All Again

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
BECCA

Then.
One Month Later, Mid April 2015

Parmesan Chicken Pasta
breaded chicken breast over al dente penne tossed in parmesan cream...

Ugh.
My eyes moved on and continued down the list. It had only been twenty minutes and I was already over this.
Chicken Broccoli Pasta.
No.
Baked Ravoli.
No.
My best friend Kelsey's loud laugh pierced the air and I looked up.
I briefly turned to her and watched as she and Bobby shared a joke and he kissed her cheek. They had been dating officially since January and were disgustingly cute. Kelsey was really happy and I was sure it was only a matter of time before their blond hair, blue eyed children would be making an appearance.
As Kelsey locked her eyes with me I tried to appear entertained. This whole thing had been her idea and I was trying to be a good sport, but I was ready to leave.
This was why I didn't do double dates.
I gave a small smile and looked back down at the Ruby Tuesday menu.
"So what about you? See anything you like?"
I shifted as my 'date' moved closer to me. In honestly,I had been trying to forget he was there. I could smell his cheap cologne and I could feel parts of his body touching me. I didn’t like it.
I looked around again, reminding myself of my promise to Kelsey, just one date and put on my best ‘date‘ smile.
My suitors’ eyes were still on me.
“Still browsing the menu.” I said.
“Do you want me to order for you?” he asked leaning closer to me. “I come here all the time.”
I instantly backed away as a strong odor hit me.
I was absolutely repulsed.
He smelled like garlic and we hadn't even ordered yet.
But he was cute.
That had gotten me this far.
Miguel- with the big brown eyes, and rich Puerto Rican features.
He was the stuff of dreams around campus and the ladies loved him. He was never single for longer than a couple weeks and apparently had been interested in me for a while.
I maintained a polite distance and looked back at the menu.
"No." I said shortly. I purposely tried to seem like I was studying the menu, but it did no good. He didn’t move away from me.
"Well...tell me more about your publishing goals. You said you want to work for a publishing house when you graduate?"
Garlic, garlic, garlic…
I tried to catch my breath to give an answer, but Kelsey piped up, beating me.
She had been playing matchmaker and trying to ease the awkwardness all night.
It had begun with a movie and now we were finishing with a late dinner.
In my mind the whole thing should have been opposite, but whatever...
"She actually just completed an internship last month." Kelsey said proudly. "While we were all slacking away on our spring break, Becca was hard at work in New York."
She winked at me, and normally I would have been proud in that moment, but last month was something I was trying to erase from my mind.
The trip, the kisses, the sex…it was something I had been struggling to push to the back of my mind.
Harry hadn't called.
Like at all.
I had texted him a few times, and received nothing.
I didn't know what I had did for him to cut me off so coldly; but it hurt.
I knew we were far from being an official couple, but with the way we had left things, I thought we would move towards something.
Instead it was like he slept with me and then tossed me to the side.
It quickly became clear what the whole trip had been about and like a fool, I had made it very easy.
In the past month I hadn’t checked Twitter, Instagram or any of the Tumblr blogs.
I didn’t want to know what he was doing or who he was hanging out with. By now, it was probably another girl and I didn’t want to confirm what I already knew; he was fine and he was well and most importantly, I had already been forgotten.
I cleared my throat quickly to move on from the subject of internships and spring breaks.
"Yeah but…I really don't want to talk about it." I said picking my menu back up.
Kelsey groaned. "Oh come on...you never want to talk about it," she said and then turned to Miguel. "She's super shy."
"I'm not shy. I just don't want to talk about it." I snapped seriously. I dropped the menu and pierced my eyes for added affect.
Since last month, everyone had been asking me questions and every time that 'internship' was brought up, I had to think about Harry and our short time together.
I was sick of the stupid reminders.
“Okay Jeez.” Kelsey finally said and took a sip of her soda. She laughed it off, and the conversation quickly shifted away from me. He, Kelsey and Bobby started talking about something, while I finalized my order.
Miguel leaned away from me and finally I could breathe.
I quickly picked a cheeseburger and stood to go to the self serve salad bar.
"Do you need help?" Miguel offered suddenly. One foot was already practically out of the booth.
Besides his looks, I didn’t like him. He was way too 'something' and just trying too damn hard.
