P.S.

Olivia darted into the hallway, her movement so quick Harry took a moment to register her action. “Bye Harry?” he repeated, rushing into the hallway after Olivia. He grabbed her arm, whirling her around to face him. “Bye Harry?” he said again, his voice loud with frustration. He didn’t care about his neighbours behind their doors. “That’s it? You’re just going to fuck off with a pathetic ‘bye’ like that?”

Olivia dropped her head, shaking her arm to release Harry’s grip. He grasped her tighter, not allowing her to escape him. “What else am I supposed to say?” she asked him, her voice quiet in comparison to his brash tone.

“What the fuck are you doing to me, Liv?” Harry asked, his irritation over the past days spilling over. “Why’d you even show up here today?” he wondered, letting go of her arm with a harsh flick of his wrist. “You can’t fucking answer a text, but you show up here for no reason and then fucking cry when I want to kiss you?”

It was a severe comment. Her slumped shoulders told him so. But she’d stuck him on a rollercoaster of emotions over the past few days, and the frustration over her arrival, her relationship and her games was enormous and uncontrollable.

“I’m not fucking crying because of that!” Olivia retorted, shoving Harry’s shoulder. “And I’m not fucking crying, either,” she added as an afterthought. “I told you, I don’t know why I came here today! Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I… I don’t know! That’s why I’m leaving! Or trying to, anyway,” she corrected, indignantly placing her hands on her hips.

“Then fucking go!” Harry snapped, gesturing to the elevator. “But you’ll just be back tomorrow! Or the next day, or the next day! Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” he asked again, a nearly unnoticeable crack in his voice. She was killing him, and she hadn’t a care in the world.

“No, I won’t,” Olivia answered, shaking her head at him. “God, I can’t. I’m engaged, Harry! I can’t keep seeing you like this, like it’s okay! Don’t you get that?” Because apparently I don’t.

Harry let out a humourless guffaw. “Me?” he exclaimed. “Oh, I fucking get it. I get it big time, Liv. You’re the one that doesn’t fucking get it! You’re wearing his fucking ring, and you’re showing up here, you’re holding my hand? You’re telling me that it’s always been me, that you love me more than you love him, and I’m supposed to believe you give a shit about your relationship? Come on. You don’t give a fuck at all.”

“Fuck you, Harry!” Olivia exclaimed. She’d expected him to eventually snap, to grow tired of her games and the whiplash she was causing, but she hadn’t expected him to be so harsh with his words. She refused to admit it to him, but he was right. He wasn’t the one who was to care about her relationship. That was her job, and she was terrible at it. “I’m not a fucking cheater!”

He hadn’t said she was, but her remark made it clear where her mind was. “Never said you were,” Harry reminded Olivia, his voice unsettlingly calm. “But I’d fucking bet a million pounds you didn’t tell Ben shit about spending any time with me, did you? Hmm?”

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself against Harry’s words. “You think you’re some fucking expert, Harry? Like you’re fucking innocent in all of this? What about Hailey? She might not have a ring on her finger, but you’re still with her! You want to fucking shit all over me for not telling Ben about us? Same bet, back at you. Hmm?” She echoed his hum sarcastically, seething with anger.

Harry had such a way of flipping her switch. She wanted to pounce him and punch him at the same time. She never fought with Ben like this. They didn’t vocalise their displeasure. They accepted and adapted, they didn’t argue. The last time she yelled like this was at Harry. If she weren’t so angry, it would have been poetic.

Harry shrugged. “I’m not the one stopping shit because of them,” he pointed out. “I’d pick you, every fucking day, over her. You’re the one who’s fucking leading me on and then putting on the breaks. I mean, fuck… I get it, I guess. You don’t want to cheat.” He huffed out a loud sigh. “But you fucking already are! You haven’t kissed me yet, but you might as well have.”

Olivia pursed her lips together. “I’m not a fucking cheater, Harry,” she repeated, despite his comment that she might as well have kissed him already. “I don’t know why the fuck I’m still standing here, listening to your bullshit insults!”

He didn’t know why she was, either. He was being grossly mean to the woman he loved. Still, he pressed on. “Obviously because you’re fucking miserable with Ben. If you were happy, you’d at least have a plan to be with him forever. You don’t even have a fucking date picked!”

The last thing Olivia wanted to do was leave Harry with such a sour memory, but she couldn’t stand in front of him anymore while he threw accurate insults at her and she weakly tried to defend herself and her relationship. His words were devastating her. “I never thought you’d be so mean to me…” she commented quietly. She shook her head at him. “I thought you were the one person who knew me better than anyone, but… you don’t. You don’t know me at all.” She shook her head again, turning on her heel before the tears started to fall. He’d mocked her once for crying, she wouldn’t let him mock her again.

