“You should wear your hair up in a bun again Haz, I loved it the day you wore it like that.” Taylor said as she ran her hands through the lengths of my hair while she sat on her bed behind me. I was sat on a pillow on the floor so that she could play with my hair, and as nice as it felt, my bum was starting to feel numb.

“Nah, I didn’t really like it like that.” I said quietly. The truth was that I did like it like that, but I knew Selena didn’t and even though I was with Taylor and she was with Jared, it had completely put me off. I got up, pulling my hair slowly from Taylor’s hands so that I could sit on the bed. She looked at me, upset that I had removed myself from the spot, “Sorry Tay, I’m tired of sitting down there.” She rolled her eyes with a small smile and I found myself feeling slightly irked at her willingness for me to be uncomfortable.

“That’s ok, we can just do this instead…” she leaned over, put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me down to the bed before climbing on top and straddling my hips. I gave her a small smile as she leaned down and pressed her lips to mine. My hands instinctively moved to her legs, my fingers grazing her thighs as they slid up her legs slowly, while her hands slid into my already unbuttoned shirt and moved them gently over my chest. I bucked my hips up slightly in response to her touch and I felt her smile against my lips. She then began kissing along my jawline and down my neck, sucking slightly every now and then. I sighed happily and turned my head to the side. Everything was going great until I made the mistake of opening my eyes. Sitting on the bedside table staring back at us was a picture of Taylor and Selena and suddenly this all felt so wrong and I just wasn’t into it anymore. Because it wasn’t her. Taylor must have felt the mood change because she was suddenly sitting up looking at me concerned, “Are you ok?” She asked, slowly.

“Yeah, sorry, just remembered I have to be going soon so I don’t want to get too worked up when I’m meeting the lads straight after.” I lied. It scared me how easily I could lie to her and not care. She laughed and shook her head, kissed me once more and then rolled off to lay close to my side.

“So, what did you think of last night? Would you want to maybe go back to the restaurant just the two of us some time?” she asked as she fiddled with my shirt.

“It wasn't great really, was it? That Alex girl was trying her best to get under Selena’s skin, don’t you think?” I felt her tense up, as she lay with my arm around her at the mention of Selena.

“I didn’t notice. I think Alex seemed really nice, why does it matter to you anyway? That’s Jared’s problem, not yours.” Taylor said bluntly as she pulled away and sat up. I rolled my eyes, here we go again.

“Well, I think it would bother you as well that some girl is clearly trying to put a wedge in your best friend’s relationship…” I said as I sat up next to her.

“I think she deserves it… I think she’s been trying to put a wedge in our-“ I interrupted her as the rage overcame me as if someone had just flicked a switch inside me.

“For fucks sake, I’m not doing this again.” I hissed, standing up and grabbing my jacket that was thrown over a chair, “You are fucking delusional, I’ve told you there is nothing going on so drop it!” Just as quickly as it had come over me, I saw her blue eyes go cold.

“Not if she had it her way, I can tell, and if I didn’t know any better I would say that you had a thing for her as well! The way you go on with this need to ‘protect’ her! More like get in her pants if Jared wasn’t in the way!” She shouted back at me.

“I’m not even dignifying this shit with another argument! Call me when you’re done being a fucking lunatic!” I snapped as I walked to the door. Before I reached it, something whizzed past my head and hit the door in front of me. I stopped, shocked, as it crashed to the ground shattering, and realised it was the picture of Taylor and Selena that had sat by her bed. I kicked it aside and opened the door, not saying another word because I knew I was too angry to not just hurt her for the sake of it.

“Fuck you!” she screamed, as I slammed it shut behind me. Her parents were standing on the landing, looking horrified, clearly wondering why the hell their daughter was losing her shit but I didn’t even acknowledge them, I just stormed down the stairs and out of the house. I marched over to my car, got in and started driving, following the roads instinctively to Louis’ house.

I tried to think but couldn’t remember the last time I had been this angry. Kendall and I had had some pretty aggressive arguments over the years, but she had never thrown anything that could actually hurt me. If she had thrown anything it was usually either on the ground or at an opposite wall for effect rather than to actually cause damage to my face and that had never bothered me because I’d done it just as often. I’d put up with it because at the time I thought I’d loved her. I ran my hands through my hair, still in shock as I pulled up outside Louis’ house. I turned off the car and sat there in silence, trying to find a way to control myself before going inside.

I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles went white, the rage bubbling inside me, until I couldn’t contain it anymore. My hands balled up into fists slammed down onto the steering wheel as every expletive I could think of left my mouth loudly and aggressively. I must have looked like a madman to anyone who was passing on the street, but after a minute I felt as though the shouting had actually helped to relieve some steam. I took a deep breath before getting out of the car and walking up to the door.

