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P.S.

Nine

Harry slumped on the couch, a glass of tequila in front of his scowling face. It was two days after Christmas, Harry was almost certain. He didn’t care what day it was. He only wanted it to be night, so he could sleep and give his mind a break from the girl who kept running through it. Of course, she filled his dreams as well, but the subconscious thoughts were easier to handle than the conscious ones.

“Harry, love… don’t you want to come for dinner with Gemma and I?” Anne asked, sitting across from Harry with a concerned frown on her face. She was trying, bless her, but it would not work.

“No,” Harry answered, his quick reply almost overlapping Anne’s words. He brought the glass to his lips and took a sip closer to a gulp. The larger sip burned, but he didn’t care. Everything burned now.

Anne let out a quiet sigh, reaching out and touching Harry’s knee. “Maybe you ought to put the drink down, dear,” she urged quietly.

Harry rolled his eyes. “I am,” he pointed out, punctuating his comment with another sip. It wasn’t what Anne meant, but he would not listen to her. Anne was well aware of the heartache Harry was experiencing. Harry and Olivia’s screaming match in the hallway was anything but private, and Gemma had admitted she and Anne stood by the door, listening to every word. But heartache or not, Anne disapproved of heavy drinking. But, like most things in the last couple days, Harry didn’t care.

“It will not make it better,” Anne reminded her son. She squeezed his knee. “Come for dinner with us. Have a shower, get out of the house. You need to do something.”

Harry scowled. “You have no idea what I need,” he told his mother, sounding cross. “I don’t want to go. Just leave me alone,” he added, avoiding Anne’s eyes as he sassed her. She was trying to help him, but he didn’t want her help. He only wanted Olivia, and that would not be happening.

Anne frowned. “Are you going to spend the rest of the week in a drunken stupor?” she asked. “Perhaps Gemma and I should just go back home early if you are going to be like this.”

“Perhaps you should,” Harry countered. They wouldn’t leave early. He didn’t want them to leave early. If they left before the new year, Harry would have no one to distract him from his overwhelming thoughts. But he wished they would leave for a few hours.

Anne shook her head as she sighed again. “Love, I know you were hoping for a different outcome with Olivia. Honestly, so was I. And you’re allowed to be unhappy, but your rudeness is uncalled for. Especially to me,” she added, squeezing his knee again.

Harry groaned. “Just go for your fucking supper, Mum,” he snapped. He would apologise later.

Harry’s words didn’t seem to affect Anne. She offered him a sympathetic smile before standing up. “We’ll bring you some takeaway,” she promised, ruffling Harry’s hair.

He frowned, wishing she wasn’t being so kind. He was being an asshole and it would be easier if Anne wasn’t such a good person. “Fine,” Harry grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as Anne met a waiting Gemma in the foyer. A moment later, the door shut and Harry sighed. Despite his words, he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t know what he wanted. Except for one thing.

Harry scrolled through his phone, perusing Instagram but paying no attention. He wished he hadn’t deleted Olivia from his followers. Her life behind her private Instagram would remain a secret to Harry. Though seeing her happy life may very well kill him.

He sighed. She wasn’t happy. She was stubborn and a martyr. He couldn’t understand why she refused to be with the person she loved the most. She was infuriating, but God, he loved her.

And he couldn’t have her.

He downed the rest of his drink in a single gulp, the burn not enough to rid the ache in his heart. Angrily, he swiped his arm across the coffee table, the books and ornaments falling to the floor with a sensational crash. Harry stood up, stumbling over his feet. He kicked a book out of his way with frustration as he staggered into the kitchen.

Harry hated feeling this way. He hated using alcohol to feel better, and he hated how it didn’t work. As he poured another drink, Harry sighed, wondering if he even needed it. He didn’t, but it didn’t stop him from taking a large swallow. He set the glass down and picked up his phone. It was time to do something – or someone – to get his mind off Olivia.

