Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Rae wakes up early the next morning, checking in on her mother, and sees her sleeping in her bed with half the duvet hanging off the mattress. She quietly tiptoes over and fixes the the fluffy duvet so it fully covers her mum. She places a light kiss on her head, then leaves a note saying she'll be back for lunch. She readies the coffee in the kitchen, just in case her mother wants a cup whenever she wakes. Rae holds off on the coffee, fixes her hair up into a messy bun, slips on her shoes and is out the door heading for work.

It's 5:30 am, but she feels so much more rested than the previous few days. Which all just comes down to the events of last night. From the park to the goodnight kiss, although it did take her heart a while to finally return to it's normal rate. Thinking of it, thinking of Louis, is making her stomach feel funny, flipping and fluttering.

Once she arrives at Jasper's, she makes a fresh pot of coffee, and immediately begins to serve the four customers in the diner. After she serves them their food and cups of coffee and tea, Rae goes into the kitchen looking for Liz. She finds her in the very back by the storage closet, downing her own cup of whatever she's drinking, and catches the logo on the front. Before Rae can even open her mouth to comment, Liz pulls another cup from under the chair she's sitting on.

"D'you think I'd go to Latte Luna and not get you anything?" Liz smirks, wiggling the cup from Rae's favorite cafe slightly. "Got those little espresso beans you like too."

Rae places a hand over her chest. "Love of my life. You do know the way to a girls heart."

Liz rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, hush and drink your coffee."

"You're the best of the best. I should marry you, that way I can wake up to chocolate covered espresso beans every morning." Rae beams at her friend.

She takes the cup from her hand, nudges Liz over a few inches on the seat so they can share it. Rae leans over and pecks a quick kiss to her cheek in graduate. The two girls sit in the kitchen, watching Jasper as he moves about, like he does when it's a seemingly slow morning. They sip their coffee and share espresso beans between them. Liz throws one at their coworker, Max, who comes into the kitchen, just starting his shift. Rae playfully scolds her about wasting perfectly good food.

"You seem unusually happy this morning." Liz comments, watching as Rae pops another bean into her mouth.

"Are you saying I'm a right downer usually?" Rae questions, mock frown and all.

"No. You're just never this level of happy. Did something good happen?"

Rae sets her coffee on the floor, beans in her lap and turns to see Liz better. "I like Louis."

Liz fixes her with a knowing stare. "Uh-huh." She says sarcastically.

Rae flicks her knee. "And I think...I think I'm dating him."

A beat passes. "Uh-huh."

"Liz!"

"Right, sorry. I mean, fucking finally!"

Rae shoves at her friends arm, nearly pushing her off the chair. "Be serious for a moment, please."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." Liz readjusts herself. "So you're dating Louis?"

"Um...I think so?"

"What makes you just think and not know?" Liz wonders.

Rae takes a long drink from her cup, contemplating. That's a great question that doesn't have an answer exactly. Louis hasn't exactly asked her out on a proper date, nor have both of them really said anything to make label it official. But if she goes by kissing in the Dark Room, to kissing against her front door, she's assuming their on a level of something. If she adds everything from before and between, there's no doubt that they have feelings for each other, not that they'd just go around kissing for the fun it. She tells Liz this much.

"Maybe he just doesn't think it's the right time yet." Liz inputs, setting her empty cup on the floor. "Or that you're having some doubts. Maybe he just wants to wait until Ronan starts feeling better so you don't have to stress any more than you have too."

"If that's it, that's pretty selfless." Rae sighs.

"Or! Ooh..."

Rae is alert the second Liz's tone changes. "What? What happened?"

Liz grimaces, like maybe she wasn't suppose to say what she just thought of. Without a word, she stands up, making her way over to the cabinet were they keep their bags. Confused, Rae just decides to give her time to get whatever she needs to, and goes to check on the costumers. Two of them have just finished, asks for their check and pays their bills. When Rae returns to the kitchen Liz is back on the seat, phone in hand and two sets of papers. Liz looks up from her phone, and bites her lip.

