Abhor - Comments, page 2

@dontjockmystyles
Thanks! xD

Ok, well, you have some potential and there's definitely something there, but your writing is really confusing. It moves all over the place and it takes me a while to figure out what's happening.

Here's some constructive criticism (and please try to understand that I am not trying to offend you, just to help you):

1. You need to really work on your punctuation. You are missing a lot of commas and that's not how dialogue punctuation works at all.

2. That's not how college dorms work. Or greek life or greek housing. I mean, don't get me wrong I know why you wrote it like that, I just hope you realise that's not how it works. Also, girls can't pledge frats. xD

3. Be careful when writing jerk-Harry. The rule you must subscribe to is that you (general you) are supposed to like him IN SPITE being a jerk, not BECAUSE of it. Because when you do the latter you slip into abuser and rapist theretory (and rapists aren't just guys in dark alleys or creeps at parties).

4. Slut-shaming. That's just not cool! It doesn't matter how a girl dresses, or how many guys/people she sleeps with. That doesn't make her less valuable of a person. Don't do that. That's how misogyny happens. Also girls saying "I wouldn't mind being thrown against a wall by that hot guy." Uh, no. Just no.

5. Also, why is it so horrible that she must go to university? There's plenty of people who would kill for the opportunity to go to university, but can't. And if her parents are rich they would definitely want their daughter to go and study in an university, and not just frolick around doing nothing and spending their money.

6. And last, but not least I seriously hope that you are not taking inspiration from After, because no one should ever take inspiration from After (unless it's powered by pure hatred.) xD Seriously, After is not a good story.

Again, I don't hate your story and I am not trying to offend you or flame, I think you can be better and that's why I am telling you this. You have potential, but please work on the things I mentioned. What I would suggest is when you write a chapter, re-read it at least twice and edit. And I mean, really edit. No matter what Anna Todd says, I can promise you that editing has never and will never ever ruin anyone's story. =)

Emilia is played by Jessica Alba , Cameron is played by Rita Ora, and Stephen is played by Douglas Booth !

@charlie2cute

Love your cover. Can you please tell me, who plays Emilia, Cameron and Stephen?

I'm pretty sure you're teasing by not updating. We need more xo

@dontjockmystyles

Okay I was just saying and can't wait for chapter 9 !!!! Yay

@LoriNicole12
Thank you! I do have this story one onedirectionfanfiction.com as well ! I appreciate your comment, and I am currently thinking of chapter 9's layout! <3

Please write more . even though it has nothing to do with 5sos . I'm saying it is really good and actually be on onedirectionfanfiction.com It is amazing though . you should totally write more.

Awww, please make her only be gone for like a weekkkkk she cant be gone for a long time, because then how will drama between her and harry happen???!!!

I love this story. It's so amazing. Can't wait until you update!

@ericajaine
Thank you! Again! I look forward to your comments as they are the best! I absolutely love your feedback!

Those sibling names were one hell of a hard time! I'll post the full names next chapter or add them into the character list! Claude(Emilia's father) is very sort of unique when it came to their names. Actually i'll tell you them now, since i have them saved onto my word document!
Her sisters had taken their mothers last name, but have their fathers name as their middle name. As when you do meet the mother she'll give you that dominant sort of motherly power.
Lisa Ann Rose -Mother (Cameron Diaz)
Claude Michael Verdi- (Father Johnny Depp)
Niklaus James Verdi- Oldest brother (Chris Pine)
Rhiannon Mona Verdi Rose –(Alicia Keys)- Oldest Sister, Second Oldest
Milada Brita Verdi Rose- Middle Sister- (Hilary Duff)

Tried to make them all look as similar as possible! Emilia gets a mix of both parents when coming to her demanding side! I think that's why Harry and Mia never really get along! She's very blunt, and stands her ground which is appealing to majority of all men.

YAAASSSS!!!! Why are you so amazing at writing?! Sheesh! Your words seem to flow right out of your fingertips with ease! <333

Gah, Emilia is SO freaking badass, I LOVE IT. Her intelligence is sexy as hell, and that's what I love about her. She's strong, empowering, and smart... She can totally command a room filled with intimidating men, and be just as (if not more) demanding. Inspiring. Also, I love her sibling names too. So unique, and fitting as well.

This was a beautifully done chapter, and not horrible at all. I freaking loved every single bit of this chapter, and I can't wait till you update again!! <333

gah! thank you! I've picked out all her siblings, and their names which were truly the hardest thing because i had to find celebs i thought fit as well as names that suited the whole masculine european era thing the parents had going on when naming their children. I have decided that the beautiful johnny depp be 'Claude Verdi'

I see what you did there .. (I won't ever kill you) Although maybe the other user.

@punkrockshow

Pfffttt; filler. You had me glued to every single thing you'd typed. Now.. quickly... skip a while and get Harry and Mia together <3 <3.. *cough* - that was a joke. Please don't kill me.

Why thank you <3

@stephanierose

Okay - this is not a horrible filler. I enjoyed every single word! You did beautifully xo

@S a m e r i a
I just did ! <3

This is addicting. You should update.

@ericajaine
I wish i could update more, but being that my school decides to spring up all these new tests, and reviews, and unnecessary essays. I've been sort of time consumed! I do understand the whole 'sweet dick'. (Although it does sound a bit wrong, haha.) I have never been to Palo Alto personally, but i do plan on it some day. I just did some research, and i try and search up areas around that neighborhood for certain plots!

Thank you for spending you time, and reading my story (:


@Nicki_LUVS_NIALL_HARRY
Thank you! And although i would love to say yes, i can't. The main idea of my story is the build up of the emotion, as well as sort of attempt to build their rocky relationship. If i were to skip into them dating (if they ever do) it would just sort of ruin the story. One must try to always make a reader mentally, and physically (sort of) attached to the couple so that when they have their ups and downs the author can be satisfied with the feedback.If you have subscribed, i do hope my chapters aren't as boring, and will satisfy your need for them to date!

i love your story just that is getting a bit boring but still rate 10!!! plz skip like 1 month and make mia and harry date already!