All Again

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Harry

Then.

Becca’s voice was the last thing I heard as the door slammed behind me.
Spinning my keys, I unlocked my car door and tossed my phone on the seat.
I stuck my key in the ignition and the car roared to life around me.
‘FourFiveSeconds’ by Rihanna was playing and Kanye West was on his verse.
Woke up an Optimist, sun was shining I’m positive…
It was the last song I was listening to when I went in the house. And surprisingly it was fitting for the moment.
It pounded through my speakers so loud that it vibrated my Audi R8.
The thump mirrored my thoughts. Loud and angry.
I pulled out of the driveway.
Hold me back I’m ‘bout to spaz
I was pissed.
Incensed.
And it was all because of Becca.
What the hell was wrong with her?
When I came home yesterday, the last thing I expected was to walk into a fight.
When I came home yesterday, the last thing I expected was to walk into that ambush.
My workout had went amazing.
The day had been amazing.
So amazing, that I was anxious to just get back to Becca, get dressed and take her out for the day.
I booked us dinner reservations and I was planning on taking her by Pandora’s (a stylist) so she could pick out a dress for my event tonight.
Another Man Magazine was having an Anniversary party, and I was invited to go.
I had a been a big fan for awhile and for other personal reasons, I felt like I needed to attend.
I had already made all the arrangements, and tonight, I wanted Becca right there with me.
Well…before all of this.
Tonight, I wasn’t going to be stepping out and telling the world, hey this is my girlfriend, but I had no intentions of hiding her either.
Honestly I was quite tired of it all.
By now it was clear she was going to be in my life for a bit, and if I was to be honest, I didn’t think she was going anywhere soon.
Or maybe she was.
After all, it was quite clear she didn’t trust me and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.
I had even arranged all the best designers.
Stella. Saint Laurent. Gucci. Dior. All at her disposal if she had wanted.
But,
Then I came home.
When she first started asking me about Sara Sampaio, I didn’t know where she was going with it. I figured maybe she had heard we were friends and was curious.
Sara was on the laptop behind her, and I thought she was asking because she was famous. Becca seemed to have this thing about my celebrity friends, so I figured it was somehow related.
Then when she showed me the article, it all came together.
I quickly called my publicist, since normally I was given heads up about this kind of thing.
She was adamant that she had sent me an email- and she had- but being busy with Becca and my morning workout, I hadn’t even seen it.
My first thought after seeing everything had been Becca, but only because I knew it would be inconvenient for her.
I knew her parents knew about us and her friends, and I was slightly worried what they would think.
I knew it would probably be annoying for her to stick up for me and tell them it wasn’t true, but t I was surprised when the first thing she did was turn around and accuse me.
She actually thought that I had slept with Sara that night.
She actually thought that I would cheat on her; as if I could at this point.
Honestly, I was way too invested in her right now to even think about another woman.
You could have placed me in a room with a bunch of beautiful women, and Becca would have been the only one I saw.
That’s how much I liked her.
Plus, it was completely ridiculous.
That night, I had been with my guy friends mainly and I wasn’t into Sara like that.
Don’t get me wrong she was a beautiful girl, and she had shared a drink with me at the bar, but I had known Sara for a few months, and if I wanted something with her, I could have approached her a long time ago.
It was actually my friend Xander who had invited her. They had been flirting and eye fucking each other for months.
Secondly, when this supposed romp was going on, I was passed out on Jeff’s floor, drunk off my ass.
I hadn’t even seen Sara until the next morning when she came by the hotel room to drop something off for me.
At that time, I hadn’t introduced her because again she wasn’t that relevant to me, and she didn’t need to be a discussion.
But maybe she did.
I didn’t know where the disconnect had happened, but obviously there was one between me and Becca.
Obviously there needed to be some type of discussion.
Hadn’t I been there for her?
Hadn’t I given her enough attention?
Hadn’t I been showing her what she meant to me?
It was as if none of the time we had spent together had even happened.
What kind of games did she think I played?
Did she think I just hopped around from girl to girl?
As the song finished, I drummed my hands on my dashboard angrily.
I drove to Nick Grimshaw’s house who I was sure was home. He lived close and he would be a good distraction.
He would calm me down.
I didn’t need to go back to the house feeling like this now, because it would only cause another argument and I really didn’t want to fight with her. The last twenty-four hours had been more than enough for me.
When I reached Nick’s house, I grabbed my phone, calling him and telling him I was outside.
When I reached his door, he read my expression.
“What the hell is up with you?”
I sighed, moving past him into the house.
“I need a drink.”
“Drink? What do you mean?”
“Something with Tequila if you have it.”
I landed in his living room and plopped down on his couch.
