He's Not Worth It

Kendall.

Maggie stood there dumbfounded – unable to speak. What in the actual fuck? What was she doing there answering Maggie’s boyfriend’s door?

Kendall was standing there so beautiful and so confident, looking as if she belonged on that side of the door all along. And of course, there Maggie was, second guessing herself. Second guessing everything she and Harry built. One visit from his gorgeous, rich ex-girlfriend and Maggie knew she couldn’t compare to her – she never would. Harry knew it. Maggie knew it. Kendall sure as hell knew it.

“Uh, Harry’s in the shower,” Kendall said awkwardly, but there was something in her eyes that was happy about delivering Maggie such information – information she knew a girlfriend wouldn’t take lightly.

Harry was in the shower? Harry was in the SHOWER!? HARRY WAS IN THE S H O W E R!? What the hell was Harry doing in the god damn shower while his ex-girlfriend was at his house?

“Who is it, Ken?” Maggie heard Harry’s voice moments before she saw him round the corner.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt, which really set Maggie off. And he called her ‘Ken’ – not ‘Kendall’. There was something incredibly intimate about it and it caused Maggie’s heart to implode inside her chest. Plus, he was aware she was answering his door – which was just the icing on the cake.

“Maggie…” Harry gasped, his eyes wide.

Maggie saw enough. She turned and walked away, grabbing her keys out of her pocket so she could easily open her door.

“MAGGIE!” She heard Harry shout through his condo.

She ignored him and went to unlock her door, trying to hold back her emotions. She was an idiot – a big fucking idiot. She could feel the sting of tears, which were hindering her eyesight. As she tried to shove her key in her lock as fast as she could, they ended up dropping onto her front step.

“Shit,” Maggie growled, bending over immediately to retrieve them, wiping haphazardly at her eyes.

“Maggie! No, no, no. That wasn’t what it looked like!” Harry said, coming up from behind her. Maggie got the key in the lock and opened up her door, ignoring him.

“Maggie!” Harry yelled as he slammed his hand against her door, preventing her from closing it in his face.

“Get out, Harry,” Maggie seethed, practically breathing fire at him.

“No! Maggie, come on!” Harry said sternly.

“MOVE!” Maggie growled at him.

He must have seen the anger in her eyes, because he took a step back which gave her the opportunity to slam the door in his face. Maggie locked it and went straight up the stairs as she heard Harry shout her name multiple times through the closed door.

She was so stupid to ever think Harry would be satisfied with dating someone like her – a nobody. She wasn’t beautiful like all of his ex-girlfriends. She wasn’t rich. She wasn’t famous. She didn’t have a sister who could make her rich and famous by taking one for the team and making a sex-tape.

How could he just give all that up for her? He wouldn’t. And apparently he didn’t. She was such a fool. Such a fool.

Maggie paced around the floor of her bedroom reliving the last few moments, trying to make it all make sense. But she couldn’t.

“MAGGIE!” She heard Harry’s voice closer and louder than she did before. He was in her house.

She stalked angrily down the hallway and stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down at Harry who was standing in the foyer with the door open behind him.

“Maggie, please. Let me talk to you. Let me explain,” Harry said, looking up at her from the lower level.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” She growled at him.

“Maggie, please,” he pleaded, looking plagued.

“Give me my key, right now!” She demanded, holding out her hand.

“Maggie, no,” he said as he took the stairs two-by-two up to her.

“Maggie, please. It wasn’t what it looked like,” Harry tried to explain.

“Well, what it looked like was your ex-girlfriend answering your door while you’re off in your bedroom half-naked!” Maggie yelled at him.

“But we didn’t do anything!” Harry yelled out in frustration.

“Too bad I came when I did then, huh?” She shot at him.

“No! Maggie! Nothing happened and nothing was going to happen!” Harry told her. She scoffed and took a few steps back.

“Maggie!” He said, grabbing onto her arms to steady her, to get her to focus on him.

“Listen to me! Nothing happened. She was there to—” Harry began to explain.

“Stop it! I won’t let you make a fool out of me, Harry,” Maggie said as she began to cry. She really didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she couldn’t help it. He was breaking her heart.

“Maggie, no,” he said, his voice softening and his eyes growing sad.

“Please, just leave,” she told him.

“I won’t,” he said, shaking his head.

“Harry, get out!” Maggie yelled, pushing him away from her.

“Maggie…” He breathed, looking distraught.

“And give me my fucking key,” she said, reaching forward to pull his keys out of his pocket. She fumbled for the shiny silver one she knew was for her door.

“Maggie, please. You’ve got to believe me,” Harry pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion.