"Or maybe he's afraid." Liz says quietly.

Rae immediately recognizes the gossip papers in her lap, heart dropping into her stomach, beginning to boil in anger. She snatches the top one from Liz's lap, glaring at the picture on the front page. It isn't the main story of the paper, thank God, but the picture is still a decent size; however gritty and shady it looks. It looks like Ronan is in the background of the photo, with Harry taking up the majority, expression clearly peeved. Rae doesn't need to open it, instead she grabs the other one, same quality of pictures, like the low life pap took them with his phone.

The second one has four pictures on the cover, one being the same as the first. The second is taken from a distance, capturing both Harry and Louis entering the hospital. The third is of Louis holding Rae, sitting in the hallway, and the last, of an angry Louis when he told off the pap. Rae can't even remember the guy having a cell phone, let alone been able to have it out while he was being escorted. Unless...unless he had a friend with him, or he was recording with his phone the whole time and no one had noticed.

"Please tell me you didn't read these. They're absolute shit!" Rae spits the last sentences out with disgust. She crumbles them up, tossing them into the rubbish bin.

"Sorry." Liz whispers, turning her phone so the screen faces Rae.

It's an online article for one of the magazines, flashing big, bold letters of Louis and Harry's "Hospital Meltdown". Rae's eyes can't help but catch some words popping out at her; "only for money", "punches thrown", "deranged girl broke his camera". Rae rolls her eyes so hard she's surprised they don't roll straight out her head. She pushes the phone away from her.

"Those are ridiculous." Rae sneers. "As much as I wanted to break the bastards camera, I didn't. I hope no one believes that."

Sighing, she plops back down into the seat Liz just left to put her phone away. However, Liz stops abruptly, turns back around shoving the phone into her back packet. Rae watches her with confusion, is about to ask what's the matter when the bell to the diner's door rings. She waits for Liz to come back from answering it, accepting a cheese danish Max hands to her, dubbing it leftover from the night before. She thanks him with a smile, knowing it was a lie and he just snuck the pastry to her. She appreciates it all the same. Liz comes back when Rae is halfway done with the danish.

"So." She starts out, sickeningly sweet smile on her face. "Eat your espresso beans."

"No." Rae says, arching her eyebrow. "You know something."

"I don't want to say anything in case it's not true. Probably just a rumor."

Rae doesn't get a chance to inquire, since the diner starts to get it's early risers. So she pushes that, the stupid articles and all thoughts of Louis of the back of her mind.

***

"Hi, mum. I can make you a quick lunch before you go to work." Rae greets her mother in the kitchen, just getting off of work herself for the rest of the day.

However, her mother is still in her fluffy pink robe, hair held back with a headband Rae knows is hers. She's got her white slippers on, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a magazine in another. MaryAnn glances up from reading, smiling at her daughter.

"Unless you aren't going to work..." Rae frowns in confusion. "You're not sick, are you?"

"No, my lovely Raelyn." MaryAnn responds, setting her cup down. "I decided to take the day off...with pay."

Rae can feel her heart swell in happiness, brightening her expression. "Really?"

"Really, really. My boss was nice enough to allow it. Also got a coworker to cover my shift for tonight as well."

Raelyn practically launches herself at her mother, knocking the chair back a little. MaryAnn catches her with a small "oof!" letting her arms fall around her daughters back. She nuzzles her face into her mum's shoulder, the fluffy robe smelling of the lavender soap from her bathroom. She holds tight to her mum, squeezing her arms around her back.

"Are you alright, darling?" MaryAnn asks with a chuckle, petting her head.

"Fine, mummy." Raelyn sighs, "I miss you sometimes."

"I know, Rae-Rae. It's why I took the day off. I can tell you need mama time."

