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Guilty Pleasures

[ as long as stars are above you ✰Part 1✰]



[ as long as stars are above you ]


✰ Part 1 ✰


This is a scene I will never be able to fully comprehend, nor be comfortable with. Seeing the woman I love so dearly laying in a hospital bed, it makes my heart break into billions of pieces every time. This go around it isn't her liver, but it's her kidney, which makes things quite scary.

I can not guide my eyes away from the catheter tube - just a reminder of how useless she feels. Never has she verbally told me she felt that way, but I can see it in her eyes. She can't use the bathroom on her own, she can not even slide a sock over her foot when these things occur - all of which strip her of her dignity.

"The tests should be back soon." The nurse says with a hopeful smile as she glances at me before looking at Laura, who is not seeming happy at all. "I'll see you in little bit." She says while opening the door.

"Thank you." I tell her with an exhausted voice, my head is aching and my mind is racing in a million different directions - I can't handle the pressure of not knowing what's wrong.

Once the door closes, I take a seat on the hard couch, preassuming that she doesn't have a desire to talk about the situation - she never does. I rest my forearms on my knees, hunching over so that I didn't have to see her in pain. Sadly, me not looking has nothing to do with what's real right now - and her agony is definitely real.

"Ar-" Laura coughs harshly, she can hardly speak properly, God what am I going to do?

Patiently, I wait for her to compose herself so that her words are scratchy and cracked like her throat. The hard silence returns to the room and I almost thought she just wasn't going to say anything. My mind changes when I lift my head to see she's sucking water through the straw stuck in the water bottle. She can barely do that.

"Are they... on.. they're w-ay?" She asks me with a rocky tone, her voice going out in certain places.

Before answering her, I pull my phone from my back pocket and open the recent messages I'm exchanging with my mother. I read the three unread ones quickly so that I can respond to her question.


Mum: Leaving the house right now! (4:07pm)

Mum: There's been an accident, traffic backed up :( (4:10pm)

Mum: Okay, things are moving along! Be there in fifteen, love! (4:17pm)


"They're almost here." I mumble back after checking the current time and making a quick calculation.

Once again, the room grows quiet and the beepings of the machines surrounding my girl's bed are the only noise in the room aside from our breathing.

We had been lying on our bed watching some film that she had a desire to see for ages now when all of a sudden she felt a stinging, burning feeling in her stomach. At first I thought to ignore it, assuming that it was just one of those moments for her due to what she has, but that thought was thrown away when she told me it was the fourth time in two hours that it had hurt that bad.

So, as usual, we rushed to the emergency room. The doctor that always sees her came because he knows how her condition is, or so that's what they tell me.

"Ha-harr-y." She whimpers out unexpectedly, making me jolt up from my chair and rush to her side, my hand grasping hers.

"What's wrong?" I ask with a worried voice, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion and concern at the same time.

My distress becomes worse when I immediately notice that she doesn't have enough strength to squeeze my hand. I shove the lump back down my throat, you have to stay strong for her - don't let her see the weakness you're hiding. She needs me more than ever, I don't need to show the fear.. But it's honestly fucking hard not to.

"It hurts." Her words are like feathers as they float in the air, those watery eyes find their way to stare into mine.

"I know, baby. I know." I sigh softly as I bring my other hand over and gently sit it over her stomach, allowing my fingers to span so I could cover as much as possible. "Is it your kidney or the baby?" I ask in a slightly uneasy tone, fearing the absolute worst.

"K-kid-ney." Laura struggles to speak and I know right then and there that this is very serious.

Before I could speak to her again and assure her that everything will be alright, the door creaks open and a new presence fills the room. The patter of bare feet against the tile makes the corners of my mouth curve upward just enough to count as a smile. I release Laura's hand and turn towards the door, seeing the person I have longed to see all day long.

"Daddy!" My beautiful angel squeals happily as her eyes land directly on me.

I kneel down and hold my arms out to her while she runs over to me, a bright smile spread across her gorgeous face. Her little arms fly around my neck and mine wrap around her small body, pressing her entirely against me. She hides her face in the side of my neck and I feel my heart melt when her smile touches my skin.

"Hey, baby girl. I've missed you so much. Where are your shoes?" I softly speak into her ear as her little fingers dig deep into my skin, anchoring herself to me.

"I miss you more." She mumbles back to me, her sweet voice calms my nerves - yet she dodges the mention of her lack of shoes.

She spent the night with my mother and sister last night at their hotel, they're in town for a visit but they didn't want to be a burden and stay with us. I tried to protest, but my mother insisted on the hotel room instead. To please them, I accepted it.

"Camryn.." I murmur her name, which makes her lean herself back some so that she could see me.