Fuck. Harry sighed as he realised he’d made a mistake. He never wanted to hurt Olivia or be the reason for her tears. He wanted her to want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. Yelling and cussing at her in the middle of the hallway while she cried over her obvious pain was not the way to sway her.

“Like hell I don’t,” he called out as she stomped towards the elevator. She looked up at him with a scowl but didn’t answer, continuing to jam her finger on the down button instead. He followed her to the elevator, nudging her hand from the button. “You fucking know I know you better than you know yourself, Liv.”

Olivia shook her head, pressing the button again. When the elevator doors didn’t open in an instant, she brushed past Harry, continuing down the hall to the stairs. “If you really fucking knew me, you’d have called me after that fucking video came out,” she told him, regretting the words as they came out. She didn’t want to talk about the video or the aftermath, not now. She ducked into the stairwell, Harry hot on her heels.

“You wouldn’t have answered me anyway,” Harry argued, though it was a weak statement. Just weeks after they broke up, the video of Olivia grabbing Alison Azoff’s hair found its way onto Instagram. It had been awful enough for Harry, who had training to handle social media negativity – he couldn’t imagine how difficult its release had been for Olivia, especially working with teenagers who idolised Instagram. But she was right. He hadn’t even tried to call her.

“You didn’t even fucking try!” Olivia shrieked, slapping his arm away from her. “That video was the worst fucking time of my life, and you didn’t even fucking try to see if I was okay! You killed me when you left me, but I always thought you’d come back to me. You never, ever fucking did, and then you were too damn busy fucking Taylor to even talk to me anymore! God, and her of all fucking people!” Olivia wasn’t even trying to hide her tears anymore. Everything she felt, all the words she’d wanted to say to Harry over the last three years were pouring out of her, and she was powerless to stop them.

“Liv…” Harry tried to cut in, but she waved her arms, dismissing anything he may say.

“I never knew I meant so little to you that you would rebound with the one person I truly hate,” Olivia told Harry, her quiet voice cracking. “And while you’re fucking taking her to award shows and being papped at Disneyland and fucking kissing her in Malibu, taking her to all the places you wouldn’t take me, I’m losing my shit and crying in my car in some empty parking lot at four in the morning because it’s the only fucking place that doesn’t taste like you and I’m fucking broken inside, but nothing can fix it and nothing is good and everything only gets worse!”

She ducked her head, her cries coming out in choked sobs. Harry wasn’t sure if she would push him away, but he couldn’t stand by while Olivia cried over his actions. He stepped in front of her and wrapped his arms around her back, tugging the sobbing girl against his chest. She tried to push him away, but he kept his grip around her. He hadn’t been there for her in the past, but he would be there for her now.

Olivia didn’t want Harry’s comfort. He was the reason for her tears; he wasn’t allowed to be the one to console her. She tried to push him away, but it was a weak attempt and Harry didn’t budge. Rather than fighting it, Olivia let her body fall against Harry’s as her tears continued to flow.

“I don’t know what to say…” Harry murmured, stroking Olivia’s hair. Her tears were killing him, and his own tears were close to falling. He swallowed hard. “I never, ever meant to hurt you, honey, I didn’t. I… you meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. Being with Tay – with her… was a bad idea.” He stopped himself from saying how he knew it would hurt Olivia. Nothing good would come from that remark. “I just… I was fucking broken too, and… she was the only one there. So… I…”

Olivia shook her head against his chest. Even though she’d brought it up, she didn’t want to talk about Taylor. “You’re fucking Harry Styles,” she reminded him, her voice muffled against his tear-stained shirt. “You could have had any girl you wanted.”

“No, I couldn’t…” Harry mused. He touched Olivia’s chin, nudging her head up. “I couldn’t have you.” He looked into her eyes and gently wiped a tear from her cheek. “You’re the only one I wanted… and I couldn’t have you…” He sighed. “You’re still the only one I want… and I still can’t have you…”

Olivia drew in a shaky breath, dropping her head against Harry’s chest again. She felt so safe in his arms. She couldn’t imagine anyone else ever making her feel as protected and loved as Harry did. Even when he was the cause of her anger, he had a way of making everything better.

Harry continued to run his fingers through Olivia’s hair. She wasn’t pushing him away anymore. “I’m… I’m so sorry you felt like you meant nothing to me…” he whispered to her. He was sick that he’d caused her such pain. “I wish I could change everything…”

Olivia looked up at Harry. “Me too,” she whispered, looking into each Harry’s eyes. Olivia swallowed hard, realising she was holding her breath. His eyes searched hers, his pupils wide and darting back and forth as though silently asking permission. Ever so slightly, Olivia nodded.

Harry’s heart was pounding as he leaned closer to Olivia, his lips drawing nearer to hers. Her lips parted to receive his, and their breaths mingled in what seemed like the first time in a lifetime. His lips delicately feathered against hers and his heart almost stopped at the sensation. The touch was familiar and yet somehow brand new.

