The Journal
{T H R E E}
{January 9th, 2010}
“Canon-ball!” Harry’s eleven year old brother Declan yelled, jumping into the pool with his legs tucked up against his chest.
Anne took the group of kids to the pool at the Holmes Chapel community center to get them out of the house.
Harry watched as a massive splash erupted from the pool and laughed when Declan broke the surface giggling loudly. As big of a pain as he was sometimes, he sure kept Harry entertained on most days.
“Come on, dude! Get in already,” Declan’s pre-pubescent voice squeaked, echoing in the large space.
“I am,” Harry said, backing up on the deck to make his grand entrance into the pool.
Harry gave himself a running start and just as he got to the edge of the pool, he pushed himself off, flipping through the air, splashing hard against the surface of the water.
“That was amazing, Harry. So amazing!” Declan laughed as Harry came up for air.
Harry felt proud that he actually pulled something like that off, but as soon as he looked up, he saw Alexa come out of the girl’s locker room wearing a barely there blue bikini and his laughter tapered off.
“That was quite amazing, Harry,” she said, smiling widely at him.
He could feel his cheeks burn immediately as he turned in the water and swam across to the other side of the pool. He watched as she bent over, putting her towel across the chair she was about to sit down on. It was absolutely ridiculous how little her swim suit covered. How could his mother let this sixteen year old girl wear a swim suit like that – in front of them?
“Whoa,” Harry heard Declan say as Alexa spread out the towel on one of the lounge chairs.
“What?” Harry asked, cutting his vision away to look at his little brother.
“I can’t believe mum let her wear that,” Declan whispered to him with his eyes glued to Alexa.
“Stop staring at her!” Harry said, smacking him.
“Ow. I wasn’t staring. Not like you anyway,” Declan said, snickering.
“I wasn’t staring,” Harry grumbled and swam away from him.
It was really hard to pay attention to anything. His vision kept cutting to Alexa. It seemed that, subconsciously, he had to know what she was doing, because he kept catching himself looking at her as she read her raggedy old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird – a book he always saw her with. Really, how many times could one person read the same book over and over? But God, he caught every time she bit her lip while reading it and when she twirled a piece of hair around her finger. He was hyper-aware of everything she did.
“Declan! Harry! It’s time to go!” Anne told them as she stood at the side of the pool holding Gavin’s hand. Both boys grumbled to themselves.
“Get out of the pool, now. Declan has his doctor’s appointment in forty-five minutes. I’ll barely have time to drop you and Lexie off at the house,” she told Harry firmly.
Declan got out of the pool quickly and disappeared into the boy’s locker room as their mother took Gavin into the girl’s locker room to change. Harry looked over at Alexa after they disappeared. Her eyes met his and she smirked at him, bobbing her eyebrows. He looked away without even acknowledging her. Anything he did or said, she would probably just turn around on him anyway, making him look and feel like a fool.
He pulled himself up the ladder of the pool, trying not to focus on Alexa as she strut toward the locker room in that itty bitty bikini. It was its own form of torture. Harry walked to where he placed his towel and draped it around his neck.
“Hey,” he heard to the left of him. He looked up to find Alexa standing right there.
“Whoa,” he breathed, getting rather startled.
She smirked and he noticed as her vision fell down his bare chest and then back up to his eyes again. He could literally feel the blush rise up his cheeks as she did. And he didn’t even know why. Maybe because everything Alexa did drove him crazy. Everything she did made his hormones run amok.
“Do you like my new swimsuit, Harry?” Alexa asked him. Oh, God. Was that a trick question?
“I, uh… it, uh… it doesn’t leave a whole lot up to the, uh… imagination,” Harry stammered, trying his hardest not to look down at her over-exposed breasts. He cringed involuntarily from his words. Why would his brain allow him to say something like that?
“But you’re imagining it. Aren’t you, Harry?” Alexa smirked at him, looking pleased by his words.
He took in a ragged breath, feeling a little stirring down below. It was nearly impossible to be around Alexa when she was showing off that much flesh. His teenage boy fantasies always kicked in and always put him in awkward predicaments.
“I’ve gotta… I’ve gotta go change,” he said, slipping around her to go into the locker room.
God knows if she were to see the rise in his shorts, she would never let him live it down. He hurried his way up to the locker where his clothes were and brought them into one of the bathroom stalls to change.
“Fuck,” he breathed as his mind played millions of unattainable scenarios in his head of him with Alexa. It was getting quite out of hand.
As soon as they got home, Harry went straight to his bedroom to avoid any more run-ins with Alexa. Just as he started taking off his clothes to change into something that wasn’t damp, there was a soft knock at his door. He cringed, hoping for some freak reason that Gemma was back from Uni or that Robin got off of work early and that it wasn’t Alexa – the only other person in the house with him.
“Harry can I come in?” He heard her voice through the door.