“I don’t have to believe anything you say,” she said, trying as hard as she could to get the damn key to come off his key ring.

“Please, Maggie. I love you. I LOVE YOU! Don’t you understand!?” He yelled exasperated.

Maggie stopped trying to get the key off and looked into his eyes for a moment. Did he really just pull the ‘love’ card? Now? Now of all times? If it wasn’t just something he was saying in a last ditch effort to save whatever they had, then maybe she could take it as fact instead of some ploy. But it was tainted and she could never believe it.

“I love you,” he said breathlessly. Maggie’s eyes fell back to the key chain and she continued to work the key off the ring, ignoring his words.

“Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” He asked incredulously.

“No, Harry. It doesn’t. Not when it followed me finding you playing house with your ex-girlfriend,” she shot at him, finally getting the key free. She chucked the rest of the keys at his chest and he caught them easily.

“I wasn’t playing house!” He yelled.

“Harry, you know what? It’s fine. Whatever. You were really broken up when she left you, I know that. I had a feeling all of this wasn’t real. Just… just whatever. I’ll make it easy on you. You can have her,” Maggie told him as tears streaked down her cheeks.

“Maggie May, no. That’s not what I want,” he said, pleading with her.

“Please, Harry. Please, just leave,” Maggie said through her tears.

“Maggie, no,” Harry tried to protest.

“Get out of my fucking house!” She screamed at him when he refused to leave.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” He said, getting choked up. He was such a great actor. Bravo.

“Just go!” She yelled.

“I’m coming back, Maggie. I will keep coming back until you let me explain!” Harry threatened.

“Save it,” she said finally.

“I will be back, Maggie,” he told her.

She shook her head, angry that he just wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want to see him. She just wanted to curl up in her bed and have a good cry over him – over the loss of someone she really cared about. And then she wanted to move on. She didn’t need him coming back, rubbing it all in her face.

“Please, leave,” she whispered as tears streaked relentlessly down her cheeks.

“Maggie…” Harry said breathlessly, realizing she wasn’t backing down.

Maggie stood there looking every direction but at him and he finally got the point because he took a few steps back before he turned and slowly walked out of her house – out of her life.

Once her door was shut, she broke down hard. She must have cried for hours – just lying in bed crying over Harry, which also made her think of her grandfather’s death which made her cry even harder. Harry could have picked a much better time to start seeing Kendall again – did it really have to be while she was mourning her grandfather? Did it have to be when she so desperately needed her friend? Harry was the only person she wanted to talk to and cry to about her grandfather, but instead, she lay there alone and lonely, mourning the loss of two of the most important men in her life.

.

.

The next day Maggie woke up and for a moment almost forgot about everything that happened. Almost. But before she could enjoy her blissful ignorance, it all came back to her like a blow to the head. Harry & Kendall. Kendall & Harry. And tears were stinging in her eyes again.

There wasn’t a lot she felt motivated to do – nothing she wanted to leave the house for at least. But she knew she needed to get her suitcase from her Sacramento trip out of her car. She just really didn’t want to see Harry. She hid out like a coward in her house for a few hours to see if he would show up on her doorstep like he said he was going to. His words ‘I will be back’, echoing through her mind. When he didn’t come by, she figured he was in the studio or that he really just didn’t care. No matter the situation, she was still hoping for the former. She didn’t know what she would do if Harry didn’t care anymore.

When she opened her door, a piece of paper fell at her feet. Harry’s lazy scrawl was written across it: I love you, Maggie May. Please talk to me. – H

Her heart clenched in her chest as she bit her lip to hold back the tears. If only it were that easy. She folded up the note and placed it in her pocket for lack of a better place to put it, before venturing out to her car. She hoped and prayed Harry wouldn’t pop out and demand her attention. She just couldn’t give it to him. She needed some space.

When she got out to her car, she noticed Harry’s Range Rover wasn’t parked in its usual spot, which helped her relax a little. But as she was pulling out the suitcase from the car, of course he pulled up. Liam was with him, in the passenger seat and they both quickly got out as she made her way to the gate to unlock it. She really didn’t want to talk to either of them.

“Maggie!” Harry called out. She ignored him and proceeded through the gate.

“Maggie, please!” He said, catching up to her. She didn’t even want to look at him.

“Maggie, Kendall was there to get her stuff! I swear! Please, just please!” Harry begged.

“Why were you in the shower, Harry? Why was she there while you were in the fucking shower?” She yelled at him.

“Maggie…” He sighed.

Maggie stopped in her tracks and stared at him. He looked down at the sidewalk, obviously trying to figure out how he was going to phrase whatever he was going to say to her. She knew by his reaction it was something she didn’t want to hear and in retrospect she most likely did have a real reason to be angry with him. She just didn’t know what it was yet.