He laughed. “Jeez. What’s the matter with you?”
“Long day.”
I tossed my phone on the coffee table and pulled my feet up to rest there as well.
I had been at his house many times since we had met, and even lived with him for a short time, so it was like home.
“What’s wrong?” he asked sitting across from me.
“Drink first. Talk later.”
He smiled and got up, heading over to his small bar in the house.
While he was gone, I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the couch.
Thoughts ran rampant.
Becca. Sara. Fight one. Fight two. Her pissed off Hazel eyes.
“Harry are you becoming an alcoholic?” he asked, as he came back in the room.
My drink was in his hand. “You don’t normally drink like this.”
“She’s causing me to drink.” I mumbled taking a long sip.
“Oh who?” he asked in interest, resuming his spot.
I placed my glass near my feet and then placed them back on the floor.
I scooted to the edge of the couch and crossed my fingers.
I could talk to him. We had been friends for a while.
I needed an opinion on this whole Becca thing. A second ear.
After all, I didn’t know how to resolve this.
Especially because I had done nothing wrong.
Our eyes met.
“Do you remember Becca?” I asked. “In L.A.?”
“Short brunette. Hazel eyes?” he guessed.
“That’s her.”
“Yeah. What about her?”
“Well she’s here.” I said.
“Here where? You left her in the car?”
I smirked. “No. In London. My house.”
“Kay. So…”
I sighed, irritated as I said the words.
“She thinks I’m involved with Sara Sampaio.”
“Oh I heard that story. How was it?” he joked.
I looked at him seriously.
“I wouldn’t know.” I said. “Becca’s the only person I’ve had sex with for the last
three months.”
“And let me guess, she thinks you slept with Sara?”
“Yeah, in New York. And apparently every other girl I’m seen with now.”
I shook my head, as it began to spill out.
“I don’t get it. Why is every girl like this? Why do I keep going through this shit?”
I looked back at him.
“I don’t know. I don’t date them.”
I smiled. Briefly.
“Still…its like girls are wired to be insecure. I don’t get it. And I thought she was so different ya know...I mean…we’ve talked about this. We’ve been over this a lot when we were just friends. I told her none of these stories are true. Literally the first rumor she hears, she jumps down my back.”
He smiled.
“Well some of the rumors are true.” he teased.
“Yeah from like two years ago. I’m done with all that. I’m careful now.”
I maintained the seriousness to my tone, since this was bothering me, and his playful smile faded, getting serious with me.
“I know H.”
“It’s just stupid. I mean, we’re together. We may not have said the actual words, but we are. As far as I’m concerned, she’s my girl. I mean, shit, I’m literally paying for her to be here and spending all my time with her and she thinks that. I don‘t even text other girls. I haven‘t seen other girls. I can‘t even remember the last time I‘ve even thought about someone else.”
“Well did you tell her that?”
“No. She didn‘t even let me. I was already condemned in her mind.”
He sighed. “Well look Harry, she doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t believe you-”
“Obviously not.” I mumbled.
He waved my concerns away.
“Then let her go man. Move on. You have another stress then to be dealing with girl drama.”
I looked back at him. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
I quickly defended her and what we had.
No one had a clue. What we actually had was pretty damn good and I knew I wasn’t ready to lose it. Not yet. No matter how much she was pissing me off.
Still, he was partially right, and I could at least admit that.
“I do have enough stress.” I said honestly. “And that’s why she was here. She’s been good for me ya know…I’ve been relaxed these last couple of weeks. Traveling and the homesickness hasn‘t even been that bad this time. I‘ve been sleeping better when she‘s with me, and she keeps my shit together- at least mentally.”
“Well yeah, but Harry you knew it was only a matter of time. Girls like her can’t
handle this lifestyle, no matter how much you try.”
“Yeah… I know.” I said slowly.
But I wished it was different.
“I just thought she was different...I thought we could be different.” I said and he shook his head no.
I stayed at Nick’s for a couple of hours and then finally headed back home.
We talked about Becca a bit more, but it was mainly to reiterate what he thought- I needed to cut it off now before we both became too invested.
But I couldn’t.
I actually wanted her there with me, I just wanted her to trust me.
When I returned back to the house, I was surprised to find it was dark.
Like ‘no one home’ dark.
I stuck my key in the door, and pushed it open, ready to settle whatever was between us.
“Becca?” I called out.
I heard no response.
“Bec?” I called again. “Becca?”
Complete silence…
I immediately panicked.
I ran up the stairs checking the main bedroom first. I was immediately relieved when I still saw her suitcases in the corner. So she hadn’t left me…
Next I checked the guest bedrooms but by then it was obvious she wasn‘t home, and hadn’t been for a while.