I was well aware of his playboy status and wasn’t buying the gentleman act.
"No thank you." I said and headed over to the bar.
I surveyed my options.
Nothing looked appetizing and as far as I was concerned, another strike against this little date.
Half of the stuff was frozen or looked wilted like it had been sitting too long.
Great.
I grabbed a plate and put some carrots and cauliflower on it, taking a chance.
I didn’t think I was going to eat it, but I needed a distraction from my dinner companions and having something to pick at would be great.
As I headed back to the table I heard my phone begin to ring in my pocket.
Digging in my jacket, I pulled it out and saw an unknown number was calling me.
I began to ignore it, when I looked up and saw that Miguel was looking at me expectantly. His arms was hanging casually on the booth, inviting me back.
Good Grief.
I quickly answered the call and turned away from them.
"Hello?" I said, expecting it to be a telemarketer or bill collector.
The caller cleared his throat and said nothing.
"Hello?" I repeated impatiently.
"Becca?"
I immediately froze. I knew that voice. Granted I hadn’t heard it in a month, but I knew it.
"Becca it's-"
I hung up before the sentence was finished and headed back over to the booth.
I couldn’t do this right now.
Finally after a month, Harry had decided to call me.
As my butt hit the seat cushion, Kelsey looked at me curiously.
After all of the years, she read me well and knew when I was flustered.
"You okay?" she asked quickly.
I didn't answer her and stuck a carrot in my mouth quickly. My nerves were suddenly on edge.
Seconds later, my phone began to ring again.
By now, it was tucked in my jacket, but the obscene ringtone drew attention to it.
Everyone’s eyes zeroed down to my jacket, waiting for me to answer it. For a few seconds I pretended to not hear it.
I wanted to answer and I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t at this moment.
I had questions, and I wanted answers, but I was on a date and my best friend was literally inches in front of me.
I was still determined to keep Harry my dirty little secret.
The ring in my jacket continued and was loud and taunting.
Kelsey finally had enough after the fifth ring. “Will you answer it, or at least silence it?”
“Yeah Becca. Your ringtone is annoying as hell. Sounds like some shit from junior high.” Bobby said.
Miguel laughed and Kelsey hit Bobby in the chest, in my defense.
“Hey, leave her alone!”Miguel pipped up, defending my honor.
Ignoring them all, I plucked the phone out of my pocket.
"Hello?!" I said quickly. My voice was rushed and I hoped no one could hear the voice through the phone. I already knew it was going to be Harry’s.
And as always, he didn’t disappoint.
"Becca, don't hang up." came out in a rush quickly. "It's Harry."
I sighed.
"I know." I said.
Kelsey and Bobby had turned away from me, but Miguel’s eyes were still on me. Maybe he sensed the competition- or past competition. Me and Harry were obviously done.
"Oh." he responded simply. His accent was the way I remembered it, and I pictured his face.
I was ashamed to say I missed it.
"I’m sure you didn't recognize the number.” he said suddenly. “Thanks for picking up.”
I remained silent on my end and still tried to comprehend that he was finally calling me.
He had the worst timing.
"Anyways,” he said “How are you?"
I twirled a carrot in some dip and my mind tried to formulate that he had just asked me that question- after a month.
"How do you think I am?" I asked. My tone was curt and harsh.
He didn’t answer right away and I heard him shuffle on the other end.
Wherever he was, he was leaving the room. I figured I should do the same and stood, moving away from the table.
"Who is it?" Kelsey asked but I ignored her. I moved away from the table, and went to a quieter place in the restaurant. It was late, so luckily there weren’t a lot of patrons.
Harry came back to the phone seconds later.
"Look Bec I’m sorry. Can I explain?" he asked. His tone was soft and I was already putty. I had forgotten how nice it was to hear him say my name that way.
"I'm listening." I said, relenting.
Unlike before, he took a second to reply. He sighed and I could picture him running a hand through his growing hair.
"Look Becca, my life is very complicated. I have a lot going on." He said and the putty melted.
That’s it?
That was his apology?
"So after a month, you’re saying you were just to busy to call me?” I asked in disbelief.
"No.“ he said quickly. “I just---Zayn left." he said simply as if that was better.
