Always By Your Side

Niall and Mae had their wedding on October 14th 2017. Their ceremony and reception were both held outdoors at a relative’s of Niall’s who had a property big enough for the whole event. Family and close friends who attended the celebration were just as blissful about the day as the cheery and giddy couple. Mae was surprised to see tears in Niall’s eyes as she made it down the aisle.

When moment came to exchange vows, Mae was the first to let silent tears run the sides of her face. Not being able to stand it, he stopped at his words to gently wipe them away while saying out loud ‘you’ll ruin your makeup and look like a clown if you continue to cry and those will be some hilarious photos to remember won’t they?’ causing the crowd of guest to laugh along with Mae.

The weather that day was perfect. Neither was it humid or cold but a beautiful cloudy and breezy day. And when the stars came out, that was when the newlyweds had their first dance to their song- In My Life. Stealing kisses every few minutes, they could never go a second without physically touching each other and that’s the way it would be for as long as possible.

---

After spending a two week on their honeymoon in Hawaii, they save up money for the next few months to move out of their apartment, into a house of their own.

They continue to discover more of the little things that they never did before.

Like how Niall had never told Mae that he once met Amanda Bynes.

How Beth told Niall that Mae’s artwork from the fourth grade ended up on all VIA buses in the city one whole summer.

That Niall once wrote poems in the second grade and one of them ended up in a book with other young poets from around the States.

How Mae has had a fear of stick bugs since she was a teen because she once accidently broke one thinking it was just a stick- then seconds finding out it had eyes thus causing her to cry for hours about the poor broken insect.

How Niall can’t stand fish sticks because he believes its total madness for it to be made out of real fish.

Discovering what they hadn’t already learned about each other was thrilling in every way- for it was as if they were becoming best friends all over again.

Along among including by means of

---

It was December in 2018 when Niall and Mae were finding it difficult to have a child of their own. Not only did it become frustrating for Mae to receive a negative as the results from a pregnancy test every week but the pressure of wanting to give Niall what he truly wanted was becoming too much. It became stressful. For a while it was as if they had sex because they wanted to just get pregnant instead of wanting each other out of lust and need. Arguments broke out and tears were shed.

On the 21st of December, the dam had finally begun to crack. Among Mae holding in what she was always thinking of when Niall brought up wanting to have a baby, she could no longer do so for a moment longer.

“Niall, please, can you just stop bringing up this every time we, you know, want to have sex?”
She says tiredly to him.

The moment he arrived home he didn’t spare a second on saying hello to his wife. Instead he just took a hold of her face and brought her lips to his and then began shedding her clothes in a hurry. She tried talking to him but he chose to ignore her and continue kissing her.

This time, Mae had thought maybe he actually wanted her and missed her the way she missed him. Yes, they have had sex a couple of times more than need the past few days and weeks but it was an act to get Mae pregnant. Niall always mentioned it both in dirty talk and out of passion that he couldn’t wait to see her belly grow. But it had lately felt so disconnected, and she feared it was going to stay this way until she became pregnant.

In light of feeling wanted out of lust for a split second, it all shattered when Niall mentions the word ‘baby’.

That’s when Mae decides she’s had enough and pushes at Niall’s chest. He stops kissing her neck and removes himself from on top of her and lies beside her on the bed.

That’s where it all went wrong. That’s when the pieces of the dam began to crash down.

“I’m just tired of having this pressure on my chest. I know you want us to have a baby Niall but dammit I just want you to at least, for a mere second, stop bring it up every chance you get! It will happen when it happens, don’t you understand that? We’ve been trying for months and it’s stressing me out. That shouldn’t be the case, I should be happy that we’re trying but it’s starting to feel like a job.

“And it shouldn’t be that way! You should want me to make love to me because you want me. Not because you only hope I’ll get pregnant when you’re done with me. Don’t you see? The pressure is on me, the doctor said stressing doesn’t help and that’s what’s happening. I just, I just don’t know if I can keep trying when I’m feeling this way.”

Niall looks stunned by her rant but he shakes off the emotion by replacing with agitation.

