All Again

CHAPTER SIXTY
BECCA

Then.

It was just like a curse the way the days suddenly sped up.
Shortly after my spa day, and the visit from Harry’s sister, Harry quickly went back to work.
Between a perfume ad campaign, a charity campaign called action 1D, album photo shoot, studio session and two shows; we didn’t see much of each other the next few days.
Due to my womanly issues and jetlag, I chose to stay at Harry’s home most of those days.
We kept in touch by short and sweet text messages, and the one or two nights we spent together (which really didn’t count) because it was only while we were both sleeping.
By the morning, he would be up and out the door before we could even share breakfast.

On my last day in London I awoke alone, but this time unexpected.
As my eyes opened, adjusting to the light from the window, I found the bed beside me vacant.
The clock read 8am, and the house was silent.
After stretching and checking my phone, I headed for the bathroom washing up.
When I went downstairs where I expected to find Harry, I was surprised to find the house empty again.
I couldn’t hear remnants of him in his home gym, and there was no evidence that he was in one of the other bedrooms.
Calling his cell, it went straight to voicemail and there were no messages left for me.
I was curious where he was, but I wasn’t going to stress about it. I needed time to pull my thoughts together anyway.
I wasn’t ready to think about the fact that I was leaving tomorrow and he would be a reminder. Knowing that today might be our last together for a while was already depressing to me.
I had been quite spoiled in the last month and I wasn’t ready to get back to reality yet.
For a month, I had gotten to live a fantasy and I wasn’t sure if I was yet ready to go back to the real world. The world where I wake up in my bed alone and don’t get to wake up to incredible green eyes.
A world where I don’t get to pretend like Harry is mine anymore- as he was for about thirty days.
The world where I am reminded of what this is- sex, and good conversation. A great summer fling.

I quickly settled in the kitchen, making myself some breakfast, when he finally appeared an hour later.
By then I was full, back upstairs and just getting out of the shower.
“There you are.” I said when I found him sitting on the bed, seemingly waiting on me.
He turned away from the morning news and looked at me. My favorite eyes were glossy and clear this morning.
“Morning.” He said gently.
“Morning stranger.” I said moving further in the room.
“How did you sleep?” he asked.
“Good.”
He was clad in sweats, and it was easy to assume he had went to the gym.
“Did you eat?” he asked.
I nodded yes. I unwrapped my hair from the towel turbin it was in, and began to let it airdry.
“Well there’s some bagels downstairs and coffee. I wasn’t sure if you were going to be up or not.”
I just smiled.
Since my ‘period’ had started, Harry had went out of his way to cater to me via text. The main texts I got from him seemed to check on me and my status.
‘Did you drink some tea?’
‘Is there enough aspirin?’
‘Do you need my assistant to bring you anything?’
It was like I was sick.
I kept reassuring him I was fine.
It was true I had spent most of the last few days sleeping, but he didn’t need to worry about me.
Especially since my period had been over about three days now; though he still hadn’t touched me in nine.
Even when we were sleeping, his hands were no longer all over me.
I figured it was a couple of things; one, he was being respectful of my body. Two, he was dealing with his own exhaustions. Plus three, a small bout of allergies that seemed to be irritating him the last few days as well.
As he looked back at me now though, he seemed refreshed and well.
“So where were you?” I asked as I lotioned up and threw my clothes back on from earlier. I purposely stayed in the room as I undressed and as Harry’s eyes snuck quick glances, I was glad to know my body was still a source of some lust.
It was safe to say outside of my London ‘leaving’ depression, I was sexually frustrated.
“Just getting breakfast.” he said casually.
I didn’t think a breakfast run took over an hour, but whatever…