~*~*~*~

“Hi!”

“Hey,” Harry greeted, his dull tone a stark contrast to Hailey’s enthusiastic greeting. How she could still be happy to see him after he’d spent the last few days ignoring her was baffling. He judged her and her lack of self respect. He stepped aside, allowing her to enter the apartment. “How’s it going?”

Hailey furrowed her brow at Harry as she stepped into the apartment. “Are you drunk?” she questioned, tossing her jacket on the chair.

Obviously, why else would I text you? Harry thought, but he was smart enough to keep his comment to himself. “Had a couple,” he said instead. “Tis the season, yeah?” he added with a slow shrug. “Ahh… want to watch a movie?” he asked, stepping away from Hailey as she tried to embrace him.

The furrowed frown remained on Hailey’s face. “Sure…” she said questioningly, following Harry into the living room. “Aren’t you even going to offer me a drink? Might need a couple to catch up to you…” she added pointedly, standing with her hands on her hips.

Harry sighed. She was such a princess. “Right,” he answered. “Sorry.” He moped into the kitchen and poured Hailey a glass of wine. Again, he wondered why he even invited her over. He wished he could be a man and end things with Hailey, but being with her was better than being alone – barely – and he was too much of a coward to be alone. He wasn’t being fair to Hailey, but he was too selfish to be courteous.

“Thank you,” Hailey told Harry, taking a sip. She sat down on the couch, staring at Harry. He sensed her gaze on him but he avoided her eyes. She huffed out a loud sigh. “What’s up with you?” she asked him. “You’ve been super weird the last few days.”

Harry scoffed. “Have not,” he countered, taking a gulp of his drink. He continued to avoid her eyes as he lied. “Just had some shit on my mind… Sorry,” he added, his apology not sounding sincere. He let out a quiet sigh before sitting on the far end of the sofa. “Called you now, anyway,” he reminded Hailey.

“I guess…” Hailey answered. She was such a pushover. She scooted closer to Harry, too close for his liking. “I missed you…” she purred, lifting Harry’s arm and draping it across her shoulders as she settled against his chest.

Harry’s body stiffened at Hailey’s touch. Her body against his was so foreign, so uncomfortable. Even though his plan was to get under Hailey in order to get over Olivia, he couldn’t handle her touch. Abruptly, Harry scooted to the other side of the sofa. His quick action caused Hailey to fall sideways, and she gawked at Harry as she straightened up.

“What the hell was that?” Hailey demanded. “I almost spilled my drink!”

Harry cleared his throat. He didn’t know how to explain his action to Hailey, so he didn’t. “Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, taking a gulp of his drink. “Just pick a movie.”

Hailey frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t worry about it?” she repeated. “You just jumped away from me like I have leprosy! You… you don’t want to sit with me? Or cuddle with me? What did I do?”

She sounded so sad that, for a moment, Harry was remorseful. He wasn’t heartless; he was heartbroken. Still, despite his feelings for Olivia, he didn’t need to treat Hailey with such disrespect. He sighed. “You didn’t do anything,” he told her, huffing out another breath. He took another sip of his drink; finishing the cocktail before standing up to make another one.

Harry heard Hailey sigh as he stood up. “Are you just going to sit here and get drunk?” she called to him. “Because I can go if that’s your plan.”

Harry couldn’t be alone. He needed some kind of release, and the booze wasn’t cutting it for him. He drank half of his drink before topping it up and joining Hailey on the couch. “Stay,” he murmured. He took another sip before draping his arm across Hailey’s shoulders, tugging her closer. She let him, of course. “Pick a movie,” he added, his hand reaching down her chest. He cupped her breast in his hand – her small, childlike breast without a hint of sex appeal – and massaged his fingers against her.

Hailey let out a quiet moan at Harry’s touch. “Do you really want to watch a movie?” she asked him, pressing kisses against his jawline.