“Uh… yeah… just…” He said, looking down at his almost naked body. He was only standing there in his boxer briefs.
The door opened and she slipped inside, closing it quickly behind her. Harry stood there frozen staring at her. She giggled as she looked at him in his underpants.
“What?” He choked out.
“You’re so… cute, Styles,” she said, smirking at him.
“W-what… did I do?” He stammered, looking at her skeptically.
“I can see how badly you fight yourself to keep from checking me out,” she said with a confident smirk.
“I-I… no…” He lied, and badly at that.
“Now, Styles. Lying isn’t going to get you anywhere,” she giggled.
“And… what is telling the truth going to get me?” He asked her as his eyes fell slowly down to her chest before he forced himself to look back into her eyes. She was only wearing a white t-shirt over her wet swim suit top and it was causing it to become see-through. Jesus.
“Well, I’m not opposed to negotiations,” she smirked at him, cocking her eyebrow in the process.
“Negotiations?” He choked out.
“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, stepping closer to him.
“What… what do you mean?” He asked, swallowing hard, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.
“You tell me what you really think of me and I’ll be willing to negotiate from there,” she offered.
“What does… what does that mean?” He asked, looking at her confused.
“I guess you’ll find out,” she said, smiling up at him.
“Uh…” Harry stammered.
“What do you think about me, Styles?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I mean… I mean, don’t you already like, have your answer? You’ve called me out enough,” he said, feeling the burning of his cheeks.
“On what?” She smirked, playing coy.
“On… on everything. I mean, what don’t you call me out on?” He asked, letting himself get worked up a bit. Luckily, during this time his penis started to behave itself.
“Well, that really doesn’t answer my question. You sure have a way of beating around the bush,” she countered.
“I mean, I’ve told you before that I think you’re beautiful,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
His stomach knotted quickly, remembering how she kissed him after he told her he thought she was beautiful. His eyes slowly met with hers again, wondering what the hell she was thinking. She held a small smile on her lips as he watched her move in closer.
“I think you’re beautiful too, Styles,” she breathed against his lips.
Harry stopped breathing altogether, because he wanted her so badly to kiss him. He wanted to make his fantasies into a reality, even though he knew he didn’t have the balls to act upon them.
His body jumped slightly at her touch. She pressed her index finger to the top of his chest and let it slide down all the way to his navel. He could feel that familiar tingling in his nether-regions again and he knew it was going to get embarrassing, especially since he was only in his underpants.
“Alexa…” Harry breathed, not sure of what else to say.
“Harry…” She breathed, looking straight into his eyes.
“I just… I mean…” He stammered and then sighed, deciding to just shut up.
Her lips curled up into a satisfied smile and Harry didn’t know what to expect. She was always so cryptic and she was always surprising the hell out of him.
“How many girls have been in your bedroom, Harry?” She asked in a low voice.
“Uh… I don’t know,” he breathed lowly.
“Like, one or like, ten?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I don’t know. Maybe a couple,” he shrugged. None. No girl besides Alexa had ever been in his room. It was a parental rule put in place at puberty.
“How many girls’ rooms have you been in?” She asked curiously.
“Maybe a couple,” he said, immediately thinking that he sounded like a liar. Maybe a couple? Did he really have to use that phrase twice in a row?
Alexa smiled and licked her lips and nothing could have prepared him for her next question.
“How many girls have touched you, Harry?” She asked so nonchalantly, it through him for a loop.
He choked on the air he was breathing in, staggering back slightly. He heard her giggle lightly and he realized how big of a loser he was being. He was almost sixteen years old and he couldn’t act accordingly to the situation. He was pathetic, truly.
“I mean… uh…” He said, regaining his stance, just slightly further away from her. She was literally intoxicating.
“You mean…” She questioned, smirking at him. And he knew she knew he was full of shit.
“I mean, what… what do you mean?” He asked.
“Well actually, I’m insinuating a lot of things,” she countered.
“Oh,” he said, looking away from her again.
“Harry…” She said quietly.
“Hmm,” he answered, still avoiding her.
“Harry,” she said more firmly and his eyes slowly looked over at her.
“Hmm,” he hummed.
“Have you ever touched a girl?” She asked quietly.
And although he was internally freaking out and probably more noticeably, outwardly freaking out, he still managed to notice the softness of her voice and the vulnerable look in her eyes. Both of which made him actually like her – more than in just the physical way he did.
“Uh…” Harry stammered. He’d kissed girls and stuff, but that wasn’t what she was asking.
“Yes or no?” She asked.
“Well, I mean—” He stammered again.
“Yes or no, Styles?” She asked more firmly.
“I guess, no,” he said, lowering his vision to the rug.
The fact that they were standing in the middle of his bedroom with the door closed, and he was wearing nothing but his underpants was not lost on him. And the fact that all he wanted to do was touch her was also not lost on him. After a few passing moments of silence, Harry looked back up into her eyes and she was standing there smirking at him, waiting from him to say anything or do anything.