Where the hell could she have been?
We were in London and I hadn‘t left her anything. She had no keys, no money…
She wouldn’t even know where to go.
I pulled out my phone and punched in her number that by now, I had memorized.
She answered after three rings.
A sigh met me before I heard her crisp tone.
“Yes Harry?”
So she still had her attitude…Great…well I could have one too.
“Where the hell are you?” I asked right away.
“I’m shopping.” she said simply, as if she wasn‘t practically missing and this was her usual thing.
“Shopping where?”
“Camden.”
Camden was twenty minutes from my house.
“How the hell did you get to Camden?” I asked in confusion and slight frustration.
The idea of her alone in London was unsettling to me.
“A cab came and got me.”
“How? You don’t know my address?”
“I found a piece of mail.”
I sighed heading to the front of my house.
“Becca what is wrong with you? You can’t do shit like this. You can’t just venture out in random countries. Plus, what if you needed to get back into my house, you don’t have my gate code.”
She immediately was argumentative.
“Well I wasn’t going to sit all night and wait on you to come back. I want to do
stuff too. I can watch TV at home.”
“Okay fine. But you should have called me. I would have let you use my car.”
I pulled my keys back out.
“Where are you? What street? I’m coming to get you.”
“I don’t need you too.”
“Becca it’s getting dark and you have no idea where you are. Don’t be stupid.”
“I can get a cab Harry it’s not that difficult.”
“And go where? Back to the house? How do you even know I’m there? I told
you, I have an event tonight.”
“Well then I’ll get a hotel.”
I instantly rolled my eyes.
Obviously she was being difficult on purpose.
“Hotel where? And with what money? Becca I sure hope you have your credit
card because you sure don’t have any pounds. You’re in London, with no clue how things work here. All you’re going to do is just get yourself lost.”
“Stop talking to me like a child! I’m twenty one years old, I’ll fucking figure it out. Just go to your stupid party.”
My party…
“Is that what this is about?“ I asked quickly. “Are you trying to get back at me or something?”
I shut my front door and unlocked my car.
“No. I don’t even want to go. I’ve already seen where you’re going thanks to my cabdriver and I’m not interested. I just want to pick up some things for my parents and then I’ll be back.”
I ran my hands through my hair.
Climbing in my car, I hit the remote for the gate.
I tried to keep my tone even, and have patience, but she was pushing my limits.
“I’m not going to ask you again. It’s getting dark and you need to be at the house before I leave for my event. What street are you on? I’m on my way now.”
I started my car as she remained childish.
“This isn’t The Walking Dead Harry. I’ll be just fine out on my own tonight. So go
to your stupid party, with your beautiful girlfriends-”
“Becca!” I snapped. “Just stop with that shit! It’s quite annoying now. Where are you? We‘re not going to debate this.”
She sighed, delaying her answer as much as possible. Then, in a timid, defeated voice.
“I’m at Camden Lock Market.” she said finally.
“You couldn’t have picked a busier street to get lost on could you…” I gritted, pulling onto the main road.
“I’m not lost. I know exactly where I am.”
“Either way, I’m coming to get you. I’m in my black Audi so please don’t stray too
far. I can’t exactly get out and find you.”
“Whatever.” she said clicking her tongue.
“What store are you at?”
“Lock 24.”
“Becca don’t move. I mean it.”
She didn’t respond and hung up.
I turned up my music and headed her way.
When I got to the street which was flooded with tourists, I scanned my eyes looking for Becca but I didn’t see her.
Goddamnit!
I grabbed my phone and dialed her number.
She answered again. “Yes Harry?”
“Where are you?”
“I already told you.”
“I don’t see you.”
“That’s because I’m paying for something. I’ll be visible in a second.”
“Becca, I can’t just sit here. This is a busy street and they don’t like cars stalled. I
need you to come to the car now please.”
“I didn’t ask you to come-” she began to argue and I cut her off.
“Becca, please. I don’t want to argue about this too. Just come to the car.”
“Fine.” she said and hung up.
Less than a minute later, I saw her.
She spotted me as well, recognizing my car, and climbed in. Her bags hitting the floor by her feet.
“How long have you been out here?” I asked.
“A while.” she said shortly. She crossed her arms and immediately turned away from me.
She kept her eyes on the window and ignored me.
I settled back in my seat, heading back to the house and tried to keep my eyes on the road.
The cold draft between us was thick.
A few times I snuck glances at her and I had to admit, the ice between us was thawing- at least on my end.
Though she was pissing me off, my heart wasn’t in this fight.
As I looked at her, my eyes caught the emerald necklace I had got her for her birthday.