The news was everywhere so I already knew, but that had nothing to do with me and him.
Or did it?
"And?" I asked, prompting him to continue.
"And it's complicated. It's too long to go over now."
His voice was dismissive and I could tell he didn’t want to discuss it wherever he was.
"So why are you calling me?"
He bypassed my question.
"Are you in New York still?"
"For a few more weeks." I responded. “Why?”
"I'm in L.A. I'm going to be here most of May because we're recording and well…I was calling because I want to see you and maybe meet-"
"For what Harry?" I asked cutting him off. "It was quite clear what everything was to you, so why draw this out?"
“What’s that suppose to mean?” he asked slowly.
“It means after everything that happened, I wasn’t expecting us to be a couple or anything, but you completely just cut me off. I can understand a one night stand but-”
“That wasn’t what happened.” he said quickly. “And when I see you I’ll explain it.”
Before I could respond, I felt a presence behind me.
I rolled my eyes, prepared to see Miguel, but was surprised when Kelsey looked back at me.
“You alright?” she asked concerned.
“I’m fine.” I said quickly.
"Becca who is that?" she continued on, gesturing to the phone.
"It's nobody."
Harry suddenly cut in. "Look you're busy Becca, so I’ll let you go… but I want to see you again. Can you call me at this number when you get back in town?"
"Will you call me back this time?" I asked sarcastically.
He sighed loudly. Kelsey didn’t take her eyes off of me.
I didn’t know why she was suddenly so interested in my conversation.
"Becca please..." Harry said finally. “Just…give me a chance.”
I looked back at Kelsey and I gave in. Though he had hurt me, I wanted to see him AND I wanted a more thorough explanation.
“Fine. I get back in town in two weeks. I’ll call you then.”
“Great.” he said, his tone chipper, “Just call me and we can figure something out.”
I didn’t respond and ended the call.
Kelsey immediately began.
“Who was that? You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone!”
Her tone was accusatory and I could tell she didn’t like feeling left out.
“I’m not.” I said and gestured to the table where the boys were sat. “Obviously.”
“Well then who was that?” she asked inquisitive.
“Jeez. Nosy much? Just a friend.” I said and walked back over to the table.
“I know all of your friends.” she pointed out.
“Well not this one.” I said. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not important.” And then getting to the real important task at hand, I pulled her to the side.
“Look Kelsey, can we just go? I don‘t have time for all of this.”
Kelsey giggled. “Why do you do that? Give the guy a chance.” she scolded softly. “Jeez Becca, lighten up. If you don’t get laid soon your vagina is going to close up for good, you know that?”
I didn’t respond.
“Do you even remember the last time you had a man inside of you?” she asked me.
Yes. Twenty six days ago.
“I don’t need sex like you.” I said instead. “I’m perfectly happy with the way my life is going.”
She rolled her eyes playfully and wrapped her arm around me.
“Come on, just at least get laid tonight. For me…Bobby says Miguel really likes you. Give the guy a chance, he's been interested in you since we were freshman.”
I looked straight ahead at the guys. Bobby was in his cell phone and Miguel was playing with his hair and studying his reflection through the window.
It seemed Miguel really liked himself.
“Fine.” I said with a sigh. “But I’m not sleeping with him!” I quickly said as a disclaimer.
“Fine.” she said leading me back over to the table. “Just have some fun and pretend to like him... At least until I can get laid tonight. I only have two more weeks with Bobby until we figure out break and I‘m not trying to waste them.”
I smiled.
I nodded okay, but my mind was far from her, Miguel and even that silly restaurant.
My mind was now on the phone call I had just gotten.
“Everything alright?” Miguel asked as I sat back down.
“Yeah its fine.” I said.
“Cool. I was worried for a moment.” he said and put his arm around my shoulder.
Garlic, garlic, garlic…
My eyes quickly went to Kelsey. The deal was about to be off.
She kicked my leg under the table. You promised.
I sighed and put on my best smile and turned to Miguel.
“So,” I said clapping my hands together. “What did you order?”
***********************
Harry didn’t give me two weeks.
I heard from him the next day.
As I walked on campus, headed to my first class of the day, my phone went off signaling a text message.
By then I had already saved the random number Harry had called me from, and it appeared on the screen.