“What?” Harry asked with a little bit of annoyance in his tone.
“You’re cute,” she said, smiling brightly. And he couldn’t tell if she was patronizing him or not, but it got his blood boiling.
“So, what the hell do you think of me? I mean, beside that I’m cute. Cause that’s all you seem to be able to say to me,” he spat at her.
There was about a split second between his words and the huff that came out of his mouth afterward before she pushed herself against him, kissing him once again. And he could do nothing but conform. In the haste of her body crashing against his, Harry gripped onto her hips to steady himself and find his footing. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she moved her mouth hungrily with his. The more they kissed, the deeper his fingertips dug into her hips. She was destroying him and he could do nothing but let it happen.
“Touch me,” she told him as she pulled away slightly, breathing in his ear.
“What?” He choked out.
“Experiment,” she told him with a mischievous smiled, pulling back to look into his eyes.
“But…” Harry started to protest, but realized he really had nothing to say.
“I’m giving you permission, Styles. I mean, Jesus – you’ve looked at them enough. Touch them,” she said, pulling her t-shirt over her head, leaving her in her bikini top and sweat pants.
Harry had an open invitation. She was giving him a free pass to touch the two amazing assets she’d been flaunting throughout his house for months. It was the best case scenario. Alexa took a step forward as Harry hesitantly raised his hands. She smirked at him before she grabbed his wrists and planted both of his hands straight onto her breasts. He took in a ragged breath, hoping and praying that the moment would never end. She giggled as he stared at the back of his hands.
“Well… what do you think?” She smirked, looking up into his eyes.
“Uh…” Harry stammered, slightly preoccupied, putting to rest some of his more PG rated fantasies.
She pressed forward, kissing him again and Harry willed his hands to do a little more than sit there as they kissed. He had no idea what made him pull back, breaking their lips apart. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t feel her arms around his neck anymore. Or maybe it was the strings that hit his arm. But when he pulled himself away, he was left holding her bikini top in his hands and she was standing in front of him, naked from the waist up. It took him a moment to realize that her sweat pants were dropped to the floor too.
Harry’s eyebrows heightened and his mouth dropped open, staring at the perfect fleshy orbs that were planted in the middle of her chest with perfectly rounded little nipples. He was dead. Or at least dying. Alexa was pretty much owning all of his firsts. She wasn’t his first kiss, but she sure as hell was the first girl he felt up and the first pair of bare breasts he’d ever seen.
“What… what are you doing?” He stammered, unable to keep his eyes from gawking at her.
It came out all wrong, the way he said it. Because in no way did he want her to cover herself up. He just wanted to know what her intentions were. What was her next step?
“Does this bother you?” She asked, biting at her bottom lip. Bloody hell. She was standing in front of him topless, biting at her lip. It was almost impossible to keep himself from getting hard. Bring on the ridicule.
“N-no. No. No, I’m good,” he stammered helplessly.
“Good,” she said with a smile. Harry nodded his head, trying to act like he could handle himself by not completely gawking at her like a god damn deviant.
“Do you want to touch them again?” She asked, quirking her eyebrows.
“Alexa…” Harry breathed lowly.
“Don’t be shy, Harry. We’re just having fun,” she said, closing the gap between them.
“What if… what if my mum comes home…” He said as his eyes flicked toward the door.
She smiled up at him, biting her lips once again before turning on her heels. He was almost scared she was going to leave – that she was done with him because he was such a fucking pussy. But he realized he was still holding her swimsuit top in his hands. When he looked back up, he watched her fingers delicately turn the lock on his bedroom door, ensuring they wouldn’t be disturbed by any unwanted visitors.
She turned around, pressing her back against the door, giving him a mischievous smile.
“Is that better?” She asked. Harry nodded his head and watched her strut topless right back to him.
“Now… where were we?” She breathed against his lips.
Without answering her with words, Harry leaning in, pressing his lips to hers, finally dropping her swimsuit top. It was the first move he made all day – or ever. But who was counting? She seemed to enjoy his dominance, because she smiled against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck again. As his hands came up, groping at her bare breasts this time, Harry couldn’t help but wonder how far she was willing to go. Like, was he about to lose his virginity? Would she ever take it that far? Or was this truly just for fun? Just messing around? He wasn’t sure how long he would last if they went all the way with each other. And that fact scared the hell out of him.
“Alexa…” Harry mumbled against her lips, but she ignored him, keeping up the steady pace of her lips against his.
“Alexa…” He said again. She stopped and pulled back, looking into his eyes.
“You’ve got to stop questioning things, Styles. Go with the flow. How are you ever going to get a girl if you’re always playing twenty bloody questions?” Alexa asked, looking at him incredulously.