“So what, you don’t want to have a baby anymore? After all the fuckin times we talked about having a family you’re giving up?” He scoffs, blinded by one of his dreams.

“Don’t you care how I feel about this? I do want us to have a baby but, Niall I need a break from us trying. Maybe that’s what we need,” she says, assuming he’ll understand.

He huffs annoyingly before speaking. “Well I’m sorry that I seem to be the only one who wants to be in this.”

Tears of frustration appear in Mae’s eyes. “Please stop acting this way, I don’t like that we’re not on the same side.”

“Then understand I’m not giving up on having a baby with you,” Niall presses.

“I need a break, a few weeks, what is that going to do with our future? We have all the time in the world Niall. And sex isn’t everything in marriage, we can focus on work which I know you have been stressed about and I can focus on teaching,” she tries to reason with him. Mae’s hands reach for his but he moves away, her heart drops to the bottom of her stomach.

“Fine, do whatever you want since I have no say in this,” Niall looks away and goes to their master bathroom to get ready for bed.

Mae’s bottom lip trembles and she struggles to figure out what she can do to fix the situation she’s in. She could just change her mind and try to continue to give Niall what he wants or she could put her foot down and do what she wants because in the end it’s her body. Despite Niall being upset now, she knows it’s for the best that she gives herself a break from trying.
Maybe it really will make a difference when they try again soon.

When Niall comes out of the bathroom, he wordlessly slides into his side of the bed and turns away from her while she still sits at the end of the bed.

She watches him and her heart breaks. Never, not once, has Niall acted this way toward her.
“Niall… please, I’m not doing this to hurt you, I’m just not sure with what I’m feeling right now,” she explains one last time.


“I’m tired, I don’t want to talk anymore,” he says with a grumble and pulls the blanket covers closer to him.

Dejected by his moodiness, Mae decides it’s best to sleep in the guest bedroom. Quietly leaving the bedroom, she shuts their door and walks to the spare room down the hall and looks at the still-made bed. With a tired and miserable sigh, she pulls the sheets down and gets into the full size bed and curls up into a ball. Pulling the covers over her head, she begins to weep softly, hoping Niall won’t hear her even though she’s positive he won’t.

She has never slept without Niall by her side since they moved in together four years ago and the feeling is unfamiliar. The bed is big without him beside her and its cold without his warmth.

When no more tears can be shed, Mae’s eyes close in slumber.

But to what felt like merely minutes of sleep, she wakes up startled when she feels someone’s arms wrap around her waist from behind.

“I’m sorry,” Niall whispers into her hair, his voice holds regret, sadness. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I’m an asshole and I let my fantasy get in the way of our marriage.”

She turns over in his arms so they are facing each other. Their noses touch and she lets her hands lay in between their chests.

“Niall, I mean what I say and I said what I meant even three years ago, I want a family with you. We just need to be patient but maybe we just have to let it happen naturally,” she says softly, trying to look into his eyes in the dark.

Though she can’t see his actions, she knows he’s nodding his head. “It seems planning hasn’t gone to well has it?”

“I’m sorry, I thought by now I’d-“

“Hey, it’s not your fault, so don’t apologize. Like you said before, it’ll happen when it happens. But what I won’t agree on is not making love to you. I’m sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t want you for the obvious reasons, I do, I’ll always want you,” Niall says, pulling her closer.

“Thank you for understanding Niall. I love you,” she says, relieved the stress has settled inside.

“I love you too. I just hope it all works out.”

Mae gives him a soft sweet kiss on his lips before saying, “me too.”

---

The phone continues to ring every hour of every day- ever since that dreadful day. Calls from family and friends- it never seems to end. Her eyes never seem to stop watering along with her throat feeling clogged up; too hard to swallow but strong enough to scream into her pillow until her voice gives up.

Almost every night she reaches out to him in hopes his hands will find hers in the dark, then to be wrapped together in their bed sheets.

Mae closes her eyes and shivers with grieve as she thinks about the last night and morning she had with him. Remembering is always painful even when the memory itself is beautiful and golden.

It was another typical Sunday night when the pair was lazily laying on the couch watching Full House.

