Harry Who?

It’s funny Harry should have mentioned that song to me in his letter, because in his absence I had found myself listening to more 1D than ever (which previously was none). It’s not exactly my type of music, but I found myself really liking some of their songs. Such as, ‘Stockholm Syndrome’, ‘Fool’s Gold’, ‘Fireproof’, ‘Olivia’, and ‘Perfect.’ I casually mentioned this in a text to Harry, which he responded with a big smiley face emoji (and he never uses emojis, so this was a surprise).

Me: why are you so happy about that?*

H: I wrote or co-wrote some of those*

Me: which ones?*

He had to go back to set, and I knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to me until much later, so I decided to look it up. I felt a little weird creeping on my boyfriend’s wikipedia page, but I was just checking out the discography!

Okay, so then I dug a little deeper (I was curious and lonely!) and read the lyrics of some of the songs. I probably shouldn’t have, but I was already headed down the rabbit’s hole. The line ‘if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about, baby I’m perfect’ stood out to me.

Who was known for writing breakup songs about her ex’s?

Who did Harry say he had dated?

It was a long time ago, and he probably only mentioned it to me because I’d asked, but I had not forgotten he had dated Taylor Swift. I hadn’t listened to her music in a while, but I had been a fan of hers when I was in high school. I dumbly decided to look up ‘taylor swift songs about harry styles’.

Yikes.

The fan theories are what got me the most. I was just looking for the songs….

‘Style’ was clearly about him, right? It had to be. So I listened to it, and tried not to picture her, tall, blonde, and beautiful, with my boyfriend. They dated years ago, but I could still see them in my mind doing everything she mentioned in the song. Some of it was probably made up or exaggerated for the song, right? But I moved onto ‘Out of the Woods’ and again, couldn’t stop my mind from getting lost.

I closed my laptop and promised myself I would not get drunk and call Harry demanding he explain this. Because it’s not his fault Taylor Swift wrote a couple (really good) songs about him. But I couldn’t stop myself from from feeling jealous.

Crazy jealous. It was eating me up and I couldn’t get the thought of her with my boyfriend out of my head. I changed my clothes and headed down to the gym to work these thoughts out, hoping to distract myself on the punching bag.

But of course, what should come on the radio at the gym other than a One Direction song? At least it wasn’t ‘Perfect’ or anything else I could associate to Taylor, but it made me realize maybe Harry had written, or was going to write, a ‘Taylor Swift’ song on his new album.

A whole new kind of jealousy tour through me and I hit that punching bag like never before.

***

I felt so out of place on that beach with my sandals and sunglasses, surrounded by hundreds of extras in WWII military uniforms. Even the film crew looked like they belonged there more than I did. When Harry said in his letter that he had ‘so many people to introduce me to’, he wasn’t lying. I felt like I had met the entire cast and crew by the time we finished, when we sat down for lunch with a few more of his castmates.

“This is Fionn, you met him this morning,” Harry introduce Fionn again, as if he knew I wouldn’t remember half the names of all the people I’d met today.

“Hi,” I smiled and waved, and he nodded.

“Harry says you play hockey?” Fionn asked and took a bite of his lunch.

I nodded. “Yup, I play in the National Women’s Hockey League in the states.”

“I’ve never heard of it, sorry,” he smiled apologetically.

“I’d be surprised if you had heard of it.” I laughed. “It’s relatively new, but it’s supposed to be kinda like the NHL, but for women.”

“Sorry, haven’t heard of the NHL either,” Fionn laughed. “I’m not much into sports, unless it has to do with football.”

“By ‘football’ he means soccer,” Harry informed me.

“Thanks, I assumed that,” I laughed, and a couple other people came to join our table for lunch. The conversation changed topic, but I wasn’t really paying attention as I had one thing on my mind.

As lunch wrapped up, I leaned over to Harry and whispered, “I can’t wait to see you tonight,” before giving him a kiss goodbye.

He looked after me, those bright green eyes wide with anticipation, as I left to return to the hotel.

***

Harry ran his finger over my abs gently as he rested his head on my chest. “When did you get so ripped, love?” He asked and chuckled.