Her tone wasn’t angry. It more resembled the firmness of a teacher’s, perhaps. And that was when he realized she was, in fact, teaching him and that he needed to just shut up and learn from her.
“Just relax,” she said, bringing her fingers to the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Holy shit. Was this really happening? She was tugging down his underpants and he was just standing there like a statue, frozen like the inexperienced little twerp he was.
“Just go… with the… flow,” Alexa breathed in his ear as she dropped his boxers to his ankles. His hardened cock, sprung out in front of him and he felt entirely over-exposed, because he was.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have a clue. It wasn’t like he just sat around watching porn or like, sexual education videos. He was clueless. Especially when he compared the two of them. She was confident and sexy and seemed to know what she was doing. And even if she didn’t know what she was doing, she was fooling him quite well.
He felt her palms press against his chest, pushing him back toward the bed. And his feet fumbled backwards, tied together by his underpants at his ankles. He was a slave to whatever she was after. She could quite literally have it all. Because all that was in the way of them being completely naked with one another was her miniscule bikini bottoms. She grabbed onto Harry’s waist just as the back of his legs hit the mattress, keeping him from toppling backwards. She giggled as he took in a sharp breath. As she pressed her body against his again, Harry was hyper-aware of his massive hard-on, but Alexa didn’t seemed phased by it. He could feel her warmth pressed against it and when she pulled back, he was sure he was doomed. He waited for her to say something to embarrass him, but she didn’t. Never in a million years did he ever expect her to touch it or to even go further by wrapping her hand around it. He really needed to control himself or it would be 3, 2, 1 blast off. And he didn’t want that – not that soon anyway.
She continued kissing him, one hand tangled in his mess of wet hair and the other slowly stroking his shaft. Was this real life? Harry only knew it was because of how awkward he was being. He could barely keep kissing her – not with the extra attention he was receiving. When she let up and pressed both of her hands against his chest, he was sure he annoyed her or angered her. But when he looked into her eyes, instead she was smirking at him.
“Sit back,” she breathed lowly.
“What?” Harry choked out, not really entirely sure of what she said. He was still reeling from her hand on him a moment before.
“Sit down on the bed,” she elaborated.
Harry dropped down immediately, finally kicking his boxers off his feet, still in the mind set of learning something from this girl. Alexa leaned down, kissing him again before she dropped to her knees in front of him. Harry’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, he thought he might pass out. He heard blokes talk about getting a blow job, but he never experienced one himself. It was almost surreal as he watched and felt her grab onto him again, looking up into his eyes.
When he felt her tongue wet the tip of his penis, he was slowly losing himself. It was probably one of the most pleasurable things he ever felt in his sad, miserable, pathetic life. And when she wrapped her lips around it, his mind began to shut down. As her mouth began its slow bob up and down, taking what felt like his entire cock into her mouth at once, Harry was completely lost. His brain completely lapsed into auto-pilot. All he could focus on was the warm sensations from her mouth and the warm sensations shooting throughout his entire body.
It honestly didn’t take long. He was a fifteen year old lad getting his first hummer. He sure hoped she didn’t have high expectations for his stamina. He mastered the art of jerking-off in three minutes or less and he was slowly realizing that something like that wasn’t anything to be proud of anymore. Not when something as serious as sex was looming over his head. He didn’t want to be a one-pump-chump.
As soon as Harry felt the makings of an orgasm, fear rippled through him. Where was he going to shoot his load? Suddenly, a vision of the end crossed his mind – seeing his cum shot right across her face. That was the last thing on the planet he wanted to happen. Christ.
But before he had any more time to prepare, his mouth dropped open, his eye squeezed shut, and he was busting his shit – hoping like hell she would forgive him.
Harry didn’t even take a breath once he finished, afraid of what lie ahead for him. He slowly opened his eyes to survey the damage and saw her sitting back on her legs in front of him, looking less than traumatized. She looked pleased with herself. He squinted his eyes, trying to really get a good look at her face, but it was completely clean. He looked down to her bare chest and found it to be clean as well. That was when he realized what actually happened. She swallowed.
Everything inside of him wanted to leap out and attach to her. That was when the growing, aching, itching need for her began. He was a goner and she would see to it that he stayed that way.
09 January, 2010
A—
With my hands on you and your tongue in my mouth, I felt like the luckiest bloke alive, even though the experience was pretty much the extent of my sexual awakening thus far. It felt like the most important, pinnacle moment in my whole life. At least I could admit that much to myself. But then you continued, surprising the hell out of me. I’d never felt something so amazing, so freeing. It was like I was evolving into something much bigger than myself. You did that to me.
I don’t know how you do it, but you are so good at the whole ‘being sexual’ thing. I am terrible and you are absolutely amazing. It makes me wonder just how much experience you really have. But I know I will never ask you. It isn’t my place and I’m not the type of person to talk freely about those types of things. You’d probably make a smart remark and leave me with more questions than answers. It’s your way.