Olivia combed her fingers through Harry’s hair, pulling him closer to her. Their lips easily found the familiarity of one another. His taste was intoxicating and Olivia’s knees felt weak, drunk on him. Despite the hunger they had for each other, their lips danced slowly together, their passion taking a backseat to their sequel.

Harry sighed against Olivia’s soft lips. He’d waited so long for this moment, and he didn’t want it to end. Olivia matched his sigh, and he popped an eye open. He let out a throaty chuckle as he saw her own eyes open, watching him as they kissed.

Harry caressed her cheek, staring into Olivia’s eyes. He couldn’t hold back his words anymore. Not only couldn’t he, he didn’t want to. He needed her to know his feelings. “I missed that. I missed you,” he corrected, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Shit, I shouldn’t tell you this, but… I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I know I fucked us up, fucked everything up, but… I’m still in love with you… and I… just thought you should know…” he told her, shrugging sheepishly.

Olivia’s heart fluttered at Harry’s confession. She knew, from the moment he hugged her at the cafe, that he still loved her. More so, she knew she still loved him. There was not a doubt in her mind. She didn’t just love him still. She was in love with him still. Telling him wouldn’t make leaving any easier, but he deserved her truth, too.

“I still love you too,” Olivia admitted, her tears beginning again. “I mean, I’m still in love with you. God, I love you so much, and I’ve never stopped either. But…” She let out a shaky breath, letting her head rest against Harry’s chest again.

His heart sank at her final word. “But…” he repeated glumly. He wanted to see her face again, but instead he kept his arms around her, holding her for the last few moments they had. “But… it’s not enough, is it?”

Olivia shook her head against his chest. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Our lives are so different…” she told him. The thought of her life being under a microscope or strangers videotaping her every move again was terrifying. “And… Ben’s a good guy. He’s good for me,” she added, though more to convince herself than Harry.

Harry sighed. If he couldn’t convince her after their kiss, he’d never be able to convince her. “If you say so…” he told her, not sounding convinced. He held Olivia at arms length, peering into her eyes. “I just want you to be happy,” he reminded her. “If he’s who you really want…” He shrugged. “I mean, what can I do? I can’t force you to be with me. But… fuck. Don’t write me off just because you hate my career. It’s not a forever gig,” he pointed out. “Marrying Ben is. Or being with me would be. Don’t be with him just because it’s convenient.”

“That’s not fair,” Olivia told Harry, an edge to her voice. “You think I’m with him just because, what? Because he’s from home, or because people don’t take his picture when we’re out? I know you love me, but Ben loves me too. He found me when I was a messed up, bag of fucking broken bones and he put my pieces back together. Pieces that you broke.”

Harry bit his tongue at her comment. He didn’t want to fight with Olivia anymore. He wanted her to choose him and stay. “Do you love him?” He held up his hand, stopping Olivia from answering. “Wait. You already told me. You love him, but you love me more. So, of course, it makes perfect sense that you’re with him and not me.” He shook his head again. “Why?”

Olivia exhaled loudly. She wished she had an answer for Harry. Maybe then she would have an answer for herself as well. “We’re just from two different worlds, Harry. Why can’t you just get that and get over me? Please?” she pleaded, desperate for his acceptance.

Harry chuckled, a self-deprecating edge to his laughter. “That’s a shit excuse,” he pointed out. “If you’re happy with this fucking Ben, then fine. I’ll let you go, we’ll be done. I’ll fucking kill myself trying to get over you, and… Bob’s your uncle. But…” He sighed. “I don’t think you are.”

“You’re wrong,” Olivia countered, but she couldn’t meet his eyes. She hated how he could peer into her soul and rip open every lie, every fib, every bit of self doubt. She couldn’t have secrets around Harry, and he knew everything about her. But… she didn’t hate it. She loved it.

He nudged Olivia to meet his eyes, and he sighed, staring into her sad, lying eyes. There were words she wasn’t speaking, truths she wasn’t telling him. She was crazy if she thought he would believe her excuses and accept her happiness as genuine. “Well… all right, then,” Harry surmised with a sigh. “Guess I can’t convince you, can I?”

Olivia exhaled. He was close, but she couldn’t let him know how close he was to convincing her to stay with him. Harry would be much better with a girl who lived his life. And, though it was a painful thought, Olivia would be better with a man who lived her life. “I have to go.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah…” he answered with a shrug. He kept his gaze on her for a few more beats, pleading silently for a flicker of doubt in her eyes. Nothing. He let out another sigh, louder this time, before touching Olivia’s arm. “Guess I’ll be seeing you,” he told her, shrugging again. He took a step closer to the door, his movement slow as though waiting for her to change her mind. But she didn’t.

Notes