Forget To Remember Me
Year Three: If Only I Could Tell Them That
Annabelle POV:
My life so far has been, not exactly the best. Since my secret is out and everyone knows, it's hard to get by. We try our hardest to crack a joke or ask to play a game or something remotely fun, but I can tell it's not the same. This is exactly the reason why I didn't want to tell them anything. This is what would happen. When I say "this" I mean the moping around and the lifelessness around the once carefree boys known as One Direction.
Oh.. One Direction. Don't even get me started. It's bad, and I mean really bad. Everyone knows that One Direction is a band that has no care in the world. They are living the dream and couldn't be happier. That's where you're wrong. They haven't spoken to me or cracked a smile since I told them that this is the last year that I will be on this Earth. I feel awful for THEM. Not me. I couldn't care less what happens to me, because as you know, there isn't going to be a me soon. I know I'm done with my life and I have learned to accept it.
Unfortunetly, I cannot say the same for the boys. They walk around the house with tears in their eyes and try to hide it, but they know I can see. They can't even look at me for more than a second without moving their eyes to the suddenly very interesting floor. They can't TALK to me or ASK me anything because they think I'm fragile, like I'm made of glass and I'm already cracked down the side. Louis' the worst though. He has tried his best to stay strong for me, but it's been the hardest thing he has ever had to do. He face is always stuck in this one expression that makes me think that his heart has shattered into a million pieces, and I can't help but think that I am the one who has caused him this much pain. If I could take it all back I would, but I can't and he knows that. I still love him. As you know now, not as a friend. More. Ever since he told me how he felt about me we have been very comfortable with each other. We don't act like a couple, or at least I don't think we do. I really do love him, but I still stand by what I said about not being with him. It would cause way more pain than we both can handle and it wouldn't be fair. I'm not going to let him down and say that I will be by his side forever like I want to and not even last a full year. It's awful. I wish we were how we used to be. I need to do something before this year is up. It's my last and I have to live it to it's fullest.
If only I could tell them that...
Louis POV:
It's definetly been a ghost town for the past couple of months. We are obviously not the same anymore and it's killing me. I just want to speak out to the rest of the boys to wake up and face the facts that Belle won't be here by the end of this year and to deal with it. I can't though. I can't even bring myself to say that I won't have my one person that I want to be with forever by my side. Even though it's been 2 years since we first met Belle, it feels like only yesterday, and that's what hurts the most. One day, convincing yourself that you have awhile until the dreaded day comes, and then the next, feeling like a fool to ever think that she would actually stay for as long as you want. It's not just me you know. It's all of us. I can tell that we all have the same idea about letting loose and getting over this hardship, but we just can't. It's a lot harder than it sounds to try to forget about the one thing that means more to you than life itself. Yeah.. she means that much to us. To me. I still have yet to forget the heart shattering moment of Belle telling me that she loves me, but can't be with me. I swear my heart exploded similar to a balloon being popped. That wasn't even the worst part. What came next was the surreal story of her having cancer and not telling me about it sooner. When she told me, the first thing that came to my mind was that if she had told me before, I could have helped her. I could have given her the proper care and affection she rightfully deserves. I just feel like I was selfish to talk to her and play with her and not even realize that she was and still is, even worse, dying inside. I don't know what I am going to do when she passes. I love her too much to ever let her go.
If only I could tell her that...
Liam POV:
I can't stand this anymore! I am ready to explode from all the quiet and the somberness! I just want things back to normal. As normal as we called ourselves back then. I know that this is our way of mourning over someone very close to us that hasn't even passed yet, but this is insane. I am going to GO insane if this doesn't end now. I can't be the only one thinking about this either. Every one of us has had the same look on our face for the past few months. Speaking of months, we have about 7 more until Belle is ready to "leave" as you would call it. We have spent the last 5 doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. It may seem like a big exaggeration to everyone else, but it's not. It's all true and I really wish it wasn't. What I think should be happening is that, we all should be laughing and having the best time of our life and showing Belle new experiences because she barely has had any. This is not how I planned to have Belle live her last few months with us: wallowing with us in our own self pity.
If only I could tell them that...
Harry POV:
It feels like someone just lost their baby sister in here. It's crazy! I don't want to do this anymore. It has to end. Belle is my best friend and I should be giving her the best days of her life, not being selfish and letting her feel even worse that she is the reason for all of... this. It's not right, and something needs to be done about it. Now.
If only I could tell them that...
Niall POV:
Wow... that's all I can say. I'm speechless of how awful it is in here. I feel like I'm suffocating from all the tension that is building up. Who knew that a little girl with a big problem could cause all this trouble. I certainly didn't see this coming. I can tell that we all are feeling the same, judging by the faces that we are all making, sitting on the couch at this very moment. We have little conversations and vents in our heads, but are to afraid to say them out loud. Someone has to speak up.
If only I could tell them that.
Zayn POV:
This is madness. As everyone has probably already expressed, this has to end. Belle is an amazing girl and deserves to see and do amazing things. Why can't we show her that? I just feel like we are a major letdown for her hope because we are taking this cancer worse than she is. We aren't even the one's who HAVE the cancer. I don't want to be selfish anymore, so someone, in this quiet room where every one of us is sitting, needs to start talking... and fast.
If only I could tell them that.
Belle, Louis, Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn's POV :(doing this at the same time, talking and thinking ;P)
I took a deep breath and blurted out,
"I'm done with this!"