“How is Jasmine doing?” Mae asks Niall with her lying on top of him, front to front, on the couch.

His hands rub the middle of her back up and down in a soft and slow motion. He sighs at her question then replies. “She’s doing a bit better, her blood test results should be coming back any day now but she’s a trooper. I hope everything will work out…”

“She adores you,” she says softly into his chest and she can practically feel him smiling shyly back without seeing it.

“She’s a smart and bright girl, very polite and lovely, her mother too,” he describes her. “Oh! And Jazzie said she was going to make me something this weekend so I’m really stoked to see it tomorrow.”

Mae looks up to see his features, he really seemed eager and she wasn’t surprised. Niall loved his job to the fullest though it did make him upset when children didn’t make it through because he always felt as if there was something he could’ve done for them. What he didn’t realize was he did, he always managed to make the children at the hospital feel less scared and comfortable. And that was another reason why she loved him so much, even when he was off the clock, he still thought of them.

“I’ll need to see it as well, then we’ll put it in the office with all her other creations along with the others,” Mae nods. Tons of drawings and small gifts that were given to Niall by the patients he got to know and care for in thanks for everything- were all in his office.

“Yeah,” He agrees and continues. “But you know her mother, Jane, has been really stressed lately and she tries really hard not to show it in front of Jasmine, I know she is. When I asked her outside of Jazzie’s room what was going on, she said it was and I quote ‘it’s just some stuff going on with Jasmine’s dad’ and I didn’t like the sound of that. I know her father isn’t in the picture but I’m worried about them both.” Niall frowns.

“Hey, I’m sure everything will be okay. If they need help then we’ll quietly step in and do something, Ni.” She pecks him on the lips but he wants more. He holds her down so they continue to kiss until they are flustered. It has been a few weeks since they were last intimate because the two had both been busy with work and just too worn out to do anything but eat and sleep the moment they got home.

“I love you,” Niall says adoringly as he pulls away from their heated kiss.

She groans and breaths out. “I love you too.”

“And I miss being with you,” he whispers, tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth in a slow motion.

“Then maybe we should fix that problem now,” she tries to reply back. When his teeth are gone from her lip, she gives him one deep kiss before pulling away. She removes herself off of Niall and the couch to stand on her feet.

“Wow, we’re always thinking alike,” he gives her a goofy lopsided smile.

“That’s why you’re my best friend and husband,” she answers honestly.

“Yes and yes but as your husband I should do my duty and well, do you,” he laughs at his own joke. She groans and fake glares hard at him.

“Don’t be a pig Niall Horan or you can just forget about us hav-“ He cuts her off by getting up and silencing her with another passionate kiss.

She gets so lost in this one that she doesn’t remember how her hands ended up in his hair, tugging while groaning against his lips. She also doesn’t recall when Niall lifts her up and carries her to their room.

But she does recollect the way he made love to her for numerous of hours despite having to wake up early the next day. They didn’t care that the lack of sleep could possibly come back to bite them when they attended work. Their desire to be with one another so close again was all they worried about in the moment.

She remembers ever kiss and touch; the feeling of being high on pleasure, the addicting feeling that only Niall could give her. Now she wishes with her entire soul that she could’ve stopped time that night- for them to never leave each other’s arms and not be concern about being apart.

If only she had grasped that this was the last night they would have together.

-----

The morning came and as always they spent the early hours together sitting at their breakfast nook. Mae cooked pancakes before they went into work because to her it really was the most important meal of the day. They sat together at the table, both drinking coffee while she read the newspaper and he looked at his work schedule for the upcoming week.

“Anything you want in particular for dinner? We still have the ground beef in the freezer. We can do tacos, rice and beans?” Mae offers.

Niall smirks at her. “But it’s not Taco Tuesday, babe.”

She rolls her eyes and tries to hold in her laugh, she fails. “Who says we have to follow the rules? Let’s be rebels and have tacos on a Monday.”

Niall let’s out a fake gasp in shock. “I married a rebel, what was I thinking! Do you think we’ll go to jail?”