Since I had given it to her, outside of the shower, I never saw her take it off.
Looking at the pendant reaffirmed that the person I cared for was somewhere in there, even though I couldn‘t see her. Whoever this Becca was, was a crazy person and I wished she would disappear, never to be heard from again.
And I couldn’t help it, I still wanted her; crazy and all.
I turned back to the road and sighed, giving in.
“Becca,“ I began. “Please don’t do that again.” I said softly. My voice breaking through the low hums of the radio.
“Leave like that.” I clarified. “It freaked me out when I didn’t see you at the house.”
She turned to me. Her expression unreadable.
I continued.
“Look, from now on if you want to go somewhere in London, just tell me. I’ll get
you where you need to go. Okay? I promise.”
Though my voice was soft and genuine, her eyebrows curled up.
“You mean you were actually worried?”
“Of course. “ I said. “I didn’t know where you were and I thought maybe you had headed to the airport or something.”
“I should.” she said quietly from her side of the car. “That should be my next stop.”
I sighed again. Jeez she was getting on my nerves. If this was going to be the next couple weeks while she was here, she would drive me absolutely crazy.
I drove a little bit more, then I couldn’t take it anymore.
I had to end this shit.
I pulled my car on the side of the road and turned on my caution lights.
“What are you doing?” Becca asked quickly.
I turned my body to hers, giving her my full attention.
“We’re settling this. Right now.”
“Settling what?” she asked.
“Just listen…Okay?”
She swallowed, but remained quiet.
“Look Bec… I’m tired of this. I’m not going to keep fighting with you for the rest of this month. I don’t need the stress. I already have too much of it.”
“You’re the one whose doing it-” she began, gearing up, and I put my hand up to stop her.
She wasn’t going to cause another argument.
“Don’t.” I said softly. “Just listen to me please.”
She did, keeping her eyes on me.
“Look…You don’t trust me, and that hurts. And I care about you. I really do.” I said softly. “I want you here and I want us to have a good time together, but if there is no trust between us, then we can’t go any further. I have been 100% honest with you about what we’re doing and how I feel. I would never do anything purposely to hurt you or anyone close to me. Yet, you seem to think that I’m just out here sleeping with everyone… and being with other women and I need to know,” I said keeping my eyes completely on her. “How have I given you that impression? How have I made you stop trusting me?”
“The article-” she began.
“I don’t want to talk about that article.” I said cutting her off again. “That article is
bullshit. Every single word written in it is. But there is something between us that makes you believe it. So I need to know what it is. What did I do, to make you believe that as soon as you read it? To even doubt me before you even spoke to me.”
She grew quiet, and turned away from me.
“I don’t know.” she mumbled and I barely heard her.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” she said a little louder turning to me. “It’s all this I guess.” she said gesturing to the car.
I didn’t get what she meant.
“What?” I asked looking around.
“Its this. Your lifestyle.”
“What is my lifestyle Becca? My life has been pretty normal thus far. What have I done that is so different from everyday people?”
“Everything Harry.” she said turning to me. “Yeah you do normal everyday things, but at the end of the day, you’re still you. You’re still Harry Styles. You still sell out stadiums everyday. You still hang out with your supermodels and go to private parties and wear shoes that cost more than my paychecks-”
“What does that have to do with me, the person though?” I said, already offended. “This is all my job. This is an image. What we have had is me and you. Becca and Harry. You’re not dating my celebrity side. The person you sleep next to every night, is far from that person on stage. You‘re the one that‘s getting the real me. I thought you understood that.”
“Yeah but…Are you? Are you really that different Harry?” she questioned seriously.
“Of course I am. And if you think I’m not, then we have a bigger problem. Why are you even dating me if you don‘t like me?”
“Are we even dating Harry? A real couple? Because see, you say things like that, and then the minute someone asks for details on us, it’s ‘oh we’re just friends’.”
“And how would you even know that? You’re not with me and my friends when we talk about you. Besides, I‘m a very private person. What I do, or how I feel about the person I‘m seeing is nobody‘s business Becca.”
“No. I know Harry. I’m not an idiot. That‘s what you think about us.”
I sat back against my seat.
In a way that was true, but in a way it wasn’t.
I turned back to her.
“Well what do you want me to say to that? We both agreed this would be casual.”
“And it is,” she said. “On the surface, but I don’t know…I just…“ she sighed loudly, “Forget it.” she said and turned away from me.
“No. Say what you want to say.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But it does.” I said in frustration. “It matters to me. Stop holding back with me. Tell me what you want from me.”
“It just feels like more.” she said suddenly. “We feel like more sometimes. I feel like we’re together.”
“We are.”
“But you just said we were casual-” she pointed out.
