All Again

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
HARRY

Then.

“They don’t know you. To them, you’re mysterious loner guy. Wouldn’t hurt to be apart of it. Make some friends.”
“Says the girl who spends her alone time writing in a cemetery.”
“Hey…”

I hid my eye roll.
I hated this show and everything about it.
The Vampire Diaries.
I just didn’t get it.
Was this truly what teenage girls enjoyed?
It was beyond clichéd and I could already guess half the plotline.

But I was not moving.

She was finally here and I was not going anywhere.
As the third episode began, my eyes stay glued to the screen and the obvious love triangle that was eventually going to involve the three main characters.
I heard Becca move beside me and ask if I like the show.
I lied.
I didn’t like the show or anything about it, but I liked spending time with her.
Sitting there in that Bangkok hotel, miles from my family and closest friends, I was comfortable.
For the last two hours, I had been watching Becca watch me and have had to stop myself from turning and staring back.
Becca Johnson was stunning. Truly a beautiful girl.
All day she had been flawless.
As she sat beside me, I could smell her Vanilla perfume and a warm coconut smell in her hair.
She smelled incredible.
She looked incredible.
She was wearing jeans today, and though I was disappointed I didn’t get to see her long legs again in the shorts from yesterday, I had snuck glances at her ass when she had turned.
I could say it had been an even toss up.
As far as I was concerned, she should never take them off. They hugged her curves beautifully.
As the day had progressed, it had grown more awkward for me. Something about Becca being there gnawed at me just under the surface.
There was an elephant in the room.
We got on well, and I could talk to her easily, but there was something about her and our interaction that was bothering me.
She was very hard to read.
By then I had summed up that it must have been a slight crush or at least a small attraction. I shouldn’t act on it--and I wouldn’t--but I didn’t know what she wanted. I couldn’t read Becca’s intentions.
What did she want from me?
What was the endgame? What was the overall goal for her?
Was it the allure of being friends with a celebrity that had her here or, was it me, the real Harry that she wanted to get to know?
What did she even think of me and my celebrity?
Was I a normal person to her, or was I just some famous guy who lucked up and was now a millionaire with millions of fans?
Did she even think that I was attractive…and if so, had her mind trailed and wondered the same thoughts I had for the last twelve hours?
Had her mind pictured me in the ways that I had pictured her?
A part of me wished we were more defined.
I didn’t want whatever this was to turn intimate because then things would really get complicated, but I wished I had more of an idea of what was going on in her head.
In the past, my friendships with girls who I had an attraction too, had gone one or two ways: we either quickly determined we would be nothing more, or by the second time we had hung out, we had established and determined we would want more (whatever that might be).
I had been talking to Becca for two whole months and had spent a couple days with her and nothing had happened or evolved.
We still sat in the same place we did when we met.
We flirted, but I flirted with everyone. I felt it was a harmless trait that erased awkwardness in certain situations, and it came natural to us.
We talked everyday; sometimes two and three times.
When I woke up, I texted her first and before I went to sleep, I texted her goodnight. When something happened on tour, she was now the first person I told.
But she wasn't my girlfriend.
She sat in the middle. She seemed to only want friends, and that was fine…but a part of me was curious what more would look like.
What would it be like to kiss and touch her?
What would it be like to hear her call me ‘baby’, if not just once?
She didn’t talk about men and she was coy about relationships so I couldn’t even get a glimpse of that side of her.
The whole thing was extremely frustrating and confusing.
Beside me, she suddenly laughed as two of the main vampires bantered.
I snuck a quick glance at her.
Her eyes were lit up and her cheeks flush in delight.
Her laugh was girlish and warm.
It was a beautiful sound.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and my mind wandered as I turned away.
I could picture my hands in her hair, brushing it off her face as I rubbed her lips with my hand.
Were her lips soft?
Were they warm?
Was she a good kisser?
My fantasies pulled me from her lips, and trailed up her jaw line.
