When You Love Someone

“Dad what’s going on?” I asked as I entered the living room. Right now my dad, sister, Edith, and brother are in their with the kids. Piper is out on a date with Logan, my mom is taking a nap, Cody and Thristan are still at the beach surfing, and Paul is taking pictures to paint later.

“What are you talking about?” Alexander asked me confused and I handed him my phone and his mouth dropped before he handed me my phone back. Sailor and I were put in a group chat with this random guys names Grayson and he’s claiming that he and his sister are my dad’s children. I was ready to completely ignore his message until I saw my dad reply to him on my recent Instagram post.

“Why don’t we go outside and play with chalk?” Eddie asked the kids and they all cheered and followed her outside. Once they were out Alexander and I turned our attention back to our dad.

“So is anyone going to fill me in on what this conversation might be about?” Vivi asked.

“Dad apparently has two children younger than me and Sail with another woman. Do you want to know how much younger?” I asked while maintaining eye contact with my dad. “They’re eighteen and sixteen. That means he was still with mom,” I said still not breaking my eye contact with him.

“Let’s not do this now Mattie,” My dad said using the name that only he calls me.

“When should we do this dad? You’ve waited sixteen years why not tell us already? Why did I have to find out about my younger siblings on Instagram? Does mom know?” I asked him.

“Dad...is this true?” Vivi asked breaking her silence.

“Does mom know or not?” I shouted now frustrated with him.

“Yes, I’ve known since the youngest was two,” My mom said startling me. I turned and looked at her in shock. I not only was shocked, but to be honest I was a little angry as well. Both of our parents kept such a big secret from us.

“Why...why didn’t either of you tell us?” I asked looking between the two.

“By the time I had found out their step-dad had officially adopted them leaving your dad free of any responsibility,” My mom explained as she went and sat down on the arm of my dad’s chair.

“That doesn’t explain why dad didn’t tell us when they were born,” Alexander spoke up after watching it all happen.

“I didn’t tell any of you because I was ashamed. My marriage with your mom has always been far from perfect and cheating on her those times is my lowest moment ever. If I could take it back I would, but I can’t take it back. Their mom and I agreed that after their step-dad adopted them she wouldn’t contact me for anything and I wouldn’t be apart of the kids’ lives. She said she’d explain everything to them when they were eighteen and Grayson turned eighteen last month. That’s when I got a call from him and well here we are now. He’s expressed that he wants nothing to do with me, but he also wants to meet you guys, his siblings,” He finished and by the time he was done I was out the door running towards the beach. Thankfully we’ve come here since I was younger so there’s a private spot I found when I was younger that nobody knows about. That’s the place I ran to and once I was there I sank down into the sand.

Right now I don’t know how I’m feeling. My emotions are just a mess and a jumble. Nothing is making sense to me right now, but that would make sense right? I mean I just found out about two siblings I never knew about. There are two people out in the world who share half of who I am and I didn’t find out until eighteen and sixteen years after their births. My dad means the world to me and knowing that he felt the need to hide this from us, from me, killed me inside. It was like being stabbed in the heart, but wayyy worse than that. Way way worse. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there with Thristian spoke from above me.

“Everyone’s worried you know,” He said sitting down next to me in the sand.

“I’m fine,”

“I can see that. Want to tell me why you’re sitting out here all alone? We’ve been searching for you for about three hours now. What’s going on Tilly?” The concern that was laced in his voice caused me to break down and explain to him everything that had happened before I ran out of the house.

“That’s some tough shit to swallow,” He said and I just nodded my head, “I’m sure he had reasons for it though. It sounds like he was never involved in their lives to begin with,”

“That’s what is bothering me the most. I got to have our dad and they didn’t get the chance to,”

“From what it sounds like though they had a dad though. He isn’t their biological father, but he’s their dad and that’s way more important that blood relations. Trust me,”

“I don’t know. It’s all so weird and new, I just had to get away for a bit,”

“Well, I’ll sit here next to you until you want to go back. When you want to go back I’ll be right here to walk with you,”

“Can we sit in silence then?”

“Sure thing,” Thristian said in a perky manner. About five minutes later though the silence was broken.

“Soooooooo...you know how you were a freshman my senior year?” He questioned and I nodded my head slightly annoyed that he had broken the silence I so much craved.

“Well I had a crush on you then. I know every guy had a crush on Sailor, but you, you stood out. You were the shy and quiet one. You kept your head down, one day I walked past the theatre and I heard the most amazing voice singing. Like A plus, record deal now please, amazing voice. Of course this was during when I was supposed to be in class and Parkers walked past so I snuck into the theatre to hide out. That’s when I realized that you were like your sister. You just decided to turn it down when you wanted to. I knew that I wanted you to sing to me and only me someday,” He explained while staring out at the water. My attention was fixated on him and I was in shock.

“Why didn’t you approach me then?” I asked.

“For one you were a freshman and I was a senior. Everyone thinks that in a relationship like that the senior would take advantage of the gap and I was really worried about my reputation at that point. The second reason was because the night I was going to send you a message asking you on a date was the night you posted that you began to date Harry. I lost my chance,” He replied turning and looking at me with a shrug. I didn’t know how to respond to that so for another hour the two of us sat in silence.

“I’m ready to go,” I said standing up and brushing the sand off of my butt. When we got back to the house Mila came and hugged me.

“I missed you mommy. I was scared,” She said and I instantly felt bad for worrying my child. No parent should ever make their child worry about them, but I being selfish person I am did that.

