Moments
Chapter 32: Goodbye
Chapter 32: Goodbye (Zayn’s P.O.V.)
I felt sick. My chest was filled with pain as my heart twisted around inside my chest. It all hurt too much to think about it, but there was really no way to avoid it. She was gone.
That was apparent as I sat here in this funeral home with the guys as sobs filled the room. It took everything I had not to break as I watched Tori in the coffin. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her from when I had walked up to say goodbye, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there frozen. Her hair was braided neatly over her left shoulder as her hands were crossed over her stomach. Her necklace I had given her was placed neatly around her neck. She looked normal, except for her tone. She was so pale that there was no way that she could be alive.
I bit my lips as I demanded myself not to cry as the service began to come to a close. Then we were in the procession. I couldn’t remember getting up or going to the car, but before I knew it we were at the cemetery. We all got out of the car and walked over to the hearse. We were met by Cody as the six of us each grabbed the coffin and began to walk down the hill to the headstone that had her name engraved in it.
We left the coffin in its designated place and went to stand with the crowd. The mass of black clothing draining any hope of escaping this nightmare, it was reality.
“Boys,” the minister said, “If you would like to do it, now would be the time.”
The five of us nodded as we moved together and stepped forward a little bit. I began to doubt that I could do this. That was why I had not say anything at the funeral home, I couldn’t keep it together if I said anything.
Niall place the CD player we had brought on the ground as he pressed play. Soft music came through the speakers as we all prepared to start.
Liam:
“Shut the door,
Turn the light off,
I wanna be with you,
I wanna be with you,
I wanna feel your love,
I wanna lay beside you,
I cannot hide this,
Even though I try.”
“Heart beats harder,
Time escapes me,
Trembling hands,
Touch skin.
It makes this harder,
And the tears stream down my face.”
Harry:
“If we could only have this life,
For one more day,
If we could only turn back time.”
I could feel myself starting to slip as thoughts of Tori flashed in my mind. I couldn’t believe that she was gone. I tried to calm myself as I opened my mouth to sing with the others.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My heart,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
I took in a shaking breath as I tried to compose myself again.
Niall:
“Close the door,
Throw the key,
Don’t wanna be reminded,
Don’t wanna be seen,
Don’t wanna be without you,
My judgement’s clouded,
Like tonight’s sky.”
Louis:
“Hands are silent,
Voice is numb,
Try to scream out my lungs,
It makes this harder,
And the tears stream down my face.”
Harry:
“If we could only have this life,
For one more day,
If we could only turn back time.”
The words were so true, all of them. I did want nothing more than to just scream my lungs out, but I couldn’t my voice was gone and all I could do was cry. But I couldn’t now.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
This was it. This was my part now, and I couldn’t screw this up. This was for Tori and I was going to make it special for her.
Zayn (Me):
“Flashing lights in my mind,
Going back to the time,
Playing games in the street,
Kicking balls with my feet,
There’s a numb in my toes,
Standing close to the edge.”
I could feel myself losing it as I moved forward. The tears moving to the edge of my eyes.
Zayn (Me):
“There’s a pile of my clothes,
At the end of your bed,
As I feel myself fall,
Make a joke of it all.”
I choked on the last line as I forced it out. I heard my voice crack, and I’m pretty sure everyone else did, but I couldn’t help it. I gave in as the boys and I finished. I just let the tears fall.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
The music faded, but my tears didn’t. My eyes looked up from the coffin to the gravestone. Victoria Lynn Evans. Above her name there was a little message that I knew was what Tori would have wanted. Our angel of song.
It was the perfect thing. I looked back to the coffin. My mind went back and played that horrid image of her laying there pale. I pushed it aside and thought back to before. I thought back to singing at the studio together, to singing at the pub, to our date, to our day at the amusement park five days ago. It had been only five days ago that I had been with Tori. It had been only five days ago that we were together and having fun. It had been only five days ago that she was alive and here with me.
I let the tears fall as I looked at where she was now and for eternity.
‘I will never forget you, Tori. You are my angel of song and I will always remember you as that. I told you that you were my love for all infinite time and that is true. I love you Tori. And don’t even forget that, because it will never change.’
I felt sick. My chest was filled with pain as my heart twisted around inside my chest. It all hurt too much to think about it, but there was really no way to avoid it. She was gone.