I was surprised when it was Liam who opened the door instead of Louis, I didn't think they would have been there yet. He looked at me for a second then raised an eyebrow before shouting into the house, “It’s Harry, he’s about to punch a wall by the look on his face though!” I rolled my eyes and followed him inside and into the back room where Louis was sitting with Niall playing Fifa. I sat down on the brown love seat next to Niall with a sigh.

“What happened? Thought you were at Taylor’s for another hour or so?” Louis said without looking away from the game. I ran my hand through my hair with a groan before leaning forward and resting my head in both of my hands.

“She chucked a fucking photo frame at my head because she’s going on at me about Selena for the billionth fucking time!” I said and looked up at him. He still hadn’t broken eye contact with the screen but his eyebrow was raised. I knew he was pointing out the fact that I did like Selena so it wasn’t like Taylor was completely delusional, but throwing at photo at my head was still uncalled for.

“How did you end up talking about Selena?” he asked casually, as he continued to play.

“We were talking about last night and I said that Alex seemed off and I think she upset Selena, literally nothing important…” I trailed off as Louis jumped up holding the controller above his head and Niall threw his down.

“Listen mate, can I be honest with you?” Louis said turning to me, I glared at him daring to say anything about me liking Selena in front of these two, even though we were all friends again, they still hadn’t really gained my full trust back. He rolled his eyes and continued, “I don’t think you particularly like Taylor as much as you thought, and I think that you like someone else and it’s getting in the way.” I was still glaring at Louis about to protest, when Niall started fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat next to me.

“You don’t still think you like Ken, do you?” He said nervously, in his thick Irish accent distracting me from Louis. I frowned in confusion at him as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking worried.

“No… Why?” He hesitated and seemed to look toward Liam for support. I looked between the pair of them waiting for someone to say something, “For fucks sake, do I seem like I’m in the mood for this right now? If you have something to say Niall, say it.”

“Kendall and I have been dating… for the last few weeks…” He said quietly, and for a second I thought he was joking until I saw his face looking at me in fear. I was bigger than him, and he knew that the mood I was in, if I lost it, his face was most likely not going to make it through unscathed. My first instinct was to be pissed at him, he was supposedly one of my best friends, my ex and I hadn’t been broken up long enough for this to be okay… but then I stopped being mad at him instantly when I realised that I was in no position to be angry when I had started dating Taylor the next day… why shouldn’t Kendall date Niall if it made her happy?

“It’s fine mate.” I said quietly, as I got out the seat and headed for the bathroom. It had been weeks since I had properly thought about Kendall and now I suddenly felt claustrophobic. I had jumped out of a six-year relationship and gotten straight into another one with a girl I barely knew, and I was now beginning to question if I had taken on something else too quickly. I pulled my phone from my back pocket, opened my gallery and started scrolling down my photos until I found it.A picture of Kendall and I that had been taken of us at the beginning of the summer at an end of year party.

I don’t know why I still had it saved… every time I had gone to delete it my finger just hovered over the confirm delete option before I cancelled. It was a blurry selfie that she had taken, both of us with tipsy grins with me holding her close and it struck me that I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen her smile like that. Kendall and I had stopped making one another smile a while ago and had stayed together because that was all we had known for so long. I knew looking at it now, that it wasn’t because I still loved her that I couldn’t delete the picture, but rather because I missed feeling that way: the feeling that led to cheesy selfies with someone who made me never want to stop smiling. It was staring at that picture and thinking about how I had felt about Kendall when we were in love that I realised how wrong it was to be with Taylor.

I never smiled like that with her, and even when we were having fun I often found myself wishing she was Selena and that just wasn’t fair on either of us. I needed to learn how to be on my own again, to spend time with my friends and not constantly be tied down to someone that I didn’t care about in that way, especially when it put me in moods like the one that I was in today. I wanted to smile like the guy looking back at me.

With a sigh I put my phone away and went back into the room where Niall was now sitting with a guitar while Liam and Louis sat with a notepad to write down any lyrics that came to mind. I sat with them waiting to see what they had come up with so far.

“... You know I’ll be, your life, your voice, your reason to be…” Liam sung under his breath to Louis. They both looked a bit unsure but wrote it down anyway while Niall plucked away trying to get a sequence together, “Sounds a bit soft don’t you think?” he added hesitantly, as they looked at what else they had written down. I held my hand out for the pad to look at the lyrics they had so far.

“They’re good, but I don’t feel like any of us are in any position to be writing full on love songs… maybe that’s why they seem a bit wet? Can we just write a song about what we know?” I shrugged as I handed the pad back to them.

“Like unrequited love? Dating lunatics that throw things at you?” Louis muttered with a smirk at me, I glared at him again and ignored his suggestion waiting for Liam and Niall’s input.

