First Day of My Life

It’s the night before Harry has to leave for tour and we just laid all of the girls down for the night. Right now Harry and I are in my bed snuggling and talking about the little things in life when the door opens to reveal all three girls standing at the door holding their care bears.

“What’s going on buggies?”

“Can we sleep with you and daddy tonight?” Clemmie asked. I looked at Harry already knowing that we both were going to give in only to regret it in the morning.

“What if we push all three of your beds together so it’ll be like one giant bed. It’ll be like a fun sleepover,” Harry said surprising me and exciting the girls who agreed to it. Harry told me to stay in bed while he went and took care of that and the girls. Twenty minutes later he still hadn’t come back to bed so I sent to check on him and he had fallen asleep with all three girls laying on some part of his body. It was too cute not to take a picture of so I ran back to my room and got my phone and then hurried and took a picture. I covered them all up and then turned off the light. As I did though Violet sat up.

“Mommy?” She said looking at me.

“What’s up lovebug?” I asked her quietly.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” and as I mentioned above I gave in and let my little girl sleep with me especially since Harry was already asleep with Nora and Clemmie. When we got in my room I helped Lottie onto my bed and then got in myself and turned off the bedside lamp. I laid there for a little bit making sure she fell asleep and as soon as I assumed she was asleep she spoke up.

“Can Harry be my daddy?” She asked me. Since I still hadn’t been able to sit and talk with Brandon about this I gave her the only answer that I could.

“We’ll see. Now we should probably get to sleep since you have a big day with Uncle Blake tomorrow,” I said kissing her forehead and sinking down into my slumber as my baby girl cuddled into me.
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“Mommy wake up! We’re late!” Violet screamed scaring the living crap out of me and apparently the little bean in my stomach because as soon as I sat up I had to run and throw up. This went on for about five minutes until I felt a soothing hand rubbing my back while their other hand held my hair back. When I was done I turned and sat with my back to the wall as Harry sat with his back on the tub.

“I forgot how much morning sickness sucked,” I said running my hand over my face.

“I really wish I could be here with you through it all,” He said scotting over and kissing my forehead.

“I know you do,” I replied leaning my head on his shoulder and at that moment Clementine ran into the bathroom and sat on his lap and she was soon followed by Nora and Lottie and all three girls held worried expressions.

“Are you okay mommy? We can stay,” Nora said as she attempted to brush some of my hair out of my face.

“I’m fine sis. Also it would make Uncle Blake really sad if you stayed me instead of going with him. Speaking of which we should probably get you buggies ready,” I said trying standing up and soon the other four stood up. Today Blake is watching the girls for me so Harry and I can have a little alone time before I take him to the airport tonight. It was around eleven that Blake finally came and took the girls.

“Now it’s just you and me,” Harry said after closing the door.

“You, me, and little bean,” I corrected.

“Of course. How dare I forget about bean. I say that we just lay in bed and cuddle and maybe even a little bit more,”

“Orrr we can clean the house so I don’t have a lot to do while you’re gone,”

“Then cuddle and maybe more?”

“Then you will definitely get lucky Mr. Styles,” I said before standing on my tippy toes to give him a kiss.

“I like that outcome. Let’s get busy then missy,” He said. IT took us two hours, but the house was in great shape and all I had to do tomorrow was laundry and that’s not hard. We still have five hours before I need to take Harry to the airport and since Harry followed through on his end of the bargain I followed through on my end of it.

“I know I’m going to see you in two days, but it’s two days too long,” Harry said as we laid in bed naked while being intertwined.

“It’ll go by fast trust me. We have to decide though what we’re going to do for the girls birthday. Are we going to wait until you can come home and celebrate or should I have a party for them anyways?”

“You should have a party for them anyways. Or you could bring them to Madrid for their birthday and I can fly out both of our parents as well and we’ll have a mini party for them then,” He said perking up at the thought.

“But we were planning on seeing your two O2 shows. Is it really worth them missing three days at the least of school. I don’t want them to fall behind,” I said.

“Babe it’s only preschool. I think they’ll be fine. It’ll be fun and maybe we could even get Liam and Louis to join along with their boys,”

“If we do this I just want it to be our families and then we can have something with the others later. If we do come can I invite Tuppie, Masha, and Blake as well? I would invite Alli, but she’s so far into her pregnancy flying for her is a no go,”

“Of course you can hun. It’ll be fun and the girls will enjoy it,” He said looking at me with those bug pleading eyes of his until I finally gave into his wants.

“Fine, but we keep it as a surprise for the girls. They only turn four once,” I said to him and he nodded his head in agreement.

