All Again

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO
CHASE

NOW

My secretary's warm brown eyes meet mine at 8:03pm.
"Chase Collins. Time's up." she calls out. Her original Texas accent is strong.
Bringing my eyes away from my document and facing her, I hit submit on my email.
I look back at my secretary of over five years and smile. Her light brown skin and long wavy curls a welcome interruption.
“I know, I know. Finishing up now.”
I toss my hands up, before she starts in on me.
She-Vanessa Evans- smiles and gives me a nod of approval.
I close out my email and browser tabs and check my phone. No new messages.
Great, I can leave.
Crossing her arms, Vanessa leans against my office door.
“You’ve been doing well.” she says.
I smirk and stand, stretching. I have been sitting in front of my computer for much too long.
I gesture for my suit jacket that is near Vanessa.
“I’m trying.” I said honestly. “Tired of Becca yelling at me.”
Vanessa smiles, and as her name escapes my lips, I glance at the small photo on my desk.
In it, Becca, my girlfriend of almost a year smiles back at me.
In my profession, it’s a bit too personal and I know my bosses don’t like the extra reminder of a girlfriend looking back at me throughout the day.
My job is 24/7 dedication, and my clients are suppose to be not only be my professional, but personal life as well.
Still, for Becca, I broke those rules.
Vanessa comes over, handing me my suit jacket and car keys. She keeps my work bag in her other hand.
I honestly don’t think I could function without her.
She’s spunky, brass, and keeps my impossibly busy schedule running smoothly- despite being my full time secretary and a mother and wife.
For instance, right now she makes sure I make it home on time.
I’m sure my girl is at home waiting on me.
“What’s Becca making for dinner tonight?” Vanessa asks as I take the jacket and toss it on.
“You know I’m not sure.” I swipe my phone off of the desk. “Haven’t talked to her much today.”
“Working on her column?”
“I’m sure. But with Becca who knows. She keeps herself busy.”
Vanessa smiles. “Well let me know when it posts-”
“Got it.” I said cutting her off.
Since Becca has become apart of my life, she has also become apart of Vanessa’s and I already know what is coming next. They love to connect over dinner meals and she is a follower of her column.
Vanessa hands me my briefcase, and I give her a quick appreciative kiss on her forehead.
“Lifesaver.” I say.
“I know.“ she says boldly. “Give her my love.”
“I will. We’ll have you over soon. Maybe next week?” I toss out, as I head towards the door.
She nods okay, and lets me pass.
I give her a quick farewell and then head downstairs to the parking ramp.
It’s late, but people are still around the office working, and I’m stopped two times before I make it to my car.
When I do, I toss my bag in the back, and keep my phone close.
I plug into the car charger, and start my call.
I instantly dial Becca’s number.
With the Los Angeles traffic coming from downtown, I won’t be home until at least nine, but I want to give her a heads up I’m coming.
Most nights, I make it home around the same time, and she always is waiting for me.
My dinner is always on the table, and she is always ready to talk about my day.
Despite my early mornings, most nights we stay up late, making sure we always spend some time together during the day. If we’re not making love, we are laid in the bed watching movies or just talking.
She works from home and despite the occasional lunch date or 1:30pm check in, most of the day we don’t talk.
Still at this point, I couldn’t function without either.
When I met her a year ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but for now I plan on keeping her as a permanent fixture in my life for a long time.
As I dial her number, I’m surprised when her phone goes straight to voicemail. Her phone is off, and her cheery, Hi it’s Becca! Sorry I‘ve missed you…. meets me.
I hang up and just estimate to see her at home.
I begin the trek across town, through the minimal traffic, and eventually reach our block.
We are currently renting a three bedroom, two and a half bath, single family home. We recently moved in, but it’s a place we are planning on converting and expanding in the year’s to come.
I already have many plans for our future.
When I approach our house, I can already see in the distance the house is dark.
Becca’s car isn’t in front like usual, and the neighborhood is quiet.
Pulling in front, I open the garage door and see’s Becca’s Camry from college but the main Mercedes she drives now, is still missing.
She’s not home.
I glance at the clock. 9:12pm.
Unusual, but not unlikely.
I grab my phone and head inside, leaving my work behind.
Tonight, I just want to turn my phone off, settle in my bedroom and bury myself in Becca.
The celebrities of Los Angeles can have their issues resolved in the morning.
I punch in my security code, and turn on the lights. I can see the house is immaculately cleaned and it doesn’t seem like Becca’s been home for a while.
I head to the kitchen for confirmation and sure enough, nothing has changed.
She hasn’t cooked anything new, and the leftovers remain untouched in the fridge.
Where is she?
I pull my phone out and bypass her contact.
The last time we had spoke had been around my lunch-1:30pm- the usual time I call everyday.
She had answered, though the conversation had been rushed and hasty. Whatever she was doing at the time had her distracted but she had assured me she would be home later. Or had she?
I try to remember the conversation but that was hours ago, and nothing we spoke about at that time was worth memorizing.
Had she said where she was though?
Had she mentioned where she might go?
Heading over to our answering machine, I try to think if she told me she would be gone tonight.
I hit play on the first message.

