harder to breathe
All of a sudden these lights are blinding me
I never noticed how bright they would be

I saw in the corner there is a photograph
No doubt in my mind it’s a picture of you
It lies there alone in its bed of broken glass
This bed was never made for two

I’ll keep my eyes wide open
I’ll keep my arms wide open

Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone

Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone

I promised one day that I’d bring you back a star
I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand, oh
Seems like these days I watch you from afar
Just trying to make you understand
I’ll keep my eyes wide open, yeah

Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go

Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone

Don’t let me
Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone

Don’t let me
Don’t let me go
‘Cause I’m tired of sleeping alone

By the time the song was drawing to a close, I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t do it anymore. I give in. Harry’s right. We don’t know what the future holds, but that’s not important. All that matters is that right now, we need each other. We’ll figure out the rest along the way.

As soon as he finishes the song, I can tell he is about to speak, but I don’t wait to find out. I run into his arms and am met by his strong and warm embrace. We are both crying at this point.

“I’ll never let you go, Harry. Never again.”

It’s such a relief to not be at war with myself in my mind. I’ve been going back and forth with what I think I should do so much, it’s like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

“I missed you so much.” he says with a sniffle. The fact that he’s crying makes me want to cry more.

I move away enough to see his face. His eyes are puffy and there are tear stains on his cheeks. “You’re an incredible singer.” I say with a huge smile. It feels great to smile genuinely for the first time in what seem like ages.

He laughs and I do too. I’ve been so sad for so long, I’m sick of crying. I know these are happy tears, but I just want to go back to the way things were with laughter and smiles.

“We have a lot to catch up on, you know.” he says as he takes me hand and begins leading me inside the house. “Indeed we do.” I say as I softly kiss his lips. I planned on it being short, but it has been a while…

We laugh as we pull away. “Have I ever mentioned that you’re the best kisser in like, the whole world?” he says. That makes me laugh even more.

On the way to my bedroom he starts telling me about how he’s been Skyping with his friends in order to cope with my absence. I can’t believe he is actually here. I keep thinking I should pinch myself to make sure I’m not having another one of the countless dreams I’ve had over the past month.

Even later on as we eat pizza and have our usual conversations, it all seems to good to be true. I’m so happy. Things are back to normal. And yet somehow, they feel different. In a good way, of course. I was happy before, but now…now that I feel more sure about us, it’s like I’ve reached a whole new level of joy that I was unable to reach due to fear and uncertainty.

We don’t know the details of our future quite yet, but I don’t care. All that matters is that our relationship is stronger than ever and we’re happier than we ever thought we could be. And that’s not even the most exciting thing. What is?

Knowing that this is just the beginning.

Notes