“So what do you want to do today?” he asked softly.
I turned from him and gently shrugged.
Our last day had been on my mind for the entire month, and now that it was here, I had no idea how to spend it still.
I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had no choice and couldn’t prolong this any longer.
In three days I would be in Mexico and Harry had his own plans with one of his friends in L.A for Independence Day.
For now, the European tour was over and in about two weeks, the American leg would be starting.
“I don’t know.” I said quietly.
“No? No special plans?” he asked.
I looked back at him.
“Did you have any plans today?”
He nodded and turned from me.
“I do actually. I’ve booked us dinner reservations.”
“Dinner?” I asked immediately perked up about the idea.
He nodded again. “And it’s a pretty nice place, so I hope you haven’t packed up your dresses and heels yet.”
I smiled. “I haven’t packed anything yet actually.”
“Good.”
“Where are we going?” I asked as I finished dressing.
“It’s a place here in Hampstead. And its private. I know its probably not ideal but I booked the reservations in the beginning of the month and-.”
“No it sounds perfect.” I said cutting him off as he stood.
I actually sounded like a good way to end the trip.
His eyes didn’t meet mine as he looked around the room.
“Why haven’t you packed yet?”
Because I don’t want to leave…
“I was just getting ready too.” I said instead.
Harry went over to a corner in the room. My things were mainly housed there, kept nice and neat in one of Harry’s small dressers and my dirty clothes were inside of my suitcase.
“Kay. I’ll help you.”
“Eager for me to go?” I joked.
He didn’t respond yes or no. Keeping his eyes on my bent suitcase, he shuffled my things around.
“It feels like you just got here.” he said instead.
“I know.” I said.
Closing the lid, and gently zipping it, he picked up the suitcase and brought it over to the bed.
Packing seemed so final to me, and I wanted a different distraction.
“Maybe I’ll eat first.” I said suddenly, though I wasn’t hungry. “And you said there was coffee?”
He nodded yes. “Oh yeah. Let’s eat.” he said. “Might be the last time I get to make sure you have a proper meal.”
I giggled. “Why are you such a hater? My granola bars and crackers are uniquely satisfying.”
He smiled, but once again he didn’t respond.
He started to head out of the room, and I followed.
As we headed down the stairs, my eyes were only focused on him.
It felt like I already missed him.
“So do you think I’m really going to get to see you a lot when we both get back to L.A.?” I asked as we took the stairs.
“Um maybe…why?” he asked briefly turning to me.
“Just wondering.” I said gently. “You have your shows, and I know you’ll be in and out all month.”
“Yeah but…why?” he asked as he reached the bottom step.
I gathered on the step just above him and our eyes locked.
I shrugged once more.
“Just curious. Trying to get an idea.” I said with a small smile.
Harry shrugged me off. “I wouldn’t worry about it.” He said turning back towards his previous destination.

When we finally got to the kitchen, I saw the large box that housed the bagels and assortment of cream cheeses. Right beside it, two grande cups of Starbucks best.
“I didn’t know what you wanted.” he explained as I moved to inspect.
I grabbed the coffee first, taking a sip and the warm sweet goodness of a White Chocolate Mocha met me.
I instantly smiled savoring my favorite drink and peered in the bagel box.
A blueberry bagel was the first thing I saw.
My favorite kind.
“This is perfect.” I said looking back up at him. “Everything I would have got.”
“Good.” he said gently. “I know you like blueberry waffles so I took a guess. ”
His eyes trailed around the room, and he ran a hand through his hair lost in a silenced thought.
“Good guess. You know me well.” I said with a proud smile.
Finally a man who paid attention to me! I couldn’t count the idiots before him who never took in the details.
In these short few months, seemed he had picked up a few things and it was true; he was starting to learn me more and more.
To my observation, he didn't say another word and turned away from me as i took a seat.
He grabbed the plates in a nearby cabinet.
He placed one in front of me and grabbed a couple of knives.
“You want it toasted?”
“No thanks.” I said.
Pulling up a seat beside me, Harry suddenly dispersed the bagels and cream cheese.
We made small talk as we ate, but something was off.
Harry's words were measured and the chewing of our mouths made more noise than anything else in the room.
Today, for whatever reason, the notable ‘closeness’ since the beginning was gone.
Maybe it was because we hadn’t spent much time together recently, but the flirty, touchy-feely Harry had been gone a couple of days.
He wasn’t making jokes. He wasn’t touching me. And his smiles, though there, were somewhat forced.
The last few days must have been really rough on him and I couldn't even begin to imagine his exhaustion.
“Do you need to wash anything?” he asked as he chewed his bagel beside me. “Your dirty clothes are in your bag right?”
I shook my head no. “I’m just going to wash everything when I get home.”
He frowned. “Becca, I have two washers.”
“I leave tomorrow.” I argued.
He grinned and rolled his eyes.
“We’ll wash your stuff.” he said. “You never know if a guard is going to have to pop your bag open in front of everyone.”
I gave him a small horrified expression and he gave me a dimpled smile. The first smile, to actually reach his eyes as well.
He finished up his bagel, and headed for the fridge.
Pulling out a gallon of milk, I watched him in interest as he poured himself a glass. He didn’t even notice.
Today he was so quiet, and as he concentrated on the task before him, I couldn’t help but wonder where his mind was. It definitely wasn’t completely here with me.