Rae turns her head to gaze up at her mum. She's no longer a child, hasn't been for years. She's had to grow up a lot faster than other teenagers, and though Rae deems herself as strong at times, the rock for her small family, their support system, she still needs her mummy. She hasn't been able to really talk to her; talk through her thoughts. About the nightmare she still gets, and continues to turn worse, about the stress she feels, and especially about a certain boy who abruptly came into her life and turned out to be someone more than just a hired singer.

"How'd you know?"

"A mother always knows." Her mother smiles down at her. "And I have eyes, sweetheart. They see all."

That makes Rae laugh and allows her mother to gently kiss her forehead, before releasing her and sitting back. MaryAnn offers to make their lunch, preparing the best chicken BLT, Rae's had in a while. Rae had gone to change out of her work clothes during the making of the sandwich, and came back downstairs with her camera and a couple of film rolls in their canister. When they finish their meal, Rae rinses off the plates, sticking them in the dishwasher. When she turns around, her mum's got this knowing glint in her blue eyes. A deeper shade than her own and Ronan's, but it's no doubt they got their eyes from their mother. The only thing she hopes she got from her father is the colour of her hair, since her mum's is an ashy blonde colour.

"So," Her mum begins, right as Rae sits back down. "Those pictures are beautiful, Raelyn."

Rae nods, knows exactly where this is leading. "I've got more on film."

"Where'd you shoot them?"

Rae hesitates for a moment before answering, "Hampstead Heath park."

MaryAnn raises her cup of iced tea to her mouth, hiding a smile Rae can still see. "Did Louis take you then?"

"Erm, the other boys did too, but it was mainly Louis' idea." She shrugs, swirling the ice around in her own glass.

"That was really nice of them."

Rae nods. She watches the ice cubes twirl in her water for a moment, before deciding that she should voice her thoughts to her mother. Maybe, if she can admit it to her, she can fully admit it to herself. It's not like she's oblivious to what's been going on; she'd be a complete utter moron if she thinks those kisses were nothing but platonic.

Platonic friend don't kiss other platonic friends like that. Nor do they hold them that gently, yet firm enough to anchor, or look at each other with a soft expression on their face. She isn't stupid. She's just...uncertain. Inhaling deeply, as if to mentally prepare herself, Rae finally looks up at her patiently waiting mother.

"Mum," Raelyn begins, pushing her glass aside. "I think I'm dating Louis."

MaryAnn only nods, quietly sipping her tea, waiting for her to continue. Rae appreciates it, knows that her mum knows when she needs to take her time. When her mother smiles kindly at her, Rae opens up like floodgates. She tells her everything.

From the first time Louis saw her have a panic attack, to Christmas, to times she's called him after a nightmare, the times he gave her comfort. From the kiss in the dark room, to the kiss last night, and everything in between. She confesses about her little blow up on Louis as well, explaining to her mother she just felt so overwhelmed and scared, that everything just came out.

When Rae is finally finished telling her mum all that she can, all that she wants to, she exhales a long, deep sigh. Her chest clenched only once, when she talked about being scared, but it was mild enough to let it pass. Now though, she presses her hand to her chest out of habit and winces a little, until her mother's hand on her wrist pulls it away. She keeps Rae's hand in hers, squeezing lightly. She receives a kiss on her forehead, and smiles gratefully at her mother.

"You know, my sweet sunshine," MaryAnn says gently, which makes Rae smile again. "It's alright to be scared. To feel confused at times. I see it, darling. I see how strong you always are for your brother. For me, and I will thank you every minute of everyday for that. However..."

MaryAnn trails off with a knowing smile. Rae blinks in bemusement, tilting her head, waiting for her to continue. Her mum reaches out her free hand, brushing away the shorter strands of hair that never seem to stay in her braid. She tucks the hair behind her ear, fiddles with the hair between her fingers before she speaks again.