I pictured her face. It was clear and well moisturized with her tan skin, rich. I could see traces of her mum’s Latin heritage and her beauty routine. It was clear she took good care of herself.
Yet, I wondered what it would be like to be the one to take care of her.
Would should be the kind of girl to…
My thoughts broke as my phone buzzed in my pants and jolted me.
We both looked down at my left front pocket. Getting over the initial shock, I sighed as I pull it out, and saw that my sister Gemma was calling.
I sat up.
“What’s up?” I answered.
“Are you busy?” she asked.
“Watching a movie.” I said.
“Well me and the girls just got back. Do you want to meet us now? We’re going to grab dinner soon too if you‘re hungry.”
I quickly glanced at the clock and saw it was after 2pm.
“Dinner?” I questioned. “What about lunch? Are we completely skipping over that part?”
“I’m with Lou and Lux.” she reminded me.
I smiled. Between the thousands of snacks kept backstage and the trail of chip bags and granola bars kept on the vanities where we got our hair fixed, I know what she meant.
“Alright, well give me an hour, or are you guys heading back out by then?”
“We’re heading back out. But, Sophia should be flying in soon so we’ll wait a bit.”
“I don’t know why. She and Liam are going to be shacked up for a whole day after she gets here.”
Gemma chuckled. “True. But get dressed! Stop being a sloth. I haven‘t seen you all day.”
“I’m not.” I argued standing and facing Becca who was alternating her eyes to me and the TV. “I have company.”
“Oh.” she said. “Who?”
“You’ll meet her.” I said. “Give me an hour.” I reiterated staring at Becca. I looked down at her hand. She was twisting one of the rings on her finger.
“Why an hour?”
“I need to finish something.” I said simply and hung up the phone.
I placed my phone on the mantle and turned to Becca.
“That was my sister. She and the girls are back and want to do something.”
“Girls?” she questioned peering up at me.
“Oh you’ll meet them.” I said with a smile. “They’re the heart of our tours.”
I took a seat beside her and she nodded okay.
I laid back down, resuming my previous position when she turned to me.
“Harry?” she called slowly.
“Yeah?”
I turned to her. She looked at me shyly. Behind her eyes, I could see traces of a younger Becca; small and innocent.
“What is it?” I asked looking at her.
“Did I do something?”
“Huh?”
“Did I do something? You’ve been quiet.” she said. Her eyes look worried.
“I’m just watching the show.” I said gesturing to the TV.
“You’re sure?” she asked. I could tell she was uncomfortable asking me the question. I sat up and gave her my complete attention.
“Yeah. Why? Am I acting weird?” I asked.
She nodded yes. “It may just be me, but since I-” she paused. “Nevermind.” she said suddenly and turned from me. She quickly tried to drop the subject.
“It’s just me. Forget it.”
I didn’t let it go so easily. “Since you what?” I asked.
She didn’t look at me right away. She swallowed and started twisting her ring again nervously.
“Since I…I touched you.”
I didn’t have an immediate response.
I guess I had been quiet, but that moment had been so unexpected.
It had begun these thoughts.
When she touched my cheek, suddenly the air got a little thicker and my pants did too.
I calmed myself down, but her touch had sent a small shiver through me and it trailed all the way down to my groin.
I had to shift to adjust myself so she wouldn‘t see.
I brushed away her concerns.
“I don’t know what you mean.” I said and turned back to the TV. “I’m fine.”
She continued to look at me for a few seconds before turning from me. She said nothing more.
Then we finished our episode.
After, I unhooked everything and faced her.
“I’m going to change my clothes into something more casual.”
“Oh.” she said jumping up, ready to leave.
“You’re fine.” I said quickly. “I’m just going to change my shirt.”
She didn’t say anything as I my pulled my silk shirt off- a recent donation from Gucci. I had been testing it to see if it would make an appearance later on tour.
I headed to my suitcase and pulled out a plain grey t-shirt. I turned to her and put the shirt on.