His last show in Helinski had been two days before and yesterday when he had returned to me, he had been quiet then too. All day we had tip-toed around each other, and when I went to bed, he didn’t join me until I was already sleeping.
I wondered what had happened in the last few days. Maybe he had gotten some bad news.
He wasn’t cold, just not the same.
He suddenly cleared his throat after taking a drink and turned to me.
“So do you want me to help you sort everything?”
I shook my head no, standing.
“It’s not that much.”
He shook his head okay.
“I’ll get your bag still.” he said softly, and then headed upstairs.

I cleaned up my plate and placed the remaining bagels in the fridge. By then, Harry was back downstairs with my bag, and he gestured for me to follow him to the laundry room.
I did as he said, and when he dropped my suitcase on one of the tables, we faced each other.
He suddenly attempted small talk.
“So are you excited? About your Mexico trip?”
I shrugged, and reached for my bag. “I guess.”
He leaned against the counter, opposite me. He kept his eyes on me.
“Oh come on, in a few days you’ll get to rest on a sandy white beach under the bright sun and sip some foo foo fruity drink...look at hot guys.” He said lightly. “Who knows who you might meet.”
I smiled.
If only he knew right now I wasn't thinking about any other guys.
He was the hottest.
As far as I was concerned Harry Styles was the heater, the coals, and the fucking sun.
And it all sounded nice-without the guys- but a few more days with him would have been better.
“What about you?” I asked. “Are you anxious to get back to Los Angeles? I know you miss your friends.”
He shook his head yes. “Yeah. I can’t wait.” he said. “It’ll put things back in perspective.”
“Like what?” I asked curiously.
“Nothing.” he said quietly. “Just work stuff.” he said.
Then he turned from me.
The laundry room was silent as I began to ball everything together and get it ready for the wash. I could care less about washing my clothes and though it was a distraction from coming up with last day plans, it was more than obvious I was ready to just get it over with.
As I mixed up a white shirt and black pants, Harry quickly intervened.
“Uh let me.” he said. “You seem to be off your game at the moment."
I playfully sighed, when he took my clothes and began to sort them in small piles.
My dirty clothes were equivalent to the last two weeks- and the small array of clothes from my suitcase- not even two loads but Harry created his own little masterpiece sorting everything, stretching it out.
He seemed to like the distraction as well.
I watched him.
His hair was now pulled back (must have done that upstairs while I cleaned up the food) and he was wearing a black hoodie and grey gym shorts.
He was still quiet and lost in his own thoughts.
I was starting to grow worried.
I wasn’t use to him being this…off.
Shuffling my feet I turned from him.
“Are you okay?”
He turned to me. His eyes sprinkled with huh?
“You’re quiet.” I noted.
He sighed quietly. “Am I? Sorry…I’m extremely tired and my hay fever is starting up again.”
“Hay fever?” I asked naively. “What’s that?”
“The allergies.” he said softly. “Mine are off and on, but when they hit, its bad.”
I didn’t respond.
I felt like it was more than allergies.
He moved past me and threw the small loads in the washers.
“So what should we do now?” he asked after he was done and turned to me.
I shrugged.
Normally everything wouldn’t seem so weird and forced. It suddenly felt out of character for me to grab him like before, and be flirty or try to kiss him. I was sure if this was a few days earlier, we would already be making out.
He seemed to read my thoughts.
“I’m going to go make a call then.” he said softly.
I didn’t respond as he walked out of the room.
Instead I headed upstairs, and grabbed my music player.
Grabbing my small speakers and phone. I went to Spotify and hit shuffle.
Then I headed to social media, browsing my Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.
I passed Harry’s Helsinki, thanks for having us tonight. Perfect way to finish the European leg of the tour. Hope you had fun. All the lovetweet from a few days earlier and saw on Tumblr a picture from this morning with his hoodie and a wide smile as he posed with a fan.
The bags under his eyes were notable, but he seemed happy- way happier than he appeared to be with me all day. All I was seeing was the stress.
“Lou says hello.” Harry said when he came back in the room.
“Tell her I say hi back.”
“I will.” he said.
By now, my speakers were playing some random Britney Spears song, and Harry checked the timer on the washer.
“10 minutes…” he mumbled.
And then just as quickly as he arrived, he disappeared again.
I got lost in my Facebook, messaging friends from back home, and when the timer buzzed telling me the washer was done, I moved everything to the dryer.
Harry hadn’t reappeared and I didn’t know where or what he was doing.
I used the few minutes to go stalker mode and I pulled up some Youtube videos of the last show that I had missed.
I had wanted to go, but Harry had been adamant that it was a quick in and out trip and not worth it.
“Plus you’ll see the show in San Diego.” he reasoned.
I had agreed, but as I smiled and watched the shows, I was a bit sad that I hadn’t went.
The dryer buzzed behind me, signaling the process of folding was now to commence.

