All Again

CHAPTER NINETEEN
BECCA

Then.

He had been ignoring me.
As I sat surrounded by his friends and sister, he stayed tuned into his phone.
I watched as Harry smiled and typed quick responses; his eyes lit up.
It was obvious whoever he was texting was a girl and whoever she was, had his full attention.
I hated it.
Based off what I had learned, it was probably some famous model or some singer.
Harry definitely had a type and surrounded himself with beautiful women and I was silly to think that I had his attention even for the day.
Gosh, he was such an enigma. Some times he could be completely in, making you feel like you were the only person in his world- the next, he was cold and distant, acting as if he didn’t care one way or another who or where you were.
Something went wrong.
I just couldn’t figure out what it had been.
He had said it was nothing when I touched his cheek but he had been odd ever since.
What the hell had I done?
It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t figure it out.
I wanted the Harry from earlier back; the one I spent hours talking to over the last two months.
This Harry was someone else and I didn‘t think I liked him too much.
The smug rockstar with millions of fans, and oodles of money seemed to be emerging.
I turned to Niall and listened to him talk about Melissa, the girl he was seeing, and smiled. I had to pretend to be interested at this point because I was so worried about Harry.
He didn’t even seem to care that I was there.
He wasn’t interacting with me at all and had pretty much left me alone with Niall- though I wasn’t complaining about that.
I liked him. He was really nice and made me feel totally comfortable in his presence.
I could tell he didn’t take being famous too seriously, and he was so easy to talk too.
He reminded me a lot of the boys I went to college with.
“Well she seems nice.” I remarked, continuing conversation. “How did you meet?”
In Niall’s deep Irish accent, he quickly told the story.
My eyes alternated between Niall and Harry.
Harry was smiling again and playing with his lip.
His hands continued to move fiercely into his phone. His green eyes intense in the screen.
Who the fuck was she?
And, what the fuck was she saying to him?
In disgust and irritation, I tore my eyes away from Harry. I couldn’t watch him be into someone else.
Was he seeing this chick?
Did he have feelings for her?
How often did he talk to her?
Why the hell was I even here?
I forced a smile as Niall finished up his story.
“Well that is great.” I said softly.
“It’s working for now. But…besides stalker…are you seeing anyone else?”
I nodded no. “I don’t have time for all that. I don’t even casually date.”
“Yeah I know what you mean.”
His eyes moved to Harry.
“It’s kind of funny…when Harry first told me he was bringing a girl here, I thought he had been hiding some secret girlfriend all this time. It‘s not his thing, and bringing a girl on tour…I just figured something serious must be going on.”
“Are you talking about me and Harry?” I asked curiously.
Niall nodded yes. “He doesn’t really bring girls here. Even friends.”
“Oh this is not…he’s just helping me.” I explained softly. “I had told Harry how much I wanted to travel, so...”
Niall just looked back at me with a smile. His expression pleasant but not moved.
I could tell he sensed something under the surface.
I didn’t know why. I didn’t even have Harry’s attention.
Thinking of him, I turned back his way as Niall broke his eyes away from me and looked around the room.
He was still texting.
Still talking to this chick.
Still pissing me off.
I sighed in frustration and felt myself give an eye roll.
Running a hand through my hair, I caught Harry’s sisters’ eye suddenly and noticed she had been watching me.
I smiled and turned quickly. I was sure she wouldn’t appreciate daggers being thrown at her brother.
I could see her stand out of the corner of my eye and go and sit by him.
Great, now I couldn’t even look in that area.
I focused my attention on Lux, Lou’s daughter instead.
She was in the corner dancing to some video playing on the TV. I had no idea who the artist was. I chuckled as she continued dancing and Lottie got up to join her.
“Go Lux! Go Lux!” they chanted.
My eyes found their way back to Harry’s general direction and I felt eyes on me.
I followed the gaze and turned to Harry and saw that he and Gemma were staring at me. It appeared that I had caught them talking about me.
Awkward.
Gemma quickly turned but Harry kept his green eyes on me.