She raises her eyebrows at me in a questioning manner. I sit my hands on her waist as her arms drop to her sides. I can clearly tell that she's not really sure what's going on and it's safe to say that she will never truly know, none of us will, besides Laura of course.

"Momma." I mouth the word to her and lightly nudge my head towards the hospital bed where Laura is sitting.

I know Camryn didn't purposely ignore her mother and just show me attention, I was the first one she saw and she's missed us - I would have been happy to see my parents if I were her, too. She steps a tad closer to me so that we are only an inch apart. Those baby blue eyes pour into mine, a replica of her mother's.

"Is Momma.. sick?" She asks in a soft manner, nervously rolling in her lips just seconds later.

Lightly, I give her a nod, "Do you want to see her?" I question and automatically she grins at me, shaking her head rapidly up and down.

I stand up straight, bringing her with me in my hands. She wraps an arm around my neck to secure herself, despite knowing I would never drop her. I turn to the bed and sit down on the edge, placing my lovely girl on my lap so that she too can see Laura, without getting to close to hurt her or mess with the IVs.

"Hi Momma." Camryn is the first of us to speak now, her voice making Laura's swollen, dry lips shape into the biggest smile she can form at the moment.

"Hi, Cam." She replies.

For a second, I wanted to tell her not to strain herself, but as soon as she extended her hands and gestured for Camryn to join her, there was no stopping. Cam gladly climbed onto Laura's lap, minding her stomach. She is old enough to comprehend the fact that her mother has a baby inside of her, somehow at least. A cheerful laugh escapes Laura's mouth as our child puts her hand over the small, but noticeable, bump.

"Hi baby!" She says excitedly.

"Shh, baby, not so loud." I remind her as I rub my hand on her back.

Camryn nods to me without looking my direction. I know she doesn't intend to hurt Laura, but sometimes the loud sounds can make her ears and head both ache and she doesn't need that on top of the kidney pain. It would be a hundred times easer if Cam understood what was wrong with her mother, but she's four. It will be a long time until she knows what's really wrong. All I tell her is that Momma is sick and the doctor will fix her up and send her back home with us.

"Daddy.." Cam uses that innocent, curious voice of hers to grab my full attention.

"Yes, darling?"

"Our baby.. have a name?" She questions me, looking over her shoulder to glare at me as well.

"Not yet, honey. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl." I tell her with the shake of my head.

"No name? Our baby can't have no name!" Cam throws her little hands in the air, so theatrical at times.

"We will name the baby.. when we.. when we find out what it is." Laura replies to our girl's dramatic words, but it's still easy to tell her throat is bothering her.

"Momma.. cold." Cam mumbles as she touches Laura's hand, the feeling is something I myself have experienced before, when she gets this way she becomes pale, cold, and pratically lifeless.

"Mr. Styles.." A voice startled me as it enters the room. "Can we have a moment?"

I stand up from the bed, a beat skipping in my heart. I can not seem to contain the horrid worry that is filling me to the brim, and over flowing onto everything, everyone. My mother's eyes meet mine, her silence has not been disturbed. My sister gives me a look of pity but love mixed within - a caring expression.

"Daddy?" Camryn's little hand grabs onto three of my fingers, all she could grasp, and she tugs at my hand - not wanting me to leave.

"I'll be right back, darling. Stay with Momma and keep her company, alright?" I say while leaning down to her, pressing my lips to her flustered forehead.

Without any other words from myself or my daughter, I swallow harshly before taking a step towards the door. The doctor has rarely asked to privately speak with me. Each time it was something upsetting, the news was quite frightening - I fear that this go around will be no different.

The first time was when she was experiencing pain in her ovary and they had to end up removing a piece of her left fallopian tube, making conception even harder than it already is for us. The second time was when Laura's heart basically went into overdrive and they thought she was going to actually explode - but obviously that didn't occur. All the other times were just as bad so this has to be.

This can't be good.

Notes

✰ inspired by: How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding
✰ this is the third short story we have started, feedback?
✰ this happens to be something I have thought on several times in the past but never had a clue on how to get it started as if it were a long story -- so here's the short version!
✰ it will be on the sad side so grab the tissues! xx - B

✰Requests open!✰

((also, if you use polyvore.. just know that it's complete shit now))

Comments

Harry

Prinny1321 Prinny1321
6/5/18

"Dr. Hardy" You have no idea what that last name did to me, it made me think of the actor Tom Hardy and now he is the face of Dr. Hardy to me

I love this so much <3 please update lets ruin the friendship and the other one with Harry in the hospital that I'm having a mind blank on the name of..

Prinny1321 Prinny1321
5/15/18

@Allie Miller
Thank you so much darling!!!! xxxx

brianna.smith brianna.smith
5/15/18

GIRLS!!!! you guys are fantastic!!! love it!!! xoxo

Allie Miller Allie Miller
5/14/18