New Message 10:47am.
Hey Chase…and Becca…it’s the mother. Just wanted to remind you about this weekend, I’m still coming down from San-

I skip it.
I’ll call my mother later.

New Message. 1:04pm.
Hey Becca! It’s Aimee! Hope you’re good hun. You never called me back and I didn’t see you at the gym today-

Skipped too.
Just some lady that Becca hung out with at the gym.
She had been by a few times and she talked way too much.
I was sure I could probably erase the message, Becca didn‘t really care for her.
I contemplated it as the next message began.
This one, catching and keeping my attention.

New Message. 3:56pm.
Hey Becca. It’s Kelly. Just checking in. It’s around 4pm here on Thursday (today). Just wondering what’s going on with the article? I haven’t seen anything in my email. Did you send it? I’ve tried reaching you on your cell, but I guess its off. Call me as soon as possible. I need to get it edited and submitted. Don’t forget its live in two days. Okay…thanks…bye!

Hmm.
Interesting.
Next.

New Message. 6:14pm.
Chase, dude. What the fuck do you do all day? I’ve called your cell, and now your home phone and you still don’t fucking answer. Guess you never answer that shit for us plain folks. When you remember you have a brother, call me back. Need to figure out this weekend. Mom’s driving me crazy about some dinner she wants us to go too…I don’t know. Call me…or Becca…make him call me please. Peace!

I smiled at my little shit of a brother and listened for the last message as the automated messenger prepared me.

New Message. 7:47pm.
Hey Becca, Kelly again. I really need you to call me back. Are you okay? Am I just missing the article? I’ve checked my spam folders and I see nothing. Really need that submitted by tonight. Hope you didn’t forget your deadline. I’m going to try your cell again…either way…get back to me. Soon.

Three things run through my mind.
One, Becca has missed her deadline.
Two, she hasn’t called her back. I know that, because her phone is still off.
And three, Becca’s phone must have been off all day- at least since we spoke.
I’m back to my original thought.
Where is she?

I glance around the kitchen looking around for a note, and then the living room but there is nothing.
I head up to our bedroom, loosening my tie, and undressing as I climb the steps.
I figure I’ll take a shower, try her phone again, and if its still off, then I’ll call in the big guns.
Kelsey- her best friend since practically birth would know where she is.
She’s been able to find that girl for me many times. Especially in the beginning when she use to run from any possibility of what we were becoming.
Whenever she would blow up, and pick a fight with me to push me away, I would always find her hiding out at her house.
Thank God we had been past that for a few months. That shit was exhausting.