He didn’t smile or even look happy. His eyes seemed detached and indifferent.
The cold pierce of his eyes made me uncomfortable.
Why was he so angry at me?
Was touching his cheek really that bad?
Niall stood beside me, and Harry’s eyes finally shifted off of me. He looked at Niall, and followed him with his eyes as he moved across the room, joining the dance party.
Then I was alone on the couch. The room was still full, with management and assistants now joining us. It was a little mini party in the hotel.
I didn’t know what to do. It felt awkward to go over and join the dance party, but I couldn’t sit there like an idiot either.
Harry was my only true link to these people and he was completely ignoring me.
I decided to excuse myself and get a breather. Maybe an idea would come to me when I was away from the craziness.
I took my phone out and left the room, pretending to make a call.
I stood out in the hall, leaning against the wall and went to Instagram.
I began to scroll through my feed when I felt a presence beside me.
I turned and Harry was there towering over me.
I swallowed nervously.
“Hey.” I said softly.
“Hey.” he said. His voice held no emotion.
“Are you ready to go back upstairs?” he asked evenly.
“No it’s okay.” I said quickly. “I’m having a good time.”
“I could tell.” he grumbled. He turned from me and looked at the elevator.
He sighed.
“Well I’m going back upstairs. I’m ready to just kick back.”
His tanned hands went through his hair, pushing the loose strands away from his face.
“Then I’ll go.” I said. I had only said I wanted to stay to be polite.
“Kay.” Harry said simply. He pushed off the wall.
He disappeared quickly and headed back into the main room where everyone was.
“Night!” I heard him call out suddenly.
I dipped my head in and waved as well.
“You’re leaving?” Lou asked. “I thought you were going to head out with us in a bit?” she said to Harry.
Harry ran a hand through his hair again.
I was learning he did that a lot.
“Nah. We’ll do something tomorrow.” he said and then turned to me. He gave a final wave and then passed me, beginning to head down the hall. I figured I was suppose to follow.
We were both quiet as we reached the elevator and it came to our floor. When it did, we entered and Harry stuck his keycard in the elevator slot, for our floor.
There was still an uncomfortable silence between us.
I picked up my phone and headed to my text messages.
Well…if he was going to ignore me…
I began to send a text message to one of my male friends.
After a few seconds, Harry’s deep voice broke my concentration.
“Is that the boyfriend?” he asked.
I looked up at Harry and saw he was looking down at me and my hands. It looked like he was reading my screen.
“Huh?”
“Are you texting him?” he asked. “The guy you and Niall were talking about?”
I smiled and withheld a laugh.
“You weren’t really listening to that conversation were you? I’m not interested in that guy.”
“Well why were you talking about him?” he asked.
“Niall was. We were talking about some of your fans and how they can get a bit obsessive-not all!-” I said quickly so he wasn’t offended. “But yeah…it just kind of led there.”
Harry gave me an unreadable look and then faced the front of the elevator. “Hmm.” was all he said.
The elevator dinged.
We both stepped out at the same time and then headed down the hall to our rooms.
As I reached my door, I pulled out my keycard.
“You’re not coming in my room?” he asked suddenly.
I turned to him. He had his key card out as well.
“Your room?” I repeated.
He nodded. “Want to watch some movies?”
There was the hot and cold again…
I looked at him in confusion and then I just had to say it. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Aren’t you mad at me?”
His face quickly turned up.
“Why do you keep asking me that? I told you I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem like it Harry.” I said seriously.
Surprisingly he smiled. He turned from me and placed his keycard in his hotel slot and unlocked the door.
He pushed it open and then turned back to me.
“You’re still getting to know me Becca. I’m completely fine. I’m just a little tired.”
I didn’t respond.
He gestured to his room.
“So you coming?” he asked.
Now he seemed okay again. Back to the old Harry…
I was unsure about his change in attitude and where it had suddenly came from.
Still, I was suppose to be spending the trip with him so I relented.
I put my keycard back in my pocket and went into his room.