“I’m so sorry Mila cake. Mommy is okay I promise,” I said picking her up and kissing her all over her face. Soon James came and hugged my leg.

“Uncle Cody show me video games,” He exclaimed and my eyes went straight to Cody with a glare.

“Don’t worry. No violence was involved in the games,” Cody said and I nodded my head.

“Can I talk to you Mattie?” My dad asked taking a step towards me.

“Can it wait until they go to bed tonight? I want give them a bath since Anne and Gemma will be here tomorrow. Plus Harry’s getting them tomorrow so I just want to get them settled in for the night,” I said and he nodded his head. I lead James into the kitchen while still holding Mila in my arms.

“Can we have nuggies?” Mila asked me.

“Let’s see if they bought nuggies. If so then nuggies it is then,” I said to her. Both her and James call chicken nuggets, nuggies. I’m not really sure as to why, but I go with it anyways.
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I just finished tucking in both Mila and James and knew it was officially time to have this conversation with my dad. My parents’ room is down the hall from Mila’s and James’ room so as I was heading downstairs I poked my head into the room letting them know I was ready to talk to him. I went into the movie room and sat down on the big couch and crossed my legs. Soon my dad joined me and it was filled with awkward and heavy silence.

“Why did you do it? Did Sails and I do something?” I asked since we were the youngests, or thought we were.

“It has nothing to do with you, Sails, Vivi, Alex, or your mom. It has everything to do with who I am, who I was, as a man. I felt like I was missing something and I thought their mom would fill that hole. Of course she didn’t, but I thought she would. You have to remember your mom and I have been together since we were thirteen and fourteen,”

“Did you not want to be apart of their lives?”

“Of course I did, but from the start she didn’t want me to be apart of their lives. She knew that I would never leave you guys and your mother, even if I didn’t. She knew that you guys were really my world and that nothing and nobody would ever change that. I’ve met the man she ended up marrying and he’s a way better dad to them than I ever could be,”

“So we were enough for you? You just needed a little time to figure it out?” I asked him and he nodded his head.

“Your mom is my Harry,”

“Harry and I aren’t together though. He ran as soon as he found out about them dad,” I said to him.

“You aren’t back together yet, but I know you will be at some point. You guys whether you realize it or not have unofficially been dating since you were like eleven,”

“Whatever floats your boat,” I said rolling my eyes as I spoke.

“Are we okay kid?” He asked me seriously.

“We’re okay daddy,” I said hugging him. He kissed the top of my head before leaving the room and heading upstairs. I plopped back and stared at the ceiling.

“I think you’re supposed to be watching a movie in here,” Thristian said popping up once again.

“Sometimes the ceiling is better,” I replied not moving to look at him. He laid down next to me and began to stare also, “So you’ve met my two kids. Tell me about your son, what happened with you and his mom?” I figured it was okay for me to ask since he’s seen me really vulnerable twice today.

“I met her my freshman year of college and it was love at first sight. When she found out sophomore year that she was pregnant with Tyler my whole world shifted. I was all in and ready to be a dad, she on the other hand wasn’t ready to give up her college life style. Her dad demanded that we get married and I thought it was the right thing to do so I got married at the age of twenty. That was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. We fought non-stop and while I was at home working on school work and taking care of Tyler she was out partying with her friends. I finally got tired of it all after a year and filed for divorce. At that point we weren’t even on speaking terms, but we’ve gotten better. I have full custody of Tyler, but right now he’s on a trip with his mom to visit her parents for the week,” He said.

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry Thristian,”

“Don’t be. It just opened my eyes sooner and probably for the better. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you and their dad?”

“That’s a long one. So Harry and I were those best friends who everyone thought was going to get married. For a while I thought that as well, but when I told him I was pregnant he wasn’t ready. He was touring with One Direction and he was only twenty and he said it was all too much. The whole pregnancy was a rough and stressful time for me due to his leaving, my parents seperation, all the hate I was getting online and in school, and then I have a couple miscarriage scares with them. Of course my family was supportive as they could be with me getting pregnant so young, but I could tell what they honestly thought about it all. I felt so alone and when it comes to raising them now I feel alone. He saw the kids for the first time in four months last week, because the girlfriend he has now is pregnant. It’s not getting any easier for me to co-parent with him and it’s frustrating because that’s what I want for my kids,” I said. It’s something about Thristian that makes him so easy to talk to and open up to. I feel so comfortable around him and that I can literally speak to him as if he was my walking diary. We sat in silence for a little while longer until I felt him staring at me, this is when I rolled over to look at him. We were eye to eye at this point and he was smiling.

“What?” I asked with a nervous giggle.

“Nothing really. Just thinking about how you haven’t really changed since high school,” He said to me and shyly smiled.

“I hope that’s a good thing Mr. Lucas,”

“It’s a great thing Miss. Hart,”

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked him.

“Anything that doesn’t have to do with kids,”

“Is Rent okay?”

“That’s perfectly fine with me. Are there pillows and blankets in here?” He asked me and I told him no. While I got the movie ready to go he went upstairs to get us pillows and blankets. By the time he was back downstairs all I had to do was press play. About ten minutes into the movie even though I had a blanket on I began to shiver and Thristian pulled me close to him so we were cuddling. It kept me warm, but also it was kind of weird. The only people who I’ve cuddled with since Harry have been my kids or my niece.

“Is this okay?” Thristian asked me with a hint of worry slicing through.

“It’s okay,” I said looking up at him and he smiled down at me.

“Good,” He replied before we turned our attention back to the tv. What am I getting myself into?

Notes

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