I turn on the TV in the room, flipping to Thursday night football, and watch a few minutes of the game.
The Seattle Seahawks and the Vikings are just finishing up the third quarter.
I undress, and head for the bathroom.
I shower quickly, letting the hot water relax me in a short span of time, and climb out of the stall.
Our bathroom is big, and once again I notice Becca’s things are untouched in the corner.
I don’t even smell the lingered scent of her perfume.
She probably hasn’t been home since this morning, which would make since considering when the messages started.
I’m not worried yet, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t be home if her column isn’t turned in and finished.
I briefly wonder what the consequences of that will be as I head back to my phone.
Time to call Kelsey.
I keep my towel wrapped around me, and watch the game as the phone rings. By now, it’s closer to ten, and I’m sure Kelsey isn’t going to like this intrusion- unless Becca is with her.
She recently had her first child, and according to Becca has been a nervous wreck.
Hey…maybe that’s it.
Maybe she’s babysitting.
The line connects and the loud sounds of a TV, crying baby, and cheers connect on the other end.
Guess I’m missing a party.
“Hello?” Kelsey’s breathless voice comes thru the phone.
“Hey.” I say, sitting on the bed, listening to the muted game through her phone.
Touchdown!
“It’s Chase.” I quickly explain.
“Hey future brother in law. Sup?” she asks.
I smile.
She has been calling me that for a while, despite the fact that me and Becca aren’t engaged.
Becca is terrified of marriage. I’m sure her asshole ex had something to do with that. He had did a number on her.
I get to the point quickly.
“Is Becca with you?”
“Is what- hold on-”
Suddenly she shouts away from the phone, telling her new husband to get the baby and I can hear her move away from the noise.
She comes back to the phone seconds later.
“Okay…Becca what?”
“Is she with you?” I ask again.
“No. Is she supposed to be?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling. She isn’t here though.”
“At the house?” she questions.
“Yeah.”
“Did you call her cell?”
I stop an eye roll.
“Of course. Before you.”
“Oh well. I’m sure she’s fine. You know how she is.”
“I’m sure she is too and I do, but still…just trying to track her down…ya know…in case.”
“Yeah course.”
“Do you know where she was today? Did she say she was going anywhere?”
“Yeah. This morning, she said she was going to meet-”
She stops. Almost instantly. It doesn’t go unnoticed by me.
“Meet?” I ask quickly. “Meet who?”
“Um…you said her phone is off?” she says instead.
“Yeah.” I ask hearing a little concern. “Where is she?”
I can tell by her tone she knows.
“I think she met with her editor…yeah…something about her column today.”
I sigh.
“No she’s not with her. She’s been calling here all night.”
“Oh. Uh…well give me a little bit. She might be with some friends from school. Let me make some calls.” she says quickly.
“Kay. Let me know.” I say and we hang up.
I pull away from the TV and get dressed. Now that Kelsey is on the case, I feel better.
She may not know where she is at this moment, but as I’ve said, she can find her. Always.
I head back downstairs, grabbing a quick bite from some leftovers from a couple nights before. We had company, and Becca had made a huge roasted chicken. Outside of the food, I was trying to forget that stupid evening.
Chewing on some mashed potatoes, I wait for the call back.
When it comes, fifteen minutes later, it isn’t Kelsey, it’s Becca.
“Baby, where are you?” I ask immediately. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” she says.
Her tone is low and around her, I can hear the wind.
As it whips against her phone, I can tell she must be walking outside.
“I’m on my way home.”
“Did you talk to Kelsey? We’ve been looking for you.”
“Yeah I know-” she pauses. “I’m on my way. We need to uh…talk when I get home.” she says. I hear the beep of her car, and I know she is at least safe wherever she is.
As she climbs in her car, I finish up my meal.
“Sure. I’ve got some food heated up if you want-”
“Thanks.” she said. “I’ll…see you soon. Kay?”
“Yeah. Love you.”
She hangs up.