“Only if they catch us,” she shrugs carelessly but continues to smile at their silly conversation.
Niall finally let’s out a loud laugh and stands up to put his plate into the sink. He comes back to the table to kiss Mae. “I love you my rebellious girl,” he smiles happily.

She smiles widely back and kisses him back. “And I love you more,”

He shakes his head. “Not possible.”

“Very possible,” she disagrees.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night,” he gives out an over exaggerate sigh and hugs her.

She giggles at his response and slips her arms around him to give him a squeeze. “Have a great day, will you be home late?”

“No later than six tonight I’d say, depends if they’ll need my help for something at the last minute. I’ll call you when I’m on my way home.” He looks at the clock above the refrigerator. “I better get going. I hope there’s no traffic along the way.”

“Yeah I better get going too, I’ll see you later,” she gives him one last kiss goodbye. “Love you, Niall.”

“Love you more Mae, go teach those kids until their brains hurt,” he winks at her, she laughs softly. “Later, love.” With one last kiss to her head, he removes his arms from around her. He grabs his keys and backpack then waves goodbye as he heads to the door with a breathtaking smile on his face.

That was the last imagine she had of Niall alive, smiling and happy for work. When she thinks back on this moment, she would love to believe that she was also the reason behind his smile that morning.

----

When Mae got off of work at five o’clock in the evening, something didn’t settle well with her when she got home. She didn’t understand what the feeling was and she didn’t like it. She felt as if there was creepy background music playing around her and she couldn’t figure out when the pop up was going to happen. She did her best to ignore it by making dinner for Niall and her. While the food was cooking, she went ahead and got started on grading class work and the pop quizzes that she made her students take earlier on in the day. She decides to call Niall to make sure everything is alright and also because she knew hearing his voice would make her feel better. But when he didn’t answer the phone she got worried for a second. Then she shook off the feeling and decided to think nothing of it, she was sure Niall was busy helping someone like he always said if he didn’t answer his phone. She notices her phone is on low battery so she puts it in the charger in the living room. An hour passes with the food ready and Niall still wasn’t home by the time she finished grading all the papers another thirty minutes later. She wanted to wait to eat supper until he got home. It was something he would’ve done as well.

Mae decides a shower will help her calm her nerves and heads to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

Ten minutes later right as she gets out of the shower, she hears someone ringing and banging on her front door. She jumps at the noise and hurriedly goes to answer it.

“Mom? What are you doing here, are you okay?” Mae is surprise to see her mom, still in her scrubs, yet she notices her mother’s eyes first. She has been crying but also her face carries heartbroken features. Mae is immediately afraid to hear her mother’s response, something bad has happened.

When her mother notices that Mae is fine, which is the problem, she hugs her tight and tries to hold in her sobs which causes to hiccup.

“What’s going on?” She knows her voice comes out frightened.

“I thought you knew, I thought that’s why you didn’t answer my calls…” She says distractedly.

“Mom!” She pulls away from her. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

Her bottom lip trembles but she nods at her daughter’s request. She gently guides Mae back inside the house and closes the door behind her. When they’re in the living room, her mother takes a shaky breath.

“You haven’t checked your phone in while have you?” Her mother asks even though she knows the answer.

That’s she needs to know when before she rushes to her phone that’s still plugged in its
charger. She gasps at all the missed calls and text messages. She curses when she realizes the phone was on silent. Looking at all the notifications makes her a little woozy and she doesn’t know who to call or text back but she still doesn’t know what has happened. When she looks at her missed calls log, she notices the first five are from the hospital. The rest are from her mom, her dad, Niall’s mother, Niall’s brother Nathan, one of her friends who also teaches at the same school with her and Niall’s best friend Liam.

But none are from Niall, the one person who she wants to hear from. She’s sure there are no text messages from him as well. Something has happened to him though she doesn’t want to believe it.

Her hands are shaking and she’s so lost. Mae’s mother comes to her side and takes the phone away gently before any call backs can be made. She puts the phone in her pocket then takes Mae’s hands in hers.

“I think it’s best you hear this from baby, I need you to listen to me, you need to stay with me, I’m here,” she says to her daughter who looks terrified. All Mae does is nod and tries her best to listen.