“What, Harry? You don’t have anything to say now?” Maggie asked, annoyed by him. He sighed again.

“Fuck,” she breathed, shaking her head before she started walking toward her door again. Her heart hurt being in his presence.

“Okay, Maggie. Okay,” Harry said, grabbing her arm to stop her. Oh, here it comes.

“So, I just came back from a run. I was all sweaty and Kendall showed up to get her stuff. I mean, I called her to come get it like a couple of days before, but she couldn’t make it until then…” He started to explain. Maggie stared at him as indifferently as she could.

“So, she came over and I was more than happy to throw her stuff at her and tell her to leave…” He continued.

“But…” Maggie said impatiently. There was always a ‘but’.

“But, then she was saying how I still had loads of stuff at her place and that I should come get it and that she wanted to talk about things and that she would like it if we could sit down and talk,” he told her in one long run-on sentence.

“So you were showering so you could go hang-out at your ex-girlfriend’s house to ‘have a talk’?” Maggie scoffed.

He really wasn’t saying anything that made her feel any better about their situation. The knot in her stomach was just growing at the thought of him and Kendall ‘talking’ at her place.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said quietly.

“And what would you have done had she told you she made the biggest mistake of her life by letting you go and that she still loved you, that she wanted to make things work?” Maggie asked, testing him.

“Maggie, I would have said ‘no’. You know that!” He said incredulously.

“Would you have, Harry?” Maggie insisted.

“Yes!” He practically yelled in her face. Maggie shook her head, because for some reason, she didn’t believe him.

“I just… I need some time. I need some space,” she told him.

“Maggie, this isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said incredulously.

“Harry, there are just a lot of things I don’t want to deal with right now. I just… I need some space,” she told him as calmly as she could.

“Things you don’t want to deal with? Me? I’m something you don’t want to deal with?” He asked, looking incredibly hurt.

“Yeah, you’re number one on that list,” she told him honestly. He took a step back, his mouth hung open looking as if she just slapped him across the face with her words.

“I didn’t do anything…” He said again.

“Harry, we… it’s just… I don’t know. It’s all too fast,” she told him.

“What? Us? Our relationship?” He asked.

“Yes. You and Kendall broke up and we were… we slept with each other that night. And then a few weeks later we started seeing each other. It… it was too fast. You didn’t have enough time,” she told him.

“I didn’t need time, Maggie. Don’t you get it? It’s always been you. From the moment I saw you,” he told her. It was her turn to take a step back. What did he just say? She could feel her hands shaking and her heart pounding heavy in her chest.

“Harry…” She said sadly.

“Maggie, please don’t do this,” he pleaded, looking at her with terribly sad eyes.

“I just need some space, Harry. Please,” she pleaded with him.

“I’ll give you space. Fine. Take it, but please. I just need to know I’m still in your heart,” he said impatiently.

“Harry…” Maggie said as she felt the tears welling in her eyes.

“Maggie, please,” he pleaded.

“You’re in my heart, Harry,” she whispered.

He nodded and took another step back, giving her the go-ahead to have her space. She turned quickly and walked to her door. As she opened it, she felt a presence behind her. She turned to find Liam standing there.

“He may be giving you space, but I’m not going to. Let’s talk, Maggie,” Liam said as she pushed open the door further. Maggie nodded and walked in, letting Liam follow.

“What’s going on inside your head, Maggie?” Liam asked, standing against the door frame of her bedroom as she began pulling her belongings out of the suitcase.

She refused to give Liam her full attention because she didn’t want to cry in front of him and she knew if she looked into his eyes, it would be inevitable.

“Maggie?” Liam questioned.

“I don’t know, Liam,” Maggie said with a hint of attitude.

“I’m just trying to figure this all out, because…” He began.

“Why, Liam? Why do you care?” She asked, whipping around to face him. She knew her anger was a little uncalled for, but she couldn’t help it.

“He’s one of my best mates, Maggie! He’s hurt and confused. And frankly, I can’t blame him,” Liam told her, causing her to scoff.

“What? You don’t think he has a right to be hurt and confused?” Liam asked. Maggie shook her head, but not to answer him. She just didn’t want to deal with any of it.

“Maggie, what is going on? What are you thinking?” Liam asked.

“Liam, just… god,” she growled.

“You’re frustrated, I get it,” Liam said, nodding his head.

“No, you don’t get it, Liam Payne. You don’t get it,” she said, shaking her head.

“Why did you say my name like that?” He asked, confused.