“Now I have to pee and then I’ll make us lunch,” Harry said kissing me one last time before standing up. When he got out of the bed I pulled back the sheets off my side of the bed and went to stand up, but as soon as I did I got a really sharp pain in my abdomen. It hurt so bad that I actually dropped to my knees and began to cry. When I reached for the bed to help me up I felt a wet spot and when I looked it was blood.

“Harry…” I said warily as I just stayed there staring at my blood and trying to ignore the pain, but as the realization of what actually might be happening hit me I began to freak out. I kept calling for Harry until he finally rushed back into the room to check on me.

“Something’s not right,” I said looking up at him from the floor.

“I’m going to get you clothes to put on then we’re going to the hospital,” He said and all I could do was nod my head. When he came back he helped me up and allowed me to lean on him as I got dressed. He literally carried me to the car and I sent a text to Blake letting him know I was going into the hospital, but not telling him the reasoning behind it. When we got there Harry wrapped my arm around his shoulder and took most of my weight so walking wouldn’t be a struggle. I was rushed into a room and then did all kinds of tests.

“I lost bean. I know that I did,” I said to him.

“No. Don’t say that. Both you and bean are fine,” Harry replied taking a hold of my hand and kissing it. I didn’t say anything in response, because a mother just knows when something isn’t right in her body and this is the moment I knew something wasn’t right. My thoughts were confirmed when the doctor walked back into the room with a face masked in pity. She didn’t even have to say the words. My heart was already torn out of my chest and my tears fell. No woman should ever have to go through this feeling, and I thought that I never would, until now.

“I’m really sorry Miss. Warburton,” was all I heard her say before she walked out of the room. Once the door was closed I turned and looked at Harry who had tears falling and I broke down.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Harry said getting in the bed with me and holding onto me tight.

“It’s not okay Harry. It’ll never be okay,” I said to him in frustration and anger towards myself. We sat there like that crying for twenty minutes and then I got dressed again and he took me home. There was no music or talking, there was just silence. Neither of us knew what to say, but who really does in this situation? When we got back home he helped me into our room and there was the blood stain sheets reminding me of what we just lost.

“Why don’t you go lay down in the guest room while I change the sheets?” Harry asked and I nodded my head. When I got into the guest room I just laid down and stared at the wall. I shut down. I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t want to. All I wanted to do was sleep and that’s exactly what I did.

Harry’s P.O.V
“Mum?” I said into the phone as I tried to keep it together. I just finished changing the sheets and I needed to talk to someone about this. I knew right now Lila needs me to be strong, but I’m not sure if that’s even possible.

“Hello? Harry?” My mom said into the phone as I heard the background noise getting further away.

“Mum?”

“Why are you crying? What’s wrong? Is everything okay with the girls and Lila?” She asked instantly becoming worried by my state.

“No, mum. Lila...Lila was pregnant. We just got back from the hospital and the doctor said…” I trailed off not wanting to say it out loud, but I didn’t need to because my instantly understood the fate of her unborn grandchild.

“Is...well is it completely...well you know?” my mom asked not really knowing the best way to word it.

“No, but the doctor said it will be by the end of the week and that she’ll experience the pain and bleeding for about a week after that,” I explained.

“Are you still leaving tonight, or are you going to stay and help her out with the girls while she recovers?”

“I don’t know. I think I want to talk to her about it and decide after that. I want to stay, but I also don’t want to let my fans down,”

“Harry, sometimes you can’t worry about your fans. Your family should be the most important thing and right now your family needs you. Talk it out with Lila, but I think you should stay home,” She said.

“I think about it,” I replied.

“If you haven’t already I think you should call Elaine and tell her as well. That way if you do decide to go on tour her mum can be with her,”

“Okay I will. I should probably go check on Lila. I love you,” I said before hanging up. I slid my phone into my pocket and then walked into the guest room.
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“Harry?” Lila asked startling me. When I went to check on her she was asleep so I decided that I would change the sheet’s on the girls’ beds and start laundry for Lila.

“How are you feeling?” I asked coming over to her and giving her a hug. She wrapped her arms around my torso and rested her head on my chest.

“As good as possible considering. Has Blake called?”

“A couple of times, but I didn’t know who you wanted to know about it yet so I didn’t answer. I did tell both of our mum’s though, I hope that’s okay,” I said nervously.

“That’s fine. I think I just want our moms to know and maybe my aunt Sandy,”

“That’s okay with me. I’ve also been thinking about staying home with you until it’s time for the Madrid and then bringing the three of you with me then,” I said looking down at her as she leaned back so she could look up at me.