—H
“Canon-ball!” Harry’s eleven year old brother Declan yelled, jumping into the pool with his legs tucked up against his chest.
Anne took the group of kids to the pool at the Holmes Chapel community center to get them out of the house.
Harry watched as a massive splash erupted from the pool and laughed when Declan broke the surface giggling loudly. As big of a pain as he was sometimes, he sure kept Harry entertained on most days.
“Come on, dude! Get in already,” Declan’s pre-pubescent voice squeaked, echoing in the large space.
“I am,” Harry said, backing up on the deck to make his grand entrance into the pool.
Harry gave himself a running start and just as he got to the edge of the pool, he pushed himself off, flipping through the air, splashing hard against the surface of the water.
“That was amazing, Harry. So amazing!” Declan laughed as Harry came up for air.
Harry felt proud that he actually pulled something like that off, but as soon as he looked up, he saw Alexa come out of the girl’s locker room wearing a barely there blue bikini and his laughter tapered off.
“That was quite amazing, Harry,” she said, smiling widely at him.
He could feel his cheeks burn immediately as he turned in the water and swam across to the other side of the pool. He watched as she bent over, putting her towel across the chair she was about to sit down on. It was absolutely ridiculous how little her swim suit covered. How could his mother let this sixteen year old girl wear a swim suit like that – in front of them?
“Whoa,” Harry heard Declan say as Alexa spread out the towel on one of the lounge chairs.
“What?” Harry asked, cutting his vision away to look at his little brother.
“I can’t believe mum let her wear that,” Declan whispered to him with his eyes glued to Alexa.
“Stop staring at her!” Harry said, smacking him.
“Ow. I wasn’t staring. Not like you anyway,” Declan said, snickering.
“I wasn’t staring,” Harry grumbled and swam away from him.
It was really hard to pay attention to anything. His vision kept cutting to Alexa. It seemed that, subconsciously, he had to know what she was doing, because he kept catching himself looking at her as she read her raggedy old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird – a book he always saw her with. Really, how many times could one person read the same book over and over? But God, he caught every time she bit her lip while reading it and when she twirled a piece of hair around her finger. He was hyper-aware of everything she did.
“Declan! Harry! It’s time to go!” Anne told them as she stood at the side of the pool holding Gavin’s hand. Both boys grumbled to themselves.
“Get out of the pool, now. Declan has his doctor’s appointment in forty-five minutes. I’ll barely have time to drop you and Lexie off at the house,” she told Harry firmly.
Declan got out of the pool quickly and disappeared into the boy’s locker room as their mother took Gavin into the girl’s locker room to change. Harry looked over at Alexa after they disappeared. Her eyes met his and she smirked at him, bobbing her eyebrows. He looked away without even acknowledging her. Anything he did or said, she would probably just turn around on him anyway, making him look and feel like a fool.
He pulled himself up the ladder of the pool, trying not to focus on Alexa as she strut toward the locker room in that itty bitty bikini. It was its own form of torture. Harry walked to where he placed his towel and draped it around his neck.
“Hey,” he heard to the left of him. He looked up to find Alexa standing right there.
“Whoa,” he breathed, getting rather startled.
She smirked and he noticed as her vision fell down his bare chest and then back up to his eyes again. He could literally feel the blush rise up his cheeks as she did. And he didn’t even know why. Maybe because everything Alexa did drove him crazy. Everything she did made his hormones run amok.
“Do you like my new swimsuit, Harry?” Alexa asked him. Oh, God. Was that a trick question?
“I, uh… it, uh… it doesn’t leave a whole lot up to the, uh… imagination,” Harry stammered, trying his hardest not to look down at her over-exposed breasts. He cringed involuntarily from his words. Why would his brain allow him to say something like that?
“But you’re imagining it. Aren’t you, Harry?” Alexa smirked at him, looking pleased by his words.
He took in a ragged breath, feeling a little stirring down below. It was nearly impossible to be around Alexa when she was showing off that much flesh. His teenage boy fantasies always kicked in and always put him in awkward predicaments.
“I’ve gotta… I’ve gotta go change,” he said, slipping around her to go into the locker room.
God knows if she were to see the rise in his shorts, she would never let him live it down. He hurried his way up to the locker where his clothes were and brought them into one of the bathroom stalls to change.
“Fuck,” he breathed as his mind played millions of unattainable scenarios in his head of him with Alexa. It was getting quite out of hand.
As soon as they got home, Harry went straight to his bedroom to avoid any more run-ins with Alexa. Just as he started taking off his clothes to change into something that wasn’t damp, there was a soft knock at his door. He cringed, hoping for some freak reason that Gemma was back from Uni or that Robin got off of work early and that it wasn’t Alexa – the only other person in the house with him.
“Harry can I come in?” He heard her voice through the door.
“Uh… yeah… just…” He said, looking down at his almost naked body. He was only standing there in his boxer briefs.