“No,” Harry answered, reaching his hand under Hailey’s top, her soft skin against his palm. It proved difficult to pretend Hailey was Olivia. Olivia’s body was soft and curvy, her breasts full and feminine. Hailey was lanky and bony, her curves almost obsolete. Still, he had to try.

He took Hailey’s glass from her and placed it on the coffee table next to his. As he leaned back against the couch, he wrapped his arms around Hailey’s waist and pulled her on top of him as he fell into a laying position. Harry kept his eyes squeezed shut as their mouths met in a fiery, angry kiss. Her plump lips parted for Harry and her tongue aggressively slid into his mouth, duelling with his. He hated it, every moment.

Hailey broke the kiss, panting as she straightened up and pulled her shirt off. Harry’s gaze fell to her small chest. He couldn’t look at her when he was trying to pretend she was someone else. He pulled her back to him, feeling her hands under his shirt as she tried to remove the clothing. Harry grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it off, his eyes shutting again as Hailey pressed her chest against Harry’s and found his lips again.

“Oh, baby… I missed you…” Hailey murmured against Harry’s lips, writhing against his budding erection. He was still a full-blooded man, after all, and thoughts of his trysts with Olivia were racing through his mind, aiding in his arousal.

“Don’t talk,” Harry told Hailey, his tone sharper than intended. He couldn’t pretend she was Olivia if she invaded his ears with her high-pitched, California girl voice. “I mean, don’t talk… just kiss…” he corrected. He didn’t want Hailey angry and leaving before he got his. Before she answered, Harry grabbed the back of Hailey’s neck and mashed his lips against hers.

Harry scowled against her lips, thoughts of Olivia in his mind. He thought of her body and how she felt against him, perfectly matched like puzzle pieces. He loved running his hands through her hair, long and soft. The memory of her cute giggle and a penchant for laughing at her own, terrible jokes almost made Harry laugh out loud. But most, he thought about how much he loved her, and how the girl on top of him was no match for Olivia.

Hailey kept her lips on Harry’s as she blindly fumbled with the button on his jeans, releasing his manhood. “Is this what you want, baby?” Hailey asked, her voice husky as she pumped her fist up and down Harry’s shaft.

Harry exhaled, a mix of a groan and a sigh. “I said, don’t talk,” he repeated, lifting her chin with his finger and pressing his lips forcefully against hers. He was not being as gentle as he usually was, but the cocktail of frustration and tequila, not to mention the angry thoughts of being rejected by Olivia, caused him to be in a terrible frame of mind. Ignoring his thoughts, Harry placed his hands on Hailey’s shoulders, nudging her downwards.

Just fucking do it, he thought, sitting up straighter and nudging her again. This time, he was more demanding about his request.

Hailey shrugged her shoulders from Harry’s hands. “I’ll get there, baby…” she cooed, pressing kisses along Harry’s bare chest. “We have all night… we don’t have to rush…”

“Just fucking do it!” Harry demanded again, placing his hands back on her shoulders and pushing her again, keeping his hands firmly planted against her so she had no choice but to go down. “It can’t be over if you don’t fucking start!”

Hailey pushed Harry’s arm away, forcing his grip from her shoulders. She clambered off him, covering her chest with her arms as she scooted to the far side of the couch. “What are you doing!” she exclaimed, her voice wobbly. “I said I would! Why are you being like this?”

As Harry heard the quiver in Hailey’s voice, he realised what he’d said to her and his forceful actions. He covered his face with his hands and let out a loud sigh. “Fuck… I’m sorry…” he apologised. He sat up straighter and faced Hailey. She was a good girl. She didn’t deserve to be treated as though she was nothing more than a two-bit whore. But he was selfish and couldn’t be alone. He couldn’t break up with her.