I finish my dinner. She hasn’t specified where she is, so I don’t know how long it will take her to get here, so I head back to the bedroom.
When the house beeps forty-five minutes later, I know it is her triggering the alarm.
I hear her move downstairs punching in the code, and I go down to meet her.
She looks….different.
Sunglasses pull her hair back, and I look back at her casual outfit of a blue jean jacket and sundress.
Her hair has been curled this morning, and fallen, and I have to admit she would look pretty, if she didn’t look so tired. Her expression is off and she looks a bit worn from the day.
What has she been doing?
Where has she been?
“Hey babe.” I say going to her.
She gives me a small smile, one that doesn’t reach her eyes, and places her purse on the kitchen counter.
Meeting her, I pull her in my arms and give her a quick kiss.
“You good? Kelly has been calling here all night.”
For a moment, her eyes widen as she looks up at me.
“She has?” she questions.
“Yeah?” I say playing with a string of her loose waves. “You didn’t get your column turned in?”
She closes her eyes and sighs.
“Shit,” I hear her call under her breath, and then her eyes open. “Um.” she bites her lip. “No...no I…“ she pauses and looks at me. Her hazel eyes are clouded. “Uh…we need to talk. There‘s some things I need to tell you. About today.” she says cryptically.
I nod okay and she shifts away from me and gestures her body towards the living room.
“You want to eat first?” I question.
She shakes her head no.
“I ate already.”
“Where?” I ask curiously. “Where have you been?”
She doesn’t respond.
“You want a drink?” I ask next. I make a motion to move further in the kitchen but she stops me. She reaches for my hands to pull me to the living room.
“Just come here?” she calls gently.
I smile.
I know she wants me to shut up and stop asking questions.
For the moment I do as she says. I let her lead me to the couch and I sit down.
Seconds later, she takes a seat next to me.
As our eyes lock, she turns away from me, clearing her throat.
“How was your day?” she asks slowly.
“It was fine.” I say. I settle back on the couch and run a hand across her back.
She instantly tenses at my touch and I don’t miss the way she moves away from me slowly.
She faces me and gathers a leg on the couch to rest on.
She runs a nervous hand through her hair.
I stare back at her, reading her.
She is definitely off right now- very similar to earlier on the phone.
I touch her leg and lean towards her.
“What’s going on?” I ask, keeping my voice filled with concern.
She keeps her eyes on me, and bites her lip.
“I don’t know how to tell you. We need to talk.”
Something kicks in, deep inside, but I push away the rising feeling.
We need to talk never ends well in most conversations.
I smile at her, to shift the mood.
“Tell me what?”
She doesn’t smile back, and her face makes me anxious again.
Jeez, what the hell did I miss?
Her expression is making me uneasy.
“Babe what is it?” I ask.
Her eyes meet mine and the uneasy feeling kicks up a notch.
Oh shit.
Could it…
Is she…
“What are you, pregnant or something?” I guess, pulling for straws.
Her eyes immediately rise and her face curls up in shock.
“What?” she asks
“Are you pregnant?” I ask, keeping my hand on her leg.
“No.” she says instantly. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re practically pale.” I note. “You act like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”
She doesn’t laugh, snicker or smile. She just looks back at me blankly.
“No I’m not pregnant.” she says quietly. “I have to talk to you about something else.”
“Like what?”
She pauses. She reaches for my hand.
I don’t take it. I don’t like the expression in her eyes.
I can’t really take it anymore.
“What is going on Becca? Jesus, you’re freaking me out babe.”
She shallows and turns from me.
“It’s about Harry.”
“Harry Styles?” I question to clarify.
She nods yes.
I then immediately cool.
Oh.
Him again.
I sigh and turn from her.
I wish the kid would just go somewhere and die. At least, be dead to her.
Since we met, I’ve had to deal with the repercussions he’s put on her life.
They met five years ago, and since, he’s affected her in a way that I’ve never seen before.
We met because of him, and he’s caused some of our biggest problems.
The scarlet letter of Harry has been burned across her skin and it’s taking months of scrubbing to finally get him gone- until two nights ago.