*Good Morning Becca. I’m sorry for last night and for being so short. After everything, you do deserve more of an explanation and I hope you’ll be willing to give me another chance to explain. A lot has been going on and I needed to take a step back for a bit. I do hope you call me when you get back in town because I would love to see you again. I hope you’re well otherwise. All the love. Harry.*
I didn’t know what to respond so I didn’t text back. I headed to my class, and listened as the teacher gave out study tips for upcoming finals, and let that be my focus.
The semester would be ending soon and I would be off and in Los Angeles until August. I was hoping to make the best of everything and I didn’t know where things would stand with Harry--but I wasn’t going to allow myself to get sucked in again.
If he wanted us to continue to be friends, he would have to earn it this time.
So two weeks later, when I arrived back in Los Angeles, I dialed his number with trepidation.
“You actually called?” he said in surprise after I told him it was me.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I didn’t no. You didn’t respond to my text so…” his voice trailed off. “How are you?”
“I’m okay I guess.”
I was calling from my bedroom. I was home alone and had been back in town for a day.
“What are you doing today?” he asked.
I looked around my room as if it provided an answer. Packed suitcases and dirty laundry stared back at me.
“I don’t know.” I said honestly. “I just got back yesterday.”
“You don’t work today?” he asked curiously.
“No my parents are giving me a break this week.” I said honestly.
“Well then can I see you? Can I come pick you up?”
“When?” I asked.
“In like two hours?” he guessed.
I was surprised he was so anxious.
“Where are you?” he asked seconds later.
“I’m at home. Sherman Oaks area.”
“Cool.” he said. “I’m near Malibu….Can I come get you?”
My brain screamed that I was giving in too easily, but my heart missed him. It was almost two months since we had seen each other and I was anxious to just get it over with.
“Sure.” I said simply. “I’ll text you my address.”
“Alright. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.”
We said our goodbyes and I texted him my address and he confirmed.
Then I slowly started to freak out…
What the hell was I going to wear?
I ran to my closet and searched for something casual.
The weather was nice and I was feeling in a girlish mood.
I decided on a simple blue sundress and some cream flats.
I ran to the shower, freshening up and shaving but didn’t wash my hair.
My hair was wavy from being tied up the last two days, and the natural flow of the waves was surprisingly pretty.
I sprayed on my usual face spray and added a hint of shimmer to my skin and then accessed my work.
I didn’t look too bad, but I wasn’t drop dead gorgeous either.
It was the perfect mix of ‘boy don’t you wished you had called me back’ meets ‘but either way, I’m not trying to impress you’.
I decided to apply a coat of red nail polish to my fingers and toenails for an added pop of color.
It was drying when Harry texted me.
*Headed your way shortly. Is it still alright for me to come?*
*Of course. See you soon* I wrote back quickly.
My phone buzzed again.
*I feel awkward asking this, but is any of your family home?*
*No. Why?*
*I was just curious if you had ever told them about us.*
The way he said us, and not me, was not missed. My belly danced happily.
It all still seemed like a dream, and it was a bit hard to process that he had been in my life, and even more-so, that I had been in his bed. It made me happy that he referred to us in that way; even if it hadn’t been anything too serious.
*I haven’t told anyone about Thailand* I said honestly.
He texted back quickly.
*I don’t know if I should be offended or relieved that you haven’t talked about me.*
That garnered a small smile as I pictured his possible cheeky grin.
*I’m not sure either* I said. *I’ll see you soon though*
*You will* he said and then my phone was quiet.
He said he was near Malibu which meant he was about a half hour from me. Depending on if he chose the highway or streets, I could be seeing him fairly soon.
I double checked my appearance once more.
I had a nervous energy and I didn’t know what to do with my time.
I sat on my bed, swinging my legs. My mind was running a thousand laps and I was already regretful of my decision to allow him in again.
I could easily remember how much I had liked him before and I didn’t want to feel that way again.
In a way, him cutting me off, had been a wake up call that it could all end tomorrow and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it again.
The uneasiness and doubt continued to cloud my mind until I heard my phone ring.
It was Harry.
“Hello?” I answered timidly.
“Hey. I think I’m outside?”
I stood and glanced out of my bedroom window. Sure enough, there was a car parked along my street.