“Not exactly like we can write about having unbreakable friendships, is it mate?” Liam laughed as I rolled my eyes with a groan. I looked at Niall, but he just shrugged like he agreed with the others.

“Fuck it, I’m not in the right frame of mind to be doing this today, I don’t have the energy to write nice things about girls and apparently, that’s all we know anything about, so, who’s up for a pint?” I said standing up and grabbing my jacket off the arm of the chair. The lads looked at one another, shrugged and followed my lead.

---

“Never have I ever cheated.” Liam said with a smirk as he looked at me across the pub table. I grinned widely and held my hands away from my glass. “Oh, fuck off! As if you’ve never had something on the side… it’s you!” I laughed and shook my head as Liam and Louis clinked their glasses together and took a chug.

“Never. I’m a flirt but that’s as far as it goes!” I grinned again looking at Louis for his go.

“Fine, never have I ever thought about another girl while having sex with a girlfriend?” I hesitated. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to find out how into Selena I actually was. I sighed and picked up the glass raised it to him sarcastically and downed it. That should cover a gulp for every time I thought to myself. The lads just looked at me with a mixture of shock and pride.

“And on that note lads, I’m off.” I said as I placed the glass back on the table and stood up grabbing my jacket.

“You can’t throw something like that out there and then leave!” Niall protested, I grinned and winked as I pulled it over my shoulders and began to walk away from the table, “Boring wanker you, Harry!” he added loudly at my back. I tossed him a playful middle finger over my head and carried on toward the exit. It had been so nice to spend the evening with the lads like I used to, I didn’t realise how much I had missed it.

When I got into the street, the November air was cold and I found myself wishing that I had a warmer jacket as I walked briskly in the direction of home. The silence in the darkened streets was deafening, so when my phone started ringing I nearly jumped out of my skin. I pulled it from my pocket and looked at the flashing name. With a sigh, I pressed it to my ear.

“Hey.” I said bluntly.

“Harry! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get you all day!” Taylor’s panicked voice came back at me. I was a little tipsy from the beer, but her demand to know my whereabouts really got to me.

“I was with the lads.” I said as I tried to keep my cool.

“Oh. Well, I was thinking maybe you could come over or I could come see you and we could talk?” she asked quietly. I was going to reject her offer but realised I probably shouldn’t drag out what I had to do any longer than necessary and that I probably should do it in person.

“I’m five minutes away, I’ll be over soon.” I said and hung up. I took a small detour and soon I was outside Taylor’s house. I had been thinking about what I was going to say the whole way over and how I was going to let her down easily, but now that I was here I was feeling nervous about what I had to do. I pressed the doorbell and within seconds Taylor was opening the door and flinging her arms around me.

“Harry, I’m so sorry! I know what I did was awful and you must be so angry with me! I just-“ I cut her off as I pried her arms gently off me.

“Tay, we need to talk.” I said quietly. She looked at me innocently, her blue eyes filled with sorrow and remorse, I could see from her cheeks that she had been crying which only made what I was about to do so much harder.

“You’re right, come in and we can talk it through.” She said with a small smile and stepped aside inviting me in. My feet stayed planted outside the door.

“I don’t think I should…” she looked at me confused and I took a deep breath before continuing, “Taylor I think we need to break up.” Her face instantly dropped and her eyes became watery as I carried on tearing her heart in two, “I just think that I wasn’t really ready to jump straight into something serious, and I don’t like what I do to you, you were so bubbly and happy when I met you and today you threw something at my head… I don’t think I’m good for you and I really don’t want to come in between you and your best friend.” Tears began spilling over her lashes as she began the protest I was expecting.

“Harry, no! It’s not you! Selena changed when you came into the picture! I know she likes you!” I hated when she said that, mostly because it rubbed in my face what I wanted to be true that just wasn’t. “I shouldn’t have thrown the picture, I know and I’m sorry but I can change, please don’t leave!” She sobbed. I hated being the one that had done this to her, even though I didn’t like her in that way, she was still a really nice girl... most of the time.

“I’m sorry, Taylor.” I whispered as I turned to walk away. She called after me a few times but I held my resolve and walked away, into the night toward home. As I walked I found myself thinking that as bad as I felt for hurting her, my shoulders suddenly felt lighter than they had in weeks.

Notes

Ok hope you guys like this, I tried to get as much into Harry's head about whats going on as I could.

Lots of chapters coming tonight and tomorrow hopefully as I fly back to England on Monday and most likely won't be posting anything until at least the 23rd since I will be reunited with my boyfriend who I haven't seen in four months so... Yeah hope you guys like it though!

Please comment and let me know your thoughts!
Don't forget to rate and subscribe!

Lola xo

p.s this is the picture that I was describing if you guys wanted to see it :) click here