I had ran into him about a month earlier at an event. Growing up in the family I did, I knew a lot of people in the industry, and the Azoff’s, aka Harry’s second family and his best friend who was his manager- were there.
I had saw Harry and didn’t too much care when I saw him live and in person.
He was still just a young, rich stud who had lucked up in life as far as I was concerned.
His successes had been pretty much handed to him on a silver platter the moment he was assembled into the boy band that was once One Direction.
I didn’t get it then, and I still don’t get it.
As he worked the room, in which Becca wasn’t present, I watched him trying to figure it out. What did women see in this kid?
Becca had loved him and for three years, he was the core of her life.
Yet, she had moved on.
We had moved on.
Until two nights ago, when I had allowed him back in her space and in her world.
I was regretting it now, but when I had the thought it was for her benefit.
She wasn’t the same woman he knew, and the broken Becca he had left behind had thrived on without him.
With my love, she was happy and I wanted them both to see how well their lives had turned out.
He was engaged to a pretty blonde model, and she was now living her dream with her own column and home.
They didn’t need each other.
As I realize she’s still simmering from their brief encounter, I stand.
I’m going back to what I was initially doing.
“Look Becca…” I say as I stretch and peer down at her. “I get it, I do, but let’s stop talking about that dinner. It’s done.”
“Chase-” she interrupts with a sigh. “Sit down.”
“No babe.” I say moving away from her. “You give him too much of your energy. He’s a fucking loser. I don‘t know why you let him upset you the way you do. It‘s been two years and he’s still a conversation- I know you loved him, but let that go babe. ”
“I’m not talking about the dinner.” she says. “Can you just sit back down?”
“Are we going to talk about Harry?” I question. “Because if we are, I don’t care.”
I move away from her completely heading to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry honey. I just don’t feel like hearing about your ex right now.”
She sighs again.
I grab a beer from the fridge, uncap it, and take a quick sip.
She is still sitting on the couch, peering at me.
“You want to go to bed?” I question.
“No I want to talk.” she says.
I shrug and move towards the stairs.
“I don’t want to hear about him. We can talk about something else.”
My hand touches the banister, just in time to have her stop me.
“I saw him today Chase.”
I pause and turn to her.
It goes so quiet, I could hear a needle drop.
I turn to her.
“And yesterday.” she says gently.
Our eyes lock.
“What do you mean?” I ask slowly. “You saw him, saw him?”
She nods yes.
“Today and yesterday?” I question.
She nodes yes again.
I push off the banister and make a step towards her.
“What the hell are you talking about? Why?”
“I needed to see him.” she says keeping her gaze directly on me.
Her words instantly piss me off.
Needed.
As if the world is ending tomorrow and she had to see him.
She needs to eat everyday…she needs to pay her bills on time…she needs to get her column in to support herself…those are things she needs. She didn’t need to see Harry Styles.
“What the fuck did you need to see him for?” I say and her eyes widen, noting my immediate anger. “Because you did. Three nights ago, or did you forget our dinner? Ya know…the one you threw him out of?”
My tone officially has bite, and the sympathetic caring Chase is dwindling away.
This Chase is pissed the fuck off.
She stands quickly as I take another step towards her.
“Let me explain.” she says.
“No.” I say moving towards her. “Fuck that. Were you with him tonight? While I‘ve been calling, wondering where you were?”
She stares up at me, her brown eyes, unmoving.
Her lips part to answer me, but then close again.
“No. Answer me. What are you seeing your ex-boyfriend for? Your shitty ex-boyfriend. Not once, but fucking twice!”
“Chase-” she cuts in again.
“No that’s bullshit Becca. Harry? Fucking Harry Styles? Are you kidding me? The same fucking dude who broke your heart? Cheated on you? Left you behind so he could go on tour, and advance his own career. The same dude, we‘re still talking about, two years later-”
“Okay I get it! Stop talking about him. Jeez, you hardly know him. It wasn‘t like that.” she says shouts quickly.