We quickly settled into the evening. He stopped texting whoever he had been talking too and spent the night with me watching Netflix movies and being his playful self. We still got the occasional interruption but that was to be expected and didn’t put any major dents on anything.
By 1am, I headed back to my side of the hotel and me and Harry were on good terms.
“See you in the morning.” he said warmly. “And be ready for some sightseeing.”
I was.
The next day, we were up early, dressed and before I knew it, we were on our way to see the Grand Palace in Bangkok and Wat Arun, a famous temple.
Today, Harry had business to catch up with, so he warned me he might be on his phone a bit.
I didn’t even care, just happy to be enjoying my trip again.
As we drove I studied the city while Harry looked in his phone.
“What’s your Twitter?” he eventually asked.
“BeccaPenelope94.” I said turning to him.
“Penelope?” he questioned.
“My middle name.”
“Mmm.” he said turning away from me.
He didn’t reply and kept scrolling through his phone. I wondered what he was doing.
“You’re not following me.” he said after a few moments.
He looked at me and his tone had a hint of humor to it.
“No I’m not.” I said matching his tone.
He placed his tongue in his cheek making it stick out.
He tapped in his phone.
“Well,” he said looking back up. “Now I’m following you.”
He stuck his tongue out at me.
I smiled.
“You rebel!” I teased.
He grinned and looked back down at his phone. “Hopefully your friends and family don’t notice right away.”
He had a point. Though I doubted they would.
I wasn’t high on the importance list most days.
He started swiping his phone, as if he was browsing something. The tapping had stopped.
I wondered if he was still on my page and looking at my tweets.
I couldn’t even remember what I tweeted most of the time.
I picked up my phone and went to my Twitter, bypassing the ‘Harrystyles is now following you’.
Mostly it was song lyrics and nothing too crazy. My texts were far from the Morse code that Harry’s tweets were. This was the man who tweeted ‘Burger’ and got thousands of retweets.
My phone buzzed.
I had a new notification.
I had a new follower on Twitter.
And then another.
I had no clue who they were but whatever.
Harry looked up from his phone.
He looked out of the window. “How far?”
Harry’s friend Cal was traveling with us and was in the front seat.
“Twenty minutes?” the driver guessed.
“Kay.” He responded and then he was back on his phone. The only noise came from the radio and the clicking from his phone.
This went on for about two minutes before Harry turned to me again.
“I’m sorry.” he said. “I’m just updating stuff and checking my feeds.”
My phone buzzed again.
“I don’t care.” I said.
I shook my phone. “I’m doing the same thing.”
He gave me a soft smile. Then we were back on our phones.
I had another new follower.
And then another.
Over the course of the next ten minutes, my Twitter followers jumped by fifty.
“Wow.” I said.
“What?” Harry asked turning to me.
“You must be magic.” I said with a smile. “I just gained a whole bunch of new followers.”
I was excited.
Harry didn’t smile. He looked down at my phone as it once again buzzed. I was going to have to turn my notifications off.
He rolled his eyes and expelled a long breath.
“I’m sorry.” he said.
“For what?” I asked in confusion.
He went back into his phone and tapped before answering me.
Then, when he began to put his phone away he turned to me.
“I just unfollowed you.”
My heart sunk.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to,” he said softly. “You just don’t need those problems.”
“What problems?”
“That.” he said pointing to my phone. “Those are some of the more obsessive ones. It’s just a few girls that do that. They follow everyone I do and they track my location and shit. They’re not all like that.”
“Your fans?”
He nodded and looked at Cal. He looked back at him with understanding. They seemed to have a conversation with their eyes.
“I’m just thinking of the future,” Harry continued. “If we continue to hang out and you’re eventually pictured,” he paused thinking of the words. “Let’s just say…that won’t be a good day.”
“But why?” I asked looking between them. “No one knows who I am.”
“But they will.” Cal said. “You’ll be hunted.” he joked.