“You and Harry and all the rest of the guys can have anyone you want. Anyone. And you have. God, you’ve dated the most beautiful, famous girls,” Maggie started to explain.

“So?” He asked.

“So!? So, what the hell does Harry want with me?” She asked, feeling like she wanted to smack Liam upside the head because he couldn’t even fathom what the hell she was talking about.

“Maggie, that’s ridiculous!” Liam chuckled.

“Don’t laugh at me, Liam!” She yelled at him.

“Sorry,” he said, immediately letting his smile drop off his face.

“Don’t act like I am being the most ridiculous person in the world over this. This is tearing me apart,” she said as she felt the tears threatening to destroy her with every word.

“Maggie…” Liam said quietly, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.

Maggie sat down at the end of her bed and sighed. She felt like the biggest insecure baby in the entire world. She hated the feeling. She absolutely hated it. She hated second guessing everything. She hated that she couldn’t just jump fully in it with Harry. She hated that she didn’t have the confidence to shrug off the stuff with Kendall. She hated the anxiety and the sadness and the pain.

“Do you honestly think Harry’s feelings for you aren’t real?” He asked.

“It’s not that,” Maggie said quietly.

“Then what? Because he is a mess over you,” Liam told her as he sat down next to her on the bed. Maggie’s heart squeezed painfully in her chest.

“Liam, I don’t want to talk about this,” she told him as she wiped the tears that drizzled from her eyes.

“You can’t ignore it,” he stated evenly.

“You think I’m ignoring it? Of course I can’t ignore it, Liam!” Maggie said as she stood up, letting the anger take over again. Liam looked shocked at her outburst.

“I can’t ignore it! I just sit and over-analyze it. I over-analyze everything! She stood in his doorway – my boyfriend’s doorway, acting as if she was in her rightful place and told me Harry was in the shower. He was in the fucking shower! And then he walked out half-naked calling her ‘Ken’ and I lost it. Okay? I fucking lost it. I lost him. I knew it. I knew I’d never be enough. I knew I couldn’t compare to any of them. And what happens when the next beautiful model comes along that catches Harry’s attention? I can’t compare,” Maggie cried, feeling so insecure.

“Maggie, you’re wrong,” Liam said calmly, standing up in front of her.

“I can’t do this, Liam,” she cried.

“What happened to your confidence? Why are you crumbling? Harry loves you. You, Maggie. Why are you letting this affect what you and Harry started? It’s just unreasonable, Maggie,” Liam said, holding her arms steady, looking into her eyes.

Maggie closed her eyes and let her heart take in his words. She squeezed the tears out of her eyes and let them free-fall down her cheeks.

“Liam, I just want to be alone,” she said quietly.

“Maggie…” Liam sighed.

“God, what is with you guys? Just, please… just leave me alone,” she snapped, pushing Liam away from her.

“Okay,” Liam said quietly.

Maggie took a deep breath as she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling incredibly alone. She stood with her back to Liam, hoping he would just get the picture and leave.

“Just… I don’t know. Just think about what this is doing to Harry too. He’s just as broken as you are,” Liam told her.

Maggie’s face scrunched up in a painful, teary-eyed expression as her heart lurched in her chest. Seconds later, she heard Liam leave the room and a few seconds after that she heard her front door open and then close. She was alone again.

Her tears streamed down her face as sobs escaped from her mouth. She just needed to put on some sad music and let herself cry. It was all she wanted to do. After locking her front door, she crawled up into her bed with her iPod and speaker dock. Her eyes were so full of tears that she could barely see, but she wiped them away as she carried through with her plan to find a sad song and have a good cry.

None of the songs she went through were relatable. She put on Rollin’ in the Deep by Adele, but realized she wasn’t yet to the ‘fuck off’ part of her sadness. She needed something to match her mood – mopey and miserable. She clicked on Taylor Swift and started going through her songs. She needed the saddest one. She clicked on Last Kiss and let it play, allowing the tears to fall freely.

“All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss…”

After listening to it a couple of times on repeat, she took to Google for the lyrics. That was when a whole slew of articles about all of Taylor’s boyfriends popped up – including Harry. She knew they dated, but she didn’t put much thought into it. It was just another notch in his belt of famous ex-girlfriends to send her mind cascading. Without going any further with her search, she fell backwards on the bed and let the lyrics rip into her harder than they did before. The song may not have been about Harry, but she knew he broke her heart by the end of their relationship. And now hers was breaking too.

.

.

“Maggie!” She heard Harry’s voice boom at her.

“Maggie, wake up!” Harry said, shaking her hard.

“Hmm?” She answered as she opened her eyes. Her eyes burned and her contacts were dry, but she could see Harry’s panicked face looking down at her.