Her eyes didn’t leave me. Seeing her stare, I couldn’t resist teasing her.
“See something you like?”
She shook her head no quickly.
“You have a lot of tattoos.” she said pointing to my chest.
“I do.” I said with a small grin.
“Didn’t they hurt?” she asked.
I shook my head no. “Some did, but it depends where you get them. Some even feel good.” I said honestly.
She winced, clearly not believing that. “How many do you have?”
I shrugged. “I’ve lost count. The one of my thigh is the most recent.”
“Your thigh?” she asked looking down as if you could see through my pants.
I dawned on me quickly that she and the public had never seen it, and probably never would unless we were papped swimming.
“Yeah I got in January. It’s a Tiger.”
She smiled suddenly. “A tiger on your thigh…why does it sound like a pun?”
I smiled widely. “Maybe it is.”
I grabbed my phone off the table. “I’m proud that you caught that.”
“Well I’m a very smart girl.” she teased.
“I see that.”
I headed to my door and she followed. As I opened it so we can leave, she turned to me.
“Where are they?”
“Lou’s room probably.” I said shutting the door.
“Lou’s a girl right?”
I chuckled. “Yes. She’s a girl. She does our hair, makeup…styling, shit like that.”
“Oh.”
“There’s also Lux, her daughter. She’s a toddler. And Lottie, that’s Louis’ sister. She is the main makeup person now. And then every now and then we have-”
I paused as she suddenly jumped.
“Sorry!” she said quickly. “My phone.”
I hadn’t even heard the buzz.
She pulled it from her pocket. “It’s Kelsey.”
I gestured for her to answer it.
She looked at her phone and seemed to be thinking.
“Shit it’s after midnight where she’s at.”
“So?” I asked.
“She’s mad at me. I didn’t call her earlier.”
I smiled. “So she calls you at midnight?”
“It’s about her boyfriend. One sec.” She said and put her hands up.
“Hello.” she said timidly in the phone. It was as if she knew she was going to be scolded.
“Where the hell have you been!” I heard shouted through the rays of the phone. “I have texted you a thousand times!”
Becca looked at me and sighed and I smiled.
I moved away from her a bit to give her privacy.
I leaned on the hallway wall and looked around.
She watched me as she talked to her friend. “I know, I know, I’m sorry! It’s the internship.” she said.
And then,
“They’ve been keeping me so busy and I’ve been so tired. I’m here and I’m listening.”
Now Becca had my interest. What exactly was she talking about?
What internship?
As she talked to her friend, I listened for clue words, but they seemed to be talking about some boy Bobby mainly.
“Okay, well I’ve got to go. I’m in bed.” she said. “It is 3am here Kelsey!”
3am?
It was just after 3pm.
Either Becca was losing her mind, or there was a serious lie being told.
Once she hung up, I quickly investigated.
“3am huh?” I asked lifting off the wall.
She bit her lip and looked at me guiltily. “Yeah…uh…no one knows I’m here.”
I looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I didn’t tell anyone I was coming.”
“Even your parents?”
She shook her head no.
“What?”
“I just…I wanted to respect your privacy.” she said quickly. “You never know.”
“Respect my privacy how?”
“Well I didn’t know how people would react and I didn’t want any slips.”
“Yeah but…you didn’t tell anyone?”
She shook her head no again.
“Where do they think you are? What are you doing?”
“I’m at an internship in New York City.”
I smirked. “That’s…bad Becca.” I said.
“I know!” she exclaimed. “It’s been the hardest lie of my life, but I really did it for you.”
“You didn’t have too though.” I said.
“Yes I did.” she said seriously. “You deserve that sometimes. Plus I didn’t know if you wanted people to even know we were hanging out. It wasn’t up to me to make that decision for you.”
I didn’t respond-just smiled. It was extremely kind. Hell, unbelievably kind.
Normally people rushed to let other people know we were hanging out.