“Don’t to that. Your fans paid to see you,”

“And I love you. I know you’re still hurting physically and emotionally and I know you will for a while. I want to be here to help you with the girls as you recover so you won’t be so stressed,”

“I’ll be okay and if I need help I’ll call my mom or aunt Sandy. If it makes you feel better I could have Masha fly out and stay with us for a while until I’m feeling one hundred percent again. I don’t want you to let your fans down because of me,” she said sincerely.

“But I want to be here with you. You’re my fiancee and we just lost out first child together. I want to go through the healing process with you,”

“How about this. I’ll stay home and recover until the 30th with Masha’s help and then we’ll fly out and join you on tour for a couple of weeks. We’ll come back home April 16th after the show. You have four days in between then and your next show so you’ll get to spend time with us then as well,” she pointed out to me.

“And you promise me that you’ll call Mash right now and ask her to come help you until you’re able to join me on tour?” I asked her and she nodded her head.

“I’ll even put her on speaker if you want me to,”

“You’ll relax as much as you can and not stress out?” I asked her.

“I promise. Please don’t cancel shows because of me. Also with Masha’s help I’ll be able to make sure that everything is set for our wedding,” It took us a year, but we finally decided that we would get married at the courthouse on December 25th with just Masha, Blake, Louis, Eleanor, Liam, Cheryl, and Niall. Then on December 31st we’re going to have a proper wedding with friends and family and use the reception as a sort of New Years eve party as well.

“With you in charge I know this wedding is going to be the best one ever. When are you going dress shopping with the girls?” I asked her. She made Tupelo and Gemma her maids of honor and Allison is her matron of honor. She made Blake her man of honor as well. Eleanor, Perrie, Masha, and Cheryl.

“I still have to check when Eleanor, Perrie, and Cheryl can fly out. I hope it’s while Masha is here so that we can get it done as easily as possible,”

“Sounds like fun. I’ll probably take the boys in April,”

“Looks like we have plans for our wedding then Mr. Styles. Now let hand me your phone so I can call Mash and then we have to get you ready to go to the airport,” She said and I nodded my head handing her my phone. On the fourth ring Masha picked up.

“What can I help you with soon to be Mr. Warburton?” Masha asked having no clue it was actually Lila calling. Even though Lila said she’ll be taking my last name Masha enjoys calling me Mr. Warburton and honestly it doesn’t bug me.

“Actually it’s me Mash. I was wondering if you could fly out asap to help me with the girls. I’ll explain everything once you get here if you do,”

“Of course babes. I’ll start looking at flights now and I’ll text you all the information. I can’t wait to see you and my little stinkers,” she said causing us both to laugh. When they hung up Lila and I went into the room and I could tell she was still feeling the physical pain so I told her to lay in bed and that I would see if Jeff would take me instead.

“Can I come with if I promise to stay in the car while he helps you bring your bags in?” She asked me with pleading eyes and I couldn’t say no to her. Lila and the girls are my biggest weakness. About thirty minutes later Jeff pulled up to the house and helped me carry my bags outside as Lila sat in the back seat. Once everything was loaded I sat in the back with Lila and just held onto her as tight as I could.

“Don’t go, I’ll eat you up I love you so,” Lila whispered to me. This is a saying that she says only to me and the girls. It’s her favorite line from Where the Wild Things Are.

“I love you too,” I replied kissing the top of her head. I made eye contact with Jeff in the in the rearview mirror and he gave me a sympathetic look knowing the struggle of leaving behind the one you love for tour, “We’ll be together before you know it,” When we got to the airport Jeff stepped out of the car to give Lila and I our last moments together alone.

“I’m going to miss you so much Hare,”

“I’m going to miss you too Lila Lexa Rose. You call saying you want or need me home and I’ll catch the next flight home. I’m only a call away and I promise that I’m going to try my best and skype in bedtime stories with the girls. If you have a question about anything to do with the wedding just call or text me. I promise you if you call in the middle of a concert I’m running off stage and answering your call. You’re my world and I love you beyond life itself,” I said before giving her a hug.

“I love you too,” she said before kissing me. After I kissed her I got out of the car because I knew I was about to cry and I didn’t want her to see me cry. When I walked around to the boot of the car Jeff gave me a sympathetic look.

“Promise me that you’ll look out for all four of my girls. If something worries you regarding them please let me know. We both know how stubborn and independent the Warburton girls are,”

“Of course. I’ll make sure that your girls are safe and sound,” Jeff said as he grabbed two of my bags and I grabbed the other two.

Notes