Harry nodded. “First people will spend all day trying to figure out who you are. That’s not so bad if you don‘t follow it all. But, if you’re seen with me again-they will figure out who you are eventually and being on my Twitter is one of the first places they’ll look. I won’t put you through that.” he said softly.
I giggled. “You two make them sound like the dad in Taken.”
“It’s a little like that.” Harry said seriously. “And when they find you, everything will change.” he said quietly.
His voice wasn’t playful anymore and he seemed…sad…regretful.
I decided to keep the mood light.
I smiled, playfully.
“Stalked by teenage girls…that’s not so bad.” I joked. “But how much do you go through this?”
“Too much.” he said honestly then he looked past me.
In seconds, his whole expression changed.
A wide smile spread on his face.
“Look.” he said pointing behind me suddenly.
I turned around and there was the Grand Palace.
It was breathtaking.
“Oh my Gosh.” I mumbled.
It was so tall and rich in color. I picked up my phone and turned on my camera.
I lifted it to take a picture.
“What are you doing?” Harry asked.
“I’m taking a picture.” I said.
He playfully scoffed. “You can’t take a picture of the Grand Palace with your phone. Where’s your camera?”
“I don’t have one.”
“You’re a twenty year old girl. Surely you have one of those little digital cameras to take selfies.”
I nodded no. “I don’t. I don’t take a lot of pictures of myself.”
He looked back at me and then his driver.
“Can you take us to an electronic store?”
“Why?” I asked quickly.
“I’m going to buy a camera.”
“No I have one.” I said holding up my phone.
He grabbed it and pretended to throw it. Realistically he just put it on the seat beside us.
“That is not a camera. That is an insult to the Grand Palace. It’s not even an Iphone.”
I smiled. “Where is your camera?”
He gestured to Cal. And Cal lifted his camera.
“See, I come prepared.”
“So did I.” I said as we left the Palace. I grabbed my phone and shook it in his face.
“Absolutely not.”
He said it in the exact same way he said it in the Best Song Ever video.
I smiled.
“You’re being mean to me again.” I joked.
He smiled back.
It took a half hour but we eventually found an electronic store. The whole ride we bickered though. I was adamant that I didn’t want him to buy me anything, and he was adamant that he would.
“I’m not getting out.” I said as we pulled up. I put on my best pout and crossed my arms.
He leaned close to me and put on the sexiest smile I had ever seen.
“I will drag you out.”
“I’m heavy.” I countered back.
“I’m not worried.” and then to showcase his inhuman strength, he grabbed my leg and gently pulled so that I shifted down on the seat toward him. I squealed, wiggling out of his grasp.
“Don’t you dare!”
He laughed and climbed out.
“Get out Becca Johnson!” he demanded playfully.
I turned to Cal, who was barely paying us any attention.
“I’ve got to call my wife, I’ll be in soon.”
I nodded and climbed out.
“If only your fans could see you now Mr. Styles.”
“If only they could see what I have to put up with.”
I met him on the sidewalk.
“Stop being so pushy and I’ll be an angel.”
“Stop being difficult and let me buy you a camera and you have a deal.” he said.
I stuck my pinky out. Pinky-swear.
He ignored it and placed his hand on my back instead.
“After you.” he said.
“I hope they don’t have any cameras.” I mumbled as we entered.
Harry laughed. “Already breaking the truce. Jeez!”
This time I stuck my tongue out.
As we walked further in, we saw Laptops, Phones and Tablets, but not many people to help.
Harry kept walking, determined on his own.
Eventually we found the cameras.
He smiled widely and modeled them.
“Look at the cameras!” he said. “Aren’t they just beautiful?”
I ignored his silly behavior and looked at the cameras. I was on the hunt for the cheapest one and then I found it. Fifty dollars in American currency.
“Okay that one.” I said pointing. “Let’s go!”
Harry shook his head no. “I’m disappointed.”
He headed further down the line to the more expensive cameras. He picked up one that was $400 dollars.
“This is nice.”
“No Harry.” I said seriously as he got acquainted with it.
He ignored me and turned it in his hand.
“I bet it has a nice clear picture display.”