That was apparent as I sat here in this funeral home with the guys as sobs filled the room. It took everything I had not to break as I watched Tori in the coffin. Every time I closed my eyes I could see her from when I had walked up to say goodbye, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there frozen. Her hair was braided neatly over her left shoulder as her hands were crossed over her stomach. Her necklace I had given her was placed neatly around her neck. She looked normal, except for her tone. She was so pale that there was no way that she could be alive.
I bit my lips as I demanded myself not to cry as the service began to come to a close. Then we were in the procession. I couldn’t remember getting up or going to the car, but before I knew it we were at the cemetery. We all got out of the car and walked over to the hearse. We were met by Cody as the six of us each grabbed the coffin and began to walk down the hill to the headstone that had her name engraved in it.
We left the coffin in its designated place and went to stand with the crowd. The mass of black clothing draining any hope of escaping this nightmare, it was reality.
“Boys,” the minister said, “If you would like to do it, now would be the time.”
The five of us nodded as we moved together and stepped forward a little bit. I began to doubt that I could do this. That was why I had not say anything at the funeral home, I couldn’t keep it together if I said anything.
Niall place the CD player we had brought on the ground as he pressed play. Soft music came through the speakers as we all prepared to start.
Liam:
“Shut the door,
Turn the light off,
I wanna be with you,
I wanna be with you,
I wanna feel your love,
I wanna lay beside you,
I cannot hide this,
Even though I try.”
“Heart beats harder,
Time escapes me,
Trembling hands,
Touch skin.
It makes this harder,
And the tears stream down my face.”
Harry:
“If we could only have this life,
For one more day,
If we could only turn back time.”
I could feel myself starting to slip as thoughts of Tori flashed in my mind. I couldn’t believe that she was gone. I tried to calm myself as I opened my mouth to sing with the others.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My heart,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
I took in a shaking breath as I tried to compose myself again.
Niall:
“Close the door,
Throw the key,
Don’t wanna be reminded,
Don’t wanna be seen,
Don’t wanna be without you,
My judgement’s clouded,
Like tonight’s sky.”
Louis:
“Hands are silent,
Voice is numb,
Try to scream out my lungs,
It makes this harder,
And the tears stream down my face.”
Harry:
“If we could only have this life,
For one more day,
If we could only turn back time.”
The words were so true, all of them. I did want nothing more than to just scream my lungs out, but I couldn’t my voice was gone and all I could do was cry. But I couldn’t now.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
This was it. This was my part now, and I couldn’t screw this up. This was for Tori and I was going to make it special for her.
Zayn (Me):
“Flashing lights in my mind,
Going back to the time,
Playing games in the street,
Kicking balls with my feet,
There’s a numb in my toes,
Standing close to the edge.”
I could feel myself losing it as I moved forward. The tears moving to the edge of my eyes.
Zayn (Me):
“There’s a pile of my clothes,
At the end of your bed,
As I feel myself fall,
Make a joke of it all.”
I choked on the last line as I forced it out. I heard my voice crack, and I’m pretty sure everyone else did, but I couldn’t help it. I gave in as the boys and I finished. I just let the tears fall.
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
“You know I’ll be,
Your life,
Your voice,
Your reason to be,
My love,
My hearts,
Is breathing for this,
Moment,
In time,
I’ll find the words to say,
Before you leave me today.”
The music faded, but my tears didn’t. My eyes looked up from the coffin to the gravestone. Victoria Lynn Evans. Above her name there was a little message that I knew was what Tori would have wanted. Our angel of song.
It was the perfect thing. I looked back to the coffin. My mind went back and played that horrid image of her laying there pale. I pushed it aside and thought back to before. I thought back to singing at the studio together, to singing at the pub, to our date, to our day at the amusement park five days ago. It had been only five days ago that I had been with Tori. It had been only five days ago that we were together and having fun. It had been only five days ago that she was alive and here with me.
I let the tears fall as I looked at where she was now and for eternity.
‘I will never forget you, Tori. You are my angel of song and I will always remember you as that. I told you that you were my love for all infinite time and that is true. I love you Tori. And don’t even forget that, because it will never change.’
I am honored to hear that, thank you bunches. :)
11/25/13