“We’re both! I mean…I don’t know…” I said honestly. “I can’t define us right now.”
“How come you can’t?”
Our eyes locked. “Is that what you need from me? Some type of recognition or commitment?”
“No.” she said. “I knew what this was when I got into it. But...I don’t know…I don’t know where we stand sometimes.”
“We stand here. Right here.” I said gesturing between us. “We’re together, but we are casual. And it’s not because I don’t want more. I do…I wish, sometimes we had met at a different time, so it could be serious…but it can’t. And we both know that. I care about my career just as much as you care about your schooling…But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to respect you. It doesn’t mean that I’m seeing other people, because I’m not. I just want you. And you’re here. And that‘s all I want.” I said softly. “I just don‘t want to fight, because it‘s been wonderful. I enjoy spending time with you so much and you‘re changing things.”
“I’m not trying too.” She said. “It’s just my own…“ she trailed off, not finishing her thought. “It’s just I see that article and stuff like that and it worries me.”
“But it shouldn’t.” I said. “You have nothing to be worried about.”
“But I am. Harry you could have anyone you want.”
Her hazel eyes were soft, but looked at me in genuine concern.
I couldn’t help but look at her with a smile. So finally we were at the source of it all.
I couldn’t believe how insecure she was.
If she only knew how much of a catch she truly was.
Some days I even questioned, how she ended up with me?
She was gorgeous, but outside of the looks, she was ridiculously smart. She was funny and witty and the thing I loved most, she didn’t need me.
I was definitely not the center of her world, and she would be quite content whether I was in her life or not.
That concept alone made her insanely attractive to me.
It was refreshing to not be immediately idolized and I loved that she made me work for it.
Like now.
I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips and kissed it.
“Becca,baby… but I want you.”
She looked up at me, her hazel eyes unsure.
“Just you.” I reiterated.
She bit her lip and turned from me.
She looked out the window again, thinking.
“I’m sorry.” she said a few moments later. “I was a bitch.”
I smiled again. “Yeah you were. But I wasn’t too nice either.”
She turned back to me and smiled.
“Are we good?” I asked.
She nodded yes.
“Good.” I said and placed my hand on the gear shift to get going again. We had been sitting on the side of the road for about five minutes. “I’m sorry that’s it been so difficult to read me and us…I’ll try to be more clear of how I feel…okay?” I asked.
She nodded and I began to shift the car to go.
“Wait...” she said softly.
I turned back to her, and she leaned over and kissed me.
It was a soft, sweet kiss. A further apology.
“Forgive me?” she whispered after she pulled away.
“I don’t know.” I said. “Kiss me again, and I’ll see.”
She smiled widely and kissed me again. This time I deepened it, and our tongues briefly tangled.
I caressed her cheek as I pulled away.
“Come on, let’s get back to the house.”
She nodded okay again.
I checked the street and then pulled back on the main road.
My hands rested on the steering wheel and her thigh.
“Are you still going to your thing tonight?” she asked a few minutes later.
“I am.” I said. “But I won’t stay long.” I promised.
“Will Pandora be there?”
I turned to her quickly. Didn’t we just go over this?
“Not because I think anything is going on.” she quickly explained. “I’m just
curious.”
“I don’t know.” I said. “I barely talk to her.”
I looked her over.
“Did you pack any dresses?”
“For events?”
I nodded.
“Not for what it seems like you’re going too. I have my dress I wore in New York and a few more casual things I guess.”
I briefly remembered the dress in New York and figured that wouldn’t work.
It was dressy but I didn’t want her getting that much attention. And if she wore that, other men’s eyes would be on her for sure.
I wanted something more simple…conservative.
“No that won’t work. And I don‘t remember all the stuff Alexa gave you.” I said honestly. “I can call my sister though, she’s close right now. She’s visiting one of her friends. Maybe she can bring something over-”
“Harry its fine. I don’t want to go like I said.”
“Well I just feel bad. I did originally have plans for you to go with me, and its not my intent to leave you behind.”
She rubbed my hand on her leg.
“It’s okay.” she reassured. “Like I said…all that is not my scene.”
I smiled back at her.
“Trust me I know…I get it…you hate celebrities.“
She turned from me.
“I don’t hate celebrities.“
“Seems that way.“
She looked back at me.
“No. If I hated celebrities then I would hate you too. And I don’t. Not even close.“ she said with a smile.
“Then what’s this thing then? Why is it always an issue?“
“I just don’t trust them. The celebrity concept is all very fake and flashy and…I just don’t want to be around it. I don’t like the games.”
“It’s not all like that. All my friends are not like that.”
“Maybe,” she said. “But I don’t know.”