“No Harry.” I said again, more seriously.
He smiled continuing on. “And I bet the zoom is-”
I grabbed the camera from him and placed it back on the shelf.
“No Mister.”
“You’re right.” he said with a mischievous smile. “We can do better.”
I sighed as he moved to an even more expensive camera. He looked around.
“I wonder where the ones they lock up are.”
“I don’t know, but we’re not going to find them.”
“Of course we are. Sir?” he said calling to an attendant who appeared a little far from us.
“Excuse me sir?” he said flagging him down.
I grabbed his arm.
“No, no, no Harry.” I said.
The attendant came over.
I waited to see some source of recognition for Harry, but the guy barely blinked.
“Hi.” Harry said. “ We’re looking for your best cameras.”
“Okay?” The man said blankly.
“You’re being obnoxious.” I whispered in his ear.
Harry smiled and took my hand.
“Can you help us? She’s a model and I’m looking for a really nice camera for some shoots we have to do today. What else do you have beside these?”
“I’ll have to check in that back, but they are going to be a little more expensive.” he warned.
Harry just smiled. “No problem. She’s very big in America so she needs the best.”
I hit Harry’s arm, completely embarrassed. There was no way this man would believe I was a model. I was far from that kind of beauty.
The man walked away, no doubt, going to look in that back.
“I don’t like you today.” I said as Harry turned to me.
“What? Didn’t yesterday you tell me you love me?” he teased.
“I take it back.” I said as Cal entered the store. He came over to us.
“Find something?”
“They’re looking in the back.” Harry said. “I want to get her one like yours.”
I looked at Cal’s camera. That had to be some serious money.
Cal read my mind. “For a few shots?” he asked.
“And for her stubbornness.” he gestured to me. “I’m going to buy her one of the most expensive cameras to spite her.”
I giggled. “I am standing right here ya know? I can hear every word.”
Harry just smiled back at me and the attendant came back.
He was holding a camera. Harry didn’t even look at it.
“How much is it?” he asked right away.
The guy looked at the price tag.
“33290.55 bahts.”
Harry quickly punched it in his phone, converting the money like the other cameras.
I peeked at his phone.
$935!
I touched his arms and shook my head no quickly.
Harry turned to me and smiled.
“I’ll take it.”

In the car I pouted.
“Oh come on.” Harry said turning the charm on high. “I got you a gift.”
I ignored him. He took the camera out of the box.
“Let’s test it.”
“No.” I said.
I wasn’t really that angry that he had bought me a camera, in fact, I was very flattered, it was just way too expensive.
“Oh come on Becca…” he said gently.
I continued to ignore him.
Harry shrugged.
“Fine I will.”
He took the camera out of its package, adjusted some settings and then turned it in his hands.
“This is really nice. Becca you should check out some of the features.”
“The features weren’t worth $935 I bet.” I mumbled.
He smiled back at me.
“Well you wouldn’t know until you check right?”
I turned from him and he leaned closer to me.
“Take a picture with me.”
“No.” I said gently, continuing my pout.
He accessed his inner woman, and turned back to the camera.
“Fine, I will.”
He stuck his lips out.
It was a pout that I had seen a million and one girls do on Instagram to look sexy. The duck face is what they called it. On Harry, it just looked adorable.
I instantly smiled, as he turned the camera towards himself, ready for his close up.
“You are not going to pose like that.” I said.
“Yes I am unless you take it with me.”
He pouted his lips even more. I laughed and he faced me.
His lips were so pink and inviting that I instantly wanted to kiss him. It was just something so sexy about his delicate face. His slightly feminine features paired with the brilliant color of his lips, skin and nose made him more beautiful than any other man I had even seen. His facial profile was truly perfect. He had such a chiseled chin and tight bone structure. He could have easily been a model.
He continued his pout taunting me.
“Fine.” I said and Cal laughed.
Harry relaxed his face and pumped a fist in the air.
I won!
I leaned closer to him and he put his arm around me. For a moment I was completely distracted, smelling the fragments of his cologne and all I could do was look at the side of his face. He felt my eyes but I guess he was use to stares.