“Maggie, are you okay?” Harry asked, his eyebrows knit tightly together.

She was so confused. She could still hear Taylor Swift’s song coming from her speaker dock. She looked around and saw her landlord standing in her bedroom doorway. What the fuck was going on?

“What are you doing here?” She asked sleepily. She felt like she was in a daze

“It’s okay. You can go. Thank you, Bill,” Harry said, turning back to their landlord. Bill nodded and left a moment later.

“What are you doing in here, Harry?” She asked again, running her hands over her face.

“You’ve been playing this song over and over all night. You took the key. I had to get the landlord to let me in. I thought… I thought something happened to you,” Harry said as he let out a large breath and ran his fingers through his hair.

“What? Like I killed myself or something?” Maggie scoffed as she sat up in the bed.

“I don’t know. I was worried,” he told her, looking pained.

“I’m fine,” she sighed as swiped her hair out of her eyes.

“Why… why are you listening to this song?” Harry asked as the song started over on the loop it was on.

“Because I’m sad and I wanted my music to suit my mood,” Maggie said with bitterness in her tone.

“But why this song?” He asked, looking incredibly pained.

“Why? Does it bother you, Harry? Do you have something against this song or the girl singing it?” She goaded him.

“Maggie, why are you treating me like this?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her. She sighed and let the bitterness wash away.

“I forgot you and Taylor dated until I was googling the lyrics to this song and a list of her exes came up. And there you were. It just made me even sadder and listening to the song somehow made me feel better,” she told him truthfully.

“It made you feel better?” He questioned, looking at her hopefully.

“Yeah. I can’t explain it. I just… I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to mourn,” Maggie told him.

“I don’t want you to mourn, Maggie,” Harry said through gritted teeth as he sat down on her bed.

“I-I… Harry…” She said sadly.

He squeezed his eyes shut, looking as if he was in pain. And she watched as his jaw muscles clenched and unclenched.

“Harry…” Maggie breathed.

His hand shot over to rip her iPod off the speaker dock – ending the music at once.

“I can’t listen to that,” he said in explanation to his hasty action. Maggie stayed silent. Taylor’s words must have had an effect on him.

“The internet… they’ve already got stories up. It’s been one day,” Harry sighed.

“Stories?” Maggie asked confused.

“About us. The paparazzi must be stalking again,” he told her.

“What about us?” She asked.

“That we’ve broken up. That you found Kendall at my apartment. That I was cheating on you while you were away,” Harry said sadly, causing Maggie’s breathing to hitch.

“I didn’t cheat, Maggie. I would never,” he said, looking her straight in the eyes with the most pained expression. She nodded because she believed him.

“You don’t understand,” he sighed.

“Understand what?” She asked.

“That the moment I met you, I… I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You’re beautiful and smart – so bloody smart, Maggie. God, I can’t compare to that. I won’t even try. You were so out of reach – so out of my league,” he told her.

“You think I’m out of your league?” Maggie choked out.

“You are!” He said incredulously.

Maggie shook her head in disbelief. She was absolutely speechless. She sat quietly biting her lip, avoiding his gaze as she looked at the clock – 7:24 am.

“Is that right?” She asked as she stood up quickly, feeling panicked.

“Is what right?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows

“Is it 7:30 in the morning?” She asked as the panic set in.

“Yeah,” he said, looking up at her. Oh, god. She slept through the night.

“Shit!” She hissed as she hurried to her dresser, pulling out clean clothes.

“What? What’s going on, Maggie?” He asked, watching as she ran around the room frantically trying to get ready.

“I have to work at eight am,” she told him as she began to throw off her clothes and replace them with clean ones.

“Oh,” he said, sounding disappointed.

“We… we can talk later,” she reassured him.

“Do you mean that?” He asked, perking up a little.

“Yeah. Just… I need to get ready,” she told him.

“Okay,” he said, standing up from her bed.

“I’m sorry. I’ve gotta…” She said, pausing to look at him.

“I understand,” he said, making his way to the door.

“Harry,” she said, stopping him in his tracks.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning to look at her.

“Thanks for your concern – you know, coming in here and all,” she told him. He nodded with a small smile.

“I’ll see you later, Maggie May,” he said, turning to leave.

“Harry,” she said, stopping him again.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning his head toward her again.

“How’s Hemmy?” She asked and Harry smiled.

“He misses his Maggie May,” he told her.

“Tell him I miss him too,” Maggie said with a smirk. Harry nodded with a wide smile.

“I will. Bye, Maggie,” Harry said, turning out of the room before leaving her condo altogether.

Notes