As her voice trailed off, I decided to tease her.
“You know…if you were my girlfriend officially, you would probably have to go to things like this with me. You wouldn‘t really have a choice with the P.R. game and such.”
“Well good thing I’m not your girlfriend. Officially of course.” she teased back.
I smiled and turned back to the road.
Seemed we were back to ourselves and I was more than relieved.
When we got back to the house, we finally spent a little time together.
She showed me the things she had gotten for her family at the shops and I began to get ready for the party.
“Are a lot of your friends going?”
“No. This is an appearance thing.” I said. “A minor form of Public Relations.”
“Oh.” she said. “What’s it for?”
“A magazine. Another Man.”
“Never heard of it.”
“I wouldn’t expect you too. I don’t think its too big in the States.”
“Why are you going? Is there something important happening?”
“No, I just need to make some connects.”
“Connects for what?” she asked.
I didn’t answer her exact question and instead chose the minute to look at her.
She was sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, in one of my t-shirts. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun and her eyes were solely on me.
I headed over to her.
“Doesn’t really matter….but see, it’s not always fun being a popstar. I hate it too.” I said letting her in on the secret.
She smiled as I leaned over her.
Our lips touched and we shared a long kiss.
It had felt like forever since I had touched her, and with the fight the last few hours, I was anxious to just push it all behind us, and get lost in each other again.
I pushed her back on the bed, and climbed on top of her.
She moaned against my mouth and my hands went under her shirt, cupping a breast.
“Are you going to wait for me tonight?” I asked softly.
“When you get back?”
“Yeah.” I said.
She smiled.
“And why would I wait?”
My hands trailed her smooth skin.
“Because I think we need to make up properly.” I said softly.
“And how is that?”
“Stay up and you’ll see.” I said mysteriously.
I leaned down and kissed her belly button which was hiding under her shirt and then climbed off of her.
“But hey, I need you to help me.” I said. “Help me finish getting dressed.”
She sat up, crossed her legs on the bed and looked back at me.
“You’re pretty much there Harry. You have the black pants, the blazer…quite dashing you are.”
“Is the shirt too much?”
She scanned my Gucci shirt that Pandora had altered for me.
“No.” she said. “I like you in patterns.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
She nodded yes. “I like a man who is confident in his own skin.”
I leaned and trailed my hand on her bare leg.
She was following my house rule and only wearing the shirt and some underwear.
She was naturally beautiful, not wearing an inch of makeup and it was obvious by now, she was quite comfortable with me.
“Touché.” I said.
We shared another kiss and then I focused.
I needed to leave.
I headed to the party around 10pm and stayed long enough to feel that I had made an appearance. I was papped leaving as I knew I would, and headed back to my house shortly before midnight.
Becca kept her promise and waited for me.
As she discarded my clothing and attached her lips to mine, I was thankful.
For it to be our first argument, I think we had did alright.
Things were definitely more clear now and I was confident if something like this came up in the future, she would react differently.
There didn’t need to be any grey areas in our relationship. From now on, I was intending on keeping things pretty black and white.
That would be the only way this would work.
**************************************
“OSLO! Are you having a good time so far?”
The crowd screamed back at me and I looked at the crowd that surrounded me.
Large and beautiful.
I smiled.
I scanned the crowd.
It was a little less than a week later, and I was in Oslo, Norway performing another show.
“Good! You sir with the Golf Pro, good time so far?”
The gentleman I was looking at gave me a thumbs up.
“Good. Okay…”
I moved around the stage, continuing my spill, playing with the crowd and thanking the audience.
“Thank you so so much for all your support, you have given us over the last five years!“
The crowd screamed again and my eyes briefly caught Becca’s who was sat in a reserved spot on the right side of the stage.
This show was special because right beside her, was my childhood friend Jack in the audience and he was visiting from my hometown.
Since he had arrived at the stadium, we had been playing catch up and during the show, I had been playing with him and Becca.
“Give me a ’Oh Yeah’” I screamed, and the crowd repeated.
I altered my voice saying the same thing, and he and Becca screamed back.
“OH YEAH!”
I smiled again.
I moved around the stage, continuing my interactions, and eventually adding Jack into some of the banter; telling the story of when he stole my girlfriend in grade school.
After the show, we all hung out at my Oslo hotel that I had got for the night. Unlike New York, this time with my friend, Becca was with me.
She sat beside me on the couch as me and Jack told stories from when we were younger.
“Did he really steal your girlfriend?” Becca asked me with a slight smile.
We had all been drinking for a couple of hours now and were a bit of a rowdy bunch.
“NO!” Jack instantly protested.
“YES!” I screamed back.
Jack was sitting across from us, still nursing his drink.