“Look.” he said gesturing to the camera and I looked forward.
We stared back at the camera.
He smiled widely and I did as well. Then the picture snapped.
Harry kept his arm around me and turned the camera to look at the picture.
I just looked at him.
“We look pretty good together.” he said.
I briefly glanced at the picture and saw what he meant. Surprisingly it was a nice picture. Our features complimented each other well.
“We do.” I said softly and our eyes met.
Green met Hazel and I felt a goosebump.
Since his arm was still around me, we were pretty close.
I studied his irises. The clear speckles of green wrapped around the small hint of black.
They had me under a temporary spell.
“You have such nice eyes.” I heard myself say. “Really. They‘re very pretty.”
“Thank you.” he said softly. His gaze was intense, as we looked back at each other.
After a moment, I watched as his eyes trailed down and rested on the lower part of my face; my lips.
His lips parted and he bit his lip. I could tell we were thinking the same thing. He seemed as curious about my lips as I was as curious to taste his.
My eyes looked at the bright hue of his and they teased me.
We both reacted at the same time.
We began to move towards each other, when we suddenly heard a cough.
I turned and looked in front of us.
Cal’s eyes quickly averted away and the driver focused on the road.
We were quickly reminded we weren’t alone.
Harry removed his arm and parted like the red sea.
He gave his attention back to the camera as if suddenly it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen.
I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I had wanted to kiss him so badly.
As he fiddled with the stupid camera, I turned away and briefly glanced at Cal again. He was being respectful and acting like he hadn’t seen what was about to happen; but he had. I looked out of the window and sighed gently.
I knew I was in too deep.
I was starting to fall for him.
Hard.
I could hear Harry beside me talking about features of the camera but I didn’t listen.
My mind had zoned out to another place.
I was imagining a world where he wasn’t this Harry but mine.
I was imagining an image of us kissing…holding hands…being together…
A world where he smiled when he texted me, and looked forward to seeing me.
A world where I got to feel his touch and be on the receiving end of his love.
I wondered what he was like as a boyfriend but in that moment, I realized I never would.
I couldn’t have him.
No matter how much we flirted or how much time we spent together, this would be us.
I would never have him in that way.
It was a depressing thought.
“Hey Becca…look at this.” he called behind me.
I turned slowly.
His eyes weren’t on me, but on the camera.
He pushed a button and went to a menu screen.
I watched leisurely as he fiddled and walked me through the cool features of the camera.
He was totally unaffected by what had just happened.
It only further confirmed what I already thought.
I was nowhere on his radar, and kissing me would have meant nothing.
“That’s great Harry.” I said quietly.
“Isn’t it?”
He looked at me with a wide dimpled smile.
“I think you’re going to love this camera.” he said. “I’m glad I got it.”
I nodded and gave a forced smile before turning away again.
Being in this car with him was suddenly suffocating.
I was so close, yet incredibly far from him and it was too much for me.
As the driver pulled back in front of the Grand Palace, I wasn’t even excited anymore.
I grabbed my purse and climbed out of the car. Harry met me on the curb with Cal. He handed me my camera.
“Thanks.” I mumbled.
I turned the camera back on, and tried to figure out how to work the silly thing.
Beside me, Cal was flicking off shots.
“Got it?” Harry asked gently beside me.
“Yeah.” I said, lifting it and taking my first picture of the exterior of the palace.
After, I hit the ‘gallery’ button to double check my work and make sure I got this complicated camera’s frame right.
The first picture stared at me.
Harry and I.... His arm around me and the wide smiles…
I studied it for a moment.
We really did look good together in the picture.
In another world if we got together…
No.
I clicked off the picture quickly.
Why torture myself?
I checked the other picture and satisfied, lifted the camera to take more.
I was here for Bangkok and nothing else and it was time I reminded myself.

Notes

To anyone who is actively reading this, THANK YOU so much! I appreciate you guys giving it a chance. Next update soon!