Safe Haven

You know how something can happen that seems so horrible at the time, but a few weeks later, you’ll look back on it and realize that maybe it wasn’t so bad? That maybe the situation was never as bad as it seemed, and you just kind of laugh at yourself for making such a big deal? That’s what I’m hoping will happen after today. I just have to think positive.

But being positive is hard to do when you’re in a panic. Professor Birdman had started teaching, but I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention. Five minutes had gone by since class had officially started, but the seat next to me was still empty. I don’t know why I was feeling so anxious but I really needed some answers. I was beginning to give up and think he had decided to skip class.

But why would he not want to be here? He should be the one dying to see me, right? To rub it in my face, or to apologize? Not to mention this project, which-

Just then the door flew open, and in came Niall, seemingly out of breath; like he’d just ran all the way from his dorm. His white graphic tee was sticking to his chest and his hair was disheveled.

“Mr. Horan! Nice of you to join us! Care to share why you’re,” he checked his watch “eleven minutes late?” Professor Birdman had momentarily interrupted his lecture.

“So sorry, sir. I woke up late and I ran here as fast as-“

“I don’t do excuses, Mr. Horan. It just seemed polite to ask. Now please, take your seat. And take those sunglasses off. We are indoors for goodness sakes.”

Niall’s cheeks flushed red and he proceeded to take his seat next to mine, hanging his head in shame; kind of like a puppy after you scold it. It actually brought me a bit of joy seeing someone other than me being publicly humiliated for once. But, as much as I hate to admit it, I kind of felt sorry for him. He really did look like he had just rolled out of bed, threw on an old t-shirt, and ran straight to class; and he did seem apologetic for being so late.

As the professor turned his attention back to the lecture, I tried my best to focus on anything but Niall. I stared at the chalkboard, (how is that even in here? I thought they got rid of those things in, like, 2005), the clock, the back of some kid’s head. But none of the words Professor Birdman was saying made any sense to me. I could feel Niall’s eyes burning a hole into my skull. I couldn’t take it anymore!

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” I whispered sternly. Total elementary school move, I know. But what else what I was supposed to say?

“Autumn…” his voice was still a little groggy. It sent a shiver up my spine. Oh my.

“Autumn, please,” he begged. Don’t do it, Autumn. Don’t look at him.

“Autumn, please. Can ya just look at me? Hear me out for one second.” Oh, for the love of God. It’s like he can see into my soul. I turned to face him with the intentions of telling him to fuck off and that he didn’t deserve my attention. But when our eyes met, I gasped. His blonde locks were flying in every direction, in a complete mess. And his eyes…they looked like mine before the makeup, but even worse still. Eyes bloodshot, pupils dilated, and eyelids puffy.

“Okay, fine. I’ll hear you out, but let’s wait until after class, ok? He nodded in agreement, but held his gaze for another moment or two. We sat in silence for the remainder of the period, silently jotting down notes on “The Trick to Camera Angles” and “The Effects of Black & White Film” for our projects. We were supposed to hand in an outline and a small excerpt to the professor in two weeks, with no class next week. Finally, after an excruciatingly long hour, we were dismissed.
________________________________________________________________
“So…” I started. We stood awkwardly leaning up against the brick building in the harsh, cold wind. “You wanted to talk, so talk.” He shifted his weight from his right leg to his left and let out a deep sigh.

“Autumn, I’m so sorry. That girl…that stupid girl. She’s a complete idiot, I don’t even know why-“

I laughed and started to walk away. I should have known. I have no time for stupid excuses about why he was hooking up with her.

“No, wait! I got off track, I’m sorry.”

“Okay, then explain! Why would you invite me over just to watch you and your girlfriend or whatever hook up? I don’t understand! I’m tired of people using me just for-“

“Girlfriend? No, you’ve got it all wrong. That girl is Tatiana, Louis’ girlfriend. My roommate’s girlfriend not mine. I’d never date that girl in a million years.”

“What? But she was-“

“I know! I know what it must have looked like, but trust me. I told them you were coming over and there was just some miscommunication. Too busy sucking each other’s faces to realize what was going on…I’m sorry. She was meant to let you in and tell you to wait for me while I was in the shower. It was stupid. We’ll meet at your place next time, yeah? Away from horrible roommates?”

I locked eyes with him, and said nothing for a while. He gave me a sheepish grin, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he joked. I let out a sigh of relief, appreciating his efforts to lighten up the mood. I came to the realization that it would be pointless to stay mad at him over this. Besides, his apology seemed sincere (and how could someone be mad at that beautiful, Irish, blonde-haired boy?)

“Gosh, how could I be so stupid? I’m sorry for overreacting, Niall. This should teach me not to jump to conclusions, right?”

“It’s me who should be sorry. And you’re not stupid…I know what it looked like. Whatd’ya say we reschedule that movie night?”

I smiled and nodded, “Sounds good. We should work on this project soon, too.”
“Okay, I’ll text ya later.” We began walking our separate ways, but then I remembered how he looked when I first saw him in class earlier.

“Hey, Niall?” he turned around with a questioning expression. “Are you okay?” I surprisingly found a bit of humor in the situation, relieved that it was all only a slight misunderstanding. Even if I had been crying all night.

“Uh…y-yeah. I am now, at least. I just couldn’t sleep last night is all,” he gave a reassuring grin.

“Okay…text me,” I waved awkwardly and headed back to my dorm.
________________________________________________________________
I ended up spending the rest of the day with Kelsey. I even endured a country karaoke session…anything to make up for the way I treated her last night.

“So I take it you two made up?”

“Yeah, we’re good now, I think. I guess we’ll see how it goes once we hang out again later this week.”

“Well I’m sure there will be lots to talk about over family dinner next week then!”
Honestly, I didn’t know what would happen in the next few days with Niall. But I know it would definitely be interesting, no matter how nervous I felt. At least I know that no matter what happens, I’ll have two good friends by my side. Speaking of friends, I hadn’t spoken to Savannah in days and I should get in touch with her.

Little did I know, she was already one step ahead of me.

Notes