The door opened and she slipped inside, closing it quickly behind her. Harry stood there frozen staring at her. She giggled as she looked at him in his underpants.
“What?” He choked out.
“You’re so… cute, Styles,” she said, smirking at him.
“W-what… did I do?” He stammered, looking at her skeptically.
“I can see how badly you fight yourself to keep from checking me out,” she said with a confident smirk.
“I-I… no…” He lied, and badly at that.
“Now, Styles. Lying isn’t going to get you anywhere,” she giggled.
“And… what is telling the truth going to get me?” He asked her as his eyes fell slowly down to her chest before he forced himself to look back into her eyes. She was only wearing a white t-shirt over her wet swim suit top and it was causing it to become see-through. Jesus.
“Well, I’m not opposed to negotiations,” she smirked at him, cocking her eyebrow in the process.
“Negotiations?” He choked out.
“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, stepping closer to him.
“What… what do you mean?” He asked, swallowing hard, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.
“You tell me what you really think of me and I’ll be willing to negotiate from there,” she offered.
“What does… what does that mean?” He asked, looking at her confused.
“I guess you’ll find out,” she said, smiling up at him.
“Uh…” Harry stammered.
“What do you think about me, Styles?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I mean… I mean, don’t you already like, have your answer? You’ve called me out enough,” he said, feeling the burning of his cheeks.
“On what?” She smirked, playing coy.
“On… on everything. I mean, what don’t you call me out on?” He asked, letting himself get worked up a bit. Luckily, during this time his penis started to behave itself.
“Well, that really doesn’t answer my question. You sure have a way of beating around the bush,” she countered.
“I mean, I’ve told you before that I think you’re beautiful,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
His stomach knotted quickly, remembering how she kissed him after he told her he thought she was beautiful. His eyes slowly met with hers again, wondering what the hell she was thinking. She held a small smile on her lips as he watched her move in closer.
“I think you’re beautiful too, Styles,” she breathed against his lips.
Harry stopped breathing altogether, because he wanted her so badly to kiss him. He wanted to make his fantasies into a reality, even though he knew he didn’t have the balls to act upon them.
His body jumped slightly at her touch. She pressed her index finger to the top of his chest and let it slide down all the way to his navel. He could feel that familiar tingling in his nether-regions again and he knew it was going to get embarrassing, especially since he was only in his underpants.
“Alexa…” Harry breathed, not sure of what else to say.
“Harry…” She breathed, looking straight into his eyes.
“I just… I mean…” He stammered and then sighed, deciding to just shut up.
Her lips curled up into a satisfied smile and Harry didn’t know what to expect. She was always so cryptic and she was always surprising the hell out of him.
“How many girls have been in your bedroom, Harry?” She asked in a low voice.
“Uh… I don’t know,” he breathed lowly.
“Like, one or like, ten?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“I don’t know. Maybe a couple,” he shrugged. None. No girl besides Alexa had ever been in his room. It was a parental rule put in place at puberty.
“How many girls’ rooms have you been in?” She asked curiously.
“Maybe a couple,” he said, immediately thinking that he sounded like a liar. Maybe a couple? Did he really have to use that phrase twice in a row?
Alexa smiled and licked her lips and nothing could have prepared him for her next question.
“How many girls have touched you, Harry?” She asked so nonchalantly, it through him for a loop.
He choked on the air he was breathing in, staggering back slightly. He heard her giggle lightly and he realized how big of a loser he was being. He was almost sixteen years old and he couldn’t act accordingly to the situation. He was pathetic, truly.
“I mean… uh…” He said, regaining his stance, just slightly further away from her. She was literally intoxicating.
“You mean…” She questioned, smirking at him. And he knew she knew he was full of shit.
“I mean, what… what do you mean?” He asked.
“Well actually, I’m insinuating a lot of things,” she countered.
“Oh,” he said, looking away from her again.
“Harry…” She said quietly.
“Hmm,” he answered, still avoiding her.
“Harry,” she said more firmly and his eyes slowly looked over at her.
“Hmm,” he hummed.
“Have you ever touched a girl?” She asked quietly.
And although he was internally freaking out and probably more noticeably, outwardly freaking out, he still managed to notice the softness of her voice and the vulnerable look in her eyes. Both of which made him actually like her – more than in just the physical way he did.
“Uh…” Harry stammered. He’d kissed girls and stuff, but that wasn’t what she was asking.
“Yes or no?” She asked.
“Well, I mean—” He stammered again.
“Yes or no, Styles?” She asked more firmly.
“I guess, no,” he said, lowering his vision to the rug.
The fact that they were standing in the middle of his bedroom with the door closed, and he was wearing nothing but his underpants was not lost on him. And the fact that all he wanted to do was touch her was also not lost on him. After a few passing moments of silence, Harry looked back up into her eyes and she was standing there smirking at him, waiting from him to say anything or do anything.