"You shouldn't be scared of something that makes you so happy." Her mother continues, despite Rae blinking her eyes in confusion. "You've been happier than I've ever seen you, sweetheart. If he makes you that way, if he make you feel like that, there's absolutely no reason why you should hold back. It's okay to fall in love, Raelyn."

Rae starts a little at that. "I don't- what- I just started liking- we just started-" She splutters. She collects herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she reopens her eyes, her mum's still that the 'a mother always knows' smile, her own eyes soft around the edges.

"Mum," She tries again, "What makes you think I'm in love, when I just begun somewhat dating?" Rae genuinely questions, careful to leave out the name burning on her tongue.

"Oh, my sweet Raelyn," MaryAnn begins, taking both of Rae's hands in hers. "I am your mother, and I have never been to your dark room."

Frowning, Rae opens her mouth to say something, thinks it over, then shuts her mouth. Her mum is absolutely right. Rae has never, out of all the years she's actually had that room for herself, despite it being located in her friend's flat, brought anyone other than Louis to it. Never invited anyone, not Kari, or Liz, her own mother, but only after several months of knowing him, she invites Louis. She opened herself a little and allowed him into something so important to her, so close and personal to her.

A place she dubs her safe haven. A place were she lets her thoughts and imagination run wild; a place that tells her own life story more than her words ever could. So yeah, maybe opening the dark room's door was simultaneously and metaphorically opening the door to her heart as well. Rae realizes that. Rae suddenly feels like she can't breathe properly. Rae thinks she may possibly be panicking.

But there's no sharp pain shooting through her chest, no clenching of the muscles there. No tightening of her lungs as if they'll collapse in on themselves, no piercing of her nails into her skin. Instead, it feels like something is holding it all back, replacing it with this strange warmth that blooms throughout her chest, and Rae thinks the one person who's done that since they met is Louis. Who always seems to be there to pull her hand away, to hold her arm back, to comfort her in any way he knows how.

So okay, yeah, maybe, just maybe, she can admit to having strong feelings for him (if she didn't at least somewhat have feelings, than those kisses would have been quite awkward), so maybe. Just maybe, Rae can start realizing it all adds up to what her mother is saying. That possibly she's right at the edge, and ready to fall; if not already in mid air.

"Rae," MaryAnn speaks up. Her voice pulling Rae out of her mind. "It's just what I see, love. You don't have to figure it out now, no one is forcing you. Only you're in charge of how you feel. It's confusing and scary, I know. Trust me. It's terrifying giving your heart to someone and trusting them not to break it into a million pieces."

Rae frowns, knowing where this turn in their conversation is suddenly taking. She doesn't want to go there. Doesn't want her mother to go there; again.

"Mum, please don't." Her mother just smiles again, like she has been this whole time. Like she has been for Rae's whole life, despite the utter heartbreak she had been through.

She pats Rae's hand, and continues. "As long as what happened between your father and I isn't a reason to hold back, then alright. Just because one relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean yours won't. So as long as you aren't afraid for that reason, then you feel and do what you want to feel and do. Yeah?"

Rae nods, swallowing down the small taste of bitterness. She hates when her mum brings up her father, especially their failed relationship with no one to blame but him. Rae stays silent for a while, watching her mother play with the rings on her fingers and tracing her camera tattoo just below her wrist. It's when the tattoo she got for Ronan is being traced with each letter, does she voice the question burning in her mouth.

"Mum," Raelyn begins softly, tentatively. "When did you know you were in love?"

"I didn't, darling. That is the difference here." MaryAnn smiles brightly, then places a kiss to each of Rae's hands. "Now, how about we go get a nice cuppa at Lunas, then go see your brother? I hear he's been debating who's the better superhero; Iron Man or Thor."

Rae laughs. Of course Ronan would be debating about that, the smart, adorable four year old he is.