Hailey sniffled. “What is wrong with you lately?” she asked him, pulling her shirt on. “You’ve been weird ever since I got to the city. It’s like you don’t even want to see me, and when you do, you’re mean!” She dropped her gaze from his as she stood up. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but…” She trailed off, shaking her head at Harry. “I think I’m going to go…”

Harry didn’t answer. He knew she wanted him to stop her, to apologise again and assure her everything was okay. But everything wasn’t okay, and Harry didn’t know if he had the strength to keep pacifying Hailey.

But, as she stepped into the foyer, she sniffled again. Harry wasn’t callous. He sighed, standing up to join Hailey. “Sorry,” he tried again. “I don’t know what came over me. Guess I was just excited to see you,” he lied.

“That’s not it…” Hailey told him. She shrugged, her eyes damp with tears. “I don’t know what it is, but…” she trailed off, dropping her gaze.

She looked so sad, Harry couldn’t help pulling her into a hug. He hated being the cause of her tears. Harry remembered he was also the cause of Olivia’s tears. He was making girls cry a lot lately. Maybe he wasn’t as good of a man as he believed he was.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, unsure what else to tell Hailey. “I’m sorry, Liv…”

He heard the words the moment they were out of his mouth, too late to stop them. He hardly had time to wonder if Hailey noticed before she pulled away from Harry, her eyes wide as she stared at him.

“What?”

“I… what? What?” Harry stammered, trying to save face. “I didn’t say anything.”

Hailey swatted Harry’s arm from her. “You said Liv!” she exclaimed. “Your ex-girlfriend! You said her name! Is that why you’ve been weird lately? Are you seeing her behind my back? Are you?” she pressed, her voice cracking as Harry’s head dropped.

“She lives in Canada,” Harry reminded Hailey. “I’m not fucking seeing her.” Anymore. “Besides, I didn’t even say her name. I said love,” he corrected, hoping she would believe him.

She didn’t. “I’m not stupid, I heard what you said!” Hailey told him. She sighed. “You’re never going to get that one off your mind, are you?”

Harry was silent. Hailey was right, but he couldn’t agree without angering her. His silence was enough of an answer for her though.

“We’ve been together almost three years…” Hailey reminded Harry. “And you were with her for, what, a summer? Over three years ago? And you’re still not over her. You’re not!” she told Harry as he opened his mouth to protest her comment. “You’re never, ever going to put me on as high of a pedestal as the one you put her on… I can’t compete with her…”

“So what are you saying?” Harry retorted, Hailey’s words angering him. “You want to break up with me because I’ve not forgotten my first love? No one ever does, Hailey,” he reminded her.

“It’s more than just nostalgia, Harry, and you know it,” Hailey told him. She sighed. “I don’t want to break up with you, but… I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to have this discussion with you while you’re drunk and thinking about your ex-girlfriend though.”

If Hailey waited to discuss their relationship until Harry wasn’t thinking about Olivia, they would never discuss it. That would be fine with him. Harry didn’t want to discuss the pathetic relationship that meant more to her than him. He wanted carry on the charade so he didn’t have to be alone. He couldn’t tell her that though.

“I just want to be your number one…” Hailey whispered sadly.

Harry reached out and touched her cheek. “You are…” he assured her. She wasn’t, but he didn’t know what else to say to make her stay. If lying was what it would take to not be alone, lying is what he would do.

Notes

Comments

@En_1960
Aww thank you so much! I'm glad you loved them!

harambejtrump harambejtrump
6/10/19

These two stories are the best fan fic I have read. Thoroughly enjoyed. Laughed, cried everything throughout. Thank you x

En_1960 En_1960
6/7/19

I love that the big thing wasn’t that big, but to them it was the worst. I told you that though...I can see why he was worried and why she is so hurt by it... that he might have thought that of her and that everyone kept it from her. It sucks but I’m glad it wasn’t some big dramatic thing

Kammy. Kammy.
2/25/19

My babies

Kammy. Kammy.
2/25/19

@morrison_hotel
Thank you my love ♥️♥️♥️

harambejtrump harambejtrump
2/25/19