It was often I would be with a casual friend, or small acquaintance, and then later, scroll on Instagram and see that they had posted pictures showing they had been with me. Sometimes I didn’t mind it, but other times, I didn’t like my personal time tracked and so public. I needed some moments to myself.
It was why sometimes I completely disappeared from the public eye. I would go into seclusion for a few days just so I could have some moments to myself.
The fact that Becca had lied to everyone for me just so I could have a little bit of privacy touched me.
I didn’t know how to thank her. Just that little bit of thought, meant so much to me.
I began to walk, resuming my way to Lou’s room.
“Thank you.” I said as she began to follow me. “That is really sweet.”
She smiled and then joked. “Well that’s me.”
I smiled back. I wanted to pull her toward me and wrap my arm around her shoulder playfully, but we didn’t have that type of relationship yet. So I continued to walk down the hall.
Lou was one floor below us so we climbed on the elevator.
As the doors closed, I turned to Becca.
“You should tell your parents though. What if something happens to us? They would never know what happened.”
“Oh I thought of that. I wrote a letter in case.” she said. “It’s hidden in a purse at home.”
I chuckled and shook my head. This girl was something else.
“Well that’s great. They’ll probably hate me for the rest of their lives then if something happens. ‘That damn Harry Styles’” I said mimicking her mom’s voice.
Becca just smiled.
We found the girls in Lou’s room as I expected.
Immediately curious eyes met us.
“Hi, I’m Gemma.” my sister said first, shaking her hand.
She observed her carefully.
She was protective of me as I was her and I could see her checking her out.
Lou was more sweet. She hugged Becca like they were old friends.
I was curious to see how this was all going to go.
In the past, some of the women I had allowed around my family had not been liked.
It was important to me even if it was just a friendship.
However, I didn’t have to worry too much. Becca fit right in.
She took a seat on Lou’s couch and they began to talk like they had known each other for years.
They asked the regular questions; how did we meet, where did we meet, how long was she staying…
Then, the hints to a definition of our relationship began.
“We’re good friends.” I said simply and Becca seemed to like that answer. She didn’t protest or seem upset. As my eyes caught Becca’s, I felt the warm gaze of someone else. My sister.
Glancing at her I knew what she assumed.
Even though we were in the same room, I sent her a quick text message.
*Gem, we’re not sleeping together. Don't start.*
Gemma glanced at me and typed back.
*Then why are you looking at her like that?*
I quickly glanced up. Huh?
What did she mean?
How was I looking at Becca?
Gemma just chuckled and set her phone down, done with the conversation.
Luckily Becca was oblivious to our secret conversation and watching Lux.
“She’s so adorable.” she remarked bending on her knees to color with her.
Lux was big now and her own little person, but it was cute watching her bond with Becca.
I continued to watch them and Gemma continued to watch me. I didn’t know how I was supposedly staring at Becca, but my sister could exaggerate, so I ignored her.
“Niall is looking for you.” Lou said after a while.
“I know. I texted him.” I said. Niall was in the room next door to me, but he had spent most of his day sleeping and playing FIFA. He knew Becca was there, though he hadn’t met her, so he was giving me distance.
Everyone was.
“Are you guys hungry?” Gemma asked.
Becca nodded. “I could eat.”
I agreed. “It’s a little early for dinner though.”
“Oh come on Harry, don’t be a mood killer.”
Lou hit my stomach playfully. I swatted her away and then she pinched my butt.
“Stop!” I yelled laughing and looked at Becca.
She turned as our eyes met. I didn’t get why.
“Well let’s order then.” Gemma said standing.
“I thought you guys were going out?”
“We are. Later.” Lou said. “Gem, call Niall too. He might want something.”
“What about Liam and Zayn?” I asked.
“Liam left with Andy to get Soph.” Gemma said simply. “Zayn’s unreachable.”
As she grabbed a menu, Lottie, Louis sister joined us and then eventually Niall made his way downstairs as well.