I closed my apps, outside of Spotify, and quickly got to work, pulling everything out.
In the middle, Harry returned.
“Was that the washer?” he asked.
“Dryer.” I told him.
“Really?” he asked in confusion.
I guess he didn’t realize he had been M.I.A. for forty minutes.
“Here I’ll help.” he said.
He came and stood by me.
The music continued to pulse through my speakers.
The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script was coming to a close, and as the next song began, I couldn’t help by sway and get excited.
Amazed by Lonestar was one of my favorite songs and my body instantly adjusted as his words filled the room.
I began to hum along.

Every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, is almost more than I can take

I folded the shirt in my hand, and Harry who was beside me, folded a pair of my jeans.
He was quiet.

I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything…I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams..

And as Lonestar broke into the chorus, my hum turned to actual words.
“I don’t know how you do what you do, I’m so in love with you. It just keeps getting better.” I sang along gently to the chorus.
Harry looked up as I began to sing, turning to me, but I didn’t turn to him, continuing my task.
I could feel his eyes on me as I continued to sing along.
I continued to fold my shirts until the second verse begin, and then I turned to him.
His green eyes were still on me, and his folding had stopped. His expression, unclear.
I decided to lighten the weird mood. I put down the shirt in my hand and grabbed his hand suddenly.
He stiffened, but I ignored it.
I shifted his body towards me, and wrapped my arms around his slim waist.
I serenaded him with a playful smile.
“The smell of your skin, the taste of your kiss, the way you whisper in the dark.” I sang with a mischievous pout.
I swayed him.
“Your hair all around me, baby you surround me, touch every place in my heart.”
Harry stayed silent, keeping his eyes locked on mine.
His hands still didn’t touch me, and stayed near his sides.
I broke from the words, and mumbled. “So grumpy today…”
Then I broke the contact briefly and grabbed his right hand. I made him twirl me and I pressed my back against his. I could feel the tautness of his abdomen through his sweater as I rested against him.
Finally one of his hands curled around my waist, and his mouth settled near my ear.
I continued to sing and I felt him inhale behind me, taking in a patient breath.
“Becca…” he called gently behind me.
I ignored him and continued singing.
“Forever and evvveeerrrr.”
His hands didn’t move and I didn’t want it too. Wrapped around me, curled in his arms was where I was content.
The song went into the instrumental bridge, and he called my name again.
“Becca.” he said. His nose pressed against the side of my hair, as if he was smelling me and I felt him suddenly tighten behind me.
Whether he wanted to or not, a slight budge grew behind me, and as his hands remained wrapped tightly around me, I reveled in the feeling.
That was what I wanted.
Whatever was bothering him, I wanted pushed to the back of his mind. I tilted my head so I could finally see him.
His eyes were closed and he was biting his lip, speaking a silent language to himself.
However, his body was talking.
He was turned on.
I studied the slender curve of his nose, the pink flush in his lips and the sharp jaw line.
Harry was gorgeous and for now, mine.
I kissed his cheek from my position, and his eyes shot back open.
He looked at me for a second. Two. Three.
Studying…analyzing…thinking…
Then he let me go and backed away.
I turned to him instantly and a hand went to his hair.
He cleared his throat and moved away from me quickly. He gestured back to his pile.
“We should finish this.” he said speaking over Lonestar.
“Let’s not.” I said seductively, making my way back over to him.
It suddenly dawned on me the way I wanted to spend my last day.
In bed. With him.
He kept his eyes away from me, though he read my tone.
“Bec…Becca-” he emphasized. “I’m just not in the mood for that right now.”
I wanted to point out the disagreeing party in the room, but I didn’t want to embarrass him. After all, male genitalia sometimes had a mind of its own.
“Oh.” was all I said, turning from him.
“I just don’t feel the greatest.” he said quickly as an explanation, “Ya know…the allergies and…stuff.”
I nodded sure, and turned back to my task.
It was the first time he had turned me down and I didn’t like it.
I immediately slumped.
Lonestar was still singing his song, and it seemed at this point it was never going to end.
I quickly reached and ended it.
Beyonce’s Dance For You began and I turned that too. Harry’s Rock Me and Do It by Selena Gomez followed.
Damn the universe. Suddenly it was mocking me.
I kept turning until I stopped on Sam Smith’s I’ve Told You Now.
Harry’s folding seemed to go in overdrive and after he finished his pile, he left the room.
Once more I didn’t know where he went, but I headed upstairs to pack.
His cars were still outside, so he was somewhere in the house, but for an hour, he disappeared.