“Well this I’ve got to hear.” Becca said instantly with a small giggle.
Jack smiled back, and jumped up. “Fine…this is the story!” he said. His body was swaying from his slight buzz but it only made it all funnier.
“No, no, no you’re too drunk to tell it!” I protested laughing.
He laughed back. “Bro, you’re wasted too.”
By now, I was slightly leaning a bit too.
“You’re both wasted!” Becca argued. She had been holding one drink all night so she was the only sane and (sober) one between us.
“This is how it went.” I said, placing my drink down on the table. I settled in and got ready. I was always good at telling a story.
Jack instantly cut in.
“Bro! Your girl will be sleep before you tell it!”
I started laughing. It was partially true. My speech was even more delayed when I was slightly wasted and everyone always teased my morbid tone.
“Fine, fine.” I said taking a sip of my vodka. “You tell it. But tell it right-” I cautioned.
Becca, who was inches from me, just watched us both with a smile, enjoying the whole exchange. I don’t think she cared who told the story.
“Okay so this is what happened. There was a girl-”
“What was her name?” Becca asked.
Me and Jack exchanged a glance. We were both to drunk to remember.
“Uh…” I stuttered thinking.
“Um…I think it was Chelsea.”
“It was not Chelsea.” I estimated. “Maybe Christina?” I guessed.
Becca laughed louder. “You guys don’t even remember her name?”
“I was fourteen.” I argued. “Besides, I am a little tipsy. Don’t judge me.” I said with a pout.
Becca kissed my puckered lips quickly and turned back to Jack.
She wrapped her arm around me, pulling me to her, but it wasn’t intimate, it was playful.
“Okay you’re up Jack. Tell me the story- minus the girl’s name-” she said looking back at him.
“Okay, okay…” he said still standing and swaying. “So Harry was dating the girl.
Though he wasn’t really dating her-”
“I was dating her.” I argued looking at Becca.
“Harry liked her. It was not official.”
“I was dating her.” I cut in again.
“Okay, ANYWAY, I liked her too. And Harry knew.”
“Ooohhh scandal.” Becca said.
I shook my head no.
“This is not what happened.” I protested with a smile to Becca.
“So, one day we’re all sitting in the lunch room. And Harry’s off somewhere else.
And she was sitting with her friends, but she wasn‘t really talking to them, and to be completely honest, she looked upset about something.”
“What!” I exclaimed with a wide smile. “That is totally not what happened. ”
“It is!” Jack argued.
I jumped up.
“Nope. Nope. Not right. This is the real story.” I said bending down directly in front of Becca. I put my hands on her leg.
“Listen Babe-”
Jack instantly grabbed me.
“Bro, sit down!” Jack teased and we started laughing.
We playfully tousled over who was going to tell the story and tell the truth.
“Dude,” I said finally. “I’m not going to let you tell the story wrong in front of my girlfriend. So this is what happened-”
I began.
“NO,” Jack said placing his hand on my mouth.
We fought our way through the story and Becca just laughed as twenty minutes later, it finally finished.
I sat back beside her.
And Jack sat on her other end.
“Don’t sit by her.” I said.
Jack immediately smiled at her and winked.
“How you doin’” he playfully teased.
Becca just giggled.
”Look, he’s trying to do it again.” I said to Becca.
Jack put his arm around her.
“She’s hot though. Way hotter than Camille.”
“Christina.” Becca reminded.
“Chelsea.” I threw out and we all just laughed, drunk off our asses.
Around four, we crashed and Jack slept on the couch in the room, and me and Becca took the bed.
We spooned and my hand rested on her stomach as I buried my face in her neck.
Giving her soft kisses and the occasional tickle, we played under the covers for a few minutes.
“Stop.” she squealed girlishly.
I continued to kiss her neck, ticking her more and let my hands rest just above her panties.
She elbowed my stomach.
“Stop your friend is sleeping and he‘s right there!” she whispered harshly.
“He’s passed out.” I argued. “He can barely hear you.” I said and tickled her more.
Her laughs took over the room, and I just melted at the sound.
Our lips touching was the only thing that eventually stopped it, and when the kiss ended, I moved my hands back by her belly button.
“Okay, I’ll stop.” I said after a few moments and pulled her closer to me.
Now I was ready to go sleep.
She rested in front of me, and I closed my eyes.
“Becca?” I called.
“Hmm?” she asked.
“Did you have fun tonight?”
“I did. Lots.”
“Good.” I said. “I‘m glad you like my friends.”
“I do.” she said quietly, her voice calm. “I like all of your friends so far.”
“They like you.” I said.
I felt her face curve in a smile.
“You know what…” I said slowly.
“What?” she asked.