I shrugged. “I have a lot of free time now, so I go to the gym.”

He reached across my stomach and gently ran his hand along my arm. “Must be all the hockey, as well, right?”

“I’m sure that helps, but I’ve really missed my favorite kind of exercise,” I answered, and he looked up at me so I raised my eyebrow suggestively to hint at what I meant. I laughed as he realized what I was implying.

“Again? We’ve just finished….” He laughed and looked up at me with tired eyes.

“Harry, I will let you fuck me as many times as you want while I’m visiting. I’ve missed you...a lot.”

He sighed. “I’m not...ready. We just finished like 15 minutes ago, you gotta give a guy some time,” he laughed and pulled himself off me to lean on his elbow.

“You never used to need this much time,” I grinned and bit my lip.

“I guess I’ve gotten used to not doing it as much, now that we don’t see each other as often.” He gave me an awkward smile and rolled over to lay on his back next to me.

“So, you’re saying you’ve grown accustomed to taking care of it yourself?” I rolled over to face him and watched as his brows knitted in confusion.

“What’s gotten into you? You’re like a broken light switch that won’t turn off,” he teased.

“I just miss you, that’s all.”

“Is it all?” He looked concerned now, and I wasn’t sure why.

“I’m just making conversation,” I said.

“By asking me if I masturbated?” His teasing tone was gone now.

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to embarrass you. I was just having fun,” I said quietly, and wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling exposed.

“That’s not it, Ell, I know you. You’ve been weird ever since you got here. Being overly touchy and wanting to hold my hand when we’re out in public. You usually hate that kind of thing.”

‘Damnit Ellie’ I thought. I’d done it. I’d let that nasty jealousy work it’s way into my head and somehow convinced myself Harry was cheating on me because of a Taylor Swift song.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” I said quietly and avoided looking at him.

He leaned closer and put his hand on mine. “I’m not going anywhere, love. I’m right here.”

“I mean I don’t want to lose you to someone else.”

He was quiet, so I looked up at him, fearing he was about to admit it was true, that there was someone else. But his eyes were big and sad, the corners starting to glisten. “Ellie, I would never-”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ve just been very on edge recently.” I took a deep breath.

“Is it because we’ve been apart for so long? Why would you think that?” He seemed so concerned, and I honestly wasn’t sure I could even explain why I was feeling this way.

What could I even say? ‘I heard a song your ex-girlfriend wrote about you and now I want to tear her eyes out?’

“Yeah, it’s partly that, but also…” I took a deep breath and decided to just go with it. “Have you written any songs about Taylor Swift?”

He blinked a few times, and then laughed. “Is this about Taylor?”

“Kind of,” I mumbled and felt so stupid for bringing it up. “She’s written songs about you; they made me jealous.”

He slowly rubbed circles on my hand. “I was young, and it was a very public relationship. There was a lot of speculation, and everyone seemed to know what was going on better than we did. It was short, but it seems to have had a lasting effect on both of us, but it’s over.”

I looked into his eyes and saw no reason to believe he would ever cheat on me, and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed for even bringing it up. “I’m sorry, I guess being away from you for so long has really gotten to my head.”

Harry smiled and shook his head. “What are you going to be like when I go on tour?” He asked teasingly.

“That’s not for a long time. You still have to finish your album first, honey.” I teased, glad that we were done talking about that.

“I know, but I’m not working on it right now. After ‘Dunkirk’ I’m going to Jamaica for a few months to hopefully finish it.”

“Jamaica? How excotic, that’ll be fun.”

“You’ll be there, right?” He asked, as if it were obvious.

“Hockey season should be over by then so why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, and pulled me into a hug. “Good. I think I do my best writing when you’re around.” He kissed my cheek and let his head fall onto the pillow, falling fast asleep.

Notes

A/N: Sorry it’s taken me awhile to write this, but I’ve started a new story and I’m having more fun writing that one than this (it’s always that way with a new fic, though)!

So excited for Taylor Swift’s new album! That’s probably why she ended up in this chapter so much…. : ) I was going to write more about her visiting the set, but I got distracted by Taylor Swift!