When he reappeared it was just to take a shower, and I quickly estimated that he must have been in his home gym.
Small sweat coated the teeshirt he was now wearing; his sweater discarded and missing.
“All packed?” he asked after he redressed; in the closed bathroom.
I nodded yup.
My music had moved to this room and it played in the background.
By now it was a little past noon, and I was aware that we still had some hours left to go before our dinner reservations and with the way the day was going, we were probably going to be spending them apart.
The mood had appeared to grow even more uncomfortable since he turned down my advances downstairs.
I needed to do something. Get us back to us.
“Do you want to do something?” I threw out suddenly. “Watch a movie or lay around a bit?”
One thing Harry was always down for was a movie and a cuddle.
He smiled.
“You read my mind. Want to go see a movie quick?”
Not really.
That wasn’t what I had in mind.
I was trying to close the space gap, not widen it and being in a dark movie theater, in public, would create more distance for sure.
“What’s playing?” I asked, barely caring.
He shrugged. “Not sure, but I’m sure we can find something good. I think Ted 2 just came out, and Earl and the Dying Girl has been out a couple weeks. A buddy said that was good.”
“Sure.” I said. I didn’t want to go, but I did want to get as much lasting time as I could with him and I didn’t want him to head out with his friends or something.
“I’ll look up the times.” he said warmly and headed out of the room.
I just sighed.
Yay. I couldn’t wait.
Not.
****************************************
“You want any candy?” Harry asked me an hour later at the concessions counter.
“No thanks.” I said. “I’m a Popcorn girl.”
Harry nodded okay and loaded up his own sweet tooth. As he picked up some gummy bears and chocolate, I surveyed our surroundings.
It was a Tuesday afternoon, so the theater wasn’t that packed.
Outside of the ticket attendant who had let us in, no one had even seemed to notice Harry, which was a bit weird to me.
I was grateful there wasn’t any interruptions, but it didn’t seem to make that much of a difference.
Harry was and had been off in his own little world all day.
“Thanks Mate.” Harry said beside me to the man preparing my popcorn. “Appreciate it.” he said as paid for everything.
He grabbed his snacks, placing them in his pocket and grabbed my popcorn and drink.
Still a gentleman, he carried everything as we headed to get our tickets ripped.
“Third theater on the right.” the hostess explained.
I nodded a ‘thanks’ and we headed to our theater.
We had decided on Earl and The Dying Girl, and when we entered the small theater, it was still not packed.
Only four other people lined the seats.
“Go to the top.” Harry still instructed gently.
I followed his instructions and headed to the top row of the theater.
We moved to the middle and had a great view of everything around us.
Harry sat beside me, handing me my things and pulled out his phone.
He sent a quick text message,and popped open his candy.
I continued to watch him and offered him some popcorn.
“No thanks.” he said and settled back in his seat.
I sighed again.