“I called you my girlfriend. Like officially.” I said quietly.
“You did.” she said.
I smiled.
“So you actually caught it?” I questioned.
“I’m not nearly as drunk as you guys.”
I chuckled. “True…did it…um…bother you or make you uncomfortable?” I asked.
“No.” she said. “Why?”
“Just curious.”
She partially turned to me.
“Why are you bringing it up?”
“I don’t know.” I said softly. “I don’t even know why I said it.” I said. “I just want to
make sure it didn’t make things weird.”
“Or give me hope…” she joked.
I instantly frowned.
I pulled her closer to me. “Don‘t.” I mumbled. “I told you…Don’t think of us like that. We‘re together, in our own way.”
“I know. I’m just joking.” she said with a soft smile.
“Good.” I said and lifted my head.
She turned to me completely.
I bent down and kissed her.
Then, we both turned over to go to sleep.
I settled back into my favorite place; in her hair.
The times of needing to be on opposite sides of the bed long past.
I thought back to Nadine and my other flings, and once again how things had been different.
It was almost a regular thing to sleep up under her now.
“Goodnight Becca.” I whispered.
“Night Harry.”
I closed my eyes and rested for a few minutes.
The room was completely quiet and Becca and Jack were now passed out sleeping.
Though I was tired, my mind wasn’t ready to shut off.
Inhaling her scent, I just thought about things.
I thought about the show and my schedule the next day.
I thought about plans for the rest of the month and things I could take Becca to see,
It was going to be a lot to pack in with the constant revisions to my day-to-day work schedule and promotions, but I wanted to make sure she was still having a good time.
The last few days since our ‘fight’ had been wonderful. There had been a show in Horsens, Denmark and she had spent some time with me at the studio.
The boys had been wide-eyed and curious, dropping stupid relationship jokes here and there, but for the most part, they had been pretty chill with my girlfriend.
Oh yeah…that was the new term coined by the backstage staff, and it seemed to be a running theme amongst my long time tour family.
I wasn’t immune to the whispers.
Harry had a girlfriend now. On Tour.
Sound the alarms!!
The world was ending right in front of us!
It was all quite ridiculous.
But, yet, my mind ventured there…
As I re-opened my eyes, I let the word roll off my tongue again.
“Girlfriend…” I said silently and she didn’t stir beside me. “Becca, my girlfriend…”
It was a thought I let seep in and settle for a few seconds.
“Meet Becca my girlfriend…” I whispered, playing with the phrase.
It didn’t sound as silly on my tongue as I imagined it would.
A whole new set of thoughts came to me. This time with visions.
Becca and I officially together. Becca and I happy. Becca and I serious.
Little dates, and always being together.
Introductions to her family and bringing her home.
Traveling with her and more secret rendezvous.
Or would it eventually be public and everyone know about us?
A smile graced my face as I thought of the next thing.
Being in love with her.
Having that stubborn, precious gem. Eventually two hearts becoming one.
What would it be like, being in love with her?
What would this feel like long term?
It could be nice.
We could be good together.
I hadn’t had a serious relationship in a while, and I was much too young and focused to even be thinking about it… yet something told me that if I was going to enter one, she would be the first candidate.
Something also told me I was already dangling on a small thin edge.
As it had already been noted, we didn’t really act like a fling and as she laid in my arms now, everything was blurry.
She felt like she was mine and this felt like it was real--not something ending in a couple of weeks.
Still, there was a flip side to the coin too, and another part that I often thought about.
If this continued, it wouldn’t be all rainbows and unicorns.
Eventually there would be the distance while I worked and she went to school, and the trust issues.
I could already see the eventual fights and dissolve of everything.
It was only natural with these type of relationships.
I didn’t want to lose her, but I didn’t want to hurt her either.
I didn’t want us to ever get to a place where we could resent each other.
So for now if I had the choice, I would choose this; the way we were.
I would rather have these little pieces of her; almost but not complete…
Something instead of nothing.
Important, but not serious
And…
Mine, instead of someone else’s.
It was selfish I know, especially because she deserved someone who could offer her more.
Closing my eyes again, I settled in her hair and drifted to sleep.
Becca my girlfriend, the last words spoken.
Still, it’s a funny thing about fate and how it works. No matter how much you think you’re in control, you never really are.
And when it comes to love, it’s even harder.
You don’t stop love. Love stops you.
That’s why its called falling, because once you take that dive, you can’t stop it.
There are no warnings, and no time to think about what’s happening….
You just wake up one day and you’re there.
And I had no idea that my time with Becca was just around the corner.
Hell honestly, maybe I was already there.
Maybe, just maybe, I was already in love with her…

Notes