“What?” Harry asked with a little bit of annoyance in his tone.
“You’re cute,” she said, smiling brightly. And he couldn’t tell if she was patronizing him or not, but it got his blood boiling.
“So, what the hell do you think of me? I mean, beside that I’m cute. Cause that’s all you seem to be able to say to me,” he spat at her.
There was about a split second between his words and the huff that came out of his mouth afterward before she pushed herself against him, kissing him once again. And he could do nothing but conform. In the haste of her body crashing against his, Harry gripped onto her hips to steady himself and find his footing. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she moved her mouth hungrily with his. The more they kissed, the deeper his fingertips dug into her hips. She was destroying him and he could do nothing but let it happen.
“Touch me,” she told him as she pulled away slightly, breathing in his ear.
“What?” He choked out.
“Experiment,” she told him with a mischievous smiled, pulling back to look into his eyes.
“But…” Harry started to protest, but realized he really had nothing to say.
“I’m giving you permission, Styles. I mean, Jesus – you’ve looked at them enough. Touch them,” she said, pulling her t-shirt over her head, leaving her in her bikini top and sweat pants.
Harry had an open invitation. She was giving him a free pass to touch the two amazing assets she’d been flaunting throughout his house for months. It was the best case scenario. Alexa took a step forward as Harry hesitantly raised his hands. She smirked at him before she grabbed his wrists and planted both of his hands straight onto her breasts. He took in a ragged breath, hoping and praying that the moment would never end. She giggled as he stared at the back of his hands.
“Well… what do you think?” She smirked, looking up into his eyes.
“Uh…” Harry stammered, slightly preoccupied, putting to rest some of his more PG rated fantasies.
She pressed forward, kissing him again and Harry willed his hands to do a little more than sit there as they kissed. He had no idea what made him pull back, breaking their lips apart. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t feel her arms around his neck anymore. Or maybe it was the strings that hit his arm. But when he pulled himself away, he was left holding her bikini top in his hands and she was standing in front of him, naked from the waist up. It took him a moment to realize that her sweat pants were dropped to the floor too.
Harry’s eyebrows heightened and his mouth dropped open, staring at the perfect fleshy orbs that were planted in the middle of her chest with perfectly rounded little nipples. He was dead. Or at least dying. Alexa was pretty much owning all of his firsts. She wasn’t his first kiss, but she sure as hell was the first girl he felt up and the first pair of bare breasts he’d ever seen.
“What… what are you doing?” He stammered, unable to keep his eyes from gawking at her.
It came out all wrong, the way he said it. Because in no way did he want her to cover herself up. He just wanted to know what her intentions were. What was her next step?
“Does this bother you?” She asked, biting at her bottom lip. Bloody hell. She was standing in front of him topless, biting at her lip. It was almost impossible to keep himself from getting hard. Bring on the ridicule.
“N-no. No. No, I’m good,” he stammered helplessly.
“Good,” she said with a smile. Harry nodded his head, trying to act like he could handle himself by not completely gawking at her like a god damn deviant.
“Do you want to touch them again?” She asked, quirking her eyebrows.
“Alexa…” Harry breathed lowly.
“Don’t be shy, Harry. We’re just having fun,” she said, closing the gap between them.
“What if… what if my mum comes home…” He said as his eyes flicked toward the door.
She smiled up at him, biting her lips once again before turning on her heels. He was almost scared she was going to leave – that she was done with him because he was such a fucking pussy. But he realized he was still holding her swimsuit top in his hands. When he looked back up, he watched her fingers delicately turn the lock on his bedroom door, ensuring they wouldn’t be disturbed by any unwanted visitors.
She turned around, pressing her back against the door, giving him a mischievous smile.
“Is that better?” She asked. Harry nodded his head and watched her strut topless right back to him.
“Now… where were we?” She breathed against his lips.
Without answering her with words, Harry leaning in, pressing his lips to hers, finally dropping her swimsuit top. It was the first move he made all day – or ever. But who was counting? She seemed to enjoy his dominance, because she smiled against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck again. As his hands came up, groping at her bare breasts this time, Harry couldn’t help but wonder how far she was willing to go. Like, was he about to lose his virginity? Would she ever take it that far? Or was this truly just for fun? Just messing around? He wasn’t sure how long he would last if they went all the way with each other. And that fact scared the hell out of him.
“Alexa…” Harry mumbled against her lips, but she ignored him, keeping up the steady pace of her lips against his.
“Alexa…” He said again. She stopped and pulled back, looking into his eyes.
“You’ve got to stop questioning things, Styles. Go with the flow. How are you ever going to get a girl if you’re always playing twenty bloody questions?” Alexa asked, looking at him incredulously.
Her tone wasn’t angry. It more resembled the firmness of a teacher’s, perhaps. And that was when he realized she was, in fact, teaching him and that he needed to just shut up and learn from her.