“Something happened at the hospital at around five o’clock. A man, he, went into the children’s hospital to see her daughter and he-he had a gun with him. He was drunk when he first walked and the police say he wasn’t allowed to be granted in because the child’s mother said he was dangerous. He fought with security until he shot both of them. He asked around about his daughter until someone finally told him after he threated to kill a little boy that was in the lobby.” She stopped for a second so she could she Mae’s reaction- which looked empty now, no reaction. “He threatened to kill anyone who tried to get in his way. When he got to her room, the little girl, her mom and-and,” she chokes up at the next part. “N-Niall was there. He told Niall to leave but he stood his ground, baby girl.”

Mae already knew what her distress mother was going to say next and she began to slowly die along inside before anymore could be said.

Everything was happening in slow motion.

“The woman, Jane, I believe, gave out a statement to police and said that she told the man to leave but he only got angrier and threatened to kill her in front of his daughter. He was angry for being away from his daughter, that’s what the whole thing was about. Jane said Niall stood close to the both of them and he tried to protect them but that only made the man angrier.” Now her mom’s hands are shaking and the tears are still in her eyes.

“Just tell me mom,” Mae finally responds back in a small voice.

“Niall fought back. Jane said he went for the gun and she thought he almost took it away b-but then h-he got shot. But the man didn’t have time to shoot her because the swat team came rushing in and had him pinned down in seconds. He was immediately arrested.”

While Mae may have been in front of her mother, she wasn’t looking at her, she was staring at nothing. She was replaying everything she was just told over and over again.

“Niall was still breathing when they took him into surgery but they did all they could Mae, he-he bleed too much, the bullet, it hit his torso.”

All the air was being suck from out of her, she was about to be sick. She couldn’t process what was being said though it was so clear, so damn clear what had happened to Niall.

“He saved them Mae; he stopped that man from hurting them.”

He died a hero. He selflessly put himself in danger to protect Jasmin and her mother, Jane. He left Mae to protective them, he left her…

Mae can’t remain silent anymore, she breathes out harshly in and out.

“Not him,” she shakes her head in denial. “Not Niall.”

“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” Beth couldn’t hold in her own cry any longer.

“No mom, please, not him, not my Niall, not him,” she lets out a gasp and all too soon tears began pouring down.

She couldn’t help but play the scene she didn’t see for herself in her head, she imagined her husband trying to get the gun from the man but it went off instead.
In the situation that Niall was in, did he even have a chance to come out alive?

“No, no, no,” covering her eyes with her hands, she kept mumbling through her tears until she broke down. She didn’t have the strength to stand up anymore and feel down on her knees and sobbed harder than she had in her entire life.

Beth came down to the floor to hold her distressed daughter in her arms. Her heart was breaking into pieces for her only child. Not only that, Niall was the son she never had, and she knew Niall meant the world to her baby girl. So she held onto Mae tighter as she shook sobbing, praying that not only Mae, but also the Horan’s would make it through this hard-hitting time.

Unfortunately for Bethany, Mae knew life was never going to be the same for her without him. No matter how she looked at the situation, Niall still wouldn’t be here with her, he was never going to physically be by her side.

She told him she would see him later and he said he would call her before he got off from work.
That was what was most painful about this whole thing, she never got to say goodbye to him.
She wasn’t there with him when he took his last breaths.

Mae thought he’d come home, she thought this was just another day for them. She was wrongly mistaken. Life was unpredictable; they both knew that from the beginning, nonetheless she never imagined she would be losing him this way. She could have survived if they somehow fell out of love because then he’d still be alive and breathing.

Now she was left alone in this big house that they gotten to start their life together in.
Instead there was not going to be a family of their own to fill it. He was never going to come home.

Her husband- her best friend- her other half.

Her Niall.

A home wasn’t a home without Niall and a life without him felt to be no life at all.

Notes

Very sad chapter and no, Niall isn't going to appear in the next chapter, this is what this whole story is about- losing someone and to never take a day for granted.

Comments are appreciated and that goes with votes and subscribing as well! There's only one chapter left, I'll upload it soon! Thanks for reading!

- Amanda