***

Louis is excited. Excited and downhearted at the same time. He can't even get through a FIFA game without allowing Niall to score on him; twice. However, it did take them a while to even get on the level of wanting to play the game at all. It's been quite the busy morning for them, right from when he woke up from a good dream involving a blue eyed girl and her brother. He had gotten a phone call from Niall, telling him to phone Zayn, because Louis is the only one who Zayn won't kill immediately upon waking him up. So, by seven in the morning, him, Zayn and the other three boys had assembled into one of the conference rooms at their record label's office.

They were all half asleep, rolling chairs nearly on top of one another as they all somehow were able to cuddle against each other. Heads lolling on shoulders, eyes fighting to stay open. All five perk up when the mention of a tour, just a European tour for now, to promote the makings of their new album just in the beginning process. They're all bright eyed and bushy tailed now, excited for finally touring again building up in their blood. The first stop they find out, isn't the UK itself, but rather Paris, opting to save the UK for the last few shows.

The ecstatic feeling in the air only last twenty minutes, when one of the PR people slides an issue of the The Mirror over to Louis. He catches it before it slides off the table, and suddenly the PR person, the name of which they all seem to pointedly forget, is scolding Harry and Louis. Something about bad PR, how it doesn't look good and blah blah blah Louis isn't listening to her, but the sound of his blood boiling in his ears. The pictures and captions stare back at him, and suddenly Louis is the one going off on PR themselves. About how they should handle this better, and the fucking Mirror had to have permission to publish it anyway, and who the hell is in charge of that beside the PR team.

Harry is one the to calm him down, yet Louis can tell from the trembling in his hand on his shoulder that he's livid as well. It's not because of them, being in the spotlight for the last four years makes them mostly immune to shitty articles, but because of the sheer fact that Rae and Ronan are clearly seen in the picture. Liam decides to take charge, demanding that they contact the stupid company and tell them to remove it. Remove every article of it in whatever gossip mag that publishes it.

Now, after that eventful morning, Zayn is outside smoking, Harry having joined him only to rant about it. Niall nudges Louis's thigh with his foot, pulling him from his thoughts. "S'not fun beating you if you're not even trying, mate."

Louis shrugs, tossing his controller to the side. "Not feeling it right now, Niall. I can't believe that disgusting fuck still sold those pictures. I thought we took them all. She wanted to break his fucking camera."

"Looks like it was from his phone," Niall inputs, turning the game off. "Hey, too early for a pint?"

"You're Irish." Louis deadpans. "So no."

It makes Nialls chuckle. He smacks Louis on his knee twice, then pushes himself up to head to the kitchen. After the meeting they decided to head to Niall's flat, because hanging with Niall will pull anyone out of any sour mood. It worked for a while, until Louis starting thinking again. Wondering if Rae has seen the articles and how she's taking it; probably as livid as Harry. All five of them are fiercely protective over her and Ronan, and Louis loves that it's gotten to that point, as sad as the situation that called for it is.

Liam suddenly comes from the hallway where he walked off to take a phone call, and looks up at Louis with a slight frown. Great, just the expression Louis needs to see right now. He straightens up a bit, awaiting the news Liam has obviously just gotten.

"Where's everyone?" Liam asks, plopping down on the beanbag chair Niall insisted her have.

"Niall's gone for a beer, Zayn is smoking and Harry is probably second handily joining." Louis answers, then raises his eyebrows in question.

Liam notices and sighs. "France is the first stop on this tour, yeah? Well, they want us to do some sort of promo beforehand, which means..." He trails off, eyes moving over Louis' head as Niall rejoins them. The sliding glass door to the back opens, Harry and Zayn finally joining them as well. The three of them squeezing together next to Louis on the couch.

"Which means..." Louis prompts impatiently.

"We have to leave for France for two weeks...on Monday."

"Today's Friday." Zayn states, frowning. "That's in three days."

All four of them stare at Louis, and it takes a moment for him to realize it's because of Rae. Of whom probably isn't in the best of place right now with how Ronan's been doing slightly worse, plus the articles and-

"Fuck."

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Notes