“Just relax,” she said, bringing her fingers to the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Holy shit. Was this really happening? She was tugging down his underpants and he was just standing there like a statue, frozen like the inexperienced little twerp he was.
“Just go… with the… flow,” Alexa breathed in his ear as she dropped his boxers to his ankles. His hardened cock, sprung out in front of him and he felt entirely over-exposed, because he was.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have a clue. It wasn’t like he just sat around watching porn or like, sexual education videos. He was clueless. Especially when he compared the two of them. She was confident and sexy and seemed to know what she was doing. And even if she didn’t know what she was doing, she was fooling him quite well.
He felt her palms press against his chest, pushing him back toward the bed. And his feet fumbled backwards, tied together by his underpants at his ankles. He was a slave to whatever she was after. She could quite literally have it all. Because all that was in the way of them being completely naked with one another was her miniscule bikini bottoms. She grabbed onto Harry’s waist just as the back of his legs hit the mattress, keeping him from toppling backwards. She giggled as he took in a sharp breath. As she pressed her body against his again, Harry was hyper-aware of his massive hard-on, but Alexa didn’t seemed phased by it. He could feel her warmth pressed against it and when she pulled back, he was sure he was doomed. He waited for her to say something to embarrass him, but she didn’t. Never in a million years did he ever expect her to touch it or to even go further by wrapping her hand around it. He really needed to control himself or it would be 3, 2, 1 blast off. And he didn’t want that – not that soon anyway.
She continued kissing him, one hand tangled in his mess of wet hair and the other slowly stroking his shaft. Was this real life? Harry only knew it was because of how awkward he was being. He could barely keep kissing her – not with the extra attention he was receiving. When she let up and pressed both of her hands against his chest, he was sure he annoyed her or angered her. But when he looked into her eyes, instead she was smirking at him.
“Sit back,” she breathed lowly.
“What?” Harry choked out, not really entirely sure of what she said. He was still reeling from her hand on him a moment before.
“Sit down on the bed,” she elaborated.
Harry dropped down immediately, finally kicking his boxers off his feet, still in the mind set of learning something from this girl. Alexa leaned down, kissing him again before she dropped to her knees in front of him. Harry’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, he thought he might pass out. He heard blokes talk about getting a blow job, but he never experienced one himself. It was almost surreal as he watched and felt her grab onto him again, looking up into his eyes.
When he felt her tongue wet the tip of his penis, he was slowly losing himself. It was probably one of the most pleasurable things he ever felt in his sad, miserable, pathetic life. And when she wrapped her lips around it, his mind began to shut down. As her mouth began its slow bob up and down, taking what felt like his entire cock into her mouth at once, Harry was completely lost. His brain completely lapsed into auto-pilot. All he could focus on was the warm sensations from her mouth and the warm sensations shooting throughout his entire body.
It honestly didn’t take long. He was a fifteen year old lad getting his first hummer. He sure hoped she didn’t have high expectations for his stamina. He mastered the art of jerking-off in three minutes or less and he was slowly realizing that something like that wasn’t anything to be proud of anymore. Not when something as serious as sex was looming over his head. He didn’t want to be a one-pump-chump.
As soon as Harry felt the makings of an orgasm, fear rippled through him. Where was he going to shoot his load? Suddenly, a vision of the end crossed his mind – seeing his cum shot right across her face. That was the last thing on the planet he wanted to happen. Christ.
But before he had any more time to prepare, his mouth dropped open, his eye squeezed shut, and he was busting his shit – hoping like hell she would forgive him.
Harry didn’t even take a breath once he finished, afraid of what lie ahead for him. He slowly opened his eyes to survey the damage and saw her sitting back on her legs in front of him, looking less than traumatized. She looked pleased with herself. He squinted his eyes, trying to really get a good look at her face, but it was completely clean. He looked down to her bare chest and found it to be clean as well. That was when he realized what actually happened. She swallowed.
Everything inside of him wanted to leap out and attach to her. That was when the growing, aching, itching need for her began. He was a goner and she would see to it that he stayed that way.
09 January, 2010
A—
With my hands on you and your tongue in my mouth, I felt like the luckiest bloke alive, even though the experience was pretty much the extent of my sexual awakening thus far. It felt like the most important, pinnacle moment in my whole life. At least I could admit that much to myself. But then you continued, surprising the hell out of me. I’d never felt something so amazing, so freeing. It was like I was evolving into something much bigger than myself. You did that to me.
I don’t know how you do it, but you are so good at the whole ‘being sexual’ thing. I am terrible and you are absolutely amazing. It makes me wonder just how much experience you really have. But I know I will never ask you. It isn’t my place and I’m not the type of person to talk freely about those types of things. You’d probably make a smart remark and leave me with more questions than answers. It’s your way.
—H
I need an update STAT! Soooo good
8/30/18