Then came the cold draft.
We didn’t say one word to each other as we waited for the lights to dim and the previews to start.
It was the longest seven minutes of my life.
Harry eventually pulled out his cell phone and I just sat there.
I was use to him being transparent in public for our privacy, but this felt different and it had to show that it irritated me.
When the movie began, he still didn’t say anything to me and when I stole glances at him, he wouldn’t look back at me as if he couldn’t feel my gaze on his.
I knew he could.
The boy was a fucking eagle when it came to stares; often catching them from far across a room.
I quickly became even more irritated.
Midway through the movie there must have been steam rolling off of me and my crossed arms.
Harry finally turned to me.
“You alright?” he asked.
I turned to him briefly and mumbled “yes”
My tone showcased I wasn’t.
“What’s up?” he whispered. “You don’t like the movie?” he guessed.
“It’s fine.” I said turning to him.
We were still the only one in the row, and in our general section.
The need for whatever he was doing, was obviously not needed. No one had even given us a second glance.
Yet still, he surveyed the area as if my problem could be found in the red plush seats and turned back to me.
“We can leave if you want?”
“It’s fine.” I said, tossing my popcorn bucket on the floor.
I stood.
I needed a break and I needed a minute.
Maybe it was me, and maybe I was being extra needy today, but this was just not how I wanted to spend our last day.
The movie was good so far-quite touching actually- but I just didn’t want to be there.
I hadn’t really seen him in the last nine days, and watching a movie where I couldn’t talk to him, or touch him was too much.
Not too mention, the silence was killing me.
I missed my old playful Harry and I understood he was tired, but still…I wanted him to come back.
“Can you watch this?” I asked, gesturing to my purse and small items.
“Sure…Course…” he said uneasily, not understanding what I was doing.
I didn’t give him the opportunity to ask as I walked away and headed for the bathroom.
When I returned back to my seat, Harry handed me my popcorn bowl back and didn’t say another word until the movie was over.
On the way out, Harry was finally stopped for a picture.

A young bubbly girl who couldn’t have been anymore than seventeen spotted him the minute we got back in the main hallway.
“Oh My God! Can I get a picture?” she practically begged.
With Harry’s wide dimpled smile that had been missing all day, he complied like usual, and I walked a bit in the distance while they posed and her friend snapped the picture.
Leaning against a nearby wall I tried to withhold my eye roll as they smiled wide at the camera.
With this fan, Harry suddenly didn’t appear to have any cares in the world and if he was tired, you couldn’t tell.
As they lingered to talk I had enough, pushing off the wall and walking further down the hall.
I was ready to go.
Harry must have caught my hint because he quickly wrapped up.
“It was nice to see you. Take care.” he said warmly as he walked back over to me.
The fan smiled at Harry as if he was a large Christmas present and then finally seemed to notice me.
As I handed Harry his soda cup and finally rolled my eyes, the fan took me in.
Her eyes were curious and a hint jealous as we left together. I could feel the rays of her stare as we walked away.
Well girl, don’t envy me. You got more attention than I have the whole day.
Continuing to be a ‘gentleman’ Harry opened the car door for me as we approached his car, and when we climbed in, he began to speak.
He talked about the movie and how he was going to recommend it to friends and I just listened, not really having much to say.
Reading me and I’m sure my silence, he switched gears.
“So the reservation is at seven, and its just past three now. I was thinking…you want to maybe grab a quick bite and then catch the tube and head to Westminster? I could show you where the Parliament is, and Big Ben. Some known sites.”
Now he had my attention.
Actually something I was interested in.
“Westminster?” I questioned to make sure I heard right.
He nodded yes. “I meant to take you this month but we just ran out of time, but on the tube it should take a little over a half hour. You have your camera and stuff right?”
I nodded yes and he smiled.
“Cool. Do you want to go?”
My ice and frustrations quickly melted.
“Absolutely but…isn’t that drawing a lot of attention to yourself?”
He shook his head no. “We’ll be in a cab. And it’ll be quick. But you can’t come to London and not see it. It‘s like going to New York and not seeing Times Square.”
He had a point. Plus, I was a sucker for the sights.
And I was happy he wanted to take me.
I smiled widely. My first real smile all day.
“Let’s go.” I said and Harry nodded okay.
“Alright." he said casually, switching gears.
I should have known it was just another distraction.
Harry, the asshole was just around the corner.

Notes