My life so far has been, not exactly the best. Since my secret is out and everyone knows, it's hard to get by. We try our hardest to crack a joke or ask to play a game or something remotely fun, but I can tell it's not the same. This is exactly the reason why I didn't want to tell them anything. This is what would happen. When I say "this" I mean the moping around and the lifelessness around the once carefree boys known as One Direction.
Oh.. One Direction. Don't even get me started. It's bad, and I mean really bad. Everyone knows that One Direction is a band that has no care in the world. They are living the dream and couldn't be happier. That's where you're wrong. They haven't spoken to me or cracked a smile since I told them that this is the last year that I will be on this Earth. I feel awful for THEM. Not me. I couldn't care less what happens to me, because as you know, there isn't going to be a me soon. I know I'm done with my life and I have learned to accept it.
Unfortunetly, I cannot say the same for the boys. They walk around the house with tears in their eyes and try to hide it, but they know I can see. They can't even look at me for more than a second without moving their eyes to the suddenly very interesting floor. They can't TALK to me or ASK me anything because they think I'm fragile, like I'm made of glass and I'm already cracked down the side. Louis' the worst though. He has tried his best to stay strong for me, but it's been the hardest thing he has ever had to do. He face is always stuck in this one expression that makes me think that his heart has shattered into a million pieces, and I can't help but think that I am the one who has caused him this much pain. If I could take it all back I would, but I can't and he knows that. I still love him. As you know now, not as a friend. More. Ever since he told me how he felt about me we have been very comfortable with each other. We don't act like a couple, or at least I don't think we do. I really do love him, but I still stand by what I said about not being with him. It would cause way more pain than we both can handle and it wouldn't be fair. I'm not going to let him down and say that I will be by his side forever like I want to and not even last a full year. It's awful. I wish we were how we used to be. I need to do something before this year is up. It's my last and I have to live it to it's fullest.
If only I could tell them that...
Louis POV:
It's definetly been a ghost town for the past couple of months. We are obviously not the same anymore and it's killing me. I just want to speak out to the rest of the boys to wake up and face the facts that Belle won't be here by the end of this year and to deal with it. I can't though. I can't even bring myself to say that I won't have my one person that I want to be with forever by my side. Even though it's been 2 years since we first met Belle, it feels like only yesterday, and that's what hurts the most. One day, convincing yourself that you have awhile until the dreaded day comes, and then the next, feeling like a fool to ever think that she would actually stay for as long as you want. It's not just me you know. It's all of us. I can tell that we all have the same idea about letting loose and getting over this hardship, but we just can't. It's a lot harder than it sounds to try to forget about the one thing that means more to you than life itself. Yeah.. she means that much to us. To me. I still have yet to forget the heart shattering moment of Belle telling me that she loves me, but can't be with me. I swear my heart exploded similar to a balloon being popped. That wasn't even the worst part. What came next was the surreal story of her having cancer and not telling me about it sooner. When she told me, the first thing that came to my mind was that if she had told me before, I could have helped her. I could have given her the proper care and affection she rightfully deserves. I just feel like I was selfish to talk to her and play with her and not even realize that she was and still is, even worse, dying inside. I don't know what I am going to do when she passes. I love her too much to ever let her go.
If only I could tell her that...
Liam POV:
I can't stand this anymore! I am ready to explode from all the quiet and the somberness! I just want things back to normal. As normal as we called ourselves back then. I know that this is our way of mourning over someone very close to us that hasn't even passed yet, but this is insane. I am going to GO insane if this doesn't end now. I can't be the only one thinking about this either. Every one of us has had the same look on our face for the past few months. Speaking of months, we have about 7 more until Belle is ready to "leave" as you would call it. We have spent the last 5 doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. It may seem like a big exaggeration to everyone else, but it's not. It's all true and I really wish it wasn't. What I think should be happening is that, we all should be laughing and having the best time of our life and showing Belle new experiences because she barely has had any. This is not how I planned to have Belle live her last few months with us: wallowing with us in our own self pity.
If only I could tell them that...
Harry POV:
It feels like someone just lost their baby sister in here. It's crazy! I don't want to do this anymore. It has to end. Belle is my best friend and I should be giving her the best days of her life, not being selfish and letting her feel even worse that she is the reason for all of... this. It's not right, and something needs to be done about it. Now.
If only I could tell them that...
Niall POV:
Wow... that's all I can say. I'm speechless of how awful it is in here. I feel like I'm suffocating from all the tension that is building up. Who knew that a little girl with a big problem could cause all this trouble. I certainly didn't see this coming. I can tell that we all are feeling the same, judging by the faces that we are all making, sitting on the couch at this very moment. We have little conversations and vents in our heads, but are to afraid to say them out loud. Someone has to speak up.
If only I could tell them that.
Zayn POV:
This is madness. As everyone has probably already expressed, this has to end. Belle is an amazing girl and deserves to see and do amazing things. Why can't we show her that? I just feel like we are a major letdown for her hope because we are taking this cancer worse than she is. We aren't even the one's who HAVE the cancer. I don't want to be selfish anymore, so someone, in this quiet room where every one of us is sitting, needs to start talking... and fast.
If only I could tell them that.
Belle, Louis, Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn's POV :(doing this at the same time, talking and thinking ;P)
I took a deep breath and blurted out,
"I'm done with this!"
Well, Still looking forward to reading it! <3
Emily xx :)
6/24/13