“Do you drive a Range Rover?”
“I do.” he said.
I grinned. “I’ll be down in a sec.”
“Alright.” he said and disconnected the call.
I checked and then rechecked my appearance one last time.
I dug in my purse as I headed downstairs and popped a piece of gum in my mouth as I headed out of the door.
The pathway to Harry’s car felt like miles and the whole time I had to pray not to trip.
When I finally made it to the door, and opened it, my nerves were in overdrive.
Harry was already looking at me, and smiling impossibly wide and I had forgotten just how good looking he was up close.
“Hi.” I said.
“Hi Bec.” he said back warmly and I softened.
His smile with the pretty dimples remained as I climbed in the car. His car smelled like spearmint and him.
As I shut the door behind me, one hand remained on the steering wheel and the other on his gearshift- but his eyes, remained on me.
“How are you?”
“I’m good.” I responded. I placed my purse by my feet and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Did you find it alright?”
“I did.” he said and looked past me at the house.
“I like it.” he said. “Did you grow up here or move here recently?”
“No it’s my childhood home.” I said.
“Cool. Very fitting for you.”
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I still smiled, loving the way his accent pronounced certain words.
His hand rolled around the gearshift and I watched as he faced forward.
“Are you too cold? I can turn the air con down.” he offered.
I turned and faced his dashboard. I hadn’t even noticed it was on. Now that my senses were clearing, I could hear the radio playing in the background as well.
“It’s fine.” I said keeping my polite smile.
“Good.” he said shifting his gear. The car was still running, so within seconds he pulled off.
“Where are we going?” I asked settling back in his seat.
It was impeccably clean and the space between us was wide.
He shrugged and gave me a boyish grin.
“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Just kind of wanted to see you.”
I bit my lip to hide my new smile.
“Yeah? You missed me huh?” I teased.
“I did actually, yeah.” he said. “I told you, you’re pretty unforgettable.”
His voice was playful and I was reminded in that moment how much I had missed being with him.
Though it wasn’t that hard to forget.
I chuckled.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
I shook my head no. “I ate shortly before I called you. Are you?”
“I could eat, but I’m not starving.”
“You don’t have to work today?” I asked.
“I have to head to the studio tonight, but otherwise no.” he said.
“Oh.” I said simply.
His hand shifted away from the gearshift and he placed it in his lap.
“So I’m all yours.” he finished.
I didn’t respond as he pulled on the highway. The radio was playing a familiar Top 40 hit, and I was watching the cars that surrounded us. Harry’s windows were slightly tinted, but self-consciously, I felt like people could still see us. I leaned down and picked up my purse.
Harry briefly watched me.
I opened my case and pulled out my sunglasses placing them over my eyes.
Harry grinned in amusement.
“Worried about something?” he joked as I placed the bag back down by my feet.
“Well we’re out in the open.” I reminded him.
He just smiled. “I can guarantee you drive by celebrities everyday and have no idea. No one really cares about me Becca.”
I didn’t believe that. I had seen the videos of people following him around.
“You don’t have to worry.” he said softly.
I turned to him.
“Are you use to it by now? People bothering you?”
He inhaled slowly as if he was thinking.
“I wouldn’t call it bothering me…I mean…I get it. Some people only get one chance to meet me ya know?”
“Yeah but, I mean, don’t you want your privacy sometimes?”
He smiled again and turned to me.
“I have it if I want it. I know how to disappear. For instance, it’s been a couple days since I’ve been pictured and I’ve been out and about everyday.”
“Hmm.” I said.
“But I am conscious since you’re with me now.” he added. “That’s why we’re probably going to my house.”
“Your house?” I asked quickly.
“Yeah why?” he asked reading my tone.
“No reason.” I said quickly. I had just never imagined I would see where he lived. Plus I didn’t know if I was ready to be that alone with him again, where there were beds and things...
Harry glanced between me and the traffic.
“I mean, is that okay?”
“No it’s fine.” I said. “I just didn’t think I would ever see your house.” I said honestly.
“Oh.” Harry said visibly relaxing. “I mean…its just a house…no big deal right?”
I smiled. “Maybe for you, but I’m sure you don’t live in a small shack.”
He grinned back. “True, but I only have the home I have to invest. I don’t typically stay there.”