Suddenly it was a bunch of us, hanging out, eating room service food and just playing around. Every few minutes, other members of our crew would shuffle in, joining the party and then leave. We were all use to entertaining ourselves in the hotels, since it was more hassle to go out sometimes.
I looked around at all my family and Becca, and saw that she was fitting in easily.
She and Niall bonded quickly and as we ate, they sat in a corner talking about Becca’s school.
Gemma texted me.
*You’re staring again*
I quickly texted her back.
*I’m barely looking at her. Stop being a shit stirrer*
She looked at me and smiled before typing.
*She’s pretty. Who is she?*
*Becca.* I answered. *Friend.*
*Smart ass.“ she wrote back and I gave a quick smirk. *Do you like her?*
*We’re friends.* I said simply again.
*But you want more…?*
And before I could respond, she continued.
*I like her. Seems normal. Go for it*
*You’re delusional* I texted back and turned to Becca and Niall.
By now, they were getting really comfortable with each other.
She kept touching him; a hand on his arm, a lean against his shoulder…
She was laughing hard at whatever he was saying and giving him her full attention.
I didn’t like it.
At all.
I shifted in my seat and tried not to stare as Gemma said I was, but I felt myself kept peering at them.
It dawned on me that maybe Niall was her type. Maybe he was the one she liked in the group.
It disappointed me, but I understood. Girls always liked Niall.
Niall was casually seeing another girl, so I wasn’t worried about him, but Becca seemed really interested in him, and that worried me.
After watching them for a few more seconds, I stood and made my way over to them.
Becca looked at me with a smile as I stood before them.
“What are you guys talking about?” I asked first.
Niall looked at me and smiled.
“Becca’s boyfriend!” he cackled.
I stopped and my heart stopped as well. I felt like someone squeezed it tightly.
I instantly looked at Becca but she was looking at Niall. She hit his arm.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” she said looking at me, but I only saw red.
I felt betrayed.
There was a guy in her life?
How many times had I asked her about one and she had denied it?
Niall laughed. “He is definitely your boyfriend. He’s stalking you.”
Normally Niall’s obnoxious laugh would get a grin out of me, but not this time.
Right now, it was an unwelcome distraction to the answer I was waiting on from Becca. I wanted- no, needed- more details.
“Stalkers and boyfriends don’t go in the same sentence.” Becca said to Niall but kept her eyes on me.
“He’s just a guy at school that keeps calling me.“ she quickly explained. “He‘s far from even close to dating me.” she said simply but I didn’t believe her.
Her phone hadn’t been blowing up but she would have told me. Hell, Niall knew and they had only met an hour earlier.
Or…maybe she was trying to make him jealous.
Or…she did have a boyfriend.
I didn’t know if I felt more disappointment or anger but both thoughts disgusted me.
“Oh.” was all I said, and then I walked away. Swiftly.
I heard Becca and Niall laugh behind me.
I couldn’t care less to hear any more of their conversation. I didn’t know what kind of games Becca was playing, but I didn’t care to see anymore.
It was obvious she turned it on for everyone and those type of girls sickened me.
I sat on the couch and pulled out my phone, ignoring everyone.
I was pissed at the new information, especially since Becca hadn’t told me before.
I had been more than open with her and she knew everything. We talked everyday, yet she never discussed guys with me and obviously hid stuff from me. Yet with Niall, he got that information out of her in five seconds?
It was bullshit.
I scrolled through my phone and decided to talk to a real friend.
She was an ex lover and we were still in touch. Every so often, we sent each other flirty messages. We were better friends than lovers, but we were still close and saw each other when we could in Los Angeles. After all, we shared close mutual friends.
She texted me back quickly and soon I was involved in a full fledged conversation with her, tuning everyone else out.
Every now and then Niall and Becca’s laugh would pierce my ears and stop my hands from texting and I would roll my eyes.
I didn’t care anymore.
Trust me, I didn’t.
Becca could have Niall or whoever else. I was done worrying about it.

Notes

Let me know if you guys want more. I don't know if you like it, unless you tell me. :)