I’m taken aback. She’s actually defending him, in this moment, in our house.
I can’t fucking believe her.
I sit back down, but I continue.
“Did you fuck him?” I ask. “Hmm…is that what you have to tell me?”
“No.” she says as our eyes meet again, and I‘m instantly relieved until she continues. “It’s more than that.” she says quietly.
“More than that?” I ask. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Can you calm down?” she asks. “Jeez, you’ve cussed more tonight then you have the entire time I’ve known you.”
“Well what do you fucking expect?”
I add the extra word on purpose to piss her off.
She sighs and plays with her fingers. “Look I’ll start from the beginning.”
“No.” I say cutting her off. “Start with tonight and backtrack. I want to know if you were just with him.”
“Yes.” she says unwavering.
“Becca!”
“But let me explain-” she says quickly.
I turn from her. I pace our living room.
I can’t believe this.
I can’t fucking believe this.
“Look Harry is a complicated subject as you know-”
“Fuck that.” I cut her off. “I don’t want your explanations or words too soothe this shit over. You’re wrong Becca. Sneaking around, going to see your ex…do you have any idea how this shit looks?”
“Of course I do, that’s why I’m telling you now.”
“Yeah a day later. You already seen him yesterday too Becca! And what the hell was that even then the other night? Did you and him stage that? Was that all fake so you could do this shit?”
“Of course not.” she says standing to me and placing her hands on my chest.
“Me and Harry have issues. Real life issues. I couldn’t fake that if I wanted. We had a lot of shit to work out. That’s why I needed to see him.”
I’m barely listening to her. My thoughts are going a mile a minute.
“Does his girl know? That you met?”
“How should I know?” she says in sudden disgust. I don’t know what thought turns her stomach, but she obviously doesn’t like that she is brought up.
“Well it seems like you should.” I argue.
“I don’t talk to her.” she defends.
“No, but you sneak and talk to her fiance though.”
She sighs and then rolls her eyes. She takes a step away from me.
“Gosh you act just like him…Always jumping and never listening to me.”
I scoff.
“Now you’re even comparing us?” I ask in disbelief. “What else do you compare Becca? Huh? The way I kiss you? The way I talk to you? The way I touch you?”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“Because you’re wrong Becca.”
I move away from her in the living room and take a seat on the couch.
Placing my hands on my head, I try to gather my thoughts.
I can’t understand what this conversation is suppose to be.
She’s been with him. All day, and even yesterday.
She’s coming home to tell me she’s been with him.
And it’s more than sex. That’s what she said, what it is now, is more than sex…
What does that even mean?
I sigh and try to be patient.
This is the woman I love. The woman I’ve been building a life with.
She wouldn’t just throw it all away for him, would she?
We’ve been building for months. Each week, a brick and new layer…
She wouldn’t come home just to let it crumble, would she?
“Sit down.” I say a moment later. “Finish what you have to tell me.”
Maybe I’m making it worst than it is.
Maybe it’s something so simple, but as I lift my head, her eyes tell me different.
She looks back at me on the couch and I can‘t read her. One thing is clear though, something definitely happened between them.
As she walks back over to me, and takes a seat beside me, her tone is now smug.
“Are you going to actually listen to me, or scream at me?”
I give her a pointed look.
Where is this attitude coming from?
Doesn’t she realize that she’s the one who did something in the wrong?
“I don’t know.” I say honestly. My tone still has bite. “It depends on whatever it is you have to tell me. And again, start from now and backtrack. I want to know what you were just doing with him.”
She sighs and runs another hand through her hair.
Her hazel eyes lock directly on mine.
She bites her lip and places a gentle hand on my leg.
“Just try to remember, I never meant to hurt you.”
Well if that isn’t a shitty preface. Now I’m even more worried.
“Just tell me.” I say.
She looks down, her lips un-part, and this time she speaks.
She begins.

Notes

For those wondering when NOW Becca and Harry return-- you've got a few more chapters to go, but we have to resolve one issue first....