“Where do you stay?”
“With friends.” he said casually.
I smiled again and turned from him.
He caught my smile.
“What?” he asked still shifting his eyes between me and the road.
“Nothing.” I said.
“No, what is it?” he asked gently.
“You’re just different.” I said.
“Different?” he asked, rolling the word on his tongue. I could tell he wasn’t sure how to take it.
“Yeah, you just don’t seem like a normal celebrity.”
He shrugged, not getting my amusement
He quickly defended my statement.
“That’s because I don’t see myself as a celebrity. I told you, I’m just a person who has a public job.”
I reached over and touched his hand.
“I know.” I said. I didn’t need him to explain it all again. I just needed to learn to wrap my head around it. “That’s what I like.” I emphasized.
Harry’s smile returned after that and he turned back to the road.
Eventually the radio took his interest and some new song caught his attention.
I watched him in fascination as he hummed along, and every now and then let the words ‘shut up and dance with me’ spill from his lips.
He was comfortable with me and playful, so he started nodding along and lifting my hands so I would sing with him.
I giggled.
“Harry, I don’t even know this song.”
“So what?” he said.
I smiled and danced with him, snapping my fingers and rocking my hips into the seat, until it carried into the next song. It was Ellie Goulding’s ‘Love Me Like You Do’.
“Now this song, I love.” I said honestly. I began to show off my vocal skills, and the tables turned as he began to laugh.
I was overtly dramatic and made sure to sing directly to him. He got a kick out of me playfully acting out the words and blowing him kisses.
By the time the song reached the bridge, we were both singing at the top of our lunges.
If someone were to peek in the car, they would have got a pretty interesting show.
As the song ended, Harry turned the radio down and turned to me. He was still amused.
“Did you see the movie? Fifty Shades?”
“Of course.” I said looking back at him. “Did you?”
“I did actually.”
“Who did you watch it with?” I asked curiously.
“A few friends.”
“Guys or girls?”
“Both.” he said.
“I saw it with Kelsey. That movie is very…interesting.” I said.
“I thought it was quite tame.” he joked.
Harry pulled off the highway and I took in the scenery around us. We were now in Beverly Hills, and though I had grown up in California, it was an area I didn’t visit to often.
I took in the new details and the conversation between us, died.
“You okay over there?” Harry asked after a few minutes.
I turned to him and smiled. “Sorry. Just taking everything in.”
“Alright.” he said and grinned. “Just checking.”
He pulled into the residential neighborhoods and I knew we were near Harry’s property.
“Is this a private neighborhood?”
Harry nodded yes.
I watched in interest, as he winded up the road, going up further into the hills.
Then we reached a large gate, pulled off the side of the road.
“Home Sweet Home.” Harry mumbled.
He hit a remote above his head and the big gate opened.
“How long have you been living here?” I asked.
“Since last year.”
Harry pulled in and we traveled down a narrow dirt road.
Meanwhile, I tried to mentally guess who could be his neighbors. He was obviously in celebrity land.
The road to his house was short and then we were there.
I looked out of the window and took in Harry’s house.
I heard him turn off the car while I continued to stare.
It was big as I expected, but it was different then I imagined.
My eyes scanned and memorized everything.
“Hey Becca?”
I turned to Harry and found he was looking at me. His car keys and phone was in his hand and the other hand was on his door. He was waiting on me.
“Oh.” I said and grabbed my purse. He just smiled at me as we both exited his car.
My dress blew a little due to the wind as I met up with him.
Harry twirled his keys and peered down at me, scanning my dress.
“You look pretty today.” he said.
I couldn’t stop the smile that highlighted my face if I had tried.
“Thank you.” I said and he turned away from me.
I followed him as we approached his front door.
He stuck his phone in his back pocket and unlocked the main door. Then, he pushed the door open.
“All yours.” he said warmly gesturing with his hand.
I gave a small smile and stepped in the house.
“Wow.” I said as I entered the entryway taking everything in.
Harry smiled and ran a hand through his hair. He faced me.
“You want a tour?”
“Sure.” I said.
He lifted the purse off of my shoulder and sat it on his buffet table.
Then, he gently grabbed my hand